Feeling Low Today

[Shelley]

I had a really good night with it last night. The loud high pitch ringing I hear in my right ear wasn't there, the constant hissing underneath that was though. I turned my fan off to sleep for the first time in two months, and I really thought it might be getting better.

However as soon as I was up and about the ringing came back. I was doing a lot better and now feel like how I did at the start.

I am meant to be in cornwall at the moment with my mum and best friend, but I am currently doing hyperbaric oxygen treatment and I wanted to keep it up, so I'm going down late on Wednesday instead. It's probably just because I have been on my own for the past three days and am feeling really lonely when I should have been there. I hate that this has stpped me doing things, still only 22 and should be enjoying myself. Was meant to be my year this year, should have moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago and that didnt happen either, can't help feeling like this has robbed me of everything good that was meant to be happening in my life and now instead of those things I have tinnitus... great swap.

Just feel so down about everything again. Wish there was something we could all do about it, sick to death of crying all the time and thinking of what my life should be like now compared to how it is.

Sorry for the rant, feeling sorry for myself. Hope your all feeling a bit better than me today.

 

[Shelley]

I'm considering going to the gp for anti depressants/ anxiety drugs, but I'm worried about them being addictive and coming off of them. Any advice would be good.

 

[erik]

Hi, Shelley, sorry you are feeling down. I have had this nearly 5 months and I know how you feel. It is a day-to-day thing and at times can be tough to deal with. As hard as it is to believe (it was hard for me to believe at your stage to) is that in time it does improve. Personally, for me it happened around the 3.5-4 month mark after I decided to get back to living. However, don't wait for it to happen, you have to do the things that you want to do NOW, no matter how tough it is. You need to show this "noise" that you are still in charge of your life.

It is difficult with this condition not to see the world through a "tinnitus prizm". But you will see much improvement in yourself, if you start to live your life again and do the things you used to do before T. Your stress and anxieties will lower, your mood will improve and you will stop feeling sorry for yourself.

As far as meds go, it is hard for anyone to recommend them since they affect us all differently. I had prescription meds for Ativan (Lorazempam) and Xanax, but very rarely took them. I took the Ativan once and Xanax half-dose 2x, they helped some but I didn't take them enough to form a good opinion. Instead, I opted to go natural. I used 5HTP and took daily magnesium supplements and vitamin D to help with my depression and anxiety. I took liquid melatonin before bed to help me sleep.

I can't say it will work for you but it did wonders for me. Takes a few weeks to notice. Just be cautious not to mix prescriptions and supplements like 5HTP and Melatonin without checking with your GP first.

Take care, get back out into the world and know that you are getting better every day even if the steps are small...

Here is something I read from Victoria Tinnitus Association that helped me immensely and I read this over and over....

The author of the story is unknown, but I would like to share the story with you and encourage everyone to examine how changing your attitude to your tinnitus could improve your perception of your tinnitus and ultimately your quality of life.

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply "If I were any better, I would be twins". Many of the waiters at the restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around and work where he worked.
Why?
Because Jerry was a natural motivator. If an employee had a bad day, Jerry was always there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Observing this made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry Replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood, I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it".
"Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life".

"But it is not always that easy" I protested "Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is about choices, when you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. It's you choice how you live your life".

Several years later I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant, he left the back door to the restaurant open and in the morning he was robbed by three armed men. When Jerry was nervously trying to open the safe for the robbers, his hand slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily Jerry was found quickly and rushed to hospital. After much surgery and weeks of intensive care Jerry was released from hospital with bullet fragments still in his body. I saw Jerry 6 months after the shooting and asked how he was. He replied "If I was any better I'd be twins." I asked Jerry what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door, then after they shot me and I remembered that I had two choices, I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live." When the paramedics got me to the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the staff, I knew that in their eyes I was going to die. I knew I needed to take action.

At the time there was a nurse shouting questions at me asking if I was allergic to anything." "yes I replied" The doctors and nurses stopped working waiting for my reply, I took a deep breath and yelled "Bullets". Over their laughter I told them "I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead". Jerry lived because of the skill of the doctors and his will to live.

I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or hate it. The only thing that is truly yours and no one can take it from you is your attitude to life.

So you have two choices, you can choose to allow tinnitus to rule your life, or you can choose to get on and live life to the full not allowing tinnitus to interfere in your life in any way. Personally I chose to live life to the full and not let my tinnitus manage me or affect my quality of life - you can do the same!

