Depressed & Hopeless

[AnonSki]

Hi all! I am a 24 year old/female. I have suffered from constant tinnitus as long as I remember. I also am sure I have hearing loss to go along with it although I am too anxious to go to the audiologist to face the music. I graduated with a degree in teaching and I landed a job right after college. I've been told I'm a great teacher for being so young, people love to be around me, and I love to make people laugh. I'm a good actress.

Why hopeless you say? Well I have constant tinnitus in both ears for as long as I can remember. I believe to have some hearing loss but I am too scared to go to an audiologist. They will try to sell me hearing aids, and I have to sit with the fact I am deaf. I've become quite infatuated with the topic.

My dad died of cancer earlier this year, I have a career in which I will no longer be able to hear in 10 years, I have no boyfriend (who will want to date me when I'm deaf), and my future looks pretty grim. I don't listen to music anymore (through iPod), and now I avoid bars and clubs. Just looking for some support or anyone with a similar story... right now my life is at a turning point, and I blame myself for chasing a dream I can't go after being deaf. Also would appreciate any career paths tinnitus/HOH chose so I can look into going back for my Master's.

Thanks for reading.

 

[GregCA]

Why not go to an ENT doctor and try to figure out what's going on with you? What if your condition was treatable? What if there was something you should be doing now that would try to prevent your hearing from degrading in the future (this is my case btw)?

The audiologist will probably do a hearing test and that in itself is valuable information. Maybe you would function better with hearing aids? There's a lots of shades of gray between perfect hearing and deaf: it's good to know where you stand so you know what options you have.

Information/knowledge is power. I'd try to get as much of it as possible.

Good luck

 

[glynis]

@AnonSki,
A warm welcome to Tinnitus Talk.
Please have your hearing tested and if needed hearing aids.
I work in a school and wear Duel purpose hearing aids and wear them with pride and feel blessed to have them as some people are not so lucky.
We have a few children wearing hearing aids and I hope I'm a good role model for them as life is no different wearing them and take the edge off my tinnitus.
I know you will be a great teacher with hearing aids if need them.
Stay positive ......lots of love glynis x

 

[Jkph75]

Perhaps, your real issue is the death of your father. Sometimes loss and it's accompanying depression can make us see things differently. You don't know that you have a hearing loss or even need hearing aids. If you do, that certainly doesn't mean that you will go deaf. Best to see an ENT before making any assumptions. And if it makes you feel any better, was born deaf in one ear. I'm married now but no one ever cared about it and I didn't either. After being together for 13 years, my husband still needs to be reminded not to sit on my deaf side sometimes.

 

[Sarah Russett]

Arre you actually having trouble hearing besides the T? Why would you go deaf? What is your job?

In rresponse to the boyfriend thingg... going deaf, if that is indeed how things go for you, can be devastating, but as mentioned, therre are many shades of grey in between. Also, deaf culture is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Sign language is like choreography. It's really really interesting and deaf culture has been getting but more vissibility in the recent years. If you''rre really terrrified about this I suggest you research some of the pluses and beautiful aspects of deaf culturre and maye find something you might look forward to (again, not really sure why you think you're going deaf). At the very least therrre are deaf or hard of hearing people who will want to date you, and plenty of hearing people as well.

T is a whoele otherr issue tht perhaps I might leave for others' to comment on, but there's no need to catastrophize everything.

 

[Sebastians]

I have no boyfriend (who will want to date me when I'm deaf), and my future looks pretty grim.

Incidentally, i recently went out on a date with a girl after we matched on Tinder (quiet café of course). It took me about 30 mins to realise she was wearing hearing aids. She has hearing problems since childhood and does not really mind anymore, sometimes she takes out the hearing aids when there's too much noise in her office so she can work better. She works for an international organisation and travels all around Europe and has a great carreer. First date i've been on where i was actually discussing T and hearing loss. Guess what, we are going for dinner soon!

You are 24, don't despair. Find activities you like that do not involve high noise levels and meet like-minded people there. Or use internet dating like i do.

If anything, see an audiologist so you at least know what's going on with your hearing. No point in delaying until it becomes inevitable.

 

[stophiss]

Hi,
I am new to T just posting my first post yesterday but am twice as old as you and want to give you some words of strong encouragement which won't do me nearly as much good as you. First let me say, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. As it turns out our emotional level is in fact tied to our hearing and many contract T or its made worse due to emotionally distressing situations. But here is the good news. Finding the right mate will have nothing to do with your hearing. You aren't your hearing. There are a lot of completely deaf people in the world we wouldn't change places with who are perfectly fine btw. Losing one's eyesight and many lose their sight it much more disabling for example. You are in the prime of your life and try to live your life accordingly because many alive today will never have the physicality of a 24 year old. So celebrate your otherwise outstanding health and live each day to the fullest.

