Feeling So Suicidal

[geg1992]

Hi All,

I went to a loud gig 3 months ago, after which I got Tinnitus. I had been able to cope with it, and it soon become a minor issue. Last weekend however, I randomly got a spike in my tinnitus, shortly followed by Hyperacusis, which is just getting worse and worse by the minute. It's hurting just to type this.

I went to the doctor today who wasn't much help but gave me some anti depressants as at the moment I just want to kill my self, the T is ridiculously loud and the H painful, making T worse in the process.

I was given: Fluoxetine

I read that a side effect is Hyperacusis, any experiences? IF so what do you recommend?

Also I have many questions regarding this condition:

When I feel the pain at any noises, is this causing damage? Noises as little as 60db

Will this likely go away?

Any success with white noise generators?

Can this spike like T? how do I stop this when all noises hurt my ears?

I've just been exposing my ears to normal noises, as I read plugging makes them worse. Obviously I'll avoid loud noises that would affect a normal person's ears, is this the way to go?

I'm only 22 and this has taken my life away from me. I don't want to live any more but I have the msot perfect girlfriend who I can't leave.

Thanks.

 

[RB2014]

I started taking 5-htp instead of going the anti-depressant route, but from what you posted you need to start taking the medicine as quickly as possible. It does take several weeks to take effect though. I'm not a doctor, but I really think you need clonazepam. It really helped me when I had H and T at the same time. It will change your response to the situation within 1 hour of taking it. It lowered my T volume immediately sometimes, but almost always the day after my T was back to its low normal level. If it wasn't for clonazepam it would have been very difficult for me to get over T and H at the same time. I still had the T and H, but it made it seem like a small issue to me. But like I said the next day I got much better with each until the H was gone in about 3 weeks.
Don't read about all the side affects of these medicines. They will just make you feel worst about taking them. From what I have seen they all list T and H as side effects, but those are side affects that could happen, not ones that will. I was reluctant to take medicines at first, but eventually I realized that what was happening to me was going to damage me far worst than any medicine could.
Clonazepam is for anxiety/panic attacks which is what I was having when I had T and H. If this is your case as well it will help. .5mg in the morning and .5mg at midday is not a very strong dosage from what I have read. I eventually dropped dosage down to 1/2 tablet and now at 1/4 tablet and after 3 months I am almost back to my old self.

 

[RB2014]

I just read and Fluoxetine is an SSRI. My last experience with an SSRI was 3 years ago and that the first couple of days it makes you feel worst with nausea headaches, but after 1 to 2 weeks it begins to take affect and calms you down. Keep this in mind when you take it. When I last took an SSRI I was given the clonazepam until the SSRI took affect to get me over the first few weeks and it also helped me sleep. That's what I had laying around that helped me get over my H and T. Eventually when I went to see my doctor I asked him for more and again its helped a bunch getting over this.

 

[geg1992]

Thanks very much for your input. I am going to ask about this clonezapam , I have heard lots of bad things about IT more especially when coming off it though? I just really worry my T and H could get worse, I know I need help though. I woke up genuinely wanting to die last night, Ive never felt that low.

 

[RB2014]

the first time I was given it I read all the reports and didn't end up taking it because I was afraid too. When my H and T got so bad I couldn't take it anymore 3 months ago, I said at that point I have nothing to lose, read some reviews of how it can help with H and T and took it.
The people that have a bad time tapering off it are taking high dosages for long periods of time and then they stop. I started with .5mg in the morning and .5 at midday and as a bonus I could sleep better at night. It really helped me cope with what was going on and from what I have read that's a low dose. After a few weeks went to 1/2 tablet morning and 1/2 tablet at midday. Then I dropped to 1/4 tablet morning and midday and right now I am at 1/4 tablet at 11am.
For me it was needing help right away and dealing with the consequences later. Tapering down slowly has made it so there are no issues with dependency or withdrawl. Don't get me wrong I would like to take it all the time, but slowly coming off of it is nothing compared to how I felt 3 months ago.
I hate taking medicines, but when you hit a low that bad, I think it was a better move than the damage I was doing to my body by not taking anthing.

