End of My Rope

[dayl]

Well it's 2 years since I got tinnitus and to be honest it hasn't got better.

I thought I would have habituated by now, but no, still suffering every damn day.

I used to be an outgoing person but now am a recluse, so so depressed.

It has turned me insane, not kidding.

I've had enough. Just thinking of the best way to end this misery. I don't fancy hanging myself, not got a gun either.

I live in UK, thinking heroin overdose.

I just want it to be quick and painless.

Only time will ever have silence again is when I'm dead. Just wish I had the balls to do it.

Well it's coming slowly but surely. Can't take much more.

 

[Dave111]

How did it start friend

 

[glynis]

Tinnitus can be mental torture at times but we do adapt over time.
You will still hear your tinnitus but react better like..my stupid ears are at it again and then focus on day to day things.
Tinnitus and the unwanted emotions can strip away your confidence and social skills but that can be worked on to improve your feelings and help get back on track.

Don't let tinnitus take away your smile and laughter as we are in total control over what makes us happy.
Go down the route of devices to help you from mp3s to sound unit or phone apps,pillow speakers to Maskers or hearing aids.
Get help with counselling and medication and let your doctor know how you are feeling and what you are thinking of.
Life is so precious even with noisy ears....lots of love glynis

 

[dayl]

Got it from a loud noise. I've tried alot of masking and it seems to make it worse don't know why. Got t with h maybe that's why. depressing as fuck man, doctors don't care last doctor I told that I got t she sniggered they don't give 2 shits about me n that's fine fuk em I'll be gone soon

 

[Atlantis]

@dayl you are fortunate because people, who commit to the final act of ending their lives, don't advertise it. You know it yourself, you won't kill yourself. You just wanted some attention.

 

[noisebox]

Got it from a loud noise. I've tried alot of masking and it seems to make it worse don't know why. Got t with h maybe that's why. depressing as fuck man, doctors don't care last doctor I told that I got t she sniggered they don't give 2 shits about me n that's fine fuk em I'll be gone soon

I get you I really we are all here because Dr's don't have a clue, then if you find one who has it, like a certain person who wrote on here (watch this get taken off) he has no sympathy at all, and from what I read is downright rude to people about it.
I can understand you, I don't want to be here either but I have family and I would destroy them if I did something silly. They are my reason to stay. Do you have family? If you do I'm sure they would be devastated too. They may not be supportive as its hard to understand if you don't have it. I belong to a support group and when I look at the others i find it hard to 'see' they suffer like me.
You are in the best place here to be understood.
Somebody wrote recently, the treatment/cure is coming, but you cant be cured from death.

 

[stacey]

@dayl I also make two years this July. I too suffer from H as well. H makes dealing with T 10 times worse since loud sounds can torture. What kind of masking have you tried? The only masking I ever tried was my fan, I was too afraid others would make it worse. I myself wanted to end it all,it was very hard to get out that thought but I hope you do.

 

[noisebox]

Tinnitus can be mental torture at times but we do adapt over time.
You will still hear your tinnitus but react better like..my stupid ears are at it again and then focus on day to day things.
Tinnitus and the unwanted emotions can strip away your confidence and social skills but that can be worked on to improve your feelings and help get back on track.

Don't let tinnitus take away your smile and laughter as we are in total control over what makes us happy.
Go down the route of devices to help you from mp3s to sound unit or phone apps,pillow speakers to Maskers or hearing aids.
Get help with counselling and medication and let your doctor know how you are feeling and what you are thinking of.
Life is so precious even with noisy ears....lots of love glynis

Glynis, I know you are not in my area but honestly where does anybody get counselling?I saw a useless woman last year who thought that because one night her and her hubby spent ages looking for the hissing sound, which was a pop bottle, that she now knew what T felt like. I asked if she or any member of her team could read up on T and H and try to tailor CBT for me she said no.
I saw a new audiologist as the old hospital sacked me because I told them T and H had ruined my life and they said I was not making enough progress. The new one had, had t and 'cured' it by living normally and mindfulness, he said. But that was my counselling and as for H he said its all about self management. Yet Steve has just written that David Baguley says self managing H rarely works.

 

[dayl]

Atlantis and who the fuck are you? Come back to me when you have done 2 tours of afghan and Iraq you ballsack if you not got anything nice to say don't say anything at all I'm not 12 trying to get attention am just venting so fuck off

 

[dayl]

Thanks for the kind words from.other peeps I'll reply properly soon just that dickhead atlantis put me mad.mood need a break

 

[glynis]

@noisebox,
it can be hard get a good counselor who you can bond with you a little and understanding how tinnitus effects people and the emotional mess it can turn you into and deppression can hit hard.
I know TRT is only done private and MIND,Samaritans and CBT and tinnitus groups can help some people and medication where needed.

