Becoming a Father with Tinnitus

[Jazzer]

He was also explicitly telling people not to worry about wearing hearing protection around significant noises. THAT is toxic.

If someone were to tell that to me soon after the onset of my T, I believe I would then do things that would leave me with debilitating T, and possibly cause me to commit suicide. A lot is at stake - comments like that can't be ignored.

@Abso-bloody-lutely Bill !!!
SPOT ON MY FRIEND !!!

 

[PaulBe]

@Ed209 Not five minutes ago I saw an old post of yours and I started wondering where you were and how you were. Question beautifully answered.

 

[Ed209]

@Abso-bloody-lutely Bill !!!
SPOT ON MY FRIEND !!!

Jazzer, I've never told anyone not to wear earplugs. I was only sharing my experience and this was never about advising others. I've always said, time and again, that we are free to do as we wish.

I'll only be here a few more days to catch up with more friends if possible, and then you can all get back to discussing how best to avoid everything; which has been the big topic now since I signed up. Not much has changed, and yet, it's always the same people who have this philosophy. If it works so great then why are you all still talking about the same problems? Do you really want to spend your lives worrying about every sound? I understand that feeling of anxiety, I still get it myself, but I've improved loads because I've broken the cycle that keeps my mind trapped. I will wear earplugs in 'real' loud environments for the rest of my life, but you've got to get the balance right before it swallows you whole. It's a slippery slope, and before you know it you will find yourselves avoiding social events, public transport, shopping malls and anything you deem to have a risk associated with it. It's an awful place to be, mentally, and I'm glad I'm mostly out of that way of thinking.

In my experience, things really can get better once you try and address the mental side of this condition. Don't underestimate the power of your mind and CNS system, as they can change your perception of everything if you're not thinking right. Good and bad. I had more spikes when I was on here, obsessed about sound, than any other time. And these were spikes related to my concern of sound exposure. Since I've returned to my life for the second time, everthing has settled down again. It's such a complex condition, but we need to try not to let it affect our day to day lives.

I pretty much knew this thread would descend into a debate (they always do). I suppose my intention was to hear the views of other parents and wish everyone well.

 

[Sam Bridge]

Congratulations on becoming a father Ed. I did wonder where you had been these last few months.

 

[Ed209]

He did not explicitly tell anyone not to wear hearing protection around significant noises. He posted regarding his own experience with his child. And incidentally he also commented later that her average cries are between high 70s to low 80s. Not sure that should be considered a significant volume.

Are we no longer allowed to share personal experiences? If I give examples of times that I have not worn ear plugs — at restaurants, church, my children's school, etc. — does that mean I am explicitly telling everyone not to wear earplugs to rock concerts?

A lot is a stake. After the initial onset of tinnitus, if I had only read negative posts, it would have given me debilitating anxiety and made me far more suicidal than I was.

Couldn't agree more Tinker Bell. There is a huge difference between a rock concert and a baby crying. I see Bill is still sharing his horror stories thread to all the newcomers; a sure fire way to make people feel better .

I get that he is trying to protect people, but his methods are all wrong. It's the quickest way to introduce phonophobia/misophonia into a persons life. And very good at working up some emotional stress to further aid the tinnitus along.

It's better to try and introduce some relaxation. Try not to stress about sound too much because it's unavoidable, and at some point that 'big door slam' will happen, and that car journey the forum said 'is bad for your ears' will happen. And when it does they will freak out about it because they will find they've been programmed to worry about it. It's a vicious cycle.

I've booked a spa day for me and the wife. Nothing beats unwinding.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Not much has changed, and yet, it's always the same people who have this philosophy. If it works so great then why are you all still talking about the same problems?

Well said @Ed209 It doesn't matter how many times we explain to "some" people in this forum that the overuse of hearing protection does more harm than good they ultimately believe they are right and we are wrong. This is well documented in the TRT book that I have, written by Professor Jastrerboff & Jonathon Hazell. It instills negative thinking and delays or prevents the habituation process. On top of that, the person risks developing phonophobia and misophonia in addition to their tinnitus and hyperacusis.

