MemberHi everyone
My name is Thor, i'm 38 years old and i'm feeling desperate about my T. I'm not really a newbie as such, as I have had a weak hissing noise in both ears since I was 19 and a soft music-like ringing in both ears that was only noticeable at night. These sounds I was perfectly adapted to as they were of very low volume and I didn't notice them at all during daytime, not even in very quiet rooms (if I really, really listend carefully then I could manage to detect but not otherwise)
Fast forward 19 years. I've had a very rough year stress and anxiety wise. In august 2014 I began experiencing severe problems with my knees, my job has given me a hell of a lot of trouble, my mother has had a knee replacement that went wrong plus a broken foot and she still struggles with both, my father who has asbergers is getting more and more confused and my mother struggles with this, I had a baby boy in march '14 that thank god is healthy and happy but is also a handfull and we moved to a new appartment which was very stressfull.
To top this in january 2015 I began to have experience strange symptoms on my tongue which felt like it was made of sand and it began to be very painfull to speak, because the tip of the tounge felt like it was burning. This condition freaked me out and made my stress levels rise even more, as i've had countless visits to ENT's and neurologists, have had about 20 blood samples taken and still they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
In july the tongue symptoms began to back off just a bit, so I was feeling a little better, but my job situation and my mothers condition still troubled me a lot. On august 1st, I decided to attend some open air concerts with a couple of friends. This was the worst decision ever made, and it tortures me to this very moment. Due to my slight ringing in the ears that i've had for such a long time, I have for the last almost 20 years taken great pride in using earplugs at EVERY concert I attended even though my friends never did. I have played in bands beforehand and worked as a deejay for a number of years, but I almost always managed to use earplugs or in some other way stay somewhat protected from the loudest of noise. I stopped playing live and as a deejay in 2011 and had my hearing checked, and to my surprise found out, that it was in fact very good and my slight "hissing" had not changed at all in 15 years. So far so good.
But this summer night in august changed things for the worse. As I approched the area where the concerts were held, my stress suddently spiked a lot. I didn't really fell like going, my heart started pounding and I became very anxious, I should've listend to myself and turned around but I didn't.
I got into concert area and met up with my friends and even though my stress level was still high I seemed to manage. The first concert I attended I was standing at the edge of the tent, the sound wasn't louder than I could perfectly well speak to my friend in a normal voice level. The next concert we moved further into the tent and as I found the sound level to be quite high I plugged my ears, my friends didn't even though I urgede them to.
Afterwards one of my friends began to buy me a lot of draft beer, and as I hadn't had very much to eat I became very drunk. We went over to the open stage to attend another 2 concerts, but as I was very drunk I completely forgot about my earplugs. Well, truth be told, I wasn't completely out of my senses as my friend wanted to go way upfront close to the speakers but I told him I wanted to stay at leat 50 meters from stage as the sound would be better. At the time my intoxicated senses told me the sound wasn't very loud, as again I could talk to my friea in a raised voice, I guess it would be around the 90 decibel mark, but then again I was drunk. We enjoyed the music very much and I even had some breaks from the concert going to get new beers.
After about an hour and a half, I suddenly remembered my earplugs and cursed myself for breaking my cardinal rule of almost 20 years; never ever attend a concert without using earplugs. My stress levels exploded and I immidiately plugged my ears. I noticed a very slight humming noise in my left ear and my anxiety went through the roof. I stayed for another two concerts but didn't realy enjoy them as I was way to stressed out. On the way home in the bus I was almost breaking into tears and went into bed, the humming noise still there.
The day after me and my girlfriend held a birthday party for me and my mother, but it was a hellish day as my stress level as very serious. During the day the hum in my left ear subsided completely and I found some relief but that only lasted until I went to bed that night. I noticed that the slight"tape hiss" that i've had in my ears for years had ramped up considerably. It was now way louder than before, and rellay began interferring with my sleep. I can now register it during daytime and some times it changes tone to a high pitched ringing, but not always.
