Any Kind of Hope?

[katri]

Any words to make me feel good about anything? It's gotten insanely loud since last night. I have huge bouts of depression and I'm struggling to cope. On top of tinnitus I've just kinda started to lose faith in the world.

All we do is suffer until we die and we don't even know if our god is real so what's the point of prolonging this pain?

I'm fine for 15 minutes then I'm down for two hours. I don't understand at all.

My parents are still trying to push me out into the world but I'm just not ready. Stress and depression has consumed me and prayer is taking too long.

Life has turned from this amazing experience to the shittiest thing. I need help but I don't know where to start.

It's all just pain and regret from me and I'm starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me.

 

[robHing]

My parents are still trying to push me out into the world but I'm just not ready.

My God ... you are only 17 years old.
Being an Asian parent, I will not have this happen to my children.
Maybe oriental view is different from Western.

God bless you!

 

[dayma]

Hello katri! I agree with your parents and so would a therapist. Do not isolate yourself. This is not good for depression at all. I know it's hard and sometimes feels impossible but do your best to get out. Maybe it's just small sprints at first but it will get easier and easier.

 

[katri]

Hello katri! I agree with your parents and so would a therapist. Do not isolate yourself. This is not good for depression at all. I know it's hard and sometimes feels impossible but do your best to get out. Maybe it's just small sprints at first but it will get easier and easier.

My mom is making me move out into a dormitory and everything. I'm splitting apart. Everything supposedly happens for a reason but I can't see one for this. Wish I died like some other irresponsible teen, then I'd be out of my misery and know if my God is real.

 

[dayma]

My mom is making me move out into a dormitory and everything. I'm splitting apart. Everything supposedly happens for a reason but I can't see one for this. Wish I died like some other irresponsible teen, then I'd be out of my misery and know if my God is real.

I won't get into the theological aspects of suffering. Religion gets some fired up on here. Being a man of faith though I would direct you to your pastor or equivalent for comfort.

I suffer daily like you. I have had T for 10 months now. I wish it was getting easier for me but I am am still struggling hard. I don't have a magic answer for you except to make sure you are masking the sound when you can and keep BUSY. Silence and not being engaged with something is bad. Engage fully into a hobby to distract you.

If you have not seen a therapist I would do that and also your local pastor.

This site is also here for you whenever you need it!

 

[katri]

I won't get into the theological aspects of suffering. Religion gets some fired up on here. Being a man of faith though I would direct you to your pastor or equivalent for comfort.

I suffer daily like you. I have had T for 10 months now. I wish it was getting easier for me but I am am still struggling hard. I don't have a magic answer for you except to make sure you are masking the sound when you can and keep BUSY. Silence and not being engaged with something is bad. Engage fully into a hobby to distract you.

If you have not seen a therapist I would do that and also your local pastor.

This site is also here for you whenever you need it!

Can't mask it anymore and I have classes and work to do all the time and work. I'm going to quit behind my parents back. I'm all out of whack. Hopeless and helpless. How can I be a nurse like this? Or travel and help people? I wanted to be a missionary and now? Nothing. My life feels over and I wish it was so badly. I don't want to kill myself but I'm just in so much pain. Even before T, I was getting straight As, doing sports, etc. I have always been depressed but I've gotten nothing.

 

[katri]

I feel like jumping off a canyon. I should try to talk to my older brother first. No one else is picking up the phone. It feels like God put in his two weeks notice and didn't tell me about it.

 

[Manny]

I feel like jumping off a canyon. I should try to talk to my older brother first. No one else is picking up the phone. It feels like God put in his two weeks notice and didn't tell me about it.

@katri I'm sure there would be members here who would be glad to help support you over the phone, if that is something you want.
Of course it probably wouldn't be a good idea to just give out your phone number to anyone but perhaps @glynis could help to arrange something if you're interested?
(Please forgive me for putting you on the spot Glynis!)

 

[VictorDedalus]

@katri,

I'm sorry that you're struggling. We can all relate. Tinnitus exacts a heavy emotional and physical toll and can at times overwhelm us with doubts about our future wellbeing and value of our lives. I encourage you to tackle each day one at a time. All you are responsible for is surviving today. The clock restarts tomorrow. When I consider living the rest of my life with moderate to severe tinnitus, I wither in defeat. But I can handle a single day with more composure - it's only 24 hours. Let tomorrow fend for itself.

You voice frustration over uncertainty about your faith. I don't know which faith tradition you're coming from, but virtually every person of faith can relate to your doubts - it's an inescapable component of belief in metaphysical realities transcending the material world we daily inhabit. I cannot address your specific doubts without knowing your faith commitments, but will only say that faith can confer significance upon suffering beyond any consolation available to secular humanism or materialism, i.e. atheism. On an atheistic outlook, suffering is just an inevitable consequence of the endless and aimless struggle between living beings for finite resources. It means nothing beyond our own subjective impressions of it. Faith, however, offers other possibilities. Suffering can operate as a providential instrument guiding us to fuller reliance upon God, greater empathy towards others, or deeper comprehension of our finitude and frailty. In other words, suffering can aid us in fixing our sights on things of eternal significance.

