Do You Tell Your Friends About Your Tinnitus?
- Thread starter ady
- Start date
Why couldn't you be their friend any more after T?
I very rarely tell people as mines not typical T and difficult to explain even to a doctor.
Member
- Jun 26, 2014
- 2,264
- Tinnitus Since
- 11/2013
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Drugs barotrauma
I have really bad ear issues, I'm in pain and in bed 90 percent of my life sleeping on and off due to exhaustion. And no I'm not a wimp or dwelling, I'm drained and in pain.
Whatever I can do, I spend it with family, nothing left for my buddies, they understand. And, to be honest I'm too proud to be seen like this.
Only a few friends, because I thought it was important to share. Guess what? They don't get it, they really don't understand. Last week I played a cicadas file from soundsnap.com for a friend. She said, "Is it that loud?" and I said, "Not quite as loud as that but pretty close." She just shrugged. We were in a coffee shop. I could hear my T over our conversation and over the music from the restaurant speakers, but after the shrug I didn't say anything else about it.
Most people truly don't get it, that a discordant noise inside your head of sufficient volume is a serious issue. I have a friend who will talk my ear off about whatever ails her, but she gives me a bored stare if I mention the tinnitus is bothering me. That's one reason I joined this forum after lurking for a year. It's because I truly have no one to talk to about it. I've always been strong and toughed things out, no matter how bad things got. T is a totally different beast. I can't handle it alone anymore.
Most people truly don't get it, that a discordant noise inside your head of sufficient volume is a serious issue. I have a friend who will talk my ear off about whatever ails her, but she gives me a bored stare if I mention the tinnitus is bothering me. That's one reason I joined this forum after lurking for a year. It's because I truly have no one to talk to about it. I've always been strong and toughed things out, no matter how bad things got. T is a totally different beast. I can't handle it alone anymore.
- Aug 21, 2014
- 5,049
- Tinnitus Since
- 1999
- Cause of Tinnitus
- karma
I've been surprised by the number of people who have told me that they also have tinnitus, in some cases pretty significantly.
I tell anyone who asks, as in "why are you wearing earplugs?"
I tell anyone who asks, as in "why are you wearing earplugs?"
Well that just sucks! It seems like there is something more than T going on but something physical in your ear that shouldn't be there? I would never think you a wimp! Flaming Nora, you're a legend! I truly know what it's like to suffer like that. I was bedridden for so long I used to pray not to wake up in the morning. I had a person in my family who wasn't so empathetic who said to me: "you're too much of a wimp to kill yourself." I just looked at them and said: " you have absolutely no idea. I do not need courage to kill myself. It's courage that keeps me living, not cowardice." If I was a wimp I'd have died long ago. You remember that any time you think someone's considering you a wimp. You are still here and that makes you courageous. Not a wimp!
I don't pretend to understand the suffering you have because I don't have constant loud T or pain in my ear. But I had symptoms that meant like you, I couldn't get out of bed. I had to be carried. I just mean I understand what it's like to live in a hell that keeps you from doing what you want to do.
I have not got rid of my symptoms. But I think they're not as severe as they used to be and my brain has adjusted to function despite them. I can walk most of the time without a stick and hide my balance issues most of the time. So I hope that you can one day have improvement too. Why should I be the only lucky one. I wish you all the best.
My goodness! What's wrong with these people? It's their loss my dear - not yours! Must be the first good thing I ever read about T! You got rid of some losers pretending to be your mates!
LillianLexicon97
Member
My mother said I needed pyschiatric care. My best friend said ' I can't imagine what you must be going through'. They do find it unsettling when you tell them because they're thinking ' I hope I never get that'.
Ha ha ha! I remember as a teen hearing about an elderly lady we knew who had T and I distinctly remember thinking: "Oh hell! How would I cope with that. I hope that never happens to me." tee he hee and here I am though I think mines nothing really in comparison.
Yea the first year I cried and was angry. Now I don't care. They just don't know how to relate to sick non musical me.
Music was my life. It's their life.
They still once in awhile invite me out and promise to keep music down or offer noise cancelling headphones so I can enjoy playing again....but then it never follows through and now I wouldn't bother.
I tell anyone when the circumstances call for me to tell them.
When I first got T, I found that my friends and acquaintances were very understanding when drinking or at parties and the stereo was turned too loud, in fact, A few of them would nearly get into punch ups when they considered it to be too loud for me.
I guess I was just lucky to have a circle of friends and acquaintances who were considerate and empathetic to people with disability's.
When I first got T, I found that my friends and acquaintances were very understanding when drinking or at parties and the stereo was turned too loud, in fact, A few of them would nearly get into punch ups when they considered it to be too loud for me.