My life now is utter hell. Even though it has now been over 8 weeks there is no bettering in symptoms and I still have severe trouble sleeping, as the noise keeps me awake when I wake up in the night, which I do a lot due to my stress. I've already had multiple counselling with a psychologist specialising in tinnitus, been to a ENT, been to acupuncture, been seeing a lot of other professionals and most of them tell me that the sound level I was exposed to for such a short duration of time wouldn't cause any permanent damage and it is more likely connected to my ongoing severe stress levels. I had my hearing checked, its still perfect but symptoms are still keep going. I now am very stressed out, every morning is suffering. Is this spike going to last forever? Is it a spike or a permanent increase? I can't stand it. I can no longer take a nap, when I try to relax in the evening and I tire the sound increases dramatically in volume.
I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty because I forgot my earplugs once in 20 years time and the concert wasn't even very loud and now I have to suffer this for the rest of my damn life? I've had suicidal thoughts.. but the I feel guilty over having them because I love my girlfriend and my little son so much. But I can't go down that road, I can't let the ones closests suffer more than they already do because of my mistakes.
I have to continue. I have sleept poorly for 8 weeks straight. Sleeping pills doesn't really do the trick as the only knock me out and do not keep me asleep for the duration of the night plus they give me a huge hangover. I feel so sad, so guilty. Guilty over not being able to be the happy partner to my girlfriend that I was only 8 weeks ago, guilty over having her experience this, guilty over maybe not being able to be the happy father for my son that I could've been. I feel guilty all the time. I cry often, especially when I look at a picture I have of my son at 3 months old sitting on my working desk. Things I used to do doesn't give me any joy anymore. I'm never in a happy mental state, neutral at best. It's so sad that it's almost unbearable.
As I said I have already gotten a lot of from different professionals but it only works to highten my mood for a very short period of time, then I plummet into darkness once again. I don't know what to do. I feel i'm struggeling and struggeling and struggeling but getting nowhere and the perspective of having this increased T and sleep deprivation for the duration of my life seems like something I can't handle. Life could have been so great for me now, but then increased T came along and messed it all up. I can't understand how such a fairly short concert at a fairly low volume could mess me up so badly?
I don't know what to do. I'm desperate. My GP has suggested anti depression medication, but I won't take it, because i'm afraid it will increae my T further, which would surely kill me completly.
I feel so alone. Please some one give me a couple of words of encouragement. I'm not even looking for a cure I just wan't my T to back off just little bit, maybe to the levels it had before or a little higher.
Thanks for reading this insanely long post
My name is Thor, i'm 38 years old and i'm feeling desperate about my T. I'm not really a newbie as such, as I have had a weak hissing noise in both ears since I was 19 and a soft music-like ringing in both ears that was only noticeable at night. These sounds I was perfectly adapted to as they were of very low volume and I didn't notice them at all during daytime, not even in very quiet rooms (if I really, really listend carefully then I could manage to detect but not otherwise)
Fast forward 19 years. I've had a very rough year stress and anxiety wise. In august 2014 I began experiencing severe problems with my knees, my job has given me a hell of a lot of trouble, my mother has had a knee replacement that went wrong plus a broken foot and she still struggles with both, my father who has asbergers is getting more and more confused and my mother struggles with this, I had a baby boy in march '14 that thank god is healthy and happy but is also a handfull and we moved to a new appartment which was very stressfull.
To top this in january 2015 I began to have experience strange symptoms on my tongue which felt like it was made of sand and it began to be very painfull to speak, because the tip of the tounge felt like it was burning. This condition freaked me out and made my stress levels rise even more, as i've had countless visits to ENT's and neurologists, have had about 20 blood samples taken and still they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
In july the tongue symptoms began to back off just a bit, so I was feeling a little better, but my job situation and my mothers condition still troubled me a lot. On august 1st, I decided to attend some open air concerts with a couple of friends. This was the worst decision ever made, and it tortures me to this very moment. Due to my slight ringing in the ears that i've had for such a long time, I have for the last almost 20 years taken great pride in using earplugs at EVERY concert I attended even though my friends never did. I have played in bands beforehand and worked as a deejay for a number of years, but I almost always managed to use earplugs or in some other way stay somewhat protected from the loudest of noise. I stopped playing live and as a deejay in 2011 and had my hearing checked, and to my surprise found out, that it was in fact very good and my slight "hissing" had not changed at all in 15 years. So far so good.
But this summer night in august changed things for the worse. As I approched the area where the concerts were held, my stress suddently spiked a lot. I didn't really fell like going, my heart started pounding and I became very anxious, I should've listend to myself and turned around but I didn't.
