I have noticed that when I don't get enough sleep...the ringing appears to change in volume. Either that or I have a decreased tolerance. I started therapy to help with my worrying state of mind. I have been to 2 ENTs, with one saying "learn to live with it" and the other saying "I believe it will go away...it almost always does...it may take a few months or years....but it will go away...and in the mean time work on your stress/anxiety". I visisted my primary care doctor for my low state of mood and he prescribed me Celexa. I took it and felt like I was messed up. On top of that, I was unable to sleep that night (sleep loss is a huge NO for me). I decided that Celexa and the sleep loss side effect was not worth it. I called my doctor to consult and his nurse practitioner called back to say "sorry...we can't help you from here...we need to refer you out". I found a psychiatrist and visited her last week. She prescribed me Zoloft. I asked for low dosage at first because I was nervous of adverse side effects. On day 1 of taking the med I built my anxiety up regarding possible loss of sleep and the first night...I could not sleep. I was a mess. My poor brain built up the idea that I would not be able to sleep. I took the pill the second day but in the afternoon decided that anti-depressants were not going to fix anything and the adverse side effects were not worth it.
The funny thing is that I am learning to tolerate the ringing at night. I have found a sound that works and can generally fall asleep (sometimes with a bit of help from melatonin). It's when I am anticipating that I cannot sleep that I start to live the self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last night I slept maybe 4 hours and am more aware of the sounds. It's strange...there are days when I feel confident and calm and the ringing does not seem to bother me one bit. I do realize that I need to work on my anxiety. It does not serve me one bit. I have modified my life in so many ways it seems. I gave up alcohol (my lovely glass of red wine a night took a back seat). I am trying to get out and socialize with friends, because if anything, it distracts me and gives me a few moments of forgetting about it. I have realized that sitting around and not doing anything does not serve me either. I have embraced the "do it now...feel like it later" motto.
Today I feel sad. I feel like I have been punched in the gut and crave crawling into a ball and crying. Yet, that won't solve a thing. This is the road to acceptance I guess. I started reading Victor's Frankls "Man's Search For Meaning" and am embracing the phrase "He who has a WHY can bear almost any HOW". I will say that my life has slowed down A LOT! I am hesitant to rush these days as I fear it will increase the little anxious button in my system. I embraced daily medication and continue to tell myself "A water jug fills drop by drop"...and in my case "I will get better moment by moment".
Until that "better" comes I will continue to seek therapy, practice acceptance and meditation, really try to be mindful when doing yoga, distract myself, remember to "live lightly", and seek support when needed.
This is for everyone out there having a bad day today. You will get through this. Remember to not feed into the negative thoughts. Remember that by thinking negatively or reacting negatively to a feelings or sound you are giving that feeling/sound power. They say that tinnitus is worse for Type D (the worrier) personalities and I don't doubt it. I have spent my life looking at the worst case scenario and realize now...how was that really serving me? It wasn't and is not.
Look at this ringing as an opportunity. Unfortunately, there are days where are ringing makes us feel like we are climbing mt everest everyday. We feel utterly alone and each step is assisted by both hands picking up our leg. Continue your fight to keep yourself calm. This ringing has forced us to change our lives but instead of looking at how it has negatively impacted our lives maybe start to increase the thoughts of how it has made your life better. For me it makes me slow down. It makes me THINK before I react. It reminds me that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. It reminds me that I am in control damnit!!! Do not give up my friends. We have our ups and downs but in those downs...get out and talk to people and FORCE a smile on yourself because sooner or later your body will respond to that smile!
You are all incredibly amazing survivors who are STRONG, VIBRANT, and COURAGEOUS. Do not isolate yourself...if anything, lean on this forum for support. Remember this...for every negative thought you tell yourself...challenge it with a positve/uplifting/hopeful thought.
Have a beautiful day today. Get outside if you can and take a walk. Let the sun's rays soak up your sorrows
The funny thing is that I am learning to tolerate the ringing at night. I have found a sound that works and can generally fall asleep (sometimes with a bit of help from melatonin). It's when I am anticipating that I cannot sleep that I start to live the self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last night I slept maybe 4 hours and am more aware of the sounds. It's strange...there are days when I feel confident and calm and the ringing does not seem to bother me one bit. I do realize that I need to work on my anxiety. It does not serve me one bit. I have modified my life in so many ways it seems. I gave up alcohol (my lovely glass of red wine a night took a back seat). I am trying to get out and socialize with friends, because if anything, it distracts me and gives me a few moments of forgetting about it. I have realized that sitting around and not doing anything does not serve me either. I have embraced the "do it now...feel like it later" motto.
Today I feel sad. I feel like I have been punched in the gut and crave crawling into a ball and crying. Yet, that won't solve a thing. This is the road to acceptance I guess. I started reading Victor's Frankls "Man's Search For Meaning" and am embracing the phrase "He who has a WHY can bear almost any HOW". I will say that my life has slowed down A LOT! I am hesitant to rush these days as I fear it will increase the little anxious button in my system. I embraced daily medication and continue to tell myself "A water jug fills drop by drop"...and in my case "I will get better moment by moment".
Until that "better" comes I will continue to seek therapy, practice acceptance and meditation, really try to be mindful when doing yoga, distract myself, remember to "live lightly", and seek support when needed.
This is for everyone out there having a bad day today. You will get through this. Remember to not feed into the negative thoughts. Remember that by thinking negatively or reacting negatively to a feelings or sound you are giving that feeling/sound power. They say that tinnitus is worse for Type D (the worrier) personalities and I don't doubt it. I have spent my life looking at the worst case scenario and realize now...how was that really serving me? It wasn't and is not.
Look at this ringing as an opportunity. Unfortunately, there are days where are ringing makes us feel like we are climbing mt everest everyday. We feel utterly alone and each step is assisted by both hands picking up our leg. Continue your fight to keep yourself calm. This ringing has forced us to change our lives but instead of looking at how it has negatively impacted our lives maybe start to increase the thoughts of how it has made your life better. For me it makes me slow down. It makes me THINK before I react. It reminds me that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. It reminds me that I am in control damnit!!! Do not give up my friends. We have our ups and downs but in those downs...get out and talk to people and FORCE a smile on yourself because sooner or later your body will respond to that smile!
You are all incredibly amazing survivors who are STRONG, VIBRANT, and COURAGEOUS. Do not isolate yourself...if anything, lean on this forum for support. Remember this...for every negative thought you tell yourself...challenge it with a positve/uplifting/hopeful thought.
Have a beautiful day today. Get outside if you can and take a walk. Let the sun's rays soak up your sorrows
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