Last and most important point. You are young. There is time for amazing breakthroughs of technology in your life even if you go deaf. For even those that can't hear at all...there will be help. Scientists will solve tinnitus and hearing deficits with time. In fact, many who have had tinnitus who have had all the tests are waiting for this day because they don't see their personal biology fixing their issue. By contrast I am twice as old as you and just got this issue after a life of really perfect hearing and likely my chances for resolution are less because of my age. Even me, in ten years from now there will likely be at least symptomatic relief....maybe even five years...nobody knows but there is no question there will be resolution from gene therapy to adjunctive mechanical/electrical devices....hearing aids will become more implantable etc.

Here is the thing when dealt something that each of us don't want, have no control over...but happens along the way of life...with none of us not knowing the end of the story. In the face of this, NEVER chose despair over hopefulness. Why? Because you don't know the end will be bad. Especially in your case because your age will likely lead to a break through in a few short years. Meanwhile, do everything and anything you want including listen to your ipod which I do everyday. I have a 200 gig music collection...lol...everything from hip hop to classical. Don't deprive yourself of music....one of the joys of life.

Get out there and live and all the best.

 

[AnonSki]

Arre you actually having trouble hearing besides the T? Why would you go deaf? What is your job?

In rresponse to the boyfriend thingg... going deaf, if that is indeed how things go for you, can be devastating, but as mentioned, therre are many shades of grey in between. Also, deaf culture is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Sign language is like choreography. It's really really interesting and deaf culture has been getting but more vissibility in the recent years. If you''rre really terrrified about this I suggest you research some of the pluses and beautiful aspects of deaf culturre and maye find something you might look forward to (again, not really sure why you think you're going deaf). At the very least therrre are deaf or hard of hearing people who will want to date you, and plenty of hearing people as well.

T is a whoele otherr issue tht perhaps I might leave for others' to comment on, but there's no need to catastrophize everything.

Hello. Thank you for your insight. Well, all I read online is that constant tinnitus usually means onset progressive hearing loss. At 24 years old, it can only mean that in the future it will just get worse. I have difficulty hearing whispers from the back of me or from a distance. I can't hear the ticking of a watch, but I can hear birds cause they wake me up every day! Again, I am not sure the degree of my loss, but I haven't taken care of it due to the emotional toll my life has taken because of my father. If I go to an audiologist and they say I need aids, or I hear bad news, I will just sink into a deeper depression than I already am.

 

[AnonSki]

Hi,
I am new to T just posting my first post yesterday but am twice as old as you and want to give you some words of strong encouragement which won't do me nearly as much good as you. First let me say, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. As it turns out our emotional level is in fact tied to our hearing and many contract T or its made worse due to emotionally distressing situations. But here is the good news. Finding the right mate will have nothing to do with your hearing. You aren't your hearing. There are a lot of completely deaf people in the world we wouldn't change places with who are perfectly fine btw. Losing one's eyesight and many lose their sight it much more disabling for example. You are in the prime of your life and try to live your life accordingly because many alive today will never have the physicality of a 24 year old. So celebrate your otherwise outstanding health and live each day to the fullest.

Last and most important point. You are young. There is time for amazing breakthroughs of technology in your life even if you go deaf. For even those that can't hear at all...there will be help. Scientists will solve tinnitus and hearing deficits with time. In fact, many who have had tinnitus who have had all the tests are waiting for this day because they don't see their personal biology fixing their issue. By contrast I am twice as old as you and just got this issue after a life of really perfect hearing and likely my chances for resolution are less because of my age. Even me, in ten years from now there will likely be at least symptomatic relief....maybe even five years...nobody knows but there is no question there will be resolution from gene therapy to adjunctive mechanical/electrical devices....hearing aids will become more implantable etc.

Here is the thing when dealt something that each of us don't want, have no control over...but happens along the way of life...with none of us not knowing the end of the story. In the face of this, NEVER chose despair over hopefulness. Why? Because you don't know the end will be bad. Especially in your case because your age will likely lead to a break through in a few short years. Meanwhile, do everything and anything you want including listen to your ipod which I do everyday. I have a 200 gig music collection...lol...everything from hip hop to classical. Don't deprive yourself of music....one of the joys of life.

Get out there and live and all the best.

Hi, thank you for your inspirational post. I do miss listening to my iPod. I am hopeful for a cure someday. I also have hope for implantable hearing aids.

 

[AnonSki]

Arre you actually having trouble hearing besides the T? Why would you go deaf? What is your job?