The mentioning of TRT is bound to start another debate with vitriolic comments by those that are adamant that it doesn't work and not surprisingly they've never tried it. I have on two occasions with good results so anyone that wants to argue this I'm not going there.

Michael

 

[Bill Bauer]

If it works so great then why are you all still talking about the same problems?

I received several acoustic traumas when I failed to anticipate problems and failed to protect myself. As a result, I had setbacks.

Do you really want to spend your lives worrying about every sound?

I would rather not spend my life exercising and eating healthy either. Once or twice a day, I eat about 2 kg of salad. I would rather be eating 2 kg of chocolate daily. Unfortunately, some things are just off limits.

It's a slippery slope, and before you know it you will find yourselves avoiding social events, public transport, shopping malls and anything you deem to have a risk associated with it.

Yes, I can see how one can go overboard with all of the protection, and of course that would not be good either.

I suppose my intention was to hear the views of other parents

You don't want to know my views about kids. To my credit, I have been able to keep that to myself in this thread, and I intend to continue doing that.

And these were spikes related to my concern of sound exposure.

I am not sure why one would be concerned about sound exposure once one uses hearing protection and stays away from loud places and activities.

I see Bill is still sharing his horror stories thread to all the newcomers; a sure fire way to make people feel better

Yes, making them feel better in the long run when they will be able to avoid spikes and experience healing.

I get that he is trying to protect people, but his methods are all wrong.

I got T in my good ear after two glass plates clanked. How does one convince people to stay away from noises even as moderate as glass plates clanking?

In any case, I sincerely apologize for somewhat derailing your thread. Now that I think of it, I should not have posted in this thread. I will do the right thing and stop posting here. Feel free to respond to my points. I will bite my tongue and not respond to your responses.

 

[Ed209]

I am not sure why one would be concerned about sound exposure once one uses hearing protection and stays away from loud places and activities.

There's sound exposure and there's sound exposure. One is unavoidable and pointless worrying about, and the other needs either protection or avoidance.

Yes, making them feel better in the long run when they will be able to avoid spikes and experience healing.

You could argue that it does the exact opposite, which I believe it does. Once you taint someone's thinking, it can be very difficult to correct. Especially with certain personalities; you risk giving people anxiety and depression amongst other psychological issues. Not only that, but it can give people an irrational fear of sounds that pose no threat. It will also make you feel terrible, most of the time. And, it's known that stress of this kind can result in further problems down the line in all areas of your body, including your auditory system.

Relax, eat well, exercise, socialise and get a hobby if you haven't already. Those are all the best things you can do, but you should seek medical guidance first to sort any depression and/or anxiety. Once everything falls into place most people will start to feel better.

 

[Ed209]

Congratulations on becoming a father Ed. I did wonder where you had been these last few months.

Cheers Sam. How are you mate?

 

[Jazzer]

Jazzer, I've never told anyone not to wear earplugs. I was only sharing my experience and this was never about advising others. I've always said, time and again, that we are free to do as we wish.

I'll only be here a few more days to catch up with more friends if possible, and then you can all get back to discussing how best to avoid everything; which has been the big topic now since I signed up. Not much has changed, and yet, it's always the same people who have this philosophy. If it works so great then why are you all still talking about the same problems? Do you really want to spend your lives worrying about every sound? I understand that feeling of anxiety, I still get it myself, but I've improved loads because I've broken the cycle that keeps my mind trapped. I will wear earplugs in 'real' loud environments for the rest of my life, but you've got to get the balance right before it swallows you whole. It's a slippery slope, and before you know it you will find yourselves avoiding social events, public transport, shopping malls and anything you deem to have a risk associated with it. It's an awful place to be, mentally, and I'm glad I'm mostly out of that way of thinking.

