Depression

[Larry OT]

Dear friends,
My tinnitus doesn't really bother me as much. I guess that's the good news.
The sad part Is my depression, or the meds for depression have made my mind very lost.
I just started Zoloft but all the other drugs they tried may have made me worse.
It's hard to know.
I'm think I should go to a depression forum at this point, but I feel at home here.
It's hard to describe how far my mind has been scrambled. My body feels wired and my head is disconnected, short circuited and dizzy whenever I walk around.
The slightest negative thought sends my head spinning.

Please be careful with all meds and if you feel worse or more depressed don't take more of the same.

Peace,
Larry

 

[Marlene]

Hi Larry ,you sound more up I believe depression and anxiety brings you down so far it's hard the climb back up ,wish Drs would listen harder to tinnitus sufferers ,those Benzos hurt me far more ,your so right .
I read what others have been saying ,why some are getting on great from the meds ,but others find themselves in a worst condition .Im in the latter group .
Hey but were all still going ,know what works and leave well alone what doesent ,find another way around it .
I go day to day ,won't say I look forward to future days ,but hey I'm not in them yet ,so don't care about them . My survival out look to this condition .Its 8 PM UK ,new year new beginnings Larry .
There's got to be something out there tailored just for you ,then depression will be lifted ,just got to find it ,may just drop in your lap ,like fluke things just happen to do ,and save the day .it can happen just got to believe it ,I do .
Hope you have a good,and kinder 2015 .Clear the slate from 2014 it's gone well rid of it to I say from me .
All on here for each other .thats what I enjoy the most about TT ,never seen any of you ,but I know you in that weird and funny way .Get a funny DVD ,one that makes you laugh.National Lampoon gets me laughing Larry .no matter how many times I've watched it ,a real pick you up . Big New Year HUG X

 

[Larry OT]

Hey@Marlene
I am looking at believing things will improve. I hope the same for you.
It's hard for me to do the day by day. It's often hour by hour.
The real bad passes in time but it doesn't take much for me to fall.
For now the Valium is saving me from worse things. The antidepressant is in question. Mirtzapine. I went up in doseage per doc to combat depression.
It may have made it worse with confusion and dizziness.
The only way yo know is to back down off it and hope the Zoloft works.
I wish I could just stop all of it but I'm just not stable.
Too bad I didn't find TT sooner to get more info on the drugs but that may have confused me more.
It's odd, as much as I love my family, Im relieved they are not seeing me like this for a change. It kills me to see their sadness when I hurt so much inside.
But onward and upward. Face my fears and on to next year.
Big hug to you and happy new year.
To our strength and happiness, may we all prevail.

 

[jovionabedofrose]

Hey Larry. glad to read your T is not bothering too much. Mine is out of control today as so am I...my anxiety/stress and and depression are off the charts....I took some xanax to calm down, listening to some white noise to mask the ringing in ears/ doing some tapping/yoga excercises and now am here on the T support form.

 

[Larry OT]

God please help me. I've fallen so far. Lost in drugs and pain. Alone and afraid.

I was desperate for relief and found it in drugs I should not take. I'm weak and lost. I don't want to die. I just don't know how to live.

 

[Harry]

@Larry OT Dont give up on yourself! I pray for you and hope this new year you get rid off your depression.

 

[Miss lavender]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Even though you say you feel weak due to taking drugs, you are not. What you are doing is trying to find temporary relief and I think this is a most sensible thing to do. After this time you may want to try some hypnotherapy and meditation to address your feelings. If you have the opportunity take some walks near the ocean or do some form of activity, this is one of the better natural remedies for depression. You will live again, and I know deep down you believe this to.

 

[Kopesy]

Man, it's horrible to know that someone out there is feeling this right now I know the feeling your going through (to a vague extent ofc) I'm in such a weird place myself right now, it's like I've gained a noise for the price of myself. When it first started I was scared & even angry at times, in an odd way I kind of miss those feeling of raw emotion. Right now I'm in a grey place, it's so surreal. I've been taking antidepressants for a couple of months now & they've only made me detatch from myself even further

It's never a weak thing, to find something you think will help you, you're actively trying to better your life instead of just 'rolling over' but that said, there's so many drugs out there that get thrown at us with different side effects that there's no knowing what they'll do to us, these especially, considering they target changes within our brains; who we are.

