DezDog

[DezDog]

This is a repost of something from about a year ago, but I always wanted a proper place to post my story, in case it helps anyone. One thing is for sure, it was the success stories that gave me hope. The tiniest little shred. With that one little shred, like a pearl, you can build it up into something significant. It worked for me. I have other posts dotted around here that tell different aspects of this same story.

I still have T; I just don't care about it. I can hear it now. But only cos I'm writing this. If you're reading this and wondering "how the f*ck can you not care about it??" then I can only tell you that I felt the same when I read a similar account in the midst of my deepest despair. However, it was that tiniest grain of hope.

I was restarting antidepressants, and knew that it would take a few weeks to kick in; I figured around 6-8 weeks. So, I had my hopes pinned on this magic day when they'd be effective.

I had an appointment with a hearing specialist. Up to that point I'd been *convinced* I'd damaged my hearing playing in my band at a series of loud gigs. The specialist showed me my hearing was undamaged. This was the key to recovery for me; I *knew* without doubt then that it was "all in my mind". Work-stress (multiple projects, with no help), plus a niggling feeling that I needed ear protection while playing, had mated one terrible night and ignited into kill-myself anxiety and inescapable tinnitus.

So, I went back to the band and started rehearsals again with my earplugs jammed in tight, measuring the sound. It was a horrible night, very stressful, but it was important because I'd started going back to the things that belonged to my "former" life, and was rejecting the victim status. I went back to work, listening to Jim's tracks in the day to get some distraction. I was useless at work, but I did manage to implement a new feature (I'm a developer). I met some friends for drinks, went to a quiz night, and started noticing how I was becoming more easily distracted from the noise. Up until that point, it was a constant endless stream of testing myself and thinking about the noise, with no relief, exhausting and maddening, and fear that I was really going to end up insane, jobless, unable to support my family.

So - tips. I don't know. I think it's because I took action; I made sure my GP got me on medication for the anxiety; they declared it was a symptom of depression and I didn't argue. I got my ears checked out, and faced whatever they were going to tell me. Luckily that killed one of my fears, that I'd damaged myself. From then on I started claiming back my previous life, despite being scared to do each of those things.

Writing all this has spiked my T, but I know it's because we're talking about it, but I also don't care. I'm going to drink my tea, and get the xmas decorations out of the loft, and then muck about with some development.

Get your laptop out and go read reddit.com/r/programming, and find some cool programming stuff to browse. Play one of Jim's water tracks, softly, while you do it. Do this and pat yourself on the back, because you're facing the right direction (upwards, not downwards).

DD

 

[Jade]

Love this DD,

Thank you! It's been almost 5 months that I have had chronic T 24/7, I still haven't been to a hearing clinic/ specialist because I'm afraid of what they "might" say, I have only been to a locum Dr who was less than useless lol. So I think next time I'm home I'll go and get a referral and see a hearing specialist

But like you I have regained parts of my former lift like listening to my Ipod (not using my Beats anymore tho) and I even went to the movies SHUT THE GATE I know right lol with earplugs intact. My T is loud right now as I am thinking about it. But its ok, I'm going to be ok, we all are.

Thank you again @DezDog loving the Shiiiiiiii out of this post xx

 

[gary]

Jade haven't seen you around in awhile, I was hoping you're T went away

 

[DezDog]

Jade

what a fantastic response, thank you - made my morning. Made me smile too.

Funnily enough, I am sitting in Costa, which was another part of my recovery plan - to get out and habituate, and do something instead of sitting scared at home. So I'm still doing it 18 months later.

DD

 

[Jade]

Jade haven't seen you around in awhile, I was hoping you're T went away

Hey @gary PFFT I wish jelly fish, no mate still the same no louder or quieter just habituating.... Hope your well

 

[Jade]

Hello

Jade

what a fantastic response, thank you - made my morning. Made me smile too.

Funnily enough, I am sitting in Costa, which was another part of my recovery plan - to get out and habituate, and do something instead of sitting scared at home. So I'm still doing it 18 months later.

DD

@DezDog !!!

How cute are you!!! well you returned the whole "making your day" bit as you have just made mine How is your habituating going? I finally seen a doctor, she was lovely she said yeah tinnitus.... what eves and will send me for a hearing test if it doesn't get better (as it most likely wont) in a month or so... so that's where I am medically, emotionally doing sooo much better. Wow your in Costa..as in Costa Rica?? Have dreamt of going there since watching Jurassic Park when I was 12!! Have a BLAST sending you much love xx

 

[gary]

Hey @gary PFFT I wish jelly fish, no mate still the same no louder or quieter just habituating.... Hope your well

All's well here. Hope the hearing test goes good for you. I missed seeing that Sunshine Coast Smile

 

[DezDog]

Hello

@DezDog !!!