I realize that many will disagree. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, necessarily. Atheism is intellectually coherent and plausible, but its consistent application does have unsavory, inescapable implications.

Stay strong, Katri. Things may improve, and if they don't your ability to cope almost certainly will.

 

[RCP1]

Today an old friend showed up outside my house and took me for a spin in his car and ultimately a pint of beer. He showed up out of the blue because he was worried about me. We had had a falling out (over a misunderstanding) a few months ago and I felt bad about it. He drove 50 Km on the off chance I was in. I was very touched and it made my day. You never know what is around the corner. He picked up my spirits. Hang in there.

 

[robHing]

@katri
Be patient to life !
You need to talk to someone who loves and cares about you.

 

[katri]

Patience hurts a lot, I've always been a dreamer. My ears just hurt now and I haven't done anything. Literally anything. Maybe it's my stress and tears but they're there for a reason. I just want to be young and have fun like my friends.

 

[katri]

Today an old friend showed up outside my house and took me for a spin in his car and ultimately a pint of beer. He showed up out of the blue because he was worried about me. We had had a falling out (over a misunderstanding) a few months ago and I felt bad about it. He drove 50 Km on the off chance I was in. I was very touched and it made my day. You never know what is around the corner. He picked up my spirits. Hang in there.

When I get home I feel worse. I'm all drained. I was suicidal before but now I know why people kill themselves.

 

[Striveon]

It's best for you to focus on your mental health with tinnitus.

Try to work out the emotions you are feeling through mindfulness, meditation, exercise or what you can think of that you have enjoyed in life. It is hard, but we have to keep pushing foward. Mute button device is on its way to the rescue! While we have the device, we will be waiting out on treatments! There is hope girly <3 you're so strong! Look how far you have gotten in life with T. You have kicked T in the ass before, you can do so again until the device is out!

We are in this together, try to hang on tight, remain strong and if you need me, you know where to find me. We will get through this and be able to travel together! Plus keep working in order to continue saving up your money for what's coming!

If you want to regain your faith, talk to your church for bible studies, plus we can pray together <3

 

[RCP1]

We all do my friend. We all have had these thoughts... Your Tinnitus may change and get less severe. It has happened to me many times. Hang in there for a while and see how it shapes up. I have had a spike for 5 weeks and still have hope itll settle down... Hang in there.

 

[RSV]

Prayer and God.

 

[RCP1]

Whatever works! Its all welcome if it works. Who needs critical thinking when youre dealing with T - Any mantra will do as long as it gets you through the night!

 

[katri]

It's best for you to focus on your mental health with tinnitus.

Try to work out the emotions you are feeling through mindfulness, meditation, exercise or what you can think of that you have enjoyed in life. It is hard, but we have to keep pushing foward. Mute button device is on its way to the rescue! While we have the device, we will be waiting out on treatments! There is hope girly <3 you're so strong! Look how far you have gotten in life with T. You have kicked T in the ass before, you can do so again until the device is out!

We are in this together, try to hang on tight, remain strong and if you need me, you know where to find me. We will get through this and be able to travel together! Plus keep working in order to continue saving up your money for what's coming!

If you want to regain your faith, talk to your church for bible studies, plus we can pray together <3

You're an amazing friend to me and I've tried to be the same thing to you. There is nothing like being tired and not being able to sleep. It's a blessing to be able to complain because I've tried to kill myself before. I just wish we didn't have all of this pain to go through.

 

[RCP1]

Tomorrow I am contacting my old buddy Jacqueline Sheldrake for some more TRT counselling sessions. She has gotten me through some dark days... Its time to call in the cracken to get me outta this loop of annoyance .. The last time I had a spike this long she got my system to settle and the sound dropped. As I say whatever works. Best of luck to all getting through the night! Tomorrow guys

 

[Red]

Hey Katri, I am not a woman of faith but try my best to respect those who take up beliefs. Consider that this world is imperfect. If it's not tinnitus, it could have very well been something else. People your age do not consider this, even me a few years ago didn't. None of us come out of this without scars. As for children, they are protected from this harsh reality. You are coming of age now and are seeing that. A huge, huge chunk of adults, at least im USA, have depression. You do not suffer alone. Many of us are just hidden behind masks.

The faithful part of me that is gone will tell you though, that god is a master of destiny, and yet he leaves it to his followers to make that destiny. God just be complex like that...

 

[RSV]

Mine got so loud I could hear it in my sleep. So fear came on me. I rebuked that. Prayed and gave it to God. I sleep now without hearing it in my sleep. And I got used to it really fast. I have learned to ignore it. but I still hear it. It decreases when I ignore it. Not buy much but enough to bring relife.

 

[Striveon]

You're an amazing friend to me and I've tried to be the same thing to you. There is nothing like being tired and not being able to sleep. It's a blessing to be able to complain because I've tried to kill myself before. I just wish we didn't have all of this pain to go through.

