no but I am resentful that this is such an invisible disease that it makes it really hard when you have bad days. I hardly talk about it anymore to people and they think I am over it. My husband is supportive and he see's when I have bad days. I at one point stopped telling him but I found that I took out my stress in other ways (yelling and getting mad at OTHER things). So now I need to tell him instead of holding it all in. Although he is wonderful, he has LOUD T, always many times louder than mine has ever been so it makes me feel dumb when I complain. He never makes me feel bad but I just do. T doesn't bother him at all. I have said here he never even told me he had it until I got mine. He can just easily tune it out and literally not hear it. I know so many people like that. It makes me feel like I am failing.
Does Anyone Else Get Resentful of People with Healthy Hearing?
- Thread starter Zenyatta
- Start date
Member@Marie79
Tinnitus comes in many forms and intensities and no two people experence it the same. Tinnitus is a very common condition that many people habituate to and are able to carry on with their life doing everything that they want to. However, some people find it: intrusive, problematic and at times difficult to cope with. There is nothing to feel guilty about or to feel that you are failing because nothing could be further from the truth. I assure, if your husband had tinnitus severe enough he would probably be visiting this forum or seeking help at ENT.
Michael
Tinnitus comes in many forms and intensities and no two people experence it the same. Tinnitus is a very common condition that many people habituate to and are able to carry on with their life doing everything that they want to. However, some people find it: intrusive, problematic and at times difficult to cope with. There is nothing to feel guilty about or to feel that you are failing because nothing could be further from the truth. I assure, if your husband had tinnitus severe enough he would probably be visiting this forum or seeking help at ENT.
Michael
- May 3, 2017
- 146
- Tinnitus Since
- 09/2015
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Who am I kidding, its got to be noise :/
Life is unfair, and I am upset with the people who cranked up the volume that night. I wish I could change the past but I can't. But I don't hate them, they were silly and didn't know. In the end they are all fine and I suffer, but that's life I guess. We are more sensitive to noise than others. There are people who go to concerts and clubs all their life and they are fine. I've never been to a concert or club yet I have this. I can count the number of parties or reunions I've been to on two hands. I have days where it feels like a death sentence. Other days I work hard to push through. By no means would I describe myself as habituated or even managing well. But I don't resent people with good hearing, I try to raise awareness of the risks now that I have this.
If there's anything that bothers me it's that they teach us to wash our hands at school, to not do drugs, not drink, how to practice safe sex, yet nobody speaks of the risks of noise. It bothers me that I have this condition being a quiet person at the age of 20.
If there's anything that bothers me it's that they teach us to wash our hands at school, to not do drugs, not drink, how to practice safe sex, yet nobody speaks of the risks of noise. It bothers me that I have this condition being a quiet person at the age of 20.
RonnieCarzatto
Member
- Feb 19, 2017
- 268
- Tinnitus Since
- Feb 01 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Mild head injury maybe... but who knows...
I get upset sometimes. What it really is is I'm mourning my old, pre-tinnitus life.
Life always has a funny way of throwing these gigantic curveballs at you. 10 years ago I thought my girlfriend dumping me was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to me. I got over that, took some time and reflection, but I got over it. Peanuts compared to this too. Yeah, the human side of me envies anyone who doesn't deal with this tinnitus nonsense. But at the same time, I'm not a cruel person and I can't take it out on anyone, whether it be strangers or friends and family. I still appreciate the good and little things I have in life, and if several of the hall of famers on this forum can get over their terrible afflictions, I know I can too. It's just a very slow process is all.
Life always has a funny way of throwing these gigantic curveballs at you. 10 years ago I thought my girlfriend dumping me was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to me. I got over that, took some time and reflection, but I got over it. Peanuts compared to this too. Yeah, the human side of me envies anyone who doesn't deal with this tinnitus nonsense. But at the same time, I'm not a cruel person and I can't take it out on anyone, whether it be strangers or friends and family. I still appreciate the good and little things I have in life, and if several of the hall of famers on this forum can get over their terrible afflictions, I know I can too. It's just a very slow process is all.
@Zenyatta Yep, I get a little resentful too. Truthfully, I thinks it's normal considering what you're going through. I do feel sad that you don't see your friends any more because I really feel that extinguishing that link to others is not helpful. At least for me, as much as I see myself as kinda cut off from the outside world at times, I usually feel so much better when I talk to my friends or family.
I took a mindfulness-based stress reduction meditation class several years ago. One of my teachers shared something a Buddhist monk had said. When he had what he considered a nasty or bad thought, he would address it, like "Hi Jealousy! I see you. I'll take good care of you." So instead of struggling against having the "bad" thought, he acknowledged it and welcomed it like a friend. You can't imagine how many times I've done this and it almost immediately takes the zing/anxiety away and I feel better. I think most of us suffer when we struggle against things.
