End This...

[Hunszi]

Hey everyone,

I just want to write something here, don`t know why actually. Just want to write out my anger and everything.

After my volume increase I can`t just live a normal life...they day 2015.04.17 is burned into my brain and haunting me every since. That was the day when I just wanted to have a party with my gf. On that day my life has changed forever. The volume became so loud that I can`t bear. Insomnia, sleeping pills, a bunch of calm down stuff, but I just can`t find relief. Things got a bit better, but I think just by 1%. I`m sitting in a dark hole and I don`t know what to do. Actually...I want to die, just don`t have the courage for that.

My life goal was to get married and have a few children, I don`t wanted too much, just a little family, currently this dream is completely crushed. Now, I just want to end this misery. I don`t want either a wife nor kids from now on. I just can`t bear the sound. In the past almost 1 year, I haven`t had one good day...ONE, for God sake. I just can`t live a normal life, so how should I live together with somebody else...I had T for 7 years and because I was completely okay with that never used ear protection. How stupid I was...I don`t want to live with T free, just want my previous volume back. I`m just 26, but my whole life is completely over...can`t go to bars, concerts, can`t relax, can`t sleep without loud masking, can`t live...I feel like I`m a zombie. Work (cry) sleep (cry) eta (cry)....repeat, in a never ending circle. Tried to do things, hiking, playing, swimming etc, but I can`t enjoy things like before.

 

[Telis]

Im in the same boat, had minor or regular T to start, I seriously didn't think it could get this bad from my original level. Also added with the worsening T is excruciating ear pain and H. I'm currently just fighting to get through the day so I can sleep. Like you, I try and stay busy doing things that I used to enjoy but it doesn't help.

Try and hang in there, maybe a real treatment will come our way one day.

 

[Hunszi]

I`m trying, but it`s really hard. I have H and pain also if the louder T wouldn`t be enough...back in the days I was so used to the sound, that I didn`t realiezed that I had a volume increase. So actually it needed 2 increase to get into my conscious state...When I was 19, I was hospitalized with this for 1 week, infusions and stuff, but the doc never said once "from now on you should take care of your ears and protect them". So I kept a normal life. Discos, clubs concerts with no problem for 7 years...I wanted to try some new places, unfortunately the new place was so little like a room, with 2 massive speakers. 3 hours was enough to ruin my whole life forever. I was at 40.000 people events without any problem. Never though that a small little club on a friday night will kill me once and for all. It so hard to accept that I was so stupid and I can`t do anything to fix this.

 

[snow86]

You sound like me...7 years of tolerable T at the same age, then got the same shit as Telis. And it has been worsening for 2 years now.

Guess these are the anti-stories to all the mild tinnitus "wonder"success threads. This shit can get worse.

But in order to get really extreme T you need to have damaged ears / hearing loss. Then it gets really complicated. ( the three of us got that in common)
Its a shame you didnt wear ear protection. 40.000 People outdoor event is more harmless than a small room with loud music for 3 hours.
Going clubbing without wearing ear protection is really really bad, especially if you dodged the extreme T bullet once. But im sure you already regret that :/

I have the same mindset as you. I dont want silence, I just want my old T back or a lower one..
Almost everyone here is obsessing about silence but if you get to know extreme T, you will thankfully settle for normal T.

 

[Hunszi]

I`ve totally agreed with you and yes, it was a bad idea, but I don`t know it could go higher...If I knew that earlier I would have protected myself, but I was like "okay, I have T, it`s here, it`s too late to do something" because I though that the level of sound never increases. I was sooooo wrong in this saddly...

 

[glynis]

Hi Hunszi,
Your future can seem all doom and gloom but you are judging your fùture on how you feel now and that is a normal responce to having your life turned upside down as tinnitus invades your quiet time and the feelings with it are all over the place and depression takes hold.