 

[geg1992]

the first time I was given it I read all the reports and didn't end up taking it because I was afraid too. When my H and T got so bad I couldn't take it anymore 3 months ago, I said at that point I have nothing to lose, read some reviews of how it can help with H and T and took it.
The people that have a bad time tapering off it are taking high dosages for long periods of time and then they stop. I started with .5mg in the morning and .5 at midday and as a bonus I could sleep better at night. It really helped me cope with what was going on and from what I have read that's a low dose. After a few weeks went to 1/2 tablet morning and 1/2 tablet at midday. Then I dropped to 1/4 tablet morning and midday and right now I am at 1/4 tablet at 11am.
For me it was needing help right away and dealing with the consequences later. Tapering down slowly has made it so there are no issues with dependency or withdrawl. Don't get me wrong I would like to take it all the time, but slowly coming off of it is nothing compared to how I felt 3 months ago.
I hate taking medicines, but when you hit a low that bad, I think it was a better move than the damage I was doing to my body by not taking anthing.

Thank you.

Your posts have made me feel much better, especially about H fading as mine is very problematic. I may ask the doctor for the same.

What triggered your T? As mine was noise exposure and I'm wondering if this would have an effect.

Sleep and a positive attitude seems to be key, and that certainly seems to have helped you. It's the H which gets me, the T I can get over, but the H is torture.

 

[Viking]

@geg1992 stay sure.... it will pass!
Hold on!

 

[geg1992]

@geg1992 stay sure.... it will pass!
Hold on!

I was hoping it would, but the H is getting worse.

 

[Viking]

I was hoping it would, but the H is getting worse.

H and T are ugly beast but you are more powerful of them. Take in your hands the situation. You are the driver of the beast and not viceversa. Hiperacusys many times is a results of a tensive status created by tinnitus. Stay sure that if you with the power of the mind and eventually some drugs you will be able to solve it easy. Do not hide from the noise and not be scared! is like detox from fear. When fear passes, also passes the hyperacusis. I know that it is not easy, I have an extreme case of tinnitus and other neurological disorders, but are you sure you go out stronger than before. Now it's hard and you have to fight.
All the best!

 

[RB2014]

I have bad hearing that has slowly been getting worst. I have lost most of my high frequency hearing at 41. It is hereditary. The H wasn't as bad for me since I can't hear as well, but for me it amplified the T. I was afraid to listen to music for a while because of the H.

Maybe earplugs that still let you hear will help. You just can't block all the sound out from what i have read.

 

[geg1992]

I have bad hearing that has slowly been getting worst. I have lost most of my high frequency hearing at 41. It is hereditary. The H wasn't as bad for me since I can't hear as well, but for me it amplified the T. I was afraid to listen to music for a while because of the H.

Maybe earplugs that still let you hear will help. You just can't block all the sound out from what i have read.

Ah I see. I'm only 22 which makes this more frustrating. It hurts a bit to type at the moment which seems awful, I don't know how bad that is though? My hearing test came back perfect, no hearing loss at all which is bizzarre, but perhaps its over 8K that the loss is.

 

[RB2014]

As viking said that as the fear passes so does the H. That was the case for me. I couldn't get rid of the fear on my own because I didn't know what was going on with me. Luckily the meds I mentioned made my fear go away which made my H go away. You at least know what is wrong and how to fix it.

 

[geg1992]

As viking said that as the fear passes so does the H. That was the case for me. I couldn't get rid of the fear on my own because I didn't know what was going on with me. Luckily the meds I mentioned made my fear go away which made my H go away. You at least know what is wrong and how to fix it.

Thanks! I hope that is the case. When I look back, i've had mild H since my T, but it's never been this bad. I could cope with mild H, say loud high pitched noises, but not every day noises. Must stay calm.

 

[RB2014]

I know people that have T with no hearing loss. Basically it can happen to anyone from what I have seen. I envy you with no hearing loss and T. Try having T with very little hearing left to mask it. You are already on your way too getting better.