Give yourself a break. If you have these thoughts, let them come and if you can, let them go. It's okay.
Sadly, yes I do. Having absolutely no concept of silence, and fearing it if my tinnitus is ever cured, I do harbor resentment against "normal" people. I know it is wrong of me.
Don't let this cause you to hate your friends. Tinnitus is hard to understand for people who have not experienced it, they have no frame of reference.
While it may be difficult, try to be with those close to you. Tinnitus can cause people to isolate themselves, and that is one of the worst things to do with a condition that so often leads to depression.
Remember, this is hard for them to understand as they may not be able to even conceive of what you are going through, but that does note make them bad people, or even indicate that they do not care about you. For those who have them, friends and family are a great support structure in times of need. Let them help you as I am sure you would help them if the roles were reversed.
Don't let this cause you to hate your friends. Tinnitus is hard to understand for people who have not experienced it, they have no frame of reference.
While it may be difficult, try to be with those close to you. Tinnitus can cause people to isolate themselves, and that is one of the worst things to do with a condition that so often leads to depression.
Remember, this is hard for them to understand as they may not be able to even conceive of what you are going through, but that does note make them bad people, or even indicate that they do not care about you. For those who have them, friends and family are a great support structure in times of need. Let them help you as I am sure you would help them if the roles were reversed.
fishbone
Member
- May 5, 2016
- 2,594
- Tinnitus Since
- 1988
- Cause of Tinnitus
- loud noise and very bad sickness
Unless someone has some sort of illness/issue/past experiences...It's hard for people to have PURE empathy for someone else. We know first hand, what HELL it is to live with a ringing that is with us 247. Tinnitus levels/sound vary differently for each person. I know people that have no empathy, at all and careless.
I was at a 4th of July get together and people were shooting fireworks that were as VERY LOUD and I covered my ears each time. They asked why I was being a chicken, I told them that my ears ring very loud and I cannot further damage my ears.
They cared less how my ears were and that's fine with me. I don't expect many in this world to understand or care what I/WE on this board go through.
If someone has friends/family that understands and cares, then never push them away. That's a gift and a blessing! I have dip shits as both friends and family that have no empathy and do not care just how painful, living with the symphony of HELL..really is....
Being hateful and resenting people simply makes us the victim and makes us waste our energy. That clutter in the mind that is filled with that hate, simply does us no good and will keep holding us back....
I was at a 4th of July get together and people were shooting fireworks that were as VERY LOUD and I covered my ears each time. They asked why I was being a chicken, I told them that my ears ring very loud and I cannot further damage my ears.
They cared less how my ears were and that's fine with me. I don't expect many in this world to understand or care what I/WE on this board go through.
If someone has friends/family that understands and cares, then never push them away. That's a gift and a blessing! I have dip shits as both friends and family that have no empathy and do not care just how painful, living with the symphony of HELL..really is....
Being hateful and resenting people simply makes us the victim and makes us waste our energy. That clutter in the mind that is filled with that hate, simply does us no good and will keep holding us back....
fishbone
Member
- May 5, 2016
- 2,594
- Tinnitus Since
- 1988
- Cause of Tinnitus
- loud noise and very bad sickness
I am someone that suffers from horrible tinnitus but I am also that same person that lives my life to the best of my capabilities. I drive a very loud muscle car and I am around people that talk loud and have fun. It is very positive and very negative.
It does make my tinnitus much worst, even though its already at HELL level and not maskable in both ears. When the chit hits the fan, i simply remain calm and make use of relaxation techniques/tools that gets me by. Tinnitus will never take my life from me...COUNT on that!!!!
It does make my tinnitus much worst, even though its already at HELL level and not maskable in both ears. When the chit hits the fan, i simply remain calm and make use of relaxation techniques/tools that gets me by. Tinnitus will never take my life from me...COUNT on that!!!!
- May 24, 2017
- 1,622
- Tinnitus Since
- 05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
- Cause of Tinnitus
- long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
I don't feel resentful and I don't feel sorry for myself anymore... I am in a new phase... I feel like I have a "special power".. a secret that nobody understand..only people with tinnitus will understand what we suffer and that give me a feeling of being a very strong person.. people without tinnitus doesn't imagine how strong we are and I am proud of myself to keep living, to stay strong. I think that tinnitus make me a very strong person.... If I manage to live with this I have a power inside me and I could support everything, I am prepared for every problem in my life.. I think that everybody with T should feel proud because you are so strong to continue this journey...
I'm not resentful at all. It is my problem and not theirs.
