Am I Being Punished?

[Lady Lion]

I've had tinnitus for 3 1\2 months now. I've seen several ENT doctors; most of them say my hearing is normal. I had an MRI that was normal also. I wear a splint at night for TMJ, but I have no idea if that will make my tinnitus go away.

Several years ago I had LASIK eye surgery to improve my vision, and it had lasting side effects like constant glare and halos. I can't even go out at night without being blinded by streetlights and headlights from cars. That surgery ruined my social life, and now my tinnitus is making me feel suicidal.

I've suffered for years with OCD and severe depression, which had gotten progressively worse with my eye surgery. My tinnitus seems to have made my mental health more devastating. Therapist, drugs, and masking sounds aren't helping me.

After doing some online research about tinnitus, I read that it's prevalent in people with OCD and depression.

I feel like I'm being punished for having these disorders. I'm not ready to die, but I really don't have anything or anyone to live for. I'm sure many of you on here I have felt the same way I do.

Is there advice any of you can give me before I do something drastic?

 

[GregCA]

@Lady Lion - Yes, the advice is to give it time. Keep researching your root cause.
Have you done a CT scan? Did you do Rinne/Weber tests? What does your audiogram look like?

Whatever your life has thrown at you isn't related to any type of punishment. It's the result of decisions and statistics. For example, you decided to do Lasik, and you ended up in the stats bucket of people who have bad side effects from it.

 

[Lady Lion]

I've had CT scans, which were normal. What's a Rinne-Weber test? I've never heard of it. I dont think I'm being punished for Lasik surgery, that was just really bad luck. I think I'm being punished for having OCD and depression. I'm just wondering why it seems so many people with tinnitus have anxiety or depression issues. It seems like they had those mental disorders before they got tinnitus. It's like tinnitus targeted them because of those issues.

 

[Paulmanlike]

I don't think you're being punished for anything, theyre 3 common maladies! It sucks I know, but you don't have anything that rare or unheard of!

 

[butterfly75]

I have OCD as well. It sounds like what you've been going through has been so difficult. Impaired vision, developing tinnitus. You must feel really overwhelmed right now. I struggled with the same thoughts like "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" But you didn't do anything to deserve this. You're not being punished. You're facing drastic circumstances you can't control and you're being assailed by fear and apprehension, so it feels like you're being punished and this is some cruel infliction you've been given.

If you understand the the mechanistic reason for tinnitus, it might seem a lot easier to comprehend. Tinnitus is caused by a malfunction in the inner ear cells of the cochlea. After prolonged damage, the inner ear cells receive no input, so the brain creates its own input. You don't deserve tinnitus. It's extremely difficult to cope with, but it isn't your fault you developed it; it's just a terrible misfortune. You aren't alone. We've all gone through the same thoughts and so many people know how you feel. Things can get easier! 3 months is still fairly early. I was a wreck a couple months into developing tinnitus, and I'm still not "habituated" after six months, but things can get easier to handle. The instant reaction of panic and distress when you hear the ringing will eventually fade, and your life will return to normal.

It's terrible the surgery caused lasting side effects on your vision that make it difficult to go outside and feel comfortable. Can you go outside in the daytime? Walking in a park, being surrounded by nature can really help. You can also see a psychiatrist for anxiety medication if you think it will help. We're here for you, and we're listening and so many of us have gone through the same thing so we understand how you feel. I hope things get much better for you. And please don't lose hope.

 

[Darius]

I've had tinnitus for 3 1\2 months now. I've seen several ENT doctors; most of them say my hearing is normal. I had an MRI that was normal also. I wear a splint at night for TMJ, but I have no idea if that will make my tinnitus go away.

Several years ago I had LASIK eye surgery to improve my vision, and it had lasting side effects like constant glare and halos. I can't even go out at night without being blinded by streetlights and headlights from cars. That surgery ruined my social life, and now my tinnitus is making me feel suicidal.

I've suffered for years with OCD and severe depression, which had gotten progressively worse with my eye sugery. My tinnitus seems to have made my mental health more devestating. Therapist, drugs, and masking sounds aren't helping me.

After doing some online research about tinnitus, I read that its prevalent in people with OCD and depression. I feel like I'm being punished for having these disorders. I'm not ready to die, but I really don't have anything or anyone to live for. I'm sure many of you on here I have felt the same way I do. Is there advice any of you can give me before I do something drastic?

How you feel about your situation isn't really the fault of the tinnitus, eye surgery or OCD.

There's people in this world with no vision, no hearing, or even both who lead very productive and happy lives despite their conditions. There's people with no limbs who just like the blind and deaf, lead very productive and happy lives.

It's all a matter of perspective and how you look at it. You can get up every day and say "fuck, my tinnitus is ruining my life I'll commit suicide now" or you can say "hey, I can still hear perfectly fine despite tinnitus what an amazing blessing"

The key to getting better is to realize, that you only have very limited time in this world to achieve and do what you really want do to, and then go do it despite all of it.

