Dread Waking Up

[Natalie Roberts]

Every morning when I wake up, my heart begins to pound and race. My anxiety kicks into overdrive as I think, "Is it gone? Will it be worse today then yesterday? What if its louder, what will I do?" etc etc until I get up and realize that yes, I can still hear the high pitched ringing sound (difficulty describing) . Then the regular anxiety kicks in and I have to busy myself to "forget" or "ignore" the noise I'm hearing. Its only been a little over 2 weeks for me and the anxiety is just a killer.. It's like all I want to do is sleep, because at least then I'm not bothered by the noise. I have 2 small children, a full time job (911 dispatcher) and am currently pregnant (7.5 months). Medication is not really an option at this point due to pregnancy so I'm just trying to take it day by day but I just can't imagine having to live like this everyday. My partner wants to go out to his parent's tonight to watch the local fights on television and I am terrified of going! What if the noise makes it worse? What if everyone is too loud and I have an anxiety attack? I'm sitting here, 2 hours after waking up, tears streaming down my face while I try to focus on my work because I'm afraid. I'm just afraid in general. I'm trying not to let this control my life and I know many of you have been dealing with this for much, much longer then me but I do gather so much strength and support from all of your stories and advise. Sorry for posting so much, its just that no one else understands. My boyfriend doesn't get it and thinks I should just ignore it.. If it was only that simple.

 

[billie48]

Sorry about your suffering. Your reaction is quite typical of new T sufferers in the initial phase of T suffering which is the worst stage. Just hang in there. Try some masking so you can block off that sound and give your brain some break. You are welcome to rant and express your fear here. We are here for you. Just remember to remind yourself that you will not always react this way in the future. If you read the success stories enough, this fact is backed up by most people's experiences. After a while, after the body is done rejecting and resisting T, and having enough of the suffering, one will resign and flow with life and accept this reality. Then the stress level will go down and hopefully T will become more manageable. In the mean time, patience and trying to be more positive and calm will help reduce your suffering. This fact is illustrated in many success stories, and you should spend time reading them up.

 

[glynis]

Hi Natalie,
Try this controlled breathing technique when you wake up.
put one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach and breath in slow to the count of three making your stomach rise and then out to the count of three slowly and repeating it till your breathing is ok and not panicking ..lots of love glynis

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Once again, thank you for your kind words of strength, experience and support.. Once I got busy at work today the ringing/white noise sounds actually went away for several hours but are now back. Not sure if its because I'm focusing on it or what the difference is but I find it positive that I am able to block it out for several hours on most days.. This has to mean something, right? Has anyone heard of T being caused by a chiropractic adjustment? I had just started seeing the chiropractor again before this all started up and had my neck adjusted.. I have another appointment Wednesday, so I plan to talk to him then and see what he thinks and if he can help.. I'm usually able to calm my panic after an hour of being up/getting distracted. I know this is totally normal.. It's just exhausting with everything else thats going on in my life right now, I just feel like I can't catch a break! I'm also not exactly sure how to mask this sound. I can't readily describe what I'm hearing but it seems reactive as it is much worse when the TV or radio is on. So, putting background music or the TV on in the background seem to aggravate it.. Any tips to mask in this situation? I have my 2nd ENT appointment Monday after my audiogram hearing test and I'm nervous about what they will say.. if even anything at all.

 

[Gosia]

2 children, advanced pregnancy and a full time job..You should have your own monument built somewhere in the US. And all the women like you. That's why I don't like all the superheroes crap, cause the real superheroes are out there. Like us, but you and all the working mothers even more. Much more. And ( maybe ) your body tells you it's just too much, you know...maybe you should slow down..very often that's why T appears. If I understand well, you don't know what caused t so that may be the reason. Another one is the preganancy itself ..maybe it will go away after the labour ? However, there's also a connection between preganancy and hearing loss..You have to be careful with meds, but you sure can eat as healthy as possible which can replace tones of supplements . Anyways, drugs don't really help and you t doesn't seem to be that intrusive if you're able not to hear it while you're working..Hope that helps a bit. Otherwise, your way of thinking is normal, it's just the beginning. I won't say 'don't worry, all will be gone soon', cause I don't know that. And I think you need to give yourself the right to panic and worry about that, but slowly and gradually you will stop..cause there's not much choice really. With 3 children I believe you will really need to try hard and find some free time to worry about t. Maybe your economical situation doesn't allow you to, but for god's sake..having 3 children is a full time job already. I guess if I were you I'd like to withdraw from the job market for a longer while or replace a full time by a part time ?