How cute are you!!! well you returned the whole "making your day" bit as you have just made mine How is your habituating going? I finally seen a doctor, she was lovely she said yeah tinnitus.... what eves and will send me for a hearing test if it doesn't get better (as it most likely wont) in a month or so... so that's where I am medically, emotionally doing sooo much better. Wow your in Costa..as in Costa Rica?? Have dreamt of going there since watching Jurassic Park when I was 12!! Have a BLAST sending you much love xx

I'm afraid it was Costa Coffee, which is like Starbucks. To be honest, I was glad to be anywhere feeling distracted from T.

I'm sorry your doctor wasn't particularly helpful. A CBT therapist (non-T related) I have been seeing wasn't aware of the link between personality types and tinnitus perception, so I sent him this link

(http://oxfordlearning.org.uk/westbe...ationswb/pdf/A/L_Waite_GP talk powerpoint.pdf)

and he was genuinely appreciative, commenting that he felt informed. Perhaps we have to spread the word ourselves.

Glad you're feeling upbeat, it's good to see people on top of things.

DD

 

[nizab]

Wow, DezDog, thank you for that pdf on Tinnitus Service. I'm going out of my mind with this tinnitus. Peace to all.

 

[DezDog]

It's brilliant isn't it I am lucky enough to know the author too.

 

[DebInAustralia]

Love this DD,

Thank you! It's been almost 5 months that I have had chronic T 24/7, I still haven't been to a hearing clinic/ specialist because I'm afraid of what they "might" say, I have only been to a locum Dr who was less than useless lol. So I think next time I'm home I'll go and get a referral and see a hearing specialist

But like you I have regained parts of my former lift like listening to my Ipod (not using my Beats anymore tho) and I even went to the movies SHUT THE GATE I know right lol with earplugs intact. My T is loud right now as I am thinking about it. But its ok, I'm going to be ok, we all are.

Thank you again @DezDog loving the Shiiiiiiii out of this post xx

hi Jade

are you still about??

I was wondering if you ever got to the audio?

 

[Jade]

hi Jade

are you still about??

I was wondering if you ever got to the audio?

Hello Deb,

No still haven't I will try and get enough hours in the day this swing off to get to the doctors for a referral. I still have chronic T though, this new BBF is not leaving my side any time soon I don't think How are you how are you how is your T?

 

[EdnaLegume]

Dezdog, LOVE reading posts like this. The beginning of T is so hard, it's so important for people who have gotten past it to come back and share to give others hope. When mine spiked, I find success stories to be essential reading.

 

[DebInAustralia]

hi Jade,

How you doing? I think I read you work in the mining industry? My partner is an underground gold mining supervisor; originally from Kalgoorlie, WA. He relocated to Vic 8 years for love. isn't that sweet

I love your positive attitude Jade. This experience has been a roller coaster, for me at least. Habituation. hmm...? Trying to.......but i'tll happen anyway right? That's what I've been told anyway........

Jade, I am very new to 'it'. A nasty external ear infection landed me in hospital to receive some delightfully ototoxic antibiotics. I found my new sound of silence a few days following my discharge from hospital. I don't need to elaborate what followed, as I am sure all of us here have experienced/experiencing the gammit of emotions/reactions to its onset. Needless to say, it has been a very sharp learning curve. A hearing test a year ago revealed I had sustained some mild bilateral hearing loss. It is presumed that my friend is the result of this.

I have returned to work (midwife), casually for now...does give me back a feeling of normalcy and reinforces my self esteem, not to mention the dollars! I have moments in a day when I am not thinking of 'it' (Ii wont give it a name. it doesn't deserve it), so I guess is progress for me. sleep is happening now, with a fan on...not waking up feeling rested, but I was chronically tired long before this thing came along......(still wont give it a name )

I hope you pluck up the courage to get the audiogram. I guess it wont change a lot except to establish if hearing loss is a factor. Nevertheless, isn't knowledge power?

Anyway, keep me posted. I would love to speak to you some more.

love
debx

 

[Jade]

Hello @DebInAustralia,

Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, How are you going? You partner does sound like a bit of a sweetheart

Well I still work in the mines, still have this amazingly annoying resident in my head 24/7 & still trying to kick its ass lol. Well....not give it the power to put me into a panicked state as it used to. You hit the nail on the head with all the pleasantries that come after the onset of this "thing" "it" (I like that you don't give it a name).

Look forward to hearing from you, have a wonderful day

XO