Best thing I can think of, & it's what I'm going to be doing myself, is to try & slowly come off all the meds I'm on, clean slate & do my research before trying something else. It'll be tough & get worse before it gets better but it's something I've got to try & do.

It's only natural to think you're alone because it's happening to 'you' & it's a completely individual experience which only really exacerbates our detatchment, but know that you're not & I hope you find some comfort in that, no matter how little, it's what I'm holding on to.

 

[Larry OT]

It's so odd how I can wake up and feel pretty good. Then I allow my thoughts to hurt me. My head spins and anxiety takes over. But not today. I need to be here for my family. I don't want to go to mental health facility. They cut you off from the world with no cell phones.
Anyway, I wish all of you a better new year. We could all use it.

 

[Martin69]

@Larry OT
Hi Larry,
Regarding the depression: I am asking myself for several months now if I have a "normal" clinical depression or a reactive depression. When I was in a psychosomatic clinic with many Tinnitus patients, I had to fill out depression forms and they were wondering that I had no depression. I guess it was simply too early.

In the beginning, there is more anxiety than depression. But you hope T does not become chronic, that you will habituate after a while, that volume goes down etc. After months and months and nothing changing, depression kicks in. Dr. Nagler wrote in his report about the "gorilla of depression sitting on his shoulder". Therefore I think, it is a reactive depression to a chronic affliction.

I give you another example. Yesterday evening, one of my two or three high-pitched tones was very quiet. First time after many months. I felt directly like normal again. I even thought about not taking any meds. So I am sure it is T causing the depression. Unfortunately today, I have my baseline back. Multiple high-pitched tones.

I really don't know if Mirtazapine does good or bad for me. Maybe I should reduce and see what happens. But since I have "only" a moderate depression, I don't want to go to severe or even suicidal.

Nevertheless I am interested in your experience with Zoloft. Let me know.
All the best for you. We have to go through it. I have the same with my kids.
And I must survive, otherwise it will break them.

 

[amandine]

@Larry OT

Hope you feel better. I keep saying this but please realise that you are one of the wealthiest and luckiest people on this planet - you have a loving family around you - they care for you and will always do so. Many many people dont have one person in the world and you have a whole family including siblings. Lucky man! Hope this helps you out of your depression....

 

[Larry OT]

@Martin69
I find myself getting up and feeling good. I do a few tasks and I'm clear minded.
As soon as I'm left with nothing to do, or feel like I can't do more creative options my head spins and heartbeats and thoughts race. I know its anxiety with depression and it's so hard to fight. I become super fearful of my sanity and my kids...I don't want to leave them.

I am fighting to be stronger so I don't have to go to psyc hospital.
My T has been low for days but I don't feel normal when anxiety and depression hits. I'm taking Valium which may have brought T down but I know that's a slippery slope. Can't seem to get by without it. It sucks because I know it's not the answer. Also the pain meds I should not take that ease my T. I've dug a deep hole and Im trying to save my life to get on with living in the real world with my family.

I thought the mirtzapine was the cause of part of this craziness but since I start day fine - only when my negative thoughts take over do I fall down dizzy and lost and confused. So I guess it's me not that drug.

Clearly I need antidepressant that works. I will let you know about Zoloft.
If I can keep away from hospital you'll hear from me.

My mind just isn't right sometimes but my heart is always with family and my fellow TT peeps like you.

I hope your world gets better in every way.
Peace,
Larry

 

[Larry OT]

@amandine
Your so kind. Your words are healing to me.
I am lucky I know. Somehow that fades into the darkness of my depression and confusion.
It's hard to comprehend myself what is happening. But I will fight on.

I hope you're ok with everything. I know you have a very tough situation.
Any changes with your boyfriend?

 

[amandine]

@Larry OT

I have pm'd you.
How is Max - is he with you now?

 

[Larry OT]

@amadine
Not yet. I get him today. I wasn't in good shape past few days.