 

[Robert44]

@Natalie Roberts Hi Your doing better than most!!! I felt like ending it all when I first got T. I stayed home from work for 2 weeks and cried. I still have it. It gets better. You actually learn to live with it and you will get your life back. I guess they call it habitation. I don't hear mine most of the day anymore. Hang in there. Just take car of your ears so it doesn't get worse.

 

[linearb]

Hi @Natalie Roberts!

Don't beat yourself up because you're struggling so much right now -- you are still very early on in this, and even if the noise doesn't get better, the way you relate to it will change over time. In most cases, it seems like people have a much easier time dealing with this at some point even if they don't lose all awareness of the sounds.

I'm definitely still aware of my tinnitus in general at some point after waking... though these days sometimes that doesn't happen until I've been up moving around and doing things for a little while. There's a world of difference between a gentle awareness that yes, that is a sound, and being terrorized by it.

 

[CarloZ]

I was also very sad everytime I would wake up my first month and half. Especially when I would wake up in the middle of the night with my Tinnitus being 10x as loud than regular. Like litterally. It so loud, but I would always settle. That passed thankfully. But I would still check if my T was there every morning. But after 2 months, I don't really check anymore. I'm don't become aware of it most of the time. You'll get better trust me.

 

[Rina]

Hi Natalie!!! You should feel so proud of yourself... You are my hero!!! I do have 2 little ones who are 2 and 4zzz it would hard... I did get a job while I got t but I had to quit cause it was too much. For me to handle .. But I just wanted to tell you that it does get better.. And like someone else said here, and I've read I've read in different sites... Pregnancy and the honor all changes can trigger t .. So if that's your case most likely it will go away after the baby comes..just hang in there... God will hello you through it !!! Feel free to pm any time .. I will try to support you, encourage you and help you any way I can... Love... Rina

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Hi Natalie!!! You should feel so proud of yourself... You are my hero!!! I do have 2 little ones who are 2 and 4zzz it would hard... I did get a job while I got t but I had to quit cause it was too much. For me to handle .. But I just wanted to tell you that it does get better.. And like someone else said here, and I've read I've read in different sites... Pregnancy and the honor all changes can trigger t .. So if that's your case most likely it will go away after the baby comes..just hang in there... God will hello you through it !!! Feel free to pm any time .. I will try to support you, encourage you and help you any way I can... Love... Rina

Thank you Rina! It's very frustrating because there are sometimes during the day where I can't hear the noise and others when it's so loud. In really trying go handle it without affecting my relationships or my job because I have to work ;,( just taking it one day at a time. Thanks for your kind words

 

[Natalie Roberts]

I was also very sad everytime I would wake up my first month and half. Especially when I would wake up in the middle of the night with my Tinnitus being 10x as loud than regular. Like litterally. It so loud, but I would always settle. That passed thankfully. But I would still check if my T was there every morning. But after 2 months, I don't really check anymore. I'm don't become aware of it most of the time. You'll get better trust me.

I do this too, every morning I listen and sure enough usually it's there. For some reason the mornings cause the worst anxiety for me.. It does seem to settle as the day goes then flairs back up in the evening when I'm trying to relax. It seems reactive so the television or radio, and sometimes my kids voices make it worse and that is really frustrating in itself.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Hi @Natalie Roberts!

Don't beat yourself up because you're struggling so much right now -- you are still very early on in this, and even if the noise doesn't get better, the way you relate to it will change over time. In most cases, it seems like people have a much easier time dealing with this at some point even if they don't lose all awareness of the sounds.