 

[geg1992]

Just had a shower which was constant discomfort due to the noise. It's made it even worse. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about situations like that? Do i just push through so my brain adapts?

 

[RB2014]

For me I had to listen to sounds at a low volume and as you mentioned normal sounds hurt. Try to listen to sound at low volume to start off. Again maybe ear plugs with a small reduction of sound are a good thing. I would try and bring sounds intro your ears that are comfortable.
What most people try is to stay in complete silence and that is bad for you.

 

[Richard Wallace]

Thanks! I hope that is the case. When I look back, i've had mild H since my T, but it's never been this bad. I could cope with mild H, say loud high pitched noises, but not every day noises. Must stay calm.

Dear geg1992,
I know how you feel, as I'm sure there are others in this forum that have felt like you do about "going away for good". My stuff has worsened more and more as Winter has worn on. I too am struggling pretty bad at present. I see that suicidal image next to your posts, but please just hang in there. You're only 22 years old. I lost my oldest son over 5 years ago due to a prescription drug overdose.(not suicide) He would be 25 in March. My heart has been crushed from this horrific loss. I'm sure you have family that love you, and you have a lot to live for. My other son is only 10 years old and prays for me everyday to be well again. When I'm at my lowest points with this wretched junk I think about him and how his life would be if I was gone. Just hang in there, things have got to get better. I'll keep you and all those that post on here in my prayers......... Rich

 

[geg1992]

Thank you for your kind words.

What I don't understand is now I have H, how much do I needs to protect? The shower and driving, talking hurts my ears. Am I doing damage? Should I wear ear plugs whilst driving as my car is 85db. And at work? People slam draws which is like 95db. I shouldn't have read the story from leksy is it? Poor man.

 

[RB2014]

I got mine from 6 months of a stressful schedule which then turned to anxiety. Basically my body wasn't right. It wasn't happy. I guess you need happiness and calm or your body turns on you. I'm an engineer and i can't believe I'm saying this stuff, but it's true.
If you have good hearing even having Earplugs is only a 25 db or so loss. You will still hear better than most people with bad hearing. I'm not sure if you are doing damage but i don't think you are.
Did you have a stressful schedule or sign up to do to much stuff? Did you find out about something that didn't set right with you? Maybe they're wasn't a cause. I only know worrying and negative thoughts will only make it worst and make it last longer.

 

[geg1992]

I got mine from 6 months of a stressful schedule which then turned to anxiety. Basically my body wasn't right. It wasn't happy. I guess you need happiness and calm or your body turns on you. I'm an engineer and i can't believe I'm saying this stuff, but it's true.
If you have good hearing even having Earplugs is only a 25 db or so loss. You will still hear better than most people with bad hearing. I'm not sure if you are doing damage but i don't think you are.
Did you have a stressful schedule or sign up to do to much stuff? Did you find out about something that didn't set right with you? Maybe they're wasn't a cause. I only know worrying and negative thoughts will only make it worst and make it last longer.

You've been very helpful and I really appreciate your help. The day I got it, we went for a walk In the forest, and went for a meal at a quiet restaurant. Not sure what could have made it worse! My T spiked and perhaps my h has too as I've reacted to this and Been getting in a really low mood? As you say, anxiety seems to be a big factor.

 

[Mark K.]

Hey Everybody: I'm reading that the best way to deal with H, is not to overprotect your ears from normal environmental sounds. Why? I'm assuming it allows your brain to get use to the new sounds, thus making it all sound normal again. I'm not 100% sure on that, but does anyone know why its best to NOT wear earplugs during normal environments? Also, if this is true, then wearing headphones with Sound Therapies for long hours of the day (ie. over 4 hours) wouldn't be good for someone suffering from H, or is this okay? My H started over a month ago, but it goes up and down in regards to sensitivity. Recently, it seems like most sounds tend to aggravate my T now, but today, the sounds didn't aggravate the T as much. Does this mean my H sensitivity is going down? Maybe because I'm not wearing earplugs in normal public venues (ie.Restaurants, Malls, Etc.)? Does your brain de-synthesize to our H over time, as well as when you expose it to everyday sounds?