I totally understand how tinnitus impacts in you and the change in personality not being as bubbly.

I do get my down times too with my ears but I work hard to push to stay happy as thats all we can do along with devices to help.

Counselling helped me to put across to family and friends how tinnitus made me feel and what it was like living with it .
They helped me be the one in control and not let any snidy remarks by people who didn't understand tinnitus and made me feel weak when I was in tears and depressed.

I came away with a few positives so was getting everything off my chest and I think counselling can be helpful for guidance but I know it's us that really put in all the hard work.....lots of love glynis

 

[glynis]

@dayl,
Rant away,we are all here for you for support round the clock....lots of love glynis

 

[Carlos1]

Thanks for the kind words from.other peeps I'll reply properly soon just that dickhead atlantis put me mad.mood need a break

@dayl Hey man we all have low points with T where we just say F it I'm done but somehow some way we find the courage to continue and hope for better days. Thank you for your service and hang in there man. Keep posting we're all here to help each other.

Stay Strong

 

[Fangen]

Hey.

I have been there once. Suicidal. For another reason, and I wa serious about it. But I promise you, you'll be okay. It seems like the best option right now but I bet deep inside you, you still want to explore life and the world. Don't let that shitty T demand how you'll live. We all here now how you feel. It might seem hopeless today but it can be better, maybe not tomorrow but soon. We're here for you. And I am so happy I didn't go through with it. Even though T is my life companion now. Still worth living. Hope you feel better soon!

 

[Martin69]

@dayl
I do understand you. 2.5 years torture here.
Have a really, really bad day myself.
Stay strong man.

 

[John G]

@dayl you are fortunate because people, who commit to the final act of ending their lives, don't advertise it. You know it yourself, you won't kill yourself. You just wanted some attention.

Atlantis. In alot of your posts, you sure know how to stir shit up. Think before you speak. I think we have here, a Dr.Phil wannabe that thinks he knows all that,but acually knows nothing at all.

 

[glynis]

@Atlantis,
Please try remain supportive as a Tinnitus Talk member as you might need it too....... lots of love glynis ☺

 

[Blackbird26]

I feel your pain. I've also thought thr heroin method at certain points. Hey, might as well try it before you go out right? anyways I'm 3 yrs in, t & H too. Don't use maskers. Rest your ears as much as you can and find other things that give your life purpose. I assume you no longer serve. That in itself might be tough to get over depending on what you experienced over there. You're suffering is real, and MOST of us understand, especially us with h and t. I hope you find some purpose to stay. Death is so final. Also clonazepam has kept me alive through this hell. Good Luck.

 

[ceauses97]

Listen man I understand you're suffering, but it's gonna do no good ending your life like that. Take a second and think about your loved ones.

I know my words are not going to end you're suffering, but I'm still trying to do my best to help others with my words. English isn't my first language so many misunderstoods me and take it as I'm trying to offend them or they think I'm trolling, which in reality I'm not. I know what it's like to suffer, and it's unfair. Tinnitus is full of misery, loneliness and suffering. But it's not pain. You see pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

my friend, I want you to see this video someone shared on this forum which really opened my eyes. This woman had a stroke and got completely paralyzed at age of 21. She can't walk or talk and there is no possibility to recover. She can still understand and remember everything, including here feelings and her houghts, but she can't scream nor struggle. Still she try to live as happy as possible, and make her best effort to live a fulfilling life. Don't let tinnitus ruin your life man. anyway, here is the link. hope it helps:

 

[Carlos1]

I feel your pain. I've also thought thr heroin method at certain points. Hey, might as well try it before you go out right? anyways I'm 3 yrs in, t & H too. Don't use maskers. Rest your ears as much as you can and find other things that give your life purpose. I assume you no longer serve. That in itself might be tough to get over depending on what you experienced over there. You're suffering is real, and MOST of us understand, especially us with h and t. I hope you find some purpose to stay. Death is so final. Also clonazepam has kept me alive through this hell. Good Luck.

@Blackbird26 People here frown on Benzo's but I agree Clonazepam has been a life saver for me too.......just be real careful with dosage.
Stay strong

 

[RaZaH]

Being on Benzos is awesome...its stopping that will mess you up..

 

[just1morething]

@dayl, try to hang on for awhile until something becomes available like OTO-311. Death is too damn final at your young age. Keep battling and have plenty of contacts. Lot of people feeling for you.

 

[Cheza]

people, who commit to the final act of ending their lives, don't advertise it.