I guess I was just lucky to have a circle of friends and acquaintances who were considerate and empathetic to people with disability's.
I've told classrooms full of students, colleagues, roommates, family, friends, strangers, and dates. Sometimes, it's because I want to protect people, because a piece of art was about it, because we're in a loud bar/movie/concert and I have to pop in my trusty ear plugs and someone gives me a look. Sometimes it comes up in conversation organically.
Either way, the majority of people are both curious and compassionate, which is about the best response I could ask for. For those who look scared and wonder how they'd cope, at least in terms of them wearing ear plugs in the future, I'm glad it scares them into that habit for their own sakes.
Either way, the majority of people are both curious and compassionate, which is about the best response I could ask for. For those who look scared and wonder how they'd cope, at least in terms of them wearing ear plugs in the future, I'm glad it scares them into that habit for their own sakes.
My other half , my parents, small part of family know. So far only one friend, but I haven't had many for a while for other reasons before .( reasons that kept me already quite withdrawn from social life , so at least that was an easy part when T appeared - I didn't have many people to tell about it ). When I told via fb to probably the last friend I have left, she was very sympathetic cause she already knew sb young going through this and she's very sensitive, so the next day she told me she couldn't sleep the whole night after what I told her. It was kinda funny, cause I on the contrary slept like a baby. For sure she's also scared she will get it too one day cause she was always the 'deaf' one and surely has some hearing loss. My mom suffered and cried with me in the beginning. She would probably rather take it on her than watch me suffer..she was definitely my biggest support. Now I try not to bother her anymore cause she needs to live her own life a bit instead of worrying about me..
I work as a postman and on my round of approx 750 adults I know 28 people with T . Add in FB friends ,family and work colleagues it makes over 40 . Several hear it over my van engine but often don't notice it ,unfortunately I have not filtered it out yet .
Others have noticed there's more since I have mentioned it
Others have noticed there's more since I have mentioned it
- May 8, 2012
- 1,601
- Tinnitus Since
- 04/15/2012 or earlier?
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Most likely hearing loss
I don't discuss T with anyone except others that I know that have T because people would not understand anyways unless they have it.
- Nov 17, 2013
- 35
- Tinnitus Since
- 08/2010
- Cause of Tinnitus
- PROBABLY long term exposure to the sound of motors/blowers
I tell everyone I work with because it's primarily (I think!) because of my job that I have it, so I have to tell folks "hey, I'm sorry, but that machine really irritates me - can you run that job a little later when I'm over there/at lunch/etc." I'm blessed because the folks I work with are truly understanding about it (another person there has T also, though his started after a serious ear infection). They really go out of their way to work around me, and I'm grateful for that. My friends and family know as well. I honestly don't care if people know or not - I'm living my life with it and doing the best I can, and while I don't talk about it 24/7 I will occasionally say something like "yuck, today's a noisy day" or "this is a good day, the T's pretty low". Hey, they can all talk about their hangovers or their own aches 'n pains 
Why could you not be friends with someone after tinnitus? Are your friends the clubbing type?
I have told my friends and they all think I am just worrying to much about it.
I told my bandmates and they freaked out and we have been a lot quieter ever since.
I told my bandmates and they freaked out and we have been a lot quieter ever since.
- Nov 9, 2015
- 731
- Tinnitus Since
- 10/2015
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Pregnancy or mild hearing loss.. Who knows.
I've been speaking to co-workers, close family, friends and my partner as well as doctor's and therapists. I'm very open because I feel it has affected my quality of life over the last few weeks and caused depression and people ask whats wrong, I'm very open. Plus I'm hoping I will find someone else I can relate to here in my everyday world.
My therapist did caution me to keep some of what I feel inside as it is a problem that only I can handle, internally (through meditiation, counseling, etc) and to not burden others all the time as that can damage relationships. So, I'm trying to do this although I find it difficult at times.
I have told family, friends and co-workers. Many people try to be understanding but no one can really understand. Even the family can't completely "get it". I have constant noise, and increased noise and pain in reaction to sound. My people know about my problems but I don't often discuss them. I want people to know but I don't want to bring them down with me.
- Jun 26, 2014
- 2,264
- Tinnitus Since
- 11/2013
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Drugs barotrauma
I have a bad case, I have ear pain, f//ked up hearing, and H. Everythijg is too loud plus I'm not all that functional with screaming in my brain and my ears in pain from my own voice and other noise, don't really like to hold much for conversation anymore, socializing has no enjoyment like it once did.
I mean, I don't know your life, but have you considered taking up some quiet solitary activities? I know that writing helps me. Maybe you could try painting? I really do think art is a fantastic way to express emotion. You don't have to be good, it is all about getting the feelings you have inside out of you.
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