Dating with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis

[Orions Pain]

Except out of all of that tinnitus is the most that people don't care about and gets in the way of the others enjoyment. None of those would impact going to a bar for instance. I'd had friends passively annoyed that I can't do something loud (they don't show it, but I can see it), if I had Aspergers you'd bet they'd be way more understanding.

I feel like if I get a girlfriend, eventually she'll get sick of my shit.

This is exactly what I mean! People say they understand but they do judge. I don't blame them, it's just how invisible illnesses work. I have a "friend" who straight up told me a lot of her friends also have tinnitus and are dealing with it , and that I need to get over it
and get psychological help (in a nice way). The thing is, her friends don't have hyperacusis. If I just had my tinnitus, I think I'd be doing better right now.

It's the fact that hyperacusis is even less understood than tinnitus, so I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. With tinnitus they tell you protect yourself from loud sounds, and mask. With H, you don't know where to draw the line with protection. And neither do audiologists. There's not even a ton of information on this forum about hyperacusis.

 

[Orions Pain]

People with diabetes date. People with severe allergies date. Paraplegics date. People with Aspergers date. People with sleep apnea date. People with chronic pain date. If you have tinnitus and want to date you can give it a shot. Sickness does not make you inherently unworthy of love.

I don't think I'm unworthy of love, I just don't know how to go about looking for it. There are societies that exist for people with aspergers and paraplegics. Diabetes is a non-issue compared to tinnitus tbh. Severe allergies isn't an invisible illness, people are more likely to understand that peanuts can kill you than moderate noise causing pain.

This is why I am posing this question. There must be someone out there who will be okay with dating me, I just don't know where to look.

 

[jasonbourne]

Plus you can bet your ass that they would try at least to some degree, to pressure you into loud events or family gatherings... sooner or later. People who don't have bothersome tinnitus + hyperacusis have no clue about how serious these conditions are and how careful you have to be.

+ I don't need yet another person in my life, who feel they have the answer to these conditions, by asking me "have you tried this, have you tried that, what if you did this/that?? Have you heard of this treatment (insert scam)?... it's tiring enough hearing that from family/friends. I know they mean well, but it's still tiring.

High IQ post.

 

[jasonbourne]

I always had fears of ending up completely alone, with no family or support system. Tinnitus sealed the deal for me at 25 years old, my worries actually came true.

Have you been in a relationship before?

 

[Orions Pain]

Have you been in a relationship before?

No, nothing serious.

 

[Lurius]

I don't think I'm unworthy of love, I just don't know how to go about looking for it. There are societies that exist for people with aspergers and paraplegics. Diabetes is a non-issue compared to tinnitus tbh. Severe allergies isn't an invisible illness, people are more likely to understand that peanuts can kill you than moderate noise causing pain.

This is why I am posing this question. There must be someone out there who will be okay with dating me, I just don't know where to look.

I actually have Asperger. I found a promising date on Tinder about 2 months ago. Eventually I told her that I had asperger. Then she stopped replying.

 

[Juan]

Just out of curiosity, how were you able to communicate with your partner with the earmuffs on?

I just don't think that my personality, what I could offer to an other person, would compensate for the huge burden tinnitus means for me and others. The problem is me, but with tinnitus as the cherry on top, I'm continuing to head into a very lonely existence.

When my hyperacusis was so bad I could communicate and hear anything anyone said with earmuffs plus earplugs on, that was no problem. So actually I dated a lot.

Of course I havent been able to go out as much as before, or to do all the things I did pre-hyperacusis, but if one accommodates to the new situation, there are still a lot of things we can do, and my life now is only "quiet" but otherwise sort of normal.

When hyperacusis wasnt so severe I was able to travel, even though the whole airport and flight experience is always a pain.

 

[Juan]

None of these people are afraid of noise (something that exists everywhere) from making them worse.

But that's the key thing you have to overcome, the leap into the void. You have to accept whatever happens, but live your life, reasonably, taking the ordinary precautions, but still live.

You can still dine out even with severe pain hyperacusis is possible, just choose an appropiate place, spend the money. I started going to places where someone would park the car for me, or there was parking pretty much at the door. So one gets on the car, earplugs on, drives, parks and there is no need to set foot on the street.

Or go for a walk in nature, to the beach, etc There are a lot of plans that are more or less ok. There is always the possibility of noise, but making the right choices you can avoid most of the dangerous noise.

