Complacency

[eldudebro]

Hi all.

This is post is a sort of mini vent I suppose, so bear with me.

I acquired the T beast back in July 2014. A bolt out of the blue and the following months were an absolutely dreadful time however I managed to pull myself out of the dark and by around January 2015 I was pretty much back to normal and in a state of "habituation". My tinnitus was still there, although it just no longer bothered me on the whole. I'm not sure if the volume lowered or my perception of it just tailed off due to it not being on my mind 24/7 like it was in the bad days.

Since then, as I think my tinnitus was noise induced, I have been really careful with my ears. No more ear buds and I invested in some good ear plugs if I found myself in loud environments. My tinnitus remained stable and was no longer an issue in my life and I had it beaten. Or so I thought....

Ten days ago I was out with my friends to see a rock concert, as usual before I left the house I checked to see if I had my earplugs with me which I had. All good. Several alcoholic beverages later and I find myself in the venue and just before the band come on I check and...i've lost my earplugs. On a sober mind I would have left the venue. Unfortunately for me, I've had several drinks and i'm having a good time with my friends and I have the "What's the worst that could happen?" thought and boom I stay for the entire show my ears unplugged.

2 hours later I'm leaving the venue and I can tell my ears aren't happy with me. Sure the gig was loud, but it wasn't uncomfortably loud. The ringing sound was definitely elevated when I got home but I thought i'd just sleep it off and all would be well in the morning. That complacent mindset.

Skip forward 10 ten days and here I am creating a thread again on TT. As I feel I'm dangerously close to going "down the hole" again with this condition. My anxiety levels are creeping up as I am aware of my Tinnitus constantly now, always listening out for it. The volume has lowered since the night of the concert however it's still louder than it usually is and I am now beginning to worry this is my new normal. One bad decision has wrecked the normality I built back up and I am quite angry with myself now. If I had my old tinnitus back i'd be a very relieved man.

Moral of the story, if you have tinnitus and have made peace with it, don't take any stupid needless risks, the regret is relentless. Hoping my T goes back down to what it was but I fear it won't.

Anyone got a similar experience that worked out well in the end? Would love to hear it right now!

cheers!

 

[Path Maker]

@eldudebro , I don't have a similar story but want to say two things:

1) THANK YOU for posting this, because it will help me to remember to never be complacent, and I'll bet it helps others too. So that was very kind of you!!!

2) If there is ONE THING you have full control over (to the best of your ability), please do whatever you can to de-stress yourself, cultivate emotional calmness, be kind and nice to yourself (diminish self-beating thoughts about the error), do cultivate positive days and positive healing experiences, and whatever puts anxiety to rest, and whatever brings feelings of inner strength to the forefront. In other words, make your body and mind feel relaxed and good. Because tinnitus feeds on stress. And it can calm in a calmer mind/body.

So please do that for yourself, and keep us posted. Praying for you that it all calms and settles again.

 

[eldudebro]

@Path Maker

Absolutely, complacency is what has got me into this situation. At that moment I felt I didn't have to worry about the state of my ears. I can only blame myself for that, and the copious amount of vodka I had beforehand. Alcohol and good decisions never did mix..... I may have to get "If it's too loud get out" tattooed on my hands for future reference.

I am doing my best not to panic about the situation and up until today I was managing okay. The realisation of "this could be it forever" is hitting me and it is not a pleasant thought. I've been here before though, my thinking was completely catastrophic the first few months I had tinnitus and although I keep having flashes of similar thoughts today, the advantage this time is I know I have beaten this before.

Still, that rings (no pun intended) a bit hollow just now as my brain is totally focused on it again, just like the bad old days. It took me around five months to get over it at onset, I don't quite have the appetite to go through that again.

 

[Path Maker]

@Path Maker

the advantage this time is I know I have beaten this before.

This is what I would focus on. I know it's hard, but you did it once (the initial hard way, like we all go through, being human!). You CAN do it again. Please try to feed yourself with that thought.

Also, I don't have a direct link, but there is a man called Julian Cowan Hill (on youtube) who does wonderful videos on his particular approach to tinnitus. He beat back super-loud years-long tinnitus, then walked in front of loud speakers at an outdoor concert and suffered a big relapse, and he was able to "let the tinnitus go" all over again. He gives tips on what to do if it recurs, staying calm, etc.

It's his own personal story, but he shares it to help others. Just listening to his videos calms me on tough days.

Hope that's helpful.

 

[jeanoroid]

I doubt there is a tinnitus sufferer out there without a similar story.
And sometimes these things happens without 'screwing up' as such.
I've done it a couple dozen times - and every time I thought "I dun F'd up for good, now" - yet within a few weeks I was able to send it to the back of the line.
Just let this serve as a lesson to always, always, always bring hearing protection.
If I'm at a concert I've got Radians in and some slimline -30db muffs over top. The locals call me "Radio" sometimes. Fuck it, I'll own that..

 

[eldudebro]

@Path Maker Yeah I'm familiar with Julian Cowan Hill. I remember watching some of his videos a year back and a lot of what he says does make sense. When I first got T, once I got my emotions under control my tinnitus calmed and became a non issue. When it first started I heard it everywhere, mainly I think because my mind was just constantly on it. When I lost the fear of it it dropped into the background. I hope this process is going to repeat itself.

@jeanoroid You are absolutely correct. Hearing protection is a must for us in loud environments. I definitely forgot what it was like to suffer with tinnitus and perhaps this reintroduction that i'm going through is needed to ensure I always take care of my ears. That's me trying to be philosophical on it I guess....

 

[Bobby B]

I think that the group pressure - fear to be left alone aspect also plays a role here too.

I bet that if you were alone planing
To go to that concert and not having plugs ,things would have been different even when being drunk .

I always try to analyze my fears.

I think it's a deep rooted feeling when human needed others for survival when we were still in prehistorical stages so we tend to do things to keep us in the group even though it may be bad for us.