Ever since ancient times some people have been aware of this very core principle of life, and some people have been hopelessly unaware. All the negative thoughts you might have about your condition becomes like a poison drip in your life. They poison every aspect of your life and act as a crutch at the same time.

You gotta rip out the poison drip and loose the crutch to get better.
If you have nothing to live for you have to find someone or something to live for.

It can definitely be done, but it won't be easy.

 

[Kolisar]

@Lady Lion

To answer your question "Am I Being Punished?", no. Depression is common amongst tinnitus suffers, and it can lead to a vicious cycle, the tinnitus makes the depression worse, and the depression makes the tinnitus worse.

It is important to maintain a positive attitude and mindset when dealing with tinnitus. It is difficult, and for some of us, it does not go away, but you can learn to live with it. It does not have to ruin your life.

@billie48 wrote his success story demonstrating how positivity helped him habituate.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

@Michael Leigh wrote the following, excellent post on negativity and tinnitus:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/


Now, for some more good news, research has shown that a good percentage of people with tinnitus have their symptoms go away.
@Bill Bauer wrote the following post discussing studies that show a fairly high recovery rate from tinnitus ( https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/ )


Michael (mentioned above) also has a number of great posts with lot of good information on tinnitus. I would highly recommend searching out the threads he started. One good, general one, is https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

Is there advice any of you can give me before I do something drastic?

That question frightens me, especially since it was preceded by:

tinnitus is making me feel suicidal.

and

I really don't have anything or anyone to live for.

I have been there, I have attempted suicide in the past (clearly, I failed). I completely understand the level of frustration that you are experiencing. Tinnitus can feel like it is robbing you of your life. Tinnitus only has the power of you that you give it. As debilitating as it feels, it is just ringing, static, a whooshing sound, or however your tinnitus manifests itself. Please of not harm yourself. It will get easier.

You can get through this. Billie48's story is inspiring, but I would also suggest that you find the posts of people who's responses and posts to other threads have "struck a chord" with you. Then look at their "introduce yourself" posts; you sill find that many were at the point you are right now. They have made it through, and you will be able to as well. And, you found this forum so you do not have to fight this battle alone. I am sure you have already noticed that this forum is filled with caring, sympathetic, compassionate people who both understand what you are going through (in a way that people who do not suffer from tinnitus really cannot), and are willing to help, regardless of their own suffering.

I wish you well and hope that you find what you need here. It will get better, it will get easier, it just takes time.

 

[Lady Lion]

Thanks to all of you for your replies, support and advice. Some of the doctors I saw said that my tinnitus would be temporary since I have normal hearing. I'm so upset because I still have it. It really seems like it won't go away, which is what I'm terrified of. I've seen therapists and taken antidepressants and supplements to help my depression and anxiety. I guess recovery takes time and I just have to be more patient.

 

[GregCA]

Some of the doctors I saw said that my tinnitus would be temporary since I have normal hearing.

You can scratch those off of your go-to doctors' list if you need to talk about T with them.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm so upset because I still have it.

It might take 6-12-24 months for it to fade or go away...

 

[fishbone]

I've had tinnitus for 3 1\2 months now. I've seen several ENT doctors; most of them say my hearing is normal. I had an MRI that was normal also. I wear a splint at night for TMJ, but I have no idea if that will make my tinnitus go away.

Several years ago I had LASIK eye surgery to improve my vision, and it had lasting side effects like constant glare and halos. I can't even go out at night without being blinded by streetlights and headlights from cars. That surgery ruined my social life, and now my tinnitus is making me feel suicidal.

I've suffered for years with OCD and severe depression, which had gotten progressively worse with my eye surgery. My tinnitus seems to have made my mental health more devastating. Therapist, drugs, and masking sounds aren't helping me.

After doing some online research about tinnitus, I read that it's prevalent in people with OCD and depression.

I feel like I'm being punished for having these disorders. I'm not ready to die, but I really don't have anything or anyone to live for. I'm sure many of you on here I have felt the same way I do.

Is there advice any of you can give me before I do something drastic?

This is an interesting post! I have asked myself the very same questions before. NO, you are not being punished. You have had some rough outings in your life and from these outings...you are a much stronger person. You can use this strength that you have gained to help others and possibly lead and educate others. Experience is very important in life and we can use it to help others and be kinder to others as well.

I have had a very rough/tough/brutal life and to some degree it still remains today. That's why I choose to help others and make sure they don't make the same mistakes I have made. You can make an impact on the lives of others, I try to help here everyday and help those that are new to this suffering or those that been suffering for years.

I have gained so much EMPATHY from my trials and tribulations. Life is scary at times, but you can push forward and still make a great impact on your own life and in the life of others....NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

 

[Lady Lion]

Thanks fishbone for your words of encouragement. I'm trying to stay strong while I'm going through this crap, but it's really a struggle.

 

[GregCA]

Thanks fishbone for your words of encouragement. I'm trying to stay strong while I'm going through this crap, but it's really a struggle.

Yup, we understand. Hang in there. Sometimes good things happen with time...