In my experience, things really can get better once you try and address the mental side of this condition. Don't underestimate the power of your mind and CNS system, as they can change your perception of everything if you're not thinking right. Good and bad. I had more spikes when I was on here, obsessed about sound, than any other time. And these were spikes related to my concern of sound exposure. Since I've returned to my life for the second time, everthing has settled down again. It's such a complex condition, but we need to try not to let it affect our day to day lives.

I pretty much knew this thread would descend into a debate (they always do). I suppose my intention was to hear the views of other parents and wish everyone well.

@Ed209 First of all congrats on your new baby xx

* "...how best to avoid everything..." is a cynical comment. Nobody wishes to do that.

* Yes - we still talk about it because, as you very well know, we all have an unpleasant ongoing problem......do we not...?

* "Do you really want to spend your lives worrying...?"
If we are not cautious there could be very much more to worry about - an increase in volume - an increase in 'Hell on Earth.'

I have had Tinnitus for 30 years, by the way.....and things did get worse.

My approach to the mind issue is 20/30 minutes deep meditation, daily. I never miss.

You have no idea of the discomfort Bill experiences, nor me, my discomfort, nor us, your discomfort.

The only person who is qualified to choose our strategy, is of course, ourselves.
I am inclined to think that sufferers with a more cautious approach, probably have a greater "T" problem;
perhaps those with a more 'cavalier' approach, less so.
But of course, I don't know.
.....er......I do not see 'debate' in terms of a decent, myself. We are all just trying to deal with a wretched problem as best we can.

However, enough of all this Tinnitus 'shit,'
have a good day, and enjoy your beautiful baby.
How do I know it's beautiful?
.......because they all are. xx

 

[Samantha R]

@Ed209
Congratulations on your daughter!
Enjoy every moment, it's so precious and they are only little for a short while.
My twins are now 18 months and I have a 3 year old.
I used to get stressed about the noise of their screams and cries, but now I more relaxed. I realised I cannot possibly avoid their noise, I am with my children all day and I'd have to wear ear plugs constantly. That is not healthy and I'd be mentally worn out and anxious from listening to the tinnitus all day.
Yes, they can be loud, and if one of the babies is screaming for a prolonged amount of time, then I grab some ear muffs or plug my ears with my fingers.
My 3 year old randomly shouts or screams when he's excited. He is learning to be quiet though and unfortunately I've noticed he puts his hands over his ears sometimes when the twins scream (picked that up from me).
I was developing phonophobia and thought I had mild hyperacusis.
In all honesty, my hyper vigilance was my problem. One day I was so busy and realised at the end of the day that I noticed no hyperacusis and clearly this was all in my mind. This realisation did wonders for mentally and I am back in a good place.
Congrats once again!
Sam x

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209
Congratulations on your daughter!
Enjoy every moment, it's so precious and they are only little for a short while.
My twins are now 18 months and I have a 3 year old.
I used to get stressed about the noise of their screams and cries, but now I more relaxed. I realised I cannot possibly avoid their noise, I am with my children all day and I'd have to wear ear plugs constantly. That is not healthy and I'd be mentally worn out and anxious from listening to the tinnitus all day.
Yes, they can be loud, and if one of the babies is screaming for a prolonged amount of time, then I grab some ear muffs or plug my ears with my fingers.
My 3 year old randomly shouts or screams when he's excited. He is learning to be quiet though and unfortunately I've noticed he puts his hands over his ears sometimes when the twins scream (picked that up from me).
I was developing phonophobia and thought I had mild hyperacusis.
In all honesty, my hyper vigilance was my problem. One day I was so busy and realised at the end of the day that I noticed no hyperacusis and clearly this was all in my mind. This realisation did wonders for mentally and I am back in a good place.
Congrats once again!
Sam x

This is exactly my experience Samantha, wearing earplugs around my daughter is just not practical or even healthy unless I plan on cracking up from mental exhaustion. One night she was choking on her phlegm, and it really panicked us. I leapt up and started patting her back and she was fine again (it turns out all babies do this, or so we've been told) but you can guarantee there will be screaming after it. It would not be possible for me - for even one second - to think where's my earplugs before I jump in to help. You just have to accept they are going to be loud and enjoy the journey, and I'm loving every second of it.