What really does bother me though is that close family will not learn from my experience and take care of their ears. I have had very loud debilitating T for about nine years. My family knows quite well what I'm going through, but just don't learn from it. My son will still listen to very loud music, and shoot loud firearms without hearing protection, knowing that using firearms earlier in life without protection myself was partly the cause of my T.
What really does bother me though is that close family will not learn from my experience and take care of their ears. I have had very loud debilitating T for about nine years. My family knows quite well what I'm going through, but just don't learn from it. My son will still listen to very loud music, and shoot loud firearms without hearing protection, knowing that using firearms earlier in life without protection myself was partly the cause of my T.
Has anyone heard from @Zenyatta ? Is she okay? i'm worried for her
Tinnitus and hyperacusis have the ability to take a person to a very dark place and strip them of all resolve, leaving them emotionally vulnerable. When coupled with additional problems as Zenyatta has described, life can become very difficult. The title of her thread explains it all and therefore, she probably wasn't expecting such a positive feedback. Sometimes this can leave a person with nowhere else to go and hence the sudden exit.
Michael
I've read posts on this forum and thought, "I wish I had tinnitus like that." Then again, someone with Cancer would probably be pretty jealous of me. It's all relative. Just try to be grateful for what you have.
Indeed, it is all relative @Jkph75 If tinnitus is severe enough it can be debilitating as any acute medical condition including cancer, because of the way it can affect a person's mental health. Under these dire circumstances some people have chosen their own demise. Some people see this as weakness and I firmly disagree. Unless a person has walked the road and been through the mental anguish that tinnitus and hypercusis is cable of taking a person too, then they will never understand.
Michael
Pomme
Member
- May 24, 2017
- 1,622
- Tinnitus Since
- 05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
- Cause of Tinnitus
- long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
Pomme
Member
@TheDanishGirl I am worried about that too. Hoping she decided to take some time out away from the board to help maybe calm down. I hope she is ok.
I know what you mean. My mom has it bad and can now ignore it. Though I did know she had it from complaints years ago. Everyone else I know seems to have it a little bit less severe. I just so upset that mine got worse.
devilinthedust
Member
- Feb 18, 2017
- 18
- Tinnitus Since
- 2016
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Sudden loud noise exposure
Resentful? No. Exhausted at times, yes. With tinnitus being a hidden condition (from the outside you seem fine, normal), it can be hard for people to understand. Sometimes it bothers me that they can imagine what I'm going through, and at the same time, I'd glad they can't (because that would mean they were suffering like I do.) People, even family, forget, and they treat you like they always have. The problem is, you're not the same anymore and that constant struggle to not let them see how much you're affected, becomes exhausting. Most of the time now I just play along. They may be talking to me and I hear most of what they are saying, but some of it is just lost to me. (High frequency hearing loss and tinnitus) Still, it's easier at times than reminding them over and over, that I can't hear the same anymore. They're not trying to be mean or insensitive, they just forget, because you "look" normal. I can't expect them to adapt to the "new me" overnight, especially when I'm still trying to do it myself, and I have a constant reminder that my life will never be the same again.
Sometimes when I read some of the post here, I realize how lucky I am. Some people have it worse than I do, and I would never judge anybody for how they feel about their tinnitus or their lives. I have no idea how much some other person has lost, but I do understand the disease, and it may be naïve of me to say, but I will never stop believing that I'm going to get well again. I don't think you can give up hope and ever expect any kind of recovery. I may die an old man with tinnitus, but I have witnessed miracles, even in my own life, so I know they are possible. I believe in God (Some don't, but I do.) and I believe that a miracle could come my way any day. But if not, I'm not leaving this earth, not one minute before He deems it's my time. Life is hard, and like I said, I'm not judging anybody. We all have our demons and everybody faces them differently. I just refuse to give up hope, because that would mean the tinnitus beat me, and that ain't happening.
Sometimes when I read some of the post here, I realize how lucky I am. Some people have it worse than I do, and I would never judge anybody for how they feel about their tinnitus or their lives. I have no idea how much some other person has lost, but I do understand the disease, and it may be naïve of me to say, but I will never stop believing that I'm going to get well again. I don't think you can give up hope and ever expect any kind of recovery. I may die an old man with tinnitus, but I have witnessed miracles, even in my own life, so I know they are possible. I believe in God (Some don't, but I do.) and I believe that a miracle could come my way any day. But if not, I'm not leaving this earth, not one minute before He deems it's my time. Life is hard, and like I said, I'm not judging anybody. We all have our demons and everybody faces them differently. I just refuse to give up hope, because that would mean the tinnitus beat me, and that ain't happening.
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