 

[Larry OT]

@Martin69
@amandine @Marlene @Gabrielle
I often post what a shit hole I am in, so today I'd like to report I'm feeling ok...almost good. I forced my self out and got past some anxiety.
My T is low and manageable. The sun is out.
My family comes back tomorrow. I hope I'm in good shape as well.

Good new is good...
I hope you all are fairing better. My heart goes out to all.

 

[Marlene]

Larry good it's a bit of a better day ,not hundred percent but your bit more brighter,get out in sunshine ,take a slow walk ,you get dog back take him for a walk .Family get home your maybe get that happier feeling you so long crave for .the anxiety is a crippler ,no way for you to get it gone some times .Who on TT haven't been there if honest None .all of this wears you right the way down ,now you've had a better day Larry ,try staying in that frame of mind ,see if you can expand on it every time you feel happier in a day .remember today's feeling ,and how good it felt ,it's still in there just got to reach in and grab it out Larry .
My day well it's one of those ,how it goes .Think other day I felt bit of a moan ,not often. But I get them to Larry .try and shake them off but some days they linger all day if bad day ,think Leah picked up on it .
Tomorrow hope your even brighter Larry ,keep those happy thoughts your having right now ,think Blair having few brighter days to .Your be fine your see Larry .X

 

[Mark K.]

Hi All:
I'm new to the forum. Had tinnitus for about 2 months. Just started taking Ambien to sleep (last 2 days) and started taking Buspar for anxiety. However, I'm not sure if I should just stop taking the drugs all together. Of course., sleepig is a main priority, but I dont want to get hooked on the Ambien and be in a worse case scenerio down the road.
My T is very loud when I fall asleep, which what wakes me up every hour. I tried going naturally at the beginning but would get only 3 to 5 hours asleep, which considering, that may have been a better option. I'm going to take Ambien one more time tonight (3 nights in a row), then I'm going to try and sleep naturally again over the weekend. Anyone have any natural remedies or sound therapy techniques I should use. My Tinnitus is a high pitched ringing noise, mostly in one ear, but sometimes in both. The loudness varies day to day,but at night guarantee it'll ramp up for some reason.

Please let me know any techniques or herbal supplements I should use. I tried Melotonin 4mg, but it didnt work. How much Melotonin should I take? Is it safe? And does it really work? Everyday, I continue to look for the magic pill to get me to sleep (without taking Ambien, Trazadone, or Lunesta). And because I cant find the natural remedy to get to sleep, I finally succumb and take the Ambien. I dont want to, but just need some sleep.

Also, I'm not sure, but it seems i've had a few Panic attacks during the days I took the Ambien. Is this a side effect of the pill? Or just me having a panic attack cause of my nervous system?

Anyone with suggestions please let me know.

MarkK.

 

[Mark K.]

To All:
I also wanted to say I'm sorry for how some of you are feeling (ie. depression & anxiety). I go through being happy one day to being depressed and losing it the next. If this Tinnitus would stop changing on me maybe i could wrap my mind around it. But some days its soft and some daysy it super loud, like now. Its like a roller coaster ride that I cant get off. Hoping i cand do this without meds, but I dont know. Now I'm feeling the anxiety again.

Sorry,
MarkK

 

[Joseph Harney]

Hi Larry

Im on Xanax. Was a low dose .25, now .5 as of yesterday - Doctor changed my dose - and Prozac too
My T is attacking me too as i type. My depression is a real bummer. Read all the positive stuff here.
I do that to feel better. It helps that we are not alone.

Joseph Harney

 

[Larry OT]

good it's a bit of a better day ,not hundred percent but your bit more brighter,get out in sunshine ,take a slow walk ,you get dog back take him for a walk .Family get home your maybe get that happier feeling you so long crave for .the anxiety is a crippler ,no way for you to get it gone some times .Who on TT haven't been there if honest None .all of this wears you right the way down ,now you've had a better day Larry ,try staying in that frame of mind ,see if you can expand on it every time you feel happier in a day .remember today's feeling ,and how good it felt ,it's still in there just got to reach in and grab it out Larry .
My day well it's one of those ,how it goes .Think other day I felt bit of a moan ,not often. But I get them to Larry .try and shake them off but some days they linger all day if bad day ,think Leah picked up on it .
Tomorrow hope your even brighter Larry ,keep those happy thoughts your having right now ,think Blair having few brighter days to .Your be fine your see Larry .X

Dear Marlene,
I'm sorry to hear of your troubled day. It's hard enough with the T eating at us.
My memory escapes me when bad times come. Part of the bad depression. But your words are always true and inspiring. I will keep happier thoughts as I can.
You too my dear. You too.

