Feeling Alone on My Birthday

[butterfly75]

I'm eighteen now and I spent my birthday at home all day. My parents convinced me to go to IHOP and I had french toast for breakfast. A few relatives sent me cards. My friend from middle school texted me "Happy Birthday" which I actually really appreciated because just being thought about makes me happy, and I don't see why she still even bothers since we haven't hung out in such a long while.

I have no friends and I don't really go out. I didn't really have friends before. I spent most of my birthdays like this. Whenever I complain my mom reminds me that I always had a "social anxiety" problem and she's right; it's mostly probably my fault that I lack a social life. Everyone my age is in college and I couldn't go this year because I was having really bad panic attacks from tinnitus and I was afraid being in the city would make the tinnitus louder. I don't think I'll ever go to college. I'm okay with that but I at least want to do something.

I want to go out and I want to see people. I want to live life. I want to be a normal person. I miss going outside and feeling the fresh air on my face from the wind flowing the trees. Sometimes I hear people with tinnitus say that they miss silence but I just miss what it felt like to not hear this ringing in my ears all the time. I never liked silence. I liked to have noise around me. The sound of people talking, plates shifting, someone laughing, seagulls cawing, children squealing and yelling, the distant sound of music floating towards you as you're walking down a crowded street. I miss these things and I don't think I'll ever have them again. And maybe before I stayed inside too much, and I wasn't outgoing enough, and I wasn't that motivated to start college at all, but when you have something that you were free to do taken away from you, it hurts so much more. I want to do all those things now.

But I can't. Every time I go out, something loud happens and my tinnitus gets worse. And I don't blame people around me for being loud because I know they're not aware that I have tinnitus. My life has become so limited, so constricting and suffocating. I've given up hope for my life to get better. I had hope before, but it gets crushed every time and there's a certain point where it becomes exhausting to get back up every time life pushes you down. I wanted to spend the remainder of my life before I end things someday feeling somewhat happy, but that's really hard sometimes too. And I just wish I could have a normal life.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm eighteen now and I spent my birthday at home all day.

You need to get treatment for your tinnitus and hyperacusis. Please click on links below and read the articles. Try to read them in full.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

 

[Bill Bauer]

Happy birthday!

Every time I go out, something loud happens and my tinnitus gets worse.

You are doing the right thing by staying at home and protecting your ears. There is a high chance that you will feel better in 6-12 months, and will be able to resume your life (goes without saying that it makes sense to continue staying away from all loud places).

The fact that you had to stay home for a couple of months seems important and significant now, but you will barely remember it 10 years from now.

Also, try to make the best of it. Instead of spending your time on socializing, consider focusing on your education. Socializing is a waste of time (albeit potentially an enjoyable one), while education will determine how you spend the 50 years between the ages of 25 and 75.

 

[butterfly75]

Happy birthday!


You are doing the right thing by staying at home and protecting your ears. There is a high chance that you will feel better in 6-12 months, and will be able to resume your life (goes without saying that it makes sense to continue staying away from all loud places).

The fact that you had to stay home for a couple of months seems important and significant now, but you will barely remember it 10 years from now.

Also, try to make the best of it. Instead of spending your time on socializing, consider focusing on your education. Socializing is a waste of time (albeit potentially an enjoyable one), while education will determine how you spend the 50 years between the ages of 25 and 75.

Thank you. I don't think my tinnitus will go away, sadly though. I've had it since I was 15. It was very faint then and I didn't even realize I had it, except it's gotten worse due to loud noise exposures because I didn't realize I had to be careful. And it's just gotten worse over two years.

 

[Santiago Biagi]

I didn't meet my true friends till I was 22 years old. Now we travel around the world together. There's no timeframe for friendships as there is no timeframe for tinnitus.

I did have social anxiety as well, would always like to be at home if possible.

Take care.

 

[Bill Bauer]

except it's gotten worse due to loud noise exposures because I didn't realize I had to be careful. And it's just gotten worse over two years.

You are young, your body is more resilient than that of most people. Hopefully your body recovers enough to allow your tinnitus to fade. I think it is realistic to expect that eventually it will stop being as intense, or as loud, or as high pitched as it is now.

 

[Bobbie7]

I want to go out and I want to see people. I want to live life. I want to be a normal person. I miss going outside and feeling the fresh air on my face from the wind flowing the trees.

I liked to have noise around me. The sound of people talking, plates shifting, someone laughing, seagulls cawing, children squealing and yelling, the distant sound of music floating towards you as you're walking down a crowded street. I miss these things and I don't think I'll ever have them again

Hello @butterfly75 - and let me wish you a Happy Birthday!