I value our friendship <3 & it's okay, you're not alone, we all have those negative thoughts but helping one another to uplift each other and continue battling is what we are going to do! keep it up girly, you got this!

 

[katri]

Idk why I'm still in pain. I haven't done anything but it's just getting worse. I'm quitting my job tomorrow and I'm skipping class again. I'll probably actually go out to the mountains and take some pictures.

 

[kmohoruk]

Idk why I'm still in pain. I haven't done anything but it's just getting worse. I'm quitting my job tomorrow and I'm skipping class again. I'll probably actually go out to the mountains and take some pictures.

I can relate so much to what you're going through Katri, as I originally got my tinnitus around your age (16 for me). It's a tough situation for sure getting T, but it is one that you can learn to work with and overcome.

I remember one of the toughest things that I ever had to do after getting a spike in my T and H after a target practice incident was choosing to drop out of school and seek treatment. However, I took that year off and it gave me time to regroup and habituate to my T and slowly minimize my H. It's a tough decision, but in the end it gave me the time to regroup, and then come back and finish the 3 years left of my school (with honours if I do say ). You could try talking over an option like that with your parents eh?

It sounds like your parents may not understand what Tinnitus is and how it's affecting you. I remember when I first told my parents, they didn't really understand until I sat down with them and explained what I was going through and how my T wasn't going away and I was terrified and felt very alone. Up until that point, they didn't understand. However, once they realized the stress that I was under they supported me and helped me through until I habituated to it.

 

[katri]

I can relate so much to what you're going through Katri, as I originally got my tinnitus around your age (16 for me). It's a tough situation for sure getting T, but it is one that you can learn to work with and overcome.

I remember one of the toughest things that I ever had to do after getting a spike in my T and H after a target practice incident was choosing to drop out of school and seek treatment. However, I took that year off and it gave me time to regroup and habituate to my T and slowly minimize my H. It's a tough decision, but in the end it gave me the time to regroup, and then come back and finish the 3 years left of my school (with honours if I do say ). You could try talking over an option like that with your parents eh?

It sounds like your parents may not understand what Tinnitus is and how it's affecting you. I remember when I first told my parents, they didn't really understand until I sat down with them and explained what I was going through and how my T wasn't going away and I was terrified and felt very alone. Up until that point, they didn't understand. However, once they realized the stress that I was under they supported me and helped me through until I habituated to it.

I don't know how they'll take it. I've always been the best at what I do, even when I don't try. My parents have the highest expectations. It's always straight As, breaking records, working hard, etc. they've made me skip grades, join sports teams for older kids, take up modeling and being a debutante while taking AP and college level classes. I seriously doubt they care that much about my mental health. I've never really been happy but until now, I've never really been miserable. I'm in a state where I'm losing it all.

 

[katri]

I've always loved school but now I can't even focus on that. In Vegas, pretty much everyday is bright and lovely. To me it's always cold and miserable now. The nights are unbearable because I get on my knees to pray that I get used to it or that I feel better about something (anything) and it doesn't work out.

 

[kmohoruk]

I don't know how they'll take it. I've always been the best at what I do, even when I don't try. My parents have the highest expectations. It's always straight As, breaking records, working hard, etc. they've made me skip grades, join sports teams for older kids, take up modeling and being a debutante while taking AP and college level classes. I seriously doubt they care that much about my mental health. I've never really been happy but until now, I've never really been miserable. I'm in a state where I'm losing it all.

Hmmmm, that is a tough situation. But, I think it could be one where you need to sit down both of your parents and explain this. Sometimes people just have no idea what tinnitus is and what it sounds like and the massive amounts of stress that it can cause.

If that's the case, then I would use an online tinnitus sample player (make sure you keep the volume down) and try playing the sounds of your T to your parents on your computer so they have an actual idea of what your T sounds like. Hopefully that will help create a connection that will help your parents understand a bit better.

 

[katri]

My parents have deadass told me that they worry they can't leave anything to me in their will because they don't know how I'll take it. (My family owns a lot of property and they make a TON of money). I'm just destroyed at this point.


They know. They just don't care at all about me.

 

[kmohoruk]

My parents have deadass told me that they worry they can't leave anything to me in their will because they don't know how I'll take it. (My family owns a lot of property and they make a TON of money). I'm just destroyed at this point.


They know. They just don't care at all about me.

That is a tough situation, but I would still give it a try. Tinnitus is not an easy condition to understand at times. They may just come around this time.

 

[katri]

That is a tough situation, but I would still give it a try. Tinnitus is not an easy condition to understand at times. They may just come around this time.

I hope you're right. I'm still doing it behind their backs. I'm going to get my last check and drive off someplace. Maybe California for the day. Leave in the morning and come back late at night. I'll lie and say it's a sleepover. I'll buy a ton of snacks and maybe go to Arizona and go hiking in antelope canyon or hike up a mountain down the street. Idk. I just can't stay like this.