 

[Larry OT]

To All:
I also wanted to say I'm sorry for how some of you are feeling (ie. depression & anxiety). I go through being happy one day to being depressed and losing it the next. If this Tinnitus would stop changing on me maybe i could wrap my mind around it. But some days its soft and some daysy it super loud, like now. Its like a roller coaster ride that I cant get off. Hoping i cand do this without meds, but I dont know. Now I'm feeling the anxiety again.

Sorry,
MarkK

I have same problem with T changing every day. Many people do. In time it gets more manageable. My first months were very tough. The mistake I made was throwing too many drugs at it. Be careful, don't experiment with too many drugs if you go that road. I now have a drug problem that I am working away from.
The benzo's will be tough later on to manage. If your super depressed like I am,
I am trying antidepressants as I need help very much.
Seek talk therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, yoga, meditation... Whatever you can to deal with it.
It takes time. Be patient with yourself and read up on the success stories posted here.
You can make it better in time. Seek help for the depression ASAP.
I waited way too long for help in that department and wound up taking some drugs I regret now.
HopeFully the path I'm on now will help. Good luck and stay informed!
The people here are great and very supportive!

 

[SoulStation]

I have had some success recently with lexapro. There are side effect and its not perfect - but it helps. I totally feel you @Larry OT - I also know its hard as we are musicians and t realted depression can stop us from doing what love. Hang in there and hope to talk soon.

 

[Larry OT]

Hi All:
I'm new to the forum. Had tinnitus for about 2 months. Just started taking Ambien to sleep (last 2 days) and started taking Buspar for anxiety. However, I'm not sure if I should just stop taking the drugs all together. Of course., sleepig is a main priority, but I dont want to get hooked on the Ambien and be in a worse case scenerio down the road.
My T is very loud when I fall asleep, which what wakes me up every hour. I tried going naturally at the beginning but would get only 3 to 5 hours asleep, which considering, that may have been a better option. I'm going to take Ambien one more time tonight (3 nights in a row), then I'm going to try and sleep naturally again over the weekend. Anyone have any natural remedies or sound therapy techniques I should use. My Tinnitus is a high pitched ringing noise, mostly in one ear, but sometimes in both. The loudness varies day to day,but at night guarantee it'll ramp up for some reason.

Please let me know any techniques or herbal supplements I should use. I tried Melotonin 4mg, but it didnt work. How much Melotonin should I take? Is it safe? And does it really work? Everyday, I continue to look for the magic pill to get me to sleep (without taking Ambien, Trazadone, or Lunesta). And because I cant find the natural remedy to get to sleep, I finally succumb and take the Ambien. I dont want to, but just need some sleep.

Also, I'm not sure, but it seems i've had a few Panic attacks during the days I took the Ambien. Is this a side effect of the pill? Or just me having a panic attack cause of my nervous system?

Anyone with suggestions please let me know.

MarkK.

The one antidepressant that acts as sleep aid is mirtzapine. Some people here take it.
I do as well. Talk to your doc about a 15mg prescription. You may need time to adjust to it but it helps many with sleep. This med also helps with panic attacks.
The panic attacks are not from the ambien. It's from your reaction to tinnitus. We all have experienced it. Know that it will pass and take long deep breaths. Get distracted, talk to some one to get through it. Fast walks always help me. And always remember:
It will pass and you'll be ok.

 

[Larry OT]

I have had some success recently with lexapro. There are side effect and its not perfect - but it helps. I totally feel you @Larry OT - I also know its hard as we are musicians and t realted depression can stop us from doing what love. Hang in there and hope to talk soon.