I got into concert area and met up with my friends and even though my stress level was still high I seemed to manage. The first concert I attended I was standing at the edge of the tent, the sound wasn't louder than I could perfectly well speak to my friend in a normal voice level. The next concert we moved further into the tent and as I found the sound level to be quite high I plugged my ears, my friends didn't even though I urgede them to.
Afterwards one of my friends began to buy me a lot of draft beer, and as I hadn't had very much to eat I became very drunk. We went over to the open stage to attend another 2 concerts, but as I was very drunk I completely forgot about my earplugs. Well, truth be told, I wasn't completely out of my senses as my friend wanted to go way upfront close to the speakers but I told him I wanted to stay at leat 50 meters from stage as the sound would be better. At the time my intoxicated senses told me the sound wasn't very loud, as again I could talk to my friea in a raised voice, I guess it would be around the 90 decibel mark, but then again I was drunk. We enjoyed the music very much and I even had some breaks from the concert going to get new beers.
After about an hour and a half, I suddenly remembered my earplugs and cursed myself for breaking my cardinal rule of almost 20 years; never ever attend a concert without using earplugs. My stress levels exploded and I immidiately plugged my ears. I noticed a very slight humming noise in my left ear and my anxiety went through the roof. I stayed for another two concerts but didn't realy enjoy them as I was way to stressed out. On the way home in the bus I was almost breaking into tears and went into bed, the humming noise still there.
The day after me and my girlfriend held a birthday party for me and my mother, but it was a hellish day as my stress level as very serious. During the day the hum in my left ear subsided completely and I found some relief but that only lasted until I went to bed that night. I noticed that the slight"tape hiss" that i've had in my ears for years had ramped up considerably. It was now way louder than before, and rellay began interferring with my sleep. I can now register it during daytime and some times it changes tone to a high pitched ringing, but not always.
My life now is utter hell. Even though it has now been over 8 weeks there is no bettering in symptoms and I still have severe trouble sleeping, as the noise keeps me awake when I wake up in the night, which I do a lot due to my stress. I've already had multiple counselling with a psychologist specialising in tinnitus, been to a ENT, been to acupuncture, been seeing a lot of other professionals and most of them tell me that the sound level I was exposed to for such a short duration of time wouldn't cause any permanent damage and it is more likely connected to my ongoing severe stress levels. I had my hearing checked, its still perfect but symptoms are still keep going. I now am very stressed out, every morning is suffering. Is this spike going to last forever? Is it a spike or a permanent increase? I can't stand it. I can no longer take a nap, when I try to relax in the evening and I tire the sound increases dramatically in volume.
I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty because I forgot my earplugs once in 20 years time and the concert wasn't even very loud and now I have to suffer this for the rest of my damn life? I've had suicidal thoughts.. but the I feel guilty over having them because I love my girlfriend and my little son so much. But I can't go down that road, I can't let the ones closests suffer more than they already do because of my mistakes.
I have to continue. I have sleept poorly for 8 weeks straight. Sleeping pills doesn't really do the trick as the only knock me out and do not keep me asleep for the duration of the night plus they give me a huge hangover. I feel so sad, so guilty. Guilty over not being able to be the happy partner to my girlfriend that I was only 8 weeks ago, guilty over having her experience this, guilty over maybe not being able to be the happy father for my son that I could've been. I feel guilty all the time. I cry often, especially when I look at a picture I have of my son at 3 months old sitting on my working desk. Things I used to do doesn't give me any joy anymore. I'm never in a happy mental state, neutral at best. It's so sad that it's almost unbearable.
As I said I have already gotten a lot of from different professionals but it only works to highten my mood for a very short period of time, then I plummet into darkness once again. I don't know what to do. I feel i'm struggeling and struggeling and struggeling but getting nowhere and the perspective of having this increased T and sleep deprivation for the duration of my life seems like something I can't handle. Life could have been so great for me now, but then increased T came along and messed it all up. I can't understand how such a fairly short concert at a fairly low volume could mess me up so badly?
I don't know what to do. I'm desperate. My GP has suggested anti depression medication, but I won't take it, because i'm afraid it will increae my T further, which would surely kill me completly.
I feel so alone. Please some one give me a couple of words of encouragement. I'm not even looking for a cure I just wan't my T to back off just little bit, maybe to the levels it had before or a little higher.
Thanks for reading this insanely long post
