Boyfriend's Symptoms of Tinnitus

[Seekingsupport]

Hello, I have been dating a man on and off for 4 years who finally told me about six to eight months ago that he had tinnitus and his had it for 30 years and now it's gotten very bad in the last 4 years since I've met him.

He's had many outbursts over things that don't make sense and tends to blame me for everything that's gone wrong. due to his tinnitus he says it causes paranoia, jealousy and many other symptoms where he verbally lashes out at me about being understanding even though I am very helpful and loving.

He is able to work but will not fill out the necessary paperwork for benefits from the military.

He said he is crazy and he is terminal.

Are these normal symptoms for tinnitus does anybody have any advice or comments about these behaviors regarding tinnitus ?

 

[Bill Bauer]

I guess all depends on how loud his tinnitus is. If it is as loud as someone screaming into his ear 24/7 (for the rest of his life), then he is barely holding it together, and some people might react to horrible stress like that with angry outbursts.

 

[fishbone]

Tinnitus can take people to the darkest places, their feelings get mixed up and anger and lots of emotions can come out of it. Is he getting any therapy to talk things out? is he using any tools or tips to help him cope with his tinnitus?

There are a lot of relaxation techniques, for those that suffer form tinnitus.

 

[Pomme]

@Seekingsupport This is a very tricky one to deal with. A lot depends on how actually loud the tinnitus he is dealing with Has your boyfriend approached his GP about any of this? Maybe he could benefit from some medication that would help calm his anxiety/stress levels which are likely to be high. Tinnitus is emotionally and physically draining for some people particularly if they have suffered for some time. I am sure your boyfriend doesn't mean to react in the manner that he does but tinnitus and its related conditions bring out the worst in people at times. It is good of you to reach out to others on this site. Search through previous threads to maybe help find further tips and advice. Take care of yourself too. By the sound of things, he's suffering and needs to get some help.

 

[Seekingsupport]

Thank you for the responses. He is an amazing person and I wouldn't wish what he is going through on anyone. His severity is at at an all time high right now. I have been very supportive and done lots of research to find some relief of which some has worked sometimes temporarily. It is the sabotaging of our relationship that I am questioning. It happens every time we get close. He picks a random fight that is either absurd or has nothing to do with me and then blames me for everything. I am trying to decipher if this is tinnitus related or just him. He blames all of his behaviors on the tinnitus.

 

[Seekingsupport]

No, he is not getting any therapy and he is not taking advantage of the veteran benefits.

 

[Kolisar]

Hello, I have been dating a man on and off for 4 years who finally told me about six to eight months ago that he had tinnitus and his had it for 30 years and now it's gotten very bad in the last 4 years since I've met him.

He's had many outbursts over things that don't make sense and tends to blame me for everything that's gone wrong. due to his tinnitus he says it causes paranoia, jealousy and many other symptoms where he verbally lashes out at me about being understanding even though I am very helpful and loving.

Welcome @Seekingsupport . As others have stated, tinnitus can drive the suffer to very dark places. People can often cope, and their ability to do so is harshly tested when if the condition worsens.

Tinnitus really messes up your mind. While I, personally, do not experience paranoia, jealousy, or am caused to lash out, I can certainly understand how tinnitus could drive someone to such experiences. That is not to say it justifies the behavior.

It is the sabotaging of our relationship that I am questioning. It happens every time we get close. He picks a random fight that is either absurd or has nothing to do with me and then blames me for everything. I am trying to decipher if this is tinnitus related or just him. He blames all of his behaviors on the tinnitus.

I am sorry that he seems to be sabotaging your relationship. Again, tinnitus can really strain someone emotionally and psychologically. The constant ringing is maddening, there is no rest, no break, it even enters into our dreams (for some, I have read, it does not). While the tinnitus may be a cause, a good portion of the responsibility may rest with him, or more precisely, his inability to cope with tinnitus.

It may be wise to have him seek psychological counseling.

 

[Seekingsupport]

Thank you I agree

 

[Bobbie7]

Hello, I have been dating a man on and off for 4 years who finally told me about six to eight months ago that he had tinnitus and his had it for 30 years and now it's gotten very bad in the last 4 years since I've met him.

He's had many outbursts over things that don't make sense and tends to blame me for everything that's gone wrong. due to his tinnitus he says it causes paranoia, jealousy and many other symptoms where he verbally lashes out at me about being understanding even though I am very helpful and loving.

He is able to work but will not fill out the necessary paperwork for benefits from the military.

He said he is crazy and he is terminal.

Are these normal symptoms for tinnitus does anybody have any advice or comments about these behaviors regarding tinnitus ?

Hi @Seekingsupport - Sorry to hear about the situation with your boyfriend. While you say you are loving, helpful and understanding about his tinnitus and this is being met with his verbally lashing out at you, it sounds as though this may be indicative of some psychiatric issue. While it is difficult, of course, to experience the symptoms of tinnitus which presents challenges, it is highly unlikely this should lead to the extreme negative reactions he has toward you.... unless there is some underlying psychiatric issue (you mention paranoia). Also, it seems somewhat odd that someone who has served in the military will not complete the necessary paperwork for benefits from the military. Why should this be?
As it happens, very often people will not seek the help of a psychiatrist since they are in denial and/or reluctant to disclose they have issues due to the stigma surrounding certain neurobiological disorders. That you mentioned "paranoia" is, in itself, something about which I would be concerned.

Also, you don't mention if he is taking any medications or drinks. There may be many different elements which factor into the reasons why he is behaving in this manner - aside from tinnitus.

I agree with @Kolisar (in his post above) that he should seek counseling. It would help him address the issues he is grappling with and, hopefully, bring relief to you. At some point it may also be helpful for you to suggest he become a member of this forum; he would then know he is not alone. He is very fortunate to have a supportive person like you in his corner.

I hope the situation with your boyfriend improves.