Soul,
What do you do without music for work? I Struggle with audio productions as they drive my T up.

 

[Larry OT]

Hi Larry

Im on Xanax. Was a low dose .25, now .5 as of yesterday - Doctor changed my dose - and Prozac too
My T is attacking me too as i type. My depression is a real bummer. Read all the positive stuff here.
I do that to feel better. It helps that we are not alone.

Joseph Harney

Hi Joseph,
Take it only when absolutely needed. The Xanax will make you take more and more and its hell to get off of.
I had a hell of a time with kolonopin and now I'm keeping Valium to a minimum.
You are not alone. The world doesn't know what bad tinnitus can do. Here is the place for support and caring.
Stay strong and keep hope alive!

 

[Martin69]

@Larry OT
Hi Larry.
I hope things are a little bit better for you.
Like for you, my life is a roller coaster ride.
Two days ago, one of my high-pitched tones became quiet for some hours leaving only one sound in my head (this could be a normal body sound like TRT teaches, but I don't know). So this was a great relief.
Yesterday, drive home from our winter vacation. My T ramped up to full blast. My head was hissing and buzzing like crazy. When we arrived home, things calmed down a little bit.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and had no T. What a blessing. It was for some minutes. I guess it is because some brain functions are switched off during sleep. So I was laying there enjoying silence. And now the STRANGE thing: My brain was seeking the noise. I really tried hard keeping the silence and not searching for it. But no chance. After some minutes, I had picked it up again.
Luckily I was tired enough to catch some more sleep.
Now I am sitting in hospital with my wife. She gets her cancer treatment.
Anxiety and depression is ther again.
But I had a good vacation and my family, too.
I don't know where all this ends.
But I can definitely say, my depression is from T.
Because when I had silence last night, I was immediately another person.

All the best for you and all here.
Let's continue on our journey to a better future.

 

[SweetPeach]

@Larry OT
Hi Larry.
I hope things are a little bit better for you.
Like for you, my life is a roller coaster ride.
Two days ago, one of my high-pitched tones became quiet for some hours leaving only one sound in my head (this could be a normal body sound like TRT teaches, but I don't know). So this was a great relief.
Yesterday, drive home from our winter vacation. My T ramped up to full blast. My head was hissing and buzzing like crazy. When we arrived home, things calmed down a little bit.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and had no T. What a blessing. It was for some minutes. I guess it is because some brain functions are switched off during sleep. So I was laying there enjoying silence. And now the STRANGE thing: My brain was seeking the noise. I really tried hard keeping the silence and not searching for it. But no chance. After some minutes, I had picked it up again.
Luckily I was tired enough to catch some more sleep.
Now I am sitting in hospital with my wife. She gets her cancer treatment.
Anxiety and depression is ther again.
But I had a good vacation and my family, too.
I don't know where all this ends.
But I can definitely say, my depression is from T.
Because when I had silence last night, I was immediately another person.

All the best for you and all here.
Let's continue on our journey to a better future.

your t is psychological. seek trt / cbt and get better. your tinnitus will disappear.

 

[dan]

So I was laying there enjoying silence. And now the STRANGE thing: My brain was seeking the noise.

Next time it happens, be prepared and try to distract yourself.
Play a movie, go to the kitchen make tea, watch some porn...anything other than trying not thinking about tinnitus - because as soon as you try not to think about it, you start hearing it. Ask Dr.Nagler he'll tell you about the pink elephant story.

Edit: what sweetpeach said.

 

[Martin69]

SweetPeach, @dan
Yes, could be.
My T was not caused by explosion, acoustic trauma, ear problems or the like - although I have some kind of hearing loss in the high frequencies.
During a stressful moment/phase, suddenly my head started buzzing like crazy, like an alarm signal.
Since then, like for many, my brain focusses on the sound. It was simply too loud and high-pitched.
And those things from the past days happened the first time.
I also sometimes think that if, at the moment, I would have never heard about T, I would not focus on it.
I also sometimes think that I am in a phase of depression and this keeps my focus on T.
But I don't know. It is very weird.