Our brain is quite clever and will learn not to focus on the tinnitus sound and see it as a threat .
You will adapt over time and realise life is still worth living its just our ears that will need to be looked after and protecting from really loud music etc.

Looking after your self and sleeping well,eating well and learning over time not to react to tinnitus and push to be happy all play a big part in coping with tinnitus.

Depression medication and counselling will help you move forwards in a positive way if you find your in a black hole that seems never ending.

I have sever Bilateral tinnitus due to Menieres and had it a very long time.
My life can be chalanging at times but I love my life and fill it with love and laughter and love everyone in it.

Don't look in to the future and just concentrate on coping now as life is a rolling stone and we loose things and people along the way but adapt and experience new things and loved one's and children and grandchildren ,sad and happy things as our future grows.

Don't give up on life and I promise you,life does get better with tinnitus....lots of love glynis

 

[jdjd09]

I`ve totally agreed with you and yes, it was a bad idea, but I don`t know it could go higher...If I knew that earlier I would have protected myself, but I was like "okay, I have T, it`s here, it`s too late to do something" because I though that the level of sound never increases. I was sooooo wrong in this saddly...

Do yuo have measureable hearjng loss at all? What does your audiogram look like?

 

[gary]

Same boat as you Hunszi & the other who replied....

 

[Telis]

Do yuo have measureable hearjng loss at all? What does your audiogram look like?

It doesn't matter what a typical audiogram looks like when it comes to T. Most are measured up to 8khz only. I lost almost all my hearing above 8hz, and trust me, my hearing is totally fucked up and I have raging tinnitus.

 

[Sailboardman]

@Hunszi. My right ear is shot. 65-70 db loss, across the board, from 2-8 hz standard test. Probably wiped out, up to 22 hz. I hear almost zero mid to high frequency. My T could break glass at times. Plus, I have reactive T, which makes matters worse.

However, just like most of the heavy duty sufferers here, you live day by day and hope for the best. Keeping busy does help quite a bit and limit your time in super quiet places. Protect whatever hearing you have left and try out hearing aid/maskers. I wear one and it helps a bit.

 

[Hunszi]

After my increase I didn`t checked my hearing, because it won`t change anything sadly, but currently I don`t "hear" any difference on the level of normal daily activity, just more ringing and ear pain.

My hearing was checked a few years ago, after around 4years of T. The doc said...he just can`t believe his own eyes, my results was so great that he though I live in a cave in complete silence. So actually this whole T thing is just funny. It`s have nothing to do with your hearing sometimes. I have a lot of friends, they are partying all week on that place where I f*ckd up my hearing, for ages now, every single week....and they are fully healthy. I was there 10times in total and I`m screwd...where is the truth???

 

[attheedgeofscience]

where is the truth???

The truth is that audiometric assessments (hearing tests) were designed to diagnose hearing loss. Not tinnitus.

 

[Hunszi]

The truth is that audiometric assessments (hearing tests) were designed to diagnose hearing loss. Not tinnitus.

I mean where is the truth...I was not a party animal (my friends always look at me like a weirdo, because I always cancelled the party invitations) just went to parties max 5-6 times a year in total for not all night long, just a few hours, but I have to suffer with this and the guys who live in discos every weekend for days they are completely T free.

When I tell them that I need to accept horrible things in my head, they just say..."ahh that`s just ringing, that`s not a big deal"

 

[linearb]

I had tolerable tinnitus for a decade or more, and then one loud event made it much louder, different, and after 7 years it hasn't gone back to normal.

I have largely gone back to normal, though. I still spend a lot more time than I really would like to thinking about T, but it doesn't really stop me from doing anything that I would be doing otherwise. I have rough patches with worse anxiety -- but that was a problem long before I had T. I also have days/weeks/months that just sort of fly by. I feel calm a lot of the time, and happy some of the time, and I don't use drugs to achieve that -- which is more than I could say for most of my 20s.