Glad to hear you're in a good place and long may it continue!

 

[Ambassador]

I have grandchildren who can break glass with their screams and I do find it jarring and unpleasant but I don't suffer any long term damage from it.

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209 First of all congrats on your new baby xx

* "...how best to avoid everything..." is a cynical comment. Nobody wishes to do that.

* Yes - we still talk about it because, as you very well know, we all have an unpleasant ongoing problem......do we not...?

* "Do you really want to spend your lives worrying...?"
If we are not cautious there could be very much more to worry about - an increase in volume - an increase in 'Hell on Earth.'

I have had Tinnitus for 30 years, by the way.....and things did get worse.

My approach to the mind issue is 20/30 minutes deep meditation, daily. I never miss.

You have no idea of the discomfort Bill experiences, nor me, my discomfort, nor us, your discomfort.

The only person who is qualified to choose our strategy, is of course, ourselves.
I am inclined to think that sufferers with a more cautious approach, probably have a greater "T" problem;
perhaps those with a more 'cavalier' approach, less so.
But of course, I don't know.
.....er......I do not see 'debate' in terms of a decent, myself. We are all just trying to deal with a wretched problem as best we can.

However, enough of all this Tinnitus 'shit,'
have a good day, and enjoy your beautiful baby.
How do I know it's beautiful?
.......because they all are. xx

Thanks Jazzer. I'm enjoying it a lot.

I've been in so many of these discussions now that I've lost count, so I know we'll never agree. There have been so many avoidance threads that I still stand by that quote 'how best to avoid everything'. That is how bad it can get on here, and in my opinion it strays into the irrational fear/phonophobia, realm.

I wish you well though, and agree that tinnitus is never good. It's just a shame there isn't much research money going into it.

 

[Ed209]

I have grandchildren who can break glass with their screams and I do find it jarring and unpleasant but I don't suffer any long term damage from it.

My niece is like that. She is way too loud.

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209 Not five minutes ago I saw an old post of yours and I started wondering where you were and how you were. Question beautifully answered.

Cheers Paul. It's amazing how having a child gives your life a sense of purpose beyond your own health issues. I'm loving every second.

 

[Ed209]

Out of curiosity, I just measured how loud she is closer to her mouth when she cries. The meter measures around 95db, but drops to around 80db with a few feet of separation, so it's the same as before really. I'm sure she can go above 100db, but that would be close to her mouth. In either case I'm not bothered. If it really does get bad or overly prolonged at some point then I can always plug my ears as a backup option as Samantha pointed out. To be honest though, it hasn't even crossed my mind since the first week we had her. I will continue enjoying fatherhood and just crack on.

 

[Julien87]

I get that he is trying to protect people, but his methods are all wrong. It's the quickest way to introduce phonophobia/misophonia into a persons life. And very good at working up some emotional stress to further aid the tinnitus along.

I couldn't agree more. I really think Bill's daily posts caused more damage than good. That puts or maintains some people in a state of distress and paranoia. A good state of mind is essential to overcome tinnitus.

Congratulations for being a father Ed, I am really glad for you.

 

[Ed209]

I couldn't agree more.
Congratulations for being a father Ed, I am really glad for you

Cheers Julien, how are things going for you?