I'm definitely still aware of my tinnitus in general at some point after waking... though these days sometimes that doesn't happen until I've been up moving around and doing things for a little while. There's a world of difference between a gentle awareness that yes, that is a sound, and being terrorized by it.

I am trying to get used to yes I hear that noise and it's ok, it won't hurt me instead of being horrified that it will change, get worse or never go away. That's my big struggle. But I have been working with a psychotherapist to manage meditation techniques to realize I am not in control of this and I have to accept certain things and move forward. Although, it's difficult.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

@Natalie Roberts Hi Your doing better than most!!! I felt like ending it all when I first got T. I stayed home from work for 2 weeks and cried. I still have it. It gets better. You actually learn to live with it and you will get your life back. I guess they call it habitation. I don't hear mine most of the day anymore. Hang in there. Just take car of your ears so it doesn't get worse.

It's so different for everyone.. I had severe anxiety and then my depression kicked in when this first started. At first I was so scared I was going to die and then my thoughts shifted to 'well at least if you die you won't be stressed and having to listen to this sound anymore' and that's when I knew the shift of depression set in. I cry a lot too but have started seeing a new therapist to work on meditation and controlling my thoughts.. It does provide a lot of hope to me knowing people eventually get used to this or sometimes even recover so I'm just taking it one day at a time. As far as taking care of my ears, im terrified every loud noise is going to make it worse! Especially since they can't narrow down the cause of this.. But just trying to live my life as best I can. I know I can't quit because I have two kids and one on the way and they depend on me..

 

[Natalie Roberts]

2 children, advanced pregnancy and a full time job..You should have your own monument built somewhere in the US. And all the women like you. That's why I don't like all the superheroes crap, cause the real superheroes are out there. Like us, but you and all the working mothers even more. Much more. And ( maybe ) your body tells you it's just too much, you know...maybe you should slow down..very often that's why T appears. If I understand well, you don't know what caused t so that may be the reason. Another one is the preganancy itself ..maybe it will go away after the labour ? However, there's also a connection between preganancy and hearing loss..You have to be careful with meds, but you sure can eat as healthy as possible which can replace tones of supplements . Anyways, drugs don't really help and you t doesn't seem to be that intrusive if you're able not to hear it while you're working..Hope that helps a bit. Otherwise, your way of thinking is normal, it's just the beginning. I won't say 'don't worry, all will be gone soon', cause I don't know that. And I think you need to give yourself the right to panic and worry about that, but slowly and gradually you will stop..cause there's not much choice really. With 3 children I believe you will really need to try hard and find some free time to worry about t. Maybe your economical situation doesn't allow you to, but for god's sake..having 3 children is a full time job already. I guess if I were you I'd like to withdraw from the job market for a longer while or replace a full time by a part time ?

First of all thank you so much for your kind words!! I'm really hoping it settles after delivery because I've had a difficult time coping with this.. I plan to take 3 months off after baby is born in January so maybe that will help eliminate some of my stress. Ive considered switching departments too to something less demanding but I really need the pay right now. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and such positive comments too! Thank you so much).

 

[linearb]

I am trying to get used to yes I hear that noise and it's ok, it won't hurt me instead of being horrified that it will change, get worse or never go away. That's my big struggle. But I have been working with a psychotherapist to manage meditation techniques to realize I am not in control of this and I have to accept certain things and move forward. Although, it's difficult.

Meditation is a great life skill and helpful here; one bit of good news is that whether or not you're able to consciously direct yourself to get used to hearing the sound, it will just happen subconsciously/organically over time.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Meditation is a great life skill and helpful here; one bit of good news is that whether or not you're able to consciously direct yourself to get used to hearing the sound, it will just happen subconsciously/organically over time.

My biggest hurdle right now appears to be the hyperacusis associated with the T. My T seems to be reactive to the television or radio or loud places and is much softer in quiet places or without background noises.. I can't live my life afraid to watch tv or relax to music so I'm struggling there .

 

[linearb]

My T isn't terribly reactive, but it's definitely worse in certain kinds of loud environments. I don't think that continuing to ride a motorcycle is necessarily great for me, but after 3 years it hasn't had any significant effect on my T overall, so I'm not going to let it keep me off the bike...

