@Larry OT
Hi Larry.
I hope things are a little bit better for you.
Like for you, my life is a roller coaster ride.
Two days ago, one of my high-pitched tones became quiet for some hours leaving only one sound in my head (this could be a normal body sound like TRT teaches, but I don't know). So this was a great relief.
Yesterday, drive home from our winter vacation. My T ramped up to full blast. My head was hissing and buzzing like crazy. When we arrived home, things calmed down a little bit.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and had no T. What a blessing. It was for some minutes. I guess it is because some brain functions are switched off during sleep. So I was laying there enjoying silence. And now the STRANGE thing: My brain was seeking the noise. I really tried hard keeping the silence and not searching for it. But no chance. After some minutes, I had picked it up again.
Luckily I was tired enough to catch some more sleep.
Now I am sitting in hospital with my wife. She gets her cancer treatment.
Anxiety and depression is ther again.
But I had a good vacation and my family, too.
I don't know where all this ends.
But I can definitely say, my depression is from T.
Because when I had silence last night, I was immediately another person.
All the best for you and all here.