 

[Lilah]

I've told myself that I prefer to date another "sick" person or even someone older so that he'll be more understanding of my chronic conditions (tinnitus and lupus). I think if we date "healthy" people they would not be too understanding or compassionate.

 

[Orions Pain]

I actually have Asperger. I found a promising date on Tinder about 2 months ago. Eventually I told her that I had asperger. Then she stopped replying.

Not saying you can't date people without Aspergers but have you tried finding someone who also has it? Here in the US we have all sorts of dating apps for people from all walks of life.

 

[Lurius]

Not saying you can't date people without Aspergers but have you tried finding someone who also has it? Here in the US we have all sorts of dating apps for people from all walks of life.

I would love to find an app for dating other people with asperger or something like that. I've "overcome" a lot of the typical challenges people with Asperger face, I'm not very socially awkward and so on for example. But I still have some problems. No matter how clever I am, there are some things about asperger that I simply cannot reason or grow myself out of. So I will probably always struggle with this.

 

[MrCrybaby]

I don't think I'm unworthy of love, I just don't know how to go about looking for it. There are societies that exist for people with aspergers and paraplegics. Diabetes is a non-issue compared to tinnitus tbh. Severe allergies isn't an invisible illness, people are more likely to understand that peanuts can kill you than moderate noise causing pain.

This is why I am posing this question. There must be someone out there who will be okay with dating me, I just don't know where to look.

You don't need to talk down diabetes in order to prove tinnitus is rough. I dated a diabetic and it can be very scary, not for everyone.

My current strat is not saying I have tinnitus but just "an injury to my ear" that way they don't have enough info to think they know more than me.

People have met on hyperacusis patient support boards so never say never as far as finding someone who fully understands you. Maybe we could make a dating thread here?

 

[FGG]

People with diabetes date. People with severe allergies date. Paraplegics date. People with Aspergers date. People with sleep apnea date. People with chronic pain date. If you have tinnitus and want to date you can give it a shot. Sickness does not make you inherently unworthy of love.

I agree with you but there are a lot of selfish people out there who don't want to "cramp" their lifestyle to accommodate others. On the plus side, when you have a disability at onset of dating, you would weed out those people vs finding out the hard way by getting disabled later.

 

[Mathew Gould]

Have you been in a relationship before?

Are relationships still a thing? haha... I thought people just hook up.

 

[PatrickHolmes]

I'm single with tinnitus 36/m San Diego, contact me if you need someone with a disability to talk to. Clintsheehan901@gmail.com

 

[Orions Pain]

You don't need to talk down diabetes in order to prove tinnitus is rough. I dated a diabetic and it can be very scary, not for everyone.

My current strat is not saying I have tinnitus but just "an injury to my ear" that way they don't have enough info to think they know more than me.

People have met on hyperacusis patient support boards so never say never as far as finding someone who fully understands you. Maybe we could make a dating thread here?

I'm not trying to prove anything, it's just my personal opinion that hyperacusis & the world sounding too loud and isolating you from all of your friends is way scarier than diabetes. That doesn't mean it isn't rough on its own. All chronic illnesses suck.

Hyperacusis can come from SSHL, noise damage, concussions, and much more. Where do I find these people?

 

[Orions Pain]

I agree with you but there are a lot of selfish people out there who don't want to "cramp" their lifestyle to accommodate others. On the plus side, when you have a disability at onset of dating, you would weed out those people vs finding out the hard way by getting disabled later.

I also wouldn't want someone to take it "lightly" and use it as a form of abuse or manipulation over me.

 

[mrbrightside614]

+ I don't need yet another person in my life, who feel they have the answer to these conditions, by asking me "have you tried this, have you tried that, what if you did this/that?? Have you heard of this treatment (insert scam)?... it's tiring enough hearing that from family/friends. I know they mean well, but it's still tiring.

My most touching exchange to date is when a classmate of mine said that she wasn't going to pretend she knew what I was going through, then asked if it was okay if she put her hands on me. I said yes. She covered my bad ear and spoke a completely genuine and organic prayer over it. It was incredibly thoughtful and something I'll always remember.

 

[FGG]

I also wouldn't want someone to take it "lightly" and use it as a form of abuse or manipulation over me.

That is an extremely good point. There are definitely people who would exploit others in emotional need. Being aware of this makes you way more likely to notice any red flags at least. I wouldn't assume everyone will be like this though.

