Feeling Lost and Empty — Going Through a Breakup

[aura]

Anyway, I'd rather have a broken heart than broken ears.

But as a wise man once said,

 

[Johan001]

I'm not an expert in relationships, rather the opposite But my advice is - take as much care for yourself as possible now. Treat yourself to nice food, drink some good beer or wine, do some stuff you enjoy (except for loud music of course ). You should use this as an opportunity to take extra time and care for yourself. Once you are content and comfortable with yourself, girls will pick up on this vibe and will naturally want to hang out with you. So, there's lots of opportunities ahead to meet the right woman for you.

 

[kingsfan]

@Daystar, I know exactly how you feel. My ex girlfriend of 5 years left me last year when I got hyperacusis and tinnitus. She said that I'm always ill and inside and she couldn't see future life together and left me. Only 10 months later she's married. I forgot about her after a month or so but had her in back of my mind. And seeing posts she's married now makes me think she was with this guy behind my back.

Not saying she's done this with you but she may already be speaking to someone and thus comparing your relationship to what could be with the other guy. I know that was my case. I really hate the guy who wormed into her head. The guy was better looking, drove better car, had better career prospects, oh and had no ear issues. I don't blame her for picking a better prospect I guess.

But for real I know it's hard. I can't offer much advice because I'm reminiscing old times as well, but all I can say is if you have family you're close with, reach out to them. Everyday I live for my family.

Best of luck to you my friend hope you feel better.

If she did it to you when things got tough, she'll do it to him as well.

 

[dd314]

Ugh, I'm sorry, I know that feel man. My girl left me twice, my first noise-induced spike resolved and then we got back together, and then I had another loud noise incident and she left me again.

Fun fact: It hurts as much the second time.

 

[Exit]

Ugh, I'm sorry, I know that feel man. My girl left me twice, my first noise-induced spike resolved and then we got back together, and then I had another loud noise incident and she left me again.

Fun fact: It hurts as much the second time.

This is the worst I've ever heard

 

[Wrfortiscue]

OP after reading our comments.

 

[makeyourownluck]

She said that I'm always ill and inside and she couldn't see future life together and left me.

Putting all other points aside, particularly the likelihood of cheating, which is without a doubt wrong, would you in hindsight disagree with her decision to leave?

I know the general consensus is that most people here see partners that leave during a tinnitus relapse/onset to be pretty heartless. Lacking in some moral fibre or something. But after all, we all enter into relationships because we perceive our life to be better with that person in it. Can you really blame them for leaving? Is there ever a good time to break up with someone who is still in love with you? I have gone through a very similar situation recently.

Tinnitus completely changes a person, their relationships and how they live life, that is why many people become suicidal and struggle to have any quality of life. Is it fair to ask the other person to stick around when they are unhappy? Being the partner of someone who is in this situation must also be extremely difficult because their life also changes dramatically. They may not be the person with the health condition, but they definitely still suffer a great loss.

I would rather someone left me, than hung around out of some sense of obligation.

 

[Bimmerboy]

@makeyourownluck,
I completely agree. In the beginning when she made the decision to leave I tried convincing her with bullshit expectations such as the ENT said this and expected recovery time is this and that - when really healing is non-linear. Which is why I think ENTs are so fucked. I actually thought about it like a few weeks into it, I have a sister who I'm greatly close with - would I want her to date someone that has ear issues like I do knowing the constant pain and misery it brings. Sounds shitty but it's the truth. Which is why I'm over her.

@Exit, you're right-about the pedestal thing but wrong about her being a cheating ****. She simply chose a better prospect, and think about it, if the tables were turned would I have stuck around if she was going through what I was? Probably not. I'd be out there looking for someone else I could spend my time with. So I've really just accepted that I can't call her out on this shit, if I'm holding double standards. But regardless she's still a b****, lol.

 

[Daystar]

Things are going better, or at least I am not constantly sad about it anymore.

But if I am completely honest, I still miss her a lot. I do not know why, but the past 3 weeks or so had been much better until some days ago. I just started to miss her out of the blue again...

To those who are in a relationship with someone you really love, remember to show that to them! It is easy to take it for granted and especially after many years together, you forget to do the little things.

 

[kingsfan]

Things are going better, or at least I am not constantly sad about it anymore.

But if I am completely honest, I still miss her a lot. I do not know why, but the past 3 weeks or so had been much better until some days ago. I just started to miss her out of the blue again...

I think this is normal. Grief is not linear.

 

[DeanD]

After just 12 weeks of this, and going from mild to severe and then recently getting worse after yet another acoustic trauma, my girlfriend of 6 years has decided she just can't continue the relationship. We live together too.

I know it's hard on her as our lives changed dramatically since my onset but hyperacusis and severe reactive tinnitus really changes a person.

I have struggled to look after myself since the worsening, and know I haven't been able to look after her.

She unfortunately has sided with the medical people we've seen, thinks it's mostly psychological and that despite me worsening 6 times through acoustic accidents in 12 weeks (3 of them whilst double protected) doesn't get why I don't want to leave the house until I can at least bear the noisy fridge hum (which I can't even hear now as the tinnitus is too loud).

Man, just when you think tinnitus and hyperacusis have robbed you of every solitary thing...