I guess I'm just saying, fake it, live your life, and the fear/anxiety will diminish. Obviously be very careful about doing anything which is actually damaging, but don't avoid noises that are incapable of harming you either.

 

[eric peterson]

My biggest hurdle right now appears to be the hyperacusis associated with the T. My T seems to be reactive to the television or radio or loud places and is much softer in quiet places or without background noises.. I can't live my life afraid to watch tv or relax to music so I'm struggling there .

It's only been a few weeks. It's perfectly normal to feel this way early on. Patience. This too shall pass.

 

[rrachlin]

Natalie,

I understand your anxiety and your depression. My tinnitus started last June. It is a,low roaring tinnitus very reactive to noise. I even went as far as a middle ear exploration. I had a bone in my middle,ear that was necrosed so a prosthesis was put in. I was so hopeful that this would be my solution but I was wrong. Tinnitus worse than ever and in a constant state of panic. I can'to do normal things like watch TV or be with friends because the tinnitus gets so bad I can barely stand it. Helps to have someone understand what you are going through.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

It's only been a few weeks. It's perfectly normal to feel this way early on. Patience. This too shall pass.

I am hopeful the hyperacusis will pass! It's awful. I don't know much about that or if it can be habituated to or if it just gets better in time. So many weird things going on with my hearing! Also, sometimes I have difficulty hearing at all lately which is abnormal for me. My ears/body are just going haywire!

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Natalie,

I understand your anxiety and your depression. My tinnitus started last June. It is a,low roaring tinnitus very reactive to noise. I even went as far as a middle ear exploration. I had a bone in my middle,ear that was necrosed so a prosthesis was put in. I was so hopeful that this would be my solution but I was wrong. Tinnitus worse than ever and in a constant state of panic. I can'to do normal things like watch TV or be with friends because the tinnitus gets so bad I can barely stand it. Helps to have someone understand what you are going through.

I'm sorry you've been going through so much and haven't found any relief! This so far has been a very difficult thing for me to deal with and the anxiety makes it worse so I totally understand what you're saying.. Have you tried TRT? If mine doesn't resolve after childbirth and is still bothering me I think I will consider trying that. *hugs* hang in there. This group has really helped me a lot!

 

[Gosia]

Many people say H settles in time So keep being positive. Afraid of the tv and music at home..I've been there. But I haven't even noticed when I stopped. Still, restaurants freak me out - depends which of course, but as soon as there are a lot of people I just will not go. Which means no restaurants in winter when I can't sit outside. But it's nothing one can't live without , right..? Eh..Still, I'm wondering..how one copes with 3 small children ( even 2) and a full time job. ( unless sb helps you a lot ?) I can hardly cope with a bf and two cats sometimes Kisses , superwoman !

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Many people say H settles in time So keep being positive. Afraid of the tv and music at home..I've been there. But I haven't even noticed when I stopped. Still, restaurants freak me out - depends which of course, but as soon as there are a lot of people I just will not go. Which means no restaurants in winter when I can't sit outside. But it's nothing one can't live without , right..? Eh..Still, I'm wondering..how one copes with 3 small children ( even 2) and a full time job. ( unless sb helps you a lot ?) I can hardly cope with a bf and two cats sometimes Kisses , superwoman !

Ah! It is hard. I have two kids now a 2 year old and a 5 year old and am almost 8 months pregnant with unexpected baby #3. My mother also passed away in January unexpectedly and I'm only 30 so I've been under a tremendous amount of stress since December of last year. What's even stranger, is this pregnancy was unexpected and the due date is one day before the one year anniversary of my mother's death. Seems meant to be. My partner is great and while we both work a lot he is a big help. I've been very blessed in that aspect! I don't mind noisy restaurants yet must dread the tv lol. I sit at home in my living room without it in now and just read or whatever because the ah a prefers very quiet. It's good to know that that will probably decrease with time. Seems like time is the biggest component here for most of us . Thanks so much for your kind words . Big hugs