 

[DezDog]

Keep at it Shelley. Turning the fan off was a big step forwards, and you should think about that more than the noise itself. I think when you listen for it, you'll always find it, but keep making those steps forward and refuse to give in to it (easier said than done, but the fan is a big deal I think - you really gave your T the finger).
DD

 

[Shelley]

Thanks everone, I managed to keep it together today, but now I'm sat here crying again. I feel like my 3 relationship is about to fall apart and theres nothing I can do about it, like theres nothing I can do about this tinnitus .
I was meant to be living with him now and instead everything has completly fallen apart. I just feel so sad, can't bear the thought of having to go through a break up as well because of this. Hes the only support system I have and I don't know how I will cope without him, and I'm only losing him because of this.. it's all just such a vicious circle. I don't know how I'm going to go back to uni in a few weeks and hear about how amazing everyones summer was, and all I have done is sat at home and cried.

I hate this so much, I hate what it has done to me/my life. I wish for it to get better for everyone. My mum keeps telling me to stay positive, but with everything I have been through in the last 4 months (tinnitus is just a horrible cherry on the cake, I think it's probably stress induced) it's really hard to see any positives or any light at the end of the tunnel.

I might try hypnosis to help me cope I don't really want to rely on meds, my mum and brother are on them and I always wanted to not need them but I just feel so broken.
More than anything I hate that I have done this to my mum, she has been through enough and I have always tried to be the rock.. now I'm completly falling to pieces. I want to move far far away and just never come back. I just never realised how easy it is for someones live to change so quickly and harsely for the worst.. can't help thinking of what should be..

Sorry another depressing message.
My good ear now has a constant tone in it aswell which has cropped up in the past few days, and I just feel thrown back to where I was when I was maybe just starting to make some progress.

There needs to be a cure for this and fast.

 

[DezDog]

Meds aren't necessarily permanent; think of them as a crutch for your brain. You need to get yourself through this first, as a priority. Go see your doctor, please, and get the anxiety sorted. The anxiety is a lead weight dragging you down and stifling all your other efforts to get back on track.

You *will* get through this, and you *will* be well again.

The other ear is likely getting a tone because of the sheer concentration of attention you're giving to your ears at this time.

Your mum will only be worrying like any mum would for their child, and perhaps she's feeling OK about being able to provide some support back after all you've done for her. I know my mum falls over herself sometimes trying to do things for me, it makes her feel needed etc. It's the natural order of things; mums worry about their kids and they expect to. Let's take this off the list of things you need to worry about.

The cure you're looking for is for your anxiety and then habituation. In fact, sorting the anxiety will go a long way to reducing your perception of the noise.

Keep us posted on what's going on.
DD

 

[Shelley]

Thanks DezDog I find your replys really helpful and they give me a that bit of hope that I very much need at the moment!

I think I will go to the doctors. My brother takes meds for his anxiety and has suffered from panic attacks and my mums been on antidepressans for years ..so I guess I'm probably more prone to it somehow.
I'm off to Cornwall for a few days tomorrow, so hopefully that will help to take my mind off of it. I just wish this new noise would go away.

I will let you know what I decide to do about the meds

 

[erik]

DezDog has some great advice. You might ask your GP for something to help you with your anxiety. As long as you take them short term, you'll be fine. There is nothing wrong with a little help when you need it. You need to break the anxiety cycle before you are going to be able to cope with tinnitus. The panic, fear and anxiety is what keeps you in the "vicious cycle" and doesn't give you a break and allows the tinnitus to have control. Once you can break this cycle you will be able to get on to other things. Breaking the cycle is tough but you can do it and sometimes meds can help.

New tones may come and go but it is perfectly normal. Your brain and auditory system is in a state of change so these things happen. These will settle in time as your brain gets more used to what is going on. Because this tinnitus is in the early stage, there is a very good chance it will reduce or go away.

 

[Shelley]

Thanks Erik I did mean to let you know I have ordered some 5HTP, I will see how I get on with that and if I still feel like I need some extra help might get something stronger from the docs. Did it do the same for you as prescribed medicine?

Thanks for the hopeful message, I do hope it will get better.
Starting tomorrow I am giving up on looking for a cure I am going to get on with my life the best that I can and I'm not going to let this ruin me. If I need a little help along the way than so be it.

I have read the last paragraph of you first message over quite a few times and I choose to get on with my life also.
I don't think it will be easy, but what other choice do we all have?

 

[gary]

Erik, thank you so much for the post from Victoria Tinnitus Association. I really needed to read it, to day is the worst day I have had so far in the seven weeks I have had T. I printed out a copy for to have near by to read when I start to slip.

I have always been a positive person, but do slip once in awhile like everyone else here. I have fought cancer and won, had two heart attacks, have diabetes, and now this past may had open heart surgery, they had to do a 4 way bypass, got through all that just fine. I credit it to thinking like Jerry. I make a conscious decision to accept what I have and roll with it.

If I have bad days, I think about the good days I have had, and I know better ones are coming. I too am seeking various treatments, if they work fine, if not, well, it's not the end of the world...