Tonight I'm going to a local bar, that will probably be a little noisy. Not sure if that's a good idea or not.

Mark K.

 

[Vincent R]

@geg1992

Death will free us all, eventually. But I fear its mercy will feel tainted if I take it by rash action, rather than recieve it when my time has come. Maybe something for you to consider as well?

Normal sounds probably won't hurt your ears, but if you're in a panic, try to go easy on them. Wear ear plugs in situations you're unsure about.

Save from that, just survive one day at the time, and if you can't do that, just survive one minute at the time. Your body and mind will adjust to the new situation, if given a chance. That's how humans usually work when they have it tough.

 

[RB2014]

Mark, I'm not an expert and dont have answers to your questions, but can only advise you on what happened with me. From what I have read they say not to isolate yourself from sound as that makes it worst. Wearing earplugs will only drop the volume of the sound. If normal sound is extremely painful like in gegs case it will only make things worst listening to normal sounds in my opinion. If normal sounds arent painful then I say its ok to listen to them. If the sounds dont aggrevate your T as much then I think you are getting better. For me there was a direct correlation between H and T and when the H got worst the T was amplified even more. Personally I would stay away from any local bars as they are pretty loud and that is not good for T or H.
I had to ease myself back into sound slowly to get better. Driving my car to work was painful. Listening to people talk was painful. I do know that the painful reactions to H only made me sicker as they increased my anxiety to the situation which increased my sensitivity to H. There is nothing wrong with listening to music at low volume to relieve stress and get you back into listening to sounds at closer to normal volume. I really think its got to be a gradual thing getting back to the point of where you should listen to "normal" sounds.
Geg, maybe take a couple days off and try to ease back into life. Again, if you are still having trouble I would try the meds I talked about. Its weird, but they made me feel "normal" again and back to my old self. Made me a little sleepy during the day, but that wasnt a bad thing. They did remove all the negative feelings from the experience though which is what I think got me better faster.

 

[geg1992]

It's just getting worse and worse I really don't know what's happening. My T has gone down as I calmed down but the H is unbareable. I feel like I'll be stuck in bed forever and lose my job. I have to go back on Monday but I won't be able to cope.

 

[SickoMicko]

Geg1992, I am walking in your shoes or vise versa. Been there, done that, I have been on the extreme end of both. I suggest you first get with a doctor that has some compassion and understanding of your condition. Don't be afraid to use pharmasiticles, because they can help you. Tweek them until you find a good balance, that softens the by products of the condition, and still allows you to function on a daily basis (work, school, whatever). I, myself use Welburtrin, Zoloft, and I use to use Valium, when it really was getting the best of me. I don't need the Valium anymore. I've had the condition for 9 months (seems like forever), and was unable to work for 8 of those months, but I just returned to work 4 weeks ago. And all is good (still have both T and H, but the H has gotten way better almost a none issue, and the T has improved enough). If I told you what I did for a living you would say no f****** way. Anyway I regress. Now here is the Golden Ticket (and I am totally serious, I like everyone else have tried and spent a lot of coin on crap that doesn't work), go to I Who Love Music's thread entitled BACK TO SILENCE. Read it from beginning to end. Pay particular attention to his posts and a guy named Silvine's posts, that in my opinion is the only magic bullet available to us so far. Read it, believe it, then do it (everyday). It's well laid out, and you get an idea of potential expectations (it's not a cure, but it will allow you to get a chunk of your life back). Believe me when I tell you this, IT SAVED MY LIFE! If you stay with it (from now until THE CURE is discovered), it should guide you to a much better place. Good Results My Friend (we are all friends here). Mick

 

[geg1992]