 

[aot]

My most touching exchange to date is when a classmate of mine said that she wasn't going to pretend she knew what I was going through, then asked if it was okay if she put her hands on me. I said yes. She covered my bad ear and spoke a completely genuine and organic prayer over it. It was incredibly thoughtful and something I'll always remember.

I had a similar experience with a sympathetic Lyft driver. I'm not religious, but it meant so much to me.

 

[Flamingo1]

Why not include that you have tinnitus in your dating profile? In doing that, you will be able to weed out all the people who won't understand your condition. You may also attract people with similar problems.

I don't use dating sites because I'm from a generation where advertising that you are single is a sign of desperation. Hence, I am still single and don't date. If anyone can help me overcome that issue, I would really appreciate it!

 

[Tybs]

I don't use dating sites because I'm from a generation where advertising that you are single is a sign of desperation. Hence, I am still single and don't date. If anyone can help me overcome that issue, I would really appreciate it!

Used to be the same for me, but a few years ago I went like "Why do I care anyway?", and I created a profile somewhere and started dating. Did not find my match yet, but no one of my friends judged me for it. And if they would have... well, their problem, not mine

 

[Autumnly]

You can still dine out even with severe pain hyperacusis is possible

There are a lot of people with severe pain-hyperacusis who wouldn't be able to do that, even with hearing protection. A person with tinnitus or pain-hyperacusis doesn't necessarily have to give up on dating but depending on the severity these conditions can make it very difficult.

 

[Juan]

There are a lot of people with severe pain-hyperacusis who wouldn't be able to do that, even with hearing protection. A person with tinnitus or pain-hyperacusis doesn't necessarily have to give up on dating but depending on the severity these conditions can make it very difficult.

It was painful for me too, but I couldn't spend my whole life at home. So at a certain point I found the right balance (for me) of the risks and benefits of doing things, going out. The starting point basically was that if I have to be on a full time job and very demanding job despite all my hearing problems, I also deserve to try to have a good time, go on vacation, although most times it means pain and running into noise. But going to work also means pain and running into noise so...

 

[Orions Pain]

But that's the key thing you have to overcome, the leap into the void. You have to accept whatever happens, but live your life, reasonably, taking the ordinary precautions, but still live.

You can still dine out even with severe pain hyperacusis is possible, just choose an appropiate place, spend the money. I started going to places where someone would park the car for me, or there was parking pretty much at the door. So one gets on the car, earplugs on, drives, parks and there is no need to set foot on the street.

Or go for a walk in nature, to the beach, etc There are a lot of plans that are more or less ok. There is always the possibility of noise, but making the right choices you can avoid most of the dangerous noise.

I'm worried ear plugs won't even protect me anymore. I can't tell if I'm being irrational or not tbh. The horror stories are etched in my mind.

 

[Orions Pain]

There are a lot of people with severe pain-hyperacusis who wouldn't be able to do that, even with hearing protection. A person with tinnitus or pain-hyperacusis doesn't necessarily have to give up on dating but depending on the severity these conditions can make it very difficult.

Joyce Cohen somehow managed to get married. I applaud her.

 

[Orions Pain]

Why not include that you have tinnitus in your dating profile? In doing that, you will be able to weed out all the people who won't understand your condition. You may also attract people with similar problems.

I don't use dating sites because I'm from a generation where advertising that you are single is a sign of desperation. Hence, I am still single and don't date. If anyone can help me overcome that issue, I would really appreciate it!

These days I'm mostly worried about making my hyperacusis worse so idk if I should be going out at all tbh. I shouldn't have made this post now that I think about it.

Also everyone uses apps these days, I think all of my friends found their significant others that way no shame whatsoever!

 

[serendipity1996]

Joyce Cohen somehow managed to get married. I applaud her.

In the article she wrote for BuzzFeed I recall her mentioning that they met on a hyperacusis forum.

 

[serendipity1996]

I'm worried ear plugs won't even protect me anymore. I can't tell if I'm being irrational or not tbh. The horror stories are etched in my mind.

Same situation with the hyperacusis - reading the stories on Hyperacusis Research and Joyce Cohen's has poured jet fuel on my anxiety.

 

[Orions Pain]

In the article she wrote for BuzzFeed I recall her mentioning that they met on a hyperacusis forum.

Yeah. Happy for her but the thought of ending up in the same situation depresses me. Padded room. No windows, being afraid of every single noise. I hated seeing the interview for ABC or whatever they did. The tone was almost mocking them.