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so sad and alone on your birthday. Although you have missed beginning college this semester, this is not to say that you can not attend the next semester or next year. I do not think your tinnitus should prevent you going to college in the near future or from socializing or experiencing the things you say make you happy

You are young and even if you do have social anxiety, this is not to say you will always feel this way. I remember (many moon ago) when I was just your age, I was so painfully shy and awkward that it was difficult for me to meet new people and speak with ease. I almost had to compel myself to make a shift in my behavior and little by little I did improve but only after making a conscious effort to do so by working on it. If we wait to feel 100% (in our own opinion) before we venture to do something which we really want to do, then we might never accomplish anything. Each person has his/her flaws and insecurities but we still have to do our best to overcome these and be patient and kind to ourselves. Some times we are our own worst critics and this prevents us from progressing.

When you do go out and encounter extremely noisy conditions, you can always place some good earplugs in to protect your ears. When conditions are too problematical, you can always leave. I don't think it is a wise idea, however, to overprotect your ears under normal conditions but you are the best judge. You mention you experience panic attacks and I would like to know if you have consulted a therapist about these? Perhaps it would be wise to do so and, if needed, he could prescribe some anti-anxiety medication to help lower your stress level. As you probably are already aware, severe stress and anxiety only serves to worsen tinnitus so would seeing a therapist be a possibility for you?

Again, Happy Birthday and here's wishing you brighter days ahead. Please feel free to post whenever you have need and know there are members here always ready to listen and help if they can.

Best wishes,
Barbara

 

[G61]

Hi butterfly75,

I have severe tinnitus and hyperacusis. I still live my life as much as possible. Few months ago, I saw a blind college student walking around the campus. He talked to people and smiled all the time. I know his condition is different from the tinnitus suffers but his life is not any easier than anyone. If you want to live a life, then "just live your life". Don't try, just do!

I wish you well and your condition will improve!

 

[Juan]

I'm eighteen now and I spent my birthday at home all day. My parents convinced me to go to IHOP and I had french toast for breakfast. A few relatives sent me cards. My friend from middle school texted me "Happy Birthday" which I actually really appreciated because just being thought about makes me happy, and I don't see why she still even bothers since we haven't hung out in such a long while.

I have no friends and I don't really go out. I didn't really have friends before. I spent most of my birthdays like this. Whenever I complain my mom reminds me that I always had a "social anxiety" problem and she's right; it's mostly probably my fault that I lack a social life. Everyone my age is in college and I couldn't go this year because I was having really bad panic attacks from tinnitus and I was afraid being in the city would make the tinnitus louder. I don't think I'll ever go to college. I'm okay with that but I at least want to do something.

I want to go out and I want to see people. I want to live life. I want to be a normal person. I miss going outside and feeling the fresh air on my face from the wind flowing the trees. Sometimes I hear people with tinnitus say that they miss silence but I just miss what it felt like to not hear this ringing in my ears all the time. I never liked silence. I liked to have noise around me. The sound of people talking, plates shifting, someone laughing, seagulls cawing, children squealing and yelling, the distant sound of music floating towards you as you're walking down a crowded street. I miss these things and I don't think I'll ever have them again. And maybe before I stayed inside too much, and I wasn't outgoing enough, and I wasn't that motivated to start college at all, but when you have something that you were free to do taken away from you, it hurts so much more. I want to do all those things now.

But I can't. Every time I go out, something loud happens and my tinnitus gets worse. And I don't blame people around me for being loud because I know they're not aware that I have tinnitus. My life has become so limited, so constricting and suffocating. I've given up hope for my life to get better. I had hope before, but it gets crushed every time and there's a certain point where it becomes exhausting to get back up every time life pushes you down. I wanted to spend the remainder of my life before I end things someday feeling somewhat happy, but that's really hard sometimes too. And I just wish I could have a normal life.

Happy birthday!

Dont worry too much about friendships, going out etc You are very young and good things happen, friends appear, things may get better, and I am sure you will go to college and start going out again. It is all a matter of time. We all have good and low moments.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

Thank you. I don't think my tinnitus will go away, sadly though. I've had it since I was 15. It was very faint then and I didn't even realize I had it, except it's gotten worse due to loud noise exposures because I didn't realize I had to be careful. And it's just gotten worse over two years.

Many of us didn't realize that we needed to be careful with noise. I had tinnitus for about 8 years, then this year I got somatic tinnitus on top of my older tinnitus. I never knew about the neck and jaw causing tinnitus.

My first tinnitus started to calm down after three and a half years. The sounds of rain and being active with a hobby helped.

You wrote a very to the heart post. Bless you.

 

[dingaling]

Happy birthday!


You are doing the right thing by staying at home and protecting your ears. There is a high chance that you will feel better in 6-12 months, and will be able to resume your life (goes without saying that it makes sense to continue staying away from all loud places).

With respect, I'm not sure this is a good idea. Shouldn't one maintain auditory environment, get out and about and listen to everyday sounds like everyone else? I think butteryfly75 said earlier that she wants to be like everyone else so why not take baby steps and go for short walks with a trusted member of the family.

I know what social anxiety feels like but I don't think staying at home is the answer. If you live near the sea, why not experience the sights, sounds and smells of the seaside?

Oh happy birthday by the way...