When I tell them that I need to accept horrible things in my head, they just say..."ahh that`s just ringing, that`s not a big deal"

Well, it's probably not a big deal to them. Maybe it will become one at some point, maybe not -- I have at least two good friends who seems to have the same pitch of tinnitus that I do, at perhaps a similar volume. Both of them have much more significant hearing loss than I do. Neither of them spends more than a couple minutes a day thinking about any of this.

Some people have a more fortunate psychological foundation than others; I think there are things you can do to slowly tip the balance in your favor (meditation, yoga, etc), but that stuff can take years to really pay off, and even if it works it's probably not going to completely change who you are.

 

[Hunszi]

@linearb, my problem is actually that I dump on problems pretty easy, that`s why I was habituated instantly when first got T. Never bothered about it, if it would have irritated me for just one second and If I had just one sleepless night because of that, I won`t be here today. Also I`m that "what if..." guy, and in this situation it`s a really problem that I`m ridin this "what if..." bike. I just can`t let it go. My father also has T...well he is around a 20 year veteran and he just don`t give a damn about his T. On the other hand my mom has it also (2 years) she can`t stand it. Her luck is that she has a mild T so she only can hear at night (like mine before, heard just at night or really silent places) Life`s irony...when she developed T my advise to her was..."just don`t do anything about it and you get used to it pretty fast"...ohh that fatal irony. Life is just that "funny".

 

[linearb]

@Hunszi, I could say the same... T isn't the first health problem which has caused me obsessive fixation, it's more like the fourth... and the hardest to deal with!

You can't completely reinvent yourself, you are who you are. Some amount of change is possible, though. Tinnitus is a bummer but it doesn't have to ruin your life.

You probably will have to face things in a new way, and work though a lot of painful, awkward stuff. I know that I had a ton of real world support in that, and I don't know that I would have been able to do it on my own.

So, I'm not trying to make any of this sound easy, or pleasant, or fast. It was none of those things for me. It's possible, though. I just got off a plane flight, so I wore earplugs for two hours. I was completely absorbed in what I was reading, and I thought about my tinnitus maybe twice on the whole flight, even with earplugs in. That would have been unthinkable a few years ago.

 

[gary]

I was completely absorbed in what I was reading, and I thought about my tinnitus maybe twice on the whole flight, even with earplugs in. That would have been unthinkable a few years ago.

Linearb, same thing happened to me last night. T has been 10+ for the last month. I was watching a movie that I really was into, I did not even think about the blasting T until the movie was over, I was unaware of it for almost two hours, This is the longest I have went when it is this loud, I am grateful that I now know T can be filtered out out so to speak under certain situations.

 

[Dubbyaman]

It so hard to accept that I was so stupid and I can`t do anything to fix this.

I feel your pain man and I also have the same thoughts. I got loud T in my left ear from a year of loud headphone use at least 7 hours a day. I thought about my hearing during that time but only thought of maybe mild hearing loss. It was still dumb thinking but if I was aware of T and H, I'd like to think i'd of taken a different route. Theres just no fucking awareness!! Oh my god it makes me angry that asshole people haven't put this torture on the radar of the public.

 

[Hunszi]

agree with you @Dubbyaman, everyone just says that, protect your ears, because you will ruin your hearing, but maaan that is just the minimal part of the issue, the T and H is much more worse than the hearing loss itself...absolutely no awarness. I had two hearing examinations in the past 2 years. My hearing is normal...no signs of any hearing loss, but my head still rings...

 

[undecided]

I feel your pain man and I also have the same thoughts. I got loud T in my left ear from a year of loud headphone use at least 7 hours a day. I thought about my hearing during that time but only thought of maybe mild hearing loss. It was still dumb thinking but if I was aware of T and H, I'd like to think i'd of taken a different route. Theres just no fucking awareness!! Oh my god it makes me angry that asshole people haven't put this torture on the radar of the public.

