Hi everyone,
Just looking for some encouragement. I've been inspired by many success stories on here but starting to feel like they don't apply to me, and starting to feel discouraged at the lack of any sign of improvement in myself.
I got my tinnitus in December of last year during a cold. It started as a tone on a background of static and was pretty mild to start with. After the first month of dramatic panicking I found that I could only really hear it in bed, and shortly after that I noticed that the tone had disappeared and I only heard the static, which at the time seemed relatively benign.
Everything returned to almost normal for two months. Then I went on holiday to somewhere very very quiet, and out in the wilderness that static just slammed into me. I came on this forum for some positivity and instead read some negative comments that sent me into a tail spin. I think the flight made my tinnitus worse as well.
I came home and I could hear my tinnitus in the office, over the TV, and sometimes in the car.
After a few weeks of struggle and hope I lost my ability to sleep and was plunged into total despair. I had a few stretches of time off work and the doctor put me on reduced hours. I did 3 months of CBT and it did help.
Slowly slowly I started clawing my life back. I started cycling in the evenings, and cooking and baking again. I went on a few dates. My sleep was still tricky but slowly returning to normal. Some days the feeling of hope, and excitement that it would all be ok, made me euphoric. This hopeful period lasted 2-3 months, but now these last 3 months have felt less hopeful and more fearful.
Good news is I am finally working full time and most days I sleep through the night. I don't hear the tinnitus in the office any more, because it is quite noisy and I am very engaged in my work. But I still fear that the volume may have increased. I can often hear it in my car driving with the radio on. And watching TV has just become too depressing with the tinnitus screaming over the top. And worst of all in a quiet room e.g. at bedtime it's impossible to mask with a phone. I put rain noises on and that maybe takes the edge off a little bit, but also I get this weird high pitched whine when there's background noise and often that is worse. I'm fairly sure I used to be able to mask it with much lower volumes, and when I think about that I get really scared. The worst is when I hear it outside, which is often. The wind in the trees masks it fairly well, but still days are just terrible.
I am trying to do Back to Silence, and so I have tried to give up monitoring the sound, but every now and then I just worry about whether I'm inadvertently doing something to make it worse.
I feel that my progress has stagnated or gone backwards. I'm back to having days where I just sob. I am anxious all day every day.
I used to go hiking out in the countryside but I just can't face being out in the quiet with my tinnitus. I also used to travel a lot but I'm afraid of what flying could do to my tinnitus, not to mention fear of being in a new place where I don't know what the soundscape will be like and how noticeable my tinnitus will be. Not having these 2 things makes me feel like I'm wasting my life, although I feel fortunate to "have my life back" in the sense of work and socialising.
I'm feeling crap because I feel at one year I should be doing better, but then I remember it's only 9 months since the worsening, so maybe I should count it from there?
I'm trying to see the improvements in my work and sleep as a good thing, but I am impatient for further improvement. I despair of ever being able to relax again and I miss those early days of euphoria whenever I would have a better day. Everything has just turned into a grind, and I am deathly afraid of losing control again.
I started a anti-inflammatory diet 3 months ago, and I am about to start a course of supplements aimed at reducing inflammation and candida. Generally though I don't hold out much hope of a volume decrease and I'm mainly aiming for habituation.
I do yoga and mindfulness sporadically but most days I can't face sitting there quietly to do it. I fear I lack the discipline to make the changes I need to.
I'm probably feeling particularly bad at the moment because I have been ill in bed most of the last week and it is getting harder to distract myself. I'm actually impressed I've coped as well as I have – it's not easy lying here all day just trying to mask with my phone and it's too cold outside even to open a window.
Sorry for the wall of text, but it has helped me to get my story down. I really thought I was getting somewhere and now I fear it was just an illusion or denial.
I want to know if it sounds like I am on the right track at all? And any words of encouragement for me please? I just want to get to a place where this isn't dominating every hour of my life. And I want to go on holiday again without being afraid.
Please be kind. I need some positivity, not more fear.
