Hi! My name is Michael and I have been following the forum for a long time, but today I decided to join and share my problems, because I'm going through the very hard times and lots of anxiety and I felt the need to talk to someone. The huge anxiety boost that I'm just having is connected to my final exams that are approaching, but my overall story is a bit more complicated.
I'm 19 and I should have gone through my highschool final exams in the previous year, may 2014. However, I had an accident just few weeks before the examination session and I broke my right hand - exactly the shoulder. It was a hard time for me, I didn't know what will happen with the exams, I was very stressed. They put me in a plaster first - like whole-chest plaster, I looked like a mummy. But then it turned out that it is a more severe condition and I had an operation, spent days in a hospital - anyway, my exams were to be postponed because I couldn't write them and they were postponed to the next year session - to may 2015.
To just let you know what kind of a person I am - I didn't whine a day because of this broken hand and a gap year (because I formally finished my school), I managed to cope with it, I was even a little bit excited about the operation because I never had one before and I knew that I'm not fighting it with cancer or any deadly thing and it's just a mechanical issue. Btw I already had my hand broken just two months before that - in February 2014 - it was the left wrist and only ended in wearing a plaster a month. And even the fact that it was my second fracture in two months period I didn't cried about it.
So after the holidays I went back to classes in my school as a kind of free listener just to keep with the learning and not to forget the stuff, I was even glad that I have some extra time, because I wasn't well prepared for this exams last year frankly speaking. So this time I started learning regularly, thinking about my study and future life. And bang - this is when the tinnitus comes. I went to a loud concert in October and it destroyed my life.
Beginning was the usual story - went to a doctor about two weeks after the concert when I started to worry - I am (I was?) a heavy metal listener and went to many concerts and I was used to have some peep in my ears afterwards. He prescribed me some betaserc, encorton, without any specific examination and said it will be ok. I was taking all these medications for over 2 weeks and nothing changed. And then slowly the depression was coming - I stopped going to school, I couldn't get out of bed, slept my life through, I was having suicidal thoughts, hated every second of my life, I was begging that the time could turn back and I didn't go to that stupid gig. I hated everyone, I hated myself, I was ruined.
It was the end of March when I finally managed to look around me and I decided to put up a fight. But this is the time I started to learn to my exams - which are now in 2 weeks and I really don't feel prepared and I'm working like hell now, but I know I will not manage to prepare as good as I could if tinnitus didn't crossed my way and I didn't waste months in depression and anxiety. And now I think of all these people looking at me and telling me: "You had an extra year, you could nail these exams but you are waste and couldn't ever apply yourself". This makes my T and my emotional state even worse and I feel so miserable and disappointed about my life. My family thinks of it as an imaginary problem and when I tried to share my anxiety about the exams with my mother I only heard: "You had a lot of time but you were doing nothing". So the teachers at my school, asking me now why I hadn't been going to the classes for so long, why I didn't wrote any mock exams. What can I tell them? I feel like a nobody, I get a constant impression that people think of me as a nobody, as a jerk who couldn't get to work properly and flunk and will waste his life. Like I'm pathetic and should be treated with contempt and ironic indulgence.
I feel extremely worried. The only good thing overall is - I start to think that my T actually gets better. I have it for 6 months now and I strongly believe that it might go away as I read sometimes that it is a chance that it can go away between 6-12 months. Do you think that I should try a doctor again? I even heard of someone who was cured only by taking encorton - but for approx. 4 months straight. Maybe I gave up too fast and I should try some more things and maybe my tinnitus could be fought through? I feel that I am just crawling out of the lowest point of my life, and I feel I should fight any possible way to get out from this hell and I really think I might do it. Please share your thoughts, I really don't have anybody around that could understand what I'm going through. Thank you!
I'm 19 and I should have gone through my highschool final exams in the previous year, may 2014. However, I had an accident just few weeks before the examination session and I broke my right hand - exactly the shoulder. It was a hard time for me, I didn't know what will happen with the exams, I was very stressed. They put me in a plaster first - like whole-chest plaster, I looked like a mummy. But then it turned out that it is a more severe condition and I had an operation, spent days in a hospital - anyway, my exams were to be postponed because I couldn't write them and they were postponed to the next year session - to may 2015.
To just let you know what kind of a person I am - I didn't whine a day because of this broken hand and a gap year (because I formally finished my school), I managed to cope with it, I was even a little bit excited about the operation because I never had one before and I knew that I'm not fighting it with cancer or any deadly thing and it's just a mechanical issue. Btw I already had my hand broken just two months before that - in February 2014 - it was the left wrist and only ended in wearing a plaster a month. And even the fact that it was my second fracture in two months period I didn't cried about it.
So after the holidays I went back to classes in my school as a kind of free listener just to keep with the learning and not to forget the stuff, I was even glad that I have some extra time, because I wasn't well prepared for this exams last year frankly speaking. So this time I started learning regularly, thinking about my study and future life. And bang - this is when the tinnitus comes. I went to a loud concert in October and it destroyed my life.
Beginning was the usual story - went to a doctor about two weeks after the concert when I started to worry - I am (I was?) a heavy metal listener and went to many concerts and I was used to have some peep in my ears afterwards. He prescribed me some betaserc, encorton, without any specific examination and said it will be ok. I was taking all these medications for over 2 weeks and nothing changed. And then slowly the depression was coming - I stopped going to school, I couldn't get out of bed, slept my life through, I was having suicidal thoughts, hated every second of my life, I was begging that the time could turn back and I didn't go to that stupid gig. I hated everyone, I hated myself, I was ruined.
It was the end of March when I finally managed to look around me and I decided to put up a fight. But this is the time I started to learn to my exams - which are now in 2 weeks and I really don't feel prepared and I'm working like hell now, but I know I will not manage to prepare as good as I could if tinnitus didn't crossed my way and I didn't waste months in depression and anxiety. And now I think of all these people looking at me and telling me: "You had an extra year, you could nail these exams but you are waste and couldn't ever apply yourself". This makes my T and my emotional state even worse and I feel so miserable and disappointed about my life. My family thinks of it as an imaginary problem and when I tried to share my anxiety about the exams with my mother I only heard: "You had a lot of time but you were doing nothing". So the teachers at my school, asking me now why I hadn't been going to the classes for so long, why I didn't wrote any mock exams. What can I tell them? I feel like a nobody, I get a constant impression that people think of me as a nobody, as a jerk who couldn't get to work properly and flunk and will waste his life. Like I'm pathetic and should be treated with contempt and ironic indulgence.
I feel extremely worried. The only good thing overall is - I start to think that my T actually gets better. I have it for 6 months now and I strongly believe that it might go away as I read sometimes that it is a chance that it can go away between 6-12 months. Do you think that I should try a doctor again? I even heard of someone who was cured only by taking encorton - but for approx. 4 months straight. Maybe I gave up too fast and I should try some more things and maybe my tinnitus could be fought through? I feel that I am just crawling out of the lowest point of my life, and I feel I should fight any possible way to get out from this hell and I really think I might do it. Please share your thoughts, I really don't have anybody around that could understand what I'm going through. Thank you!
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