So you were ok with "maybe" hearing loss and just kept on using the headphones.
And asshole people never mentioned that falling into a volcano will cause deadly injuries, yet you wouldn't fall into a volcano now, would you?

 

[Hunszi]

@undecided 99% of humans believe that serious problems can happen to just somebody else and not them. This is not stupidity just the lack of knowledge. I had T for 7 years and I`ve never used ear protection for 7 years...because nobody told me that it can get worse (even though I went to doctors, that I`m hearing something) and I was not sure when I got it first. If I knew the moment, that "yes...I got it after XY party" than the case should be different now. It`s just the lack of information...

Awarness for hearing should be "advertised" by tinnitus and hypercausis, not with hearing loss. Hearing loss is fixable more or less with devices, and the patient will have actually the same life as before, not such a drastic change what T cause for most of us. Hearing loss is just like that with time you will have to wear glasses, people just accepted these facts.

 

[undecided]

I completely disagree.
I know it sounds harsh but we live in an age where information is everywhere and "nobody told me" is not really an excuse.
I'm all for awareness but come on.

 

[Hunszi]

@undecided when I first got T, I was around 18 (no Tinnitus Talk or something back then) It`s was barely noticable and I didn`t knew where I got it. I went to doctors, was hospitalized for a week, had a lot of exams and when the doc said "sorry, we can`t do anything" I just accepted, because never ever bothered me. I just kept a normal life...went to parties concerts etc. For 7 year I was so strongly habituated that never bothered me once in that period (even though I heard it every single day, when I went to a silent place or tried to sleep). When I first discovered TTalk to learn some fresh info about this thing, it was too late, my T got much more worse...maybe 5 times louder than the beginning.

Actually I wish for everyone so strong acceptance what I had back then. I swear to you I was a T "sufferer" but I`ve never suffered for a second (now I wish just a second of pain, so I would acted earlier)...If some girls didn`t catch my head and bring me to some new party place, I`m 100% sure my T wouldn`t got it worse, because I really was a "just 2-3 parties a year" guy.

 

[Dubbyaman]

undecided I agree with you that I was being stupid. Theres not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could turn back the clock and yess information is everywhere but how is one supposed to know to look for a specific piece of information unless they're made aware. When I was concerned about my hearing before this happened, I did do research on it and never came across T or H. Just hearing aids. I admit, I was dumb. I screwed up but you have to agree that hearing loss itself isnt anywhere near as threatening as hearing a noise all the time that causes sleep and concentration problems or having normal noise cause you pain.

 

[Dubbyaman]

The word "hyperacusis" even has a red line under it telling you that it's not even a correct word. What's that tell ya?

 

[undecided]

@Hunszi you don't have to justify anything to me, at least you got your T from girls a parties, I just got it one random morning without any cause or previous issues. That's life for you, I guess.

 

[Telis]

I completely disagree.
I know it sounds harsh but we live in an age where information is everywhere and "nobody told me" is not really an excuse.
I'm all for awareness but come on.

I haven't come across one person (doctors aside) that have heard of Hyperacusis. I guess you are well informed while the rest of the world is ignorant with no excuse as "information is everywhere".

 

[RicoS]

I work for a healthcare insurance company and I thought I knew all kind of illnesses and symptoms, but I never in my wildest dreams ever knew about T or H....until I was one of the lucky ones who got hit by both like a shotgun in the chest...
It was something poeple hardly talked about......and I think if you do not have it you never think of Tinnitus ones.....so let forget about H because that is off the radar for sure if you have a normal day to day life.
But when you get hit by it....you wish you knew.....

 

[Dubbyaman]

undecided This guy's OWN GP didnt even know what T was. http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/edd...nd-how-we-get-it-on-the-agenda_b_2472889.html

 

[undecided]

I bet there are many GPs who don't know about tinnitus.
I suppose there are electricians who don't know the proper color of the ground wire.
There are useless professionals in every field. Nothing new here.