Just looking for some encouragement. I've been inspired by many success stories on here but starting to feel like they don't apply to me, and starting to feel discouraged at the lack of any sign of improvement in myself.
I got my tinnitus in December of last year during a cold. It started as a tone on a background of static and was pretty mild to start with. After the first month of dramatic panicking I found that I could only really hear it in bed, and shortly after that I noticed that the tone had disappeared and I only heard the static, which at the time seemed relatively benign.
Everything returned to almost normal for two months. Then I went on holiday to somewhere very very quiet, and out in the wilderness that static just slammed into me. I came on this forum for some positivity and instead read some negative comments that sent me into a tail spin. I think the flight made my tinnitus worse as well.
I came home and I could hear my tinnitus in the office, over the TV, and sometimes in the car.
After a few weeks of struggle and hope I lost my ability to sleep and was plunged into total despair. I had a few stretches of time off work and the doctor put me on reduced hours. I did 3 months of CBT and it did help.
Slowly slowly I started clawing my life back. I started cycling in the evenings, and cooking and baking again. I went on a few dates. My sleep was still tricky but slowly returning to normal. Some days the feeling of hope, and excitement that it would all be ok, made me euphoric. This hopeful period lasted 2-3 months, but now these last 3 months have felt less hopeful and more fearful.
Good news is I am finally working full time and most days I sleep through the night. I don't hear the tinnitus in the office any more, because it is quite noisy and I am very engaged in my work. But I still fear that the volume may have increased. I can often hear it in my car driving with the radio on. And watching TV has just become too depressing with the tinnitus screaming over the top. And worst of all in a quiet room e.g. at bedtime it's impossible to mask with a phone. I put rain noises on and that maybe takes the edge off a little bit, but also I get this weird high pitched whine when there's background noise and often that is worse. I'm fairly sure I used to be able to mask it with much lower volumes, and when I think about that I get really scared. The worst is when I hear it outside, which is often. The wind in the trees masks it fairly well, but still days are just terrible.
I am trying to do Back to Silence, and so I have tried to give up monitoring the sound, but every now and then I just worry about whether I'm inadvertently doing something to make it worse.
I feel that my progress has stagnated or gone backwards. I'm back to having days where I just sob. I am anxious all day every day.
I used to go hiking out in the countryside but I just can't face being out in the quiet with my tinnitus. I also used to travel a lot but I'm afraid of what flying could do to my tinnitus, not to mention fear of being in a new place where I don't know what the soundscape will be like and how noticeable my tinnitus will be. Not having these 2 things makes me feel like I'm wasting my life, although I feel fortunate to "have my life back" in the sense of work and socialising.
I'm feeling crap because I feel at one year I should be doing better, but then I remember it's only 9 months since the worsening, so maybe I should count it from there?
I'm trying to see the improvements in my work and sleep as a good thing, but I am impatient for further improvement. I despair of ever being able to relax again and I miss those early days of euphoria whenever I would have a better day. Everything has just turned into a grind, and I am deathly afraid of losing control again.
I started a anti-inflammatory diet 3 months ago, and I am about to start a course of supplements aimed at reducing inflammation and candida. Generally though I don't hold out much hope of a volume decrease and I'm mainly aiming for habituation.
I do yoga and mindfulness sporadically but most days I can't face sitting there quietly to do it. I fear I lack the discipline to make the changes I need to.
I'm probably feeling particularly bad at the moment because I have been ill in bed most of the last week and it is getting harder to distract myself. I'm actually impressed I've coped as well as I have – it's not easy lying here all day just trying to mask with my phone and it's too cold outside even to open a window.
Sorry for the wall of text, but it has helped me to get my story down. I really thought I was getting somewhere and now I fear it was just an illusion or denial.
I want to know if it sounds like I am on the right track at all? And any words of encouragement for me please? I just want to get to a place where this isn't dominating every hour of my life. And I want to go on holiday again without being afraid.
Please be kind. I need some positivity, not more fear.
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