Geg1992, I am walking in your shoes or vise versa. Been there, done that, I have been on the extreme end of both. I suggest you first get with a doctor that has some compassion and understanding of your condition. Don't be afraid to use pharmasiticles, because they can help you. Tweek them until you find a good balance, that softens the by products of the condition, and still allows you to function on a daily basis (work, school, whatever). I, myself use Welburtrin, Zoloft, and I use to use Valium, when it really was getting the best of me. I don't need the Valium anymore. I've had the condition for 9 months (seems like forever), and was unable to work for 8 of those months, but I just returned to work 4 weeks ago. And all is good (still have both T and H, but the H has gotten way better almost a none issue, and the T has improved enough). If I told you what I did for a living you would say no f****** way. Anyway I regress. Now here is the Golden Ticket (and I am totally serious, I like everyone else have tried and spent a lot of coin on crap that doesn't work), go to I Who Love Music's thread entitled BACK TO SILENCE. Read it from beginning to end. Pay particular attention to his posts and a guy named Silvine's posts, that in my opinion is the only magic bullet available to us so far. Read it, believe it, then do it (everyday). It's well laid out, and you get an idea of potential expectations (it's not a cure, but it will allow you to get a chunk of your life back). Believe me when I tell you this, IT SAVED MY LIFE! If you stay with it (from now until THE CURE is discovered), it should guide you to a much better place. Good Results My Friend (we are all friends here). Mick

Thanks Mick! Did you try anything like TRT or did you just improve the H over time?

Also where did yours come from? Like what was the cause?

Also what was your method of decreasing H?

What did you do to pass time and help improve T and H in that 8 month period?

I'm hoping I can continue to work as I'm in an office but I worry people slamming things accidentally will just hold me back.

 

[SickoMicko]

No TRT, just time and gradual exposure.
I think some frequency loss plus inner ear infection, but who knows.
You've got to put yourself in normal environments (which will seem loud to you), then grin and bare it. I did use a set of ear plugs (V-MODA Faders $15), that really seem to block the distressing noise out while still allowing me to carry on conversations, and be in public places (not perfect, but not bad).
I played my guitar softly, it put me in as good a place as I could get). Couldn't watch TV, but did burn through a lot of books. Use the technique on that thread, be patient, be determined, believe in the process, but don't expect things to happen over night, it takes time. The H should soften, the T should soften a bit (but you will probably still hear it, however you won't be all stressed out because of it (habituation- it is like co-existence). Feel free to pick my brain at anytime. I've been helped, and I will help if I can. Mick

 

[Richard Wallace]

Thank you for your kind words.

What I don't understand is now I have H, how much do I needs to protect? The shower and driving, talking hurts my ears. Am I doing damage? Should I wear ear plugs whilst driving as my car is 85db. And at work? People slam draws which is like 95db. I shouldn't have read the story from leksy is it? Poor man.

Hi again geg1992, I'm just one member on here, but this is my experience using ear plugs. Someone mentioned to you in a post when in doubt to use them. I think that's correct. I do use ear plugs some, however I think I was over using them for a while and it seemed to make my H worse than before, when I wasn't using the ear plugs. I believe our ears need to feed on some sound or they will get even more sensitive. At least that's what I found out about mine, the hard way. Take care...... Rich

 

[geg1992]

Hi again geg1992, I'm just one member on here, but this is my experience using ear plugs. Someone mentioned to you in a post when in doubt to use them. I think that's correct. I do use ear plugs some, however I think I was over using them for a while and it seemed to make my H worse than before, when I wasn't using the ear plugs. I believe our ears need to feed on some sound or they will get even more sensitive. At least that's what I found out about mine, the hard way. Take care...... Rich

Thanks rich.

The thing I don't understand which is getting me down about improving.:

How I understand it, people with H have some hearing loss and the brain amplifies sounds to make up for this.

Obviously this means wearing ear plugs makes the brain amplify more.

If that's the case, how do you get relief from it? As in the hearing loss won't improve so surely the brain will always amplify sounds? Or does the brain sense pain is being caused and react to this? I feel like I'm stuck with H.

 

[SickoMicko]

geg1992, Richard is correct with his thoughts on normal ear plugs. The V-moda are different as they seem to block out those frequencies that are most bothersome. They do not prevent whatever noises are going on in your head from being there, they just allow you to gradually work yourself back into social or business environments. You do have to expose yourself to noise to achieve any reduction with your H, but these really did help me do it gradually without an awful lot of discomfort. You do what you feel is best for you, I'm just letting you know how it played out for me. Mick