 

[Philippe79]

This is exactly my experience Samantha, wearing earplugs around my daughter is just not practical

I must confess, I am guilty of this. I wasn't going to comment but thought I may as well now.. My daughters scream (she is 7 months) is so high pitched that even my wife, who has healthy ears, commented on how it was hurting her ears. Maybe that was a factor in me reaching for an ear plug. Maybe my daughters scream is exceptionally loud, who knows! I'm not sure if this falls into the irrational fear category like some of the other stuff mentioned on here. I agree, it isn't practical but that's what T has done to me, whether it is beneficial or not, who knows, but I certainly don't agree with protecting your ears for everything, even though I used to. I only do it when her screams are really bad and prolonged. I just make an exception to this because I feel uncomfortable with the pitch. I really don't feel comfortable about doing it though, and it doesn't make me feel good as a person when she's my daughter but I feel like I have to do it even so. I can usually detect by her mood if she's likely to have a bad episode of screaming (no guarantees but a rough indication), and if so, I put an ear plug in my bad ear. I know your post wasn't about that and i'm certainly not one of those people who promotes protecting your ears for everything. It's all about the balance and I never protect my ears in any circumstance under 80db. But I swear her scream was louder than that! I wish you all the best.

 

[Julien87]

Cheers Julien, how are things going for you?

I am good thanks!
I still worry too much than I should regarding daily noises, because I fear an aggravation (like a lot of us I guess). But generally I manage to keep a good state of mind, I think it is because I have hope that one day it will be cured.

 

[Ed209]

I must confess, I am guilty of this. I wasn't going to comment but thought I may as well now.. My daughters scream (she is 7 months) is so high pitched that even my wife, who has healthy ears, commented on how it was hurting her ears. Maybe that was a factor in me reaching for an ear plug. Maybe my daughters scream is exceptionally loud, who knows! I'm not sure if this falls into the irrational fear category like some of the other stuff mentioned on here. I agree, it isn't practical but that's what T has done to me, whether it is beneficial or not, who knows, but I certainly don't agree with protecting your ears for everything, even though I used to. I only do it when her screams are really bad and prolonged. I just make an exception to this because I feel uncomfortable with the pitch. I really don't feel comfortable about doing it though, and it doesn't make me feel good as a person when she's my daughter but I feel like I have to do it even so. I can usually detect by her mood if she's likely to have a bad episode of screaming (no guarantees but a rough indication), and if so, I put an ear plug in my bad ear. I know your post wasn't about that and i'm certainly not one of those people who promotes protecting your ears for everything. It's all about the balance and I never protect my ears in any circumstance under 80db. But I swear her scream was louder than that! I wish you all the best.

Absolutely, if you are uncomfortable plug your ears! Once they start hitting that note that pierces your soul, it can get a bit crazy. To be honest, it's my niece who's the real loud one. I took ear plugs on Christmas to my brothers house just in case, but never ended up using them. She can make the ear plugs want ear plugs

 

[Michael Leigh]

I get that he is trying to protect people, but his methods are all wrong. It's the quickest way to introduce phonophobia/misophonia into a persons life. And very good at working up some emotional stress to further aid the tinnitus along.

Below is a message that I recently received from a member that has tinnitus and hyperacusis. This person has been using hearing protection to excess and would only leave home when necessary. It has resulted in the tinnitus and particularly the hyperacusis getting worse and has now been diagnosed with misophonia. This person has been regularly following the advice from people in this forum on keeping away from sound and using ear protection whenever possible which hasn't helped. I have omitted the name of the clinic/hospital that this person will attend for treatment.

Michael


hello, i had my appointment at xxxxxxx. He said i have something called misophonia, which he said crosses over with hyperacusis. He reffered me xxxxxx hospital to see their team. Apparenly its the best xxxxxxx in the country for people with T, H and this misophonia. ill go back to xxxxxxx in 6 months time as he wants to do a pressure test and some nerve test when my ears arent as sensitive. Did you have this done?

