Today, about a year after my tinnitus worsening due to an explosion, I was at the ENT of my local hospital after a referral of my GP. A year ago I did HBOT and steroids, to little avail.
The reason I continue my quest is because I'm not coping well at all, and I feel I have to do at least something for my family. My wife has seen me increasingly depressed during the last year, and I can't spend time around my kids as much as I like for fear of them screaming. My social life has gone down the drain as well. About three weeks ago I had a major breakdown and was put on sick leave, which is for another three weeks. At present, I feel like I will never be able to get back to work. I have problems concentrating, sleeping and am feeling very depressed and suicidal. I obviously don't want to be gone, but I feel like there is little value left for me in this life. I don't have any plans, because I remember my old life and am scared of death.
In my normal audiogram, I have a dip of 4kHz of 20dB in my right ear. That's the lowest point and very different from my left, which is much better. In the extended audiogram there's a steep slope towards 55dB at 14kHz. We didn't continue to 16 kHz because although I couldn't hear 50dB at 14kHz, the 55dB tone got me jumping off my chair. My left ear is better as well in the extended frequency range. Then came the tinnitus testing. I could pick between 3 narrowband noises and picked the highest (this was around 8kHz), because it was the best match for my noise-like tinnitus. It was still below the frequencies of my tinnitus, but I could only pick between these 3 sounds. The audiologist measured my trhesholds, and then matched my tinnitus to about 20dB SL. Then she tried to Mask using the same narrowband noise. At 25dB SL over headphones in both ears, she stopped as she thought I would be uncomfortable due to the earlier discomfort during my extended HF testing. I said I believed I could still make out my tinnitus signal at that loudness because of the insufficient overlap of frequencies. She simply noted that MML was greater than 25dB SL and that we stopped masking because of hyperacusis. My result in the tinnitus questionnaire was 73/82 points, or very severe.
Already at the matching and masking I could feel like that the audiologist felt sorry for me.
If you're still reading I would like to ask:
Most tinnitus is matched to numbers below 10dB SL yet I have a 20dB SL match.
I already feel like I've got the world's loudest tinnitus, and I'm not overreacting to any of it, and this seems further proof that no human has ever learnt to deal with such a noise.
What can I reasonably expect in terms of habituation and getting on with my life if this is where I'm at 1 year down the line?I feel like it's simply not possible and that the way I'm coping today is realistically the best possible outcome given my stats.
Can someone knowledgeable chip in?
@Ed209 @brownbear, or anyone? I'm 33 years old by the way.
Thanks.