 

[Holly1987]

Happy Birthday xxx

I completely understand how you feel, it was my birthday on Wed and it was fairly miserable. My fiancee booked a really nice restaurant but my tinnitus was so awful we decided to just stay home. I'm so terrified of it spiking. I really hope next year will be a much better birthday for you xxx

 

[Luman]

I'm much newer to this, and I made the mistake of overprotecting my ears for a couple of weeks, which has made it harder to go out because my tinnitus returns, when I come home, if I don't wear earplugs. This afternoon, after my morning wake-up tinnitus wore away, I had virtual silence in my head for a few hours, but after going out for an hourk without earplugs, the tinnitus was back with a vengeance by the time I came home. Hopefully, it will fade over the course of the evening. I think that my ability to withstand normal noise will improve, in time, and I intend to go out more, without earplugs, and listen to music at home more often, to get my ears once again accustomed to a normal amount, and levels, of sound.

 

[Holly1987]

I'm much newer to this, and I made the mistake of overprotecting my ears for a couple of weeks, which has made it harder to go out because my tinnitus returns, when I come home, if I don't wear earplugs. This afternoon, after my morning wake-up tinnitus wore away, I had virtual silence in my head for a few hours, but after going out for an hour without earplugs, the tinnitus was back with a vengeance by the time I came home. Hopefully it will fade over the coarse of the evening. I think that my ability to withstand normal noise will improve, in time, and I intend to go out more, without earplugs, and listen to music at home more often, to get my ears once again accustomed to a normal amount, and levels, of sound.

I'm wondering if I'm doing the same. I'm new to tinnitus too and have become completely ocd about noise. I walked out of the hairdresser yesterday because the hair dryers were loud and I was terrified it would spike it. It's crazy how in the space of 2 months of gone from a relatively sane person to someone who is terrified to even leave the house because I'm scared of noise.

 

[Taylorslay]

It'll be alright. I always believe so.

Happy Birthday! I'm a little late to this post.

If you ever want to talk to someone send me a message . I would be more than happy to talk.

 

[Gl0w0ut]

I'm eighteen now and I spent my birthday at home all day. My parents convinced me to go to IHOP and I had french toast for breakfast. A few relatives sent me cards. My friend from middle school texted me "Happy Birthday" which I actually really appreciated because just being thought about makes me happy, and I don't see why she still even bothers since we haven't hung out in such a long while.

I have no friends and I don't really go out. I didn't really have friends before. I spent most of my birthdays like this. Whenever I complain my mom reminds me that I always had a "social anxiety" problem and she's right; it's mostly probably my fault that I lack a social life. Everyone my age is in college and I couldn't go this year because I was having really bad panic attacks from tinnitus and I was afraid being in the city would make the tinnitus louder. I don't think I'll ever go to college. I'm okay with that but I at least want to do something.

I want to go out and I want to see people. I want to live life. I want to be a normal person. I miss going outside and feeling the fresh air on my face from the wind flowing the trees. Sometimes I hear people with tinnitus say that they miss silence but I just miss what it felt like to not hear this ringing in my ears all the time. I never liked silence. I liked to have noise around me. The sound of people talking, plates shifting, someone laughing, seagulls cawing, children squealing and yelling, the distant sound of music floating towards you as you're walking down a crowded street. I miss these things and I don't think I'll ever have them again. And maybe before I stayed inside too much, and I wasn't outgoing enough, and I wasn't that motivated to start college at all, but when you have something that you were free to do taken away from you, it hurts so much more. I want to do all those things now.

But I can't. Every time I go out, something loud happens and my tinnitus gets worse. And I don't blame people around me for being loud because I know they're not aware that I have tinnitus. My life has become so limited, so constricting and suffocating. I've given up hope for my life to get better. I had hope before, but it gets crushed every time and there's a certain point where it becomes exhausting to get back up every time life pushes you down. I wanted to spend the remainder of my life before I end things someday feeling somewhat happy, but that's really hard sometimes too. And I just wish I could have a normal life.

We're all here to suffer together. So at least you're in company I guess. I was alone on my 18th and 19th birthdays. Most of mine have been that way. Hopefully you can find some cool people to share memories with in the future.

 

[MBH]

Happy birthday

 

[Bill Bauer]

With respect, I'm not sure this is a good idea. Shouldn't one maintain auditory environment, get out and about and listen to everyday sounds like everyone else?

Our ears have been compromised. The sounds that regular people won't even notice, can basically ruin our lives. This forum is full of horror stories of people who tried to ignore reality (that they had T) and lead a normal life, but couldn't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

For the first month after onset, I continued doing things that Used to not hurt my ears - I used a vacuum cleaner, blender, etc. When I began protecting my ears from loud sounds, I began experiencing a reduction of T volume. A lot of that progress was undone when I had my secondary acoustic trauma - I pressed a loud phone to my bad ears. My T had been higher pitched ever since. I am sure a healthy person wouldn't even notice how the loudness of that phone...