 

[Ed209]

It took four ye


Below is a message that I recently received from a member that has tinnitus and hyperacusis. This person has been using hearing protection to excess and would only leave home when necessary. It has resulted in the tinnitus and particularly the hyperacusis getting worse and has now been diagnosed with misophonia. This person has been regularly following the advice from people in this forum on keeping away from sound and using ear protection whenever possible which hasn't helped. I have omitted the name of the clinic/hospital that this person will attend for treatment.

Michael


hello, i had my appointment at xxxxxxx. He said i have something called misophonia, which he said crosses over with hyperacusis. He reffered me xxxxxx hospital to see their team. Apparenly its the best xxxxxxx in the country for people with T, H and this misophonia. ill go back to xxxxxxx in 6 months time as he wants to do a pressure test and some nerve test when my ears arent as sensitive. Did you have this done?

This is exactly the sort of situation I'm referring to. Over reliance on ear protection for everyday stuff is not a good place to be. It becomes an unnecessary safety blanket that strengthens ones belief that all sounds are bad.

 

[Michael Leigh]

This is exactly the sort of situation I'm referring to. Over reliance on ear protection for everyday stuff is not a good place to be. It becomes an unnecessary safety blanket that strengthens ones belief that all sounds are bad.

Quite a few people have contacted me with this same problem. They eventually find out that the overuse of hearing protection isn't good. Once gentleman has been using earplugs everyday whilst at home and out everywhere that he goes for the passed 3 years. It has resulted in his tinnitus and hyperacusis getting worse and now wants treatment to reverse things as his life is miserable. Very sad.

 

[glynis]

@Ed209,
Lovely to see you back òn here.
Congratulations on becoming a daddy and would love to see a picture with you and your daughter ..
Your little ray of sunshine will fill your life with so much love.
Hope you had a Wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year to you ..
Love glynis x

 

[IAmCalifornia]

@Ed209 Congratulations I may be a father one day myself and as a T sufferer your POV is important and appreciated

 

[Samir]

Congratulations Ed!

Allow me to share this aphorism by your favorite philosopher, Lao Tzu! The guy with eyebrows for a beard!

Listen to your inner Tzu!

 

[Fangen]

Congratulations Ed to your new family member!! I can easily say you're one of my favorite members here and very happy for you to have come all this far with T glad to see you off TT as well as it means you're doing well!

Thank you for updating us and sharing your experiences with T and babies, that has been a worry for me if I ever have kids what I should do in terms of protection. Hope you and the family are doing well and best wishes to you all!

 

[Natalie Roberts]

I am now the proud father to a beautiful baby girl who was born on Halloween. The first thing I did was reach for my ear plugs whenever she had a screaming fit, but this didn't last long. The volume of the screams is definitely alarming, but it's not something I could keep up and not something I even wanted to be thinking about. I felt it was getting in the way, so I just stopped bothering. All the hyper-analysing and worrying just became a huge burden, and in the end an unnecessary waste of energy. I know many of you are parents on here so I know you'll all have your own ways of coping. I just thought it maybe appropriate to add that my tinnitus is no different after being subjected to weeks of screaming. A few times she has done it right next to my ear, and I will not lie there have been a couple of times where I was a bit concerned. But, I came to the conclusion it's not worth worrying about and have being doing great since. The first week I used earplugs every time she cried but it became increasingly hard to keep up with. It boils down to: help my daughter, or track down my ear plugs and then help my daughter. I decided to just cut out the middle man and it felt like another milestone reached from my perspective.

I haven't been around here for quite a while because I find it puts me in a negative headspace. Although, I'll always be eternally grateful for the support I received regarding my chest problem.

I thought a positive thread regarding parenthood might be worthwhile.

I also had the same worries when I was pregnant as my tinnitus developed during pregnancy. I worried about sleep deprivation and how the crying would affect my tinnitus but as you found out, it doesn't really make a difference! My baby girl is 2 now and my tinnitus is still here and a little worse than it was however no fault to her!

The best thing to do with T is live your life and try not to worry about the what if's.. tinnitus shouldn't control your life!