Hey all,
I'm Del and I work as a freelance illustrator. English is not my native tongue and I am writing this on phone with a massive headache and loud pulsing in my ear, so if I make any typos or grammar mistakes please forgive.
I actually don't have a proper diagnose right now nor I want to self-diagnose it but I have been hearing this pulsing sound in my left ear for a couple of years. It never goes away but often becomes so loud that I cannot think, hear, sleep or understand what I am listening, reading or watching, it distiracts me horribly, triggers headaches and migraines that continues for weeks. I also have ADHD and depression together (both diagnosed), which makes my life as an artist very hard already. While I can deal with them to some point with certain treatments I cannot do the same with this tremendously life cripling pulsing sound in my ear. It makes me exhausted, stressed, agressive and anxious all together. I became angry by the simplest things. I feel like a walking time bomb as it just sucks the life out of me and all I can do is be a bygoner as my personality gets drained by it. I have lost friends because of it and I am scared to build new connections just to see people run away from me like I have the plague.
Last year at some point it became so terribly loud I went to see an ENT again. He checked my ears, and started me to a treatment what he briefly diagnosed as tinnitus but it didn't feel like he was taking me serious and neither his treatment were doing anything to solve the problem. Whenever I called or visited him, he just kept telling me to take my meds, so I did and nothing changed.
Around last weeks of this January, the noise started to get louder again. I was dealing with some life changing developments for my career and had a new focus of creation with bunch of smart and talented new people, and everything was amazing, I was so happy and excited... till I had another breakdown because of this pulsing in my ear, ate through my nerves (and it get combined with something rather triggering for me) then I had the most unfortuned and rude outbrust. I do want to make amends for my behavior to people I upset but how I can do that when I know it can happen again and again and when my only solution is isolating myself? What will do that to my work? My friendships? No client or friend going to be THAT understanding.
After that pulsing sound became even more louder, I have not been able to sleep or eat over a week (and several days now too), so called my doctor again and he tolds us that he had no idea what was going on and that he never seen something like that before. I urged my folks to do their own research because at this point I am too tired and hopeless to do anything by myself, eventually we booked an appointment from another ENT, who also really didn't seem to be taking me serious but at least he ran some tests and didn't give the "you have to live with it" nonsense yet but pointed us to other doctors. My hearing and blood tests, and ultrasound of my neck came normal, cardiologist also found nothing. I have appointments to brain surgeon and neurologist next week.
Another unfortunate thing that the pulsing sound isn't objective, so others cannot hear it and I slowly start to think all is in my head but then when I press on my neck, over my vein, the sound lessens. And I do that sometimes to stop the loud noise. I even tried applying warm and cold patches, tried yoga, breath exercises, some other stuff that I don't even remember their names anymore.
I am looking for answers, tips, help, for a treatment and in the worse case a way to cope with it. That is how I found here and decided to join. I have been in tears all week, all day today too, screaming at times because I am just so fed up with it and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want the silence back.
-del
I'm Del and I work as a freelance illustrator. English is not my native tongue and I am writing this on phone with a massive headache and loud pulsing in my ear, so if I make any typos or grammar mistakes please forgive.
I actually don't have a proper diagnose right now nor I want to self-diagnose it but I have been hearing this pulsing sound in my left ear for a couple of years. It never goes away but often becomes so loud that I cannot think, hear, sleep or understand what I am listening, reading or watching, it distiracts me horribly, triggers headaches and migraines that continues for weeks. I also have ADHD and depression together (both diagnosed), which makes my life as an artist very hard already. While I can deal with them to some point with certain treatments I cannot do the same with this tremendously life cripling pulsing sound in my ear. It makes me exhausted, stressed, agressive and anxious all together. I became angry by the simplest things. I feel like a walking time bomb as it just sucks the life out of me and all I can do is be a bygoner as my personality gets drained by it. I have lost friends because of it and I am scared to build new connections just to see people run away from me like I have the plague.
Last year at some point it became so terribly loud I went to see an ENT again. He checked my ears, and started me to a treatment what he briefly diagnosed as tinnitus but it didn't feel like he was taking me serious and neither his treatment were doing anything to solve the problem. Whenever I called or visited him, he just kept telling me to take my meds, so I did and nothing changed.
Around last weeks of this January, the noise started to get louder again. I was dealing with some life changing developments for my career and had a new focus of creation with bunch of smart and talented new people, and everything was amazing, I was so happy and excited... till I had another breakdown because of this pulsing in my ear, ate through my nerves (and it get combined with something rather triggering for me) then I had the most unfortuned and rude outbrust. I do want to make amends for my behavior to people I upset but how I can do that when I know it can happen again and again and when my only solution is isolating myself? What will do that to my work? My friendships? No client or friend going to be THAT understanding.
After that pulsing sound became even more louder, I have not been able to sleep or eat over a week (and several days now too), so called my doctor again and he tolds us that he had no idea what was going on and that he never seen something like that before. I urged my folks to do their own research because at this point I am too tired and hopeless to do anything by myself, eventually we booked an appointment from another ENT, who also really didn't seem to be taking me serious but at least he ran some tests and didn't give the "you have to live with it" nonsense yet but pointed us to other doctors. My hearing and blood tests, and ultrasound of my neck came normal, cardiologist also found nothing. I have appointments to brain surgeon and neurologist next week.
Another unfortunate thing that the pulsing sound isn't objective, so others cannot hear it and I slowly start to think all is in my head but then when I press on my neck, over my vein, the sound lessens. And I do that sometimes to stop the loud noise. I even tried applying warm and cold patches, tried yoga, breath exercises, some other stuff that I don't even remember their names anymore.
I am looking for answers, tips, help, for a treatment and in the worse case a way to cope with it. That is how I found here and decided to join. I have been in tears all week, all day today too, screaming at times because I am just so fed up with it and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want the silence back.
-del
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