Not true. Many of them send out ever increasing signals. Some do want attention, no doubt, but dayl's post has a strong undercurrent of determination.

@dayl - Almost 2 years for me, as well. I don't have funds for doctor or medication, but from reading countless posts here on TT, and from what I've researched, I agree that clonazepam can make a remarkable difference. Xanax (alazopram) is well known for decreasing tinnitus volume, aside from relieving anxiety as well. RaZaH is absolutely right about benzos, though. Be careful about addiction and be sure to taper off very slowly. Lots of info on the TT forum about benzos.

I understand about masking making it worse, as I always had the same problem. Try listening at the lowest level possible, keeping the sound in your environment rather than directly via earbuds. MyNoise is an excellent source for all kinds of sound enrichment audio. I never used masking until I found that site. Very high quality audio, soothing, calming.

Don't know how you feel about airplanes, considering your tours of duty, but there's a Flying Fortress audio on MyNoise that the men seem to really like. I listened to it and it's incredible. You can adjust the different sound components, such as props, radio, and rumble.

Your doctor that sniggered needs a doctor herself. A psychiatrist.

 

[valeri]

Atlantis and who the fuck are you? Come back to me when you have done 2 tours of afghan and Iraq you ballsack if you not got anything nice to say don't say anything at all I'm not 12 trying to get attention am just venting so fuck off

Insults are his speciality!

 

[Ed209]

@dayl

There's probably nothing I can say to help, because I've been where you are now and it's the worst place imaginable when you're in it. It feels like nothing can help, but what I will say is that things change. You never know what your life will be like a few years from now.

I came back from a severe depression caused by another medical affliction around 13 years ago. If you spoke to me then I'd say my life wasn't worth living and that I wanted to die. Simple as that. Ask me now and I'd tell you how wrong I was; I just wouldn't have known it back then but I know it now because I have seen how my life has evolved. You just never know what your future holds, but one thing I can tell you for certain is that you cannot see the forest for the trees when you are as depressed as you are. Fight back and make those first steps to being happy again. Go and see a tinnitus specialist or speak to a close friend or counsellor because you can turn your life around.

Do what I did and raise a shit load of money for charity. It certainly gives you a great sense of well being and can also distract you from wallowing at home. Try training up and doing an endurance event in aid of help for heroes, and convert all of your sadness into something that helps other soldiers who are feeling as helpless as you are. It will give you focus and pride.

I have friends who have served and a close friend who has just gone back into the army, so you have my admiration for all you have done.

 

[jdjd09]

@dayl you are fortunate because people, who commit to the final act of ending their lives, don't advertise it. You know it yourself, you won't kill yourself. You just wanted some attention.

Sorry, but this is a f'd up response. No, many people who post online about this stuff are serious. Some even post live videos of them doing it. It's not all just for drama.

 

[Carlos1]

Being on Benzos is awesome...its stopping that will mess you up..

@RaZaH i hear you Razah I'm on between . 25 -.5mg and I cleanse very couple months suffer and then go back on. It allows me to have some kind of life and keep my hope alive that something will come along that will help us all.

 

[Danny Boy]

Well it's 2 years since I got tinnitus and to be honest it hasn't got better.

I thought I would have habituated by now, but no, still suffering every damn day.

I used to be an outgoing person but now am a recluse, so so depressed.

It has turned me insane, not kidding.

I've had enough. Just thinking of the best way to end this misery. I don't fancy hanging myself, not got a gun either.

I live in UK, thinking heroin overdose.

I just want it to be quick and painless.

Only time will ever have silence again is when I'm dead. Just wish I had the balls to do it.

Well it's coming slowly but surely. Can't take much more.

dayl We could meet up and I'll help and support you as much as possible. Thank you for your service for this country.

 

[jdjd09]

Well it's 2 years since I got tinnitus and to be honest it hasn't got better.

I thought I would have habituated by now, but no, still suffering every damn day.

I used to be an outgoing person but now am a recluse, so so depressed.

It has turned me insane, not kidding.

I've had enough. Just thinking of the best way to end this misery. I don't fancy hanging myself, not got a gun either.

I live in UK, thinking heroin overdose.

I just want it to be quick and painless.



Only time will ever have silence again is when I'm dead. Just wish I had the balls to do it.

Well it's coming slowly but surely. Can't take much more.

@dayl , did you experience hearing loss as well? Or you just have the ringing?

 

[Blackbird26]

@Blackbird26 People here frown on Benzo's but I agree Clonazepam has been a life saver for me too.......just be real careful with dosage.
Stay strong

tks..Yea i know they do..I've been on a daily dose for yrs. I'd like to taper down though and get back to occasional use. I am on 2mg daily.