In rresponse to the boyfriend thingg... going deaf, if that is indeed how things go for you, can be devastating, but as mentioned, therre are many shades of grey in between. Also, deaf culture is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Sign language is like choreography. It's really really interesting and deaf culture has been getting but more vissibility in the recent years. If you''rre really terrrified about this I suggest you research some of the pluses and beautiful aspects of deaf culturre and maye find something you might look forward to (again, not really sure why you think you're going deaf). At the very least therrre are deaf or hard of hearing people who will want to date you, and plenty of hearing people as well.

T is a whoele otherr issue tht perhaps I might leave for others' to comment on, but there's no need to catastrophize everything.

Hi Sarah. I have difficulty hearing whispers or soft spoken voices when someone's back (or my back) is turned or from a distance. I tend to "zone out" a lot and have since childhood. Like it's situational but speech from a distance (more than probably 10 feet) can sometimes be hard for me to comprehend depending on acoustics, loudness of speakers voice, etc.)

I actually am a teacher. I had pretty good success with my classroom last year, I teach young children. Little nervous about this upcoming year as I will be in a new district with new students.

With the tinnitus, I read constant tinnitus is a sign of progressive hearing loss (deafness). The condition I read most about is the one that pertains to adults of older age.

 

[AnonSki]

Perhaps, your real issue is the death of your father. Sometimes loss and it's accompanying depression can make us see things differently. You don't know that you have a hearing loss or even need hearing aids. If you do, that certainly doesn't mean that you will go deaf. Best to see an ENT before making any assumptions. And if it makes you feel any better, was born deaf in one ear. I'm married now but no one ever cared about it and I didn't either. After being together for 13 years, my husband still needs to be reminded not to sit on my deaf side sometimes.

Thank you for your reply. I do agree the death of my father has taken an incredible toll on me. I do take Klonopin at night, but I avoid anti depressants cause I can see they can worsen tinnitus. If you don't mind me asking, how did you bring up the issue to your now husband when you started dating?

 

[Sarah Russett]

Hi Sarah. I have difficulty hearing whispers or soft spoken voices when someone's back (or my back) is turned or from a distance. I tend to "zone out" a lot and have since childhood. Like it's situational but speech from a distance (more than probably 10 feet) can sometimes be hard for me to comprehend depending on acoustics, loudness of speakers voice, etc.)

I actually am a teacher. I had pretty good success with my classroom last year, I teach young children. Little nervous about this upcoming year as I will be in a new district with new students.

With the tinnitus, I read constant tinnitus is a sign of progressive hearing loss (deafness). The condition I read most about is the one that pertains to adults of older age.

Okay I think I'm understand your confusion. To respond, yes T can be indicative of pathological ear problems, like Meniere's disease, however the vast majority of T cases are simply the result of hearing loss, idiopathic or otherwise. And by that I mean, hearing loss as the result of an event, ear infections, or as a normal part of aging. Getting tinnitus without the presence of other symptoms like vertigo or ear pain does NOT indicate you aer going deaf. At all. Most of the people on this forum are not going deaf, even if they got T at a young age. Unless you have deafness in you family, have reroccurrent ear pain, or think you are experiencing other symptoms associated with Meniere's, there is no reason to catastrophize in this way.

 

[glynis]

Hi @AnonSki ,
Sorry about the loss of your farther.
My dad died in March this year so I know how you feel as it's been a hard time for me and my family.
It hit me on my Birthday opening a birthday card off mum that did not have from mum and dad in it and had a few tears and know this first year will be tough at times but know he will be looking down from heaven wanting to see my smile and not tears...lots of love glynis

 

[Jkph75]

Thank you for your reply. I do agree the death of my father has taken an incredible toll on me. I do take Klonopin at night, but I avoid anti depressants cause I can see they can worsen tinnitus. If you don't mind me asking, how did you bring up the issue to your now husband when you started dating?

Lol. I don't remember. I'll ask him later. We met in a club. I assume he probably went to say something in my other ear and told him I can't hear in that ear. He said,"oh." and talked in my other ear. That's the way most people found out I was deaf in that ear. Sometimes people would ask me what happened and that was about it. It has never been an issue. I never thought anything of it until I started having problems with my good ear.

So, I just asked him. He said that he can't remember how I told him. Then, I asked what he thought when I told him. He couldn't remember that either. I asked if he ever thought anything about it and he said it never really crossed his mind. Seriously, these are guys we are talking about, right? None of them care. It's not going to be an issue for you. Trust me

 

[AnonSki]

Hi @AnonSki ,
Sorry about the loss of your farther.
My dad died in March this year so I know how you feel as it's been a hard time for me and my family.
It hit me on my Birthday opening a birthday card off mum that did not have from mum and dad in it and had a few tears and know this first year will be tough at times but know he will be looking down from heaven wanting to see my smile and not tears...lots of love glynis

Thank you Glynis! Lots of love for you too. My dad died in February so we are both approaching that 6 month mark This year hasn't been so kind.