Hey there,
@DesperatePartner.
I've wanted to comment on this thread for a while but I've been at a loss for words. Mostly because I feel physically sick from reading about your partner and her challenges. I'm going to say some things that are not so helpful to you, and some things that may be helpful.
The not so helpful things first.
What your partner is going through is one of the most difficult, challenging and devastating conditions a human being can experience. Her reaction is exactly the same I had. I have deep, deep empathy and understanding with how she thinks and reacts. It's extremely difficult for someone who does not have tinnitus to understand. I was a complete, sobbing mess. The anxiety was so bad it felt like a poison and a cancer in my body. I could almost physically feel it in my fibers, in my veins. My brain felt like it was submerged in fear. I lost all memory of who I used to be and all my thoughts were centered around panic, fear, a feeling of deep, intense distress. I was always crying, almost 24/7. This is what this condition can do to you. You have a completely foreign sound that you (or rather, your brain) identifies as extremely "hostile" to you and you cannot shut it off in any way. This is the definition of torture in my eyes. And she got it from medicine? I'm really, really not surprised that she now hates all medicine and never wants to take anything again.
On to the more helpful things.
You are completely right that she needs to do something herself. If she just sits around in forums all day and reads, looking for answers, she is going to sink into a hole, just like you say. This is awful and not helpful at all. You need to help her realize this, no matter how angry or sad she gets. Please show her my message. I'm talking from experience.
Secondly, I did take some medicine when I realized the anxiety was so bad that it had become impossible to manage and it was eating me from the inside. I made a mistake of using them for 2 years - I wish I had started to taper them sooner. But for getting the anxiety under control, they helped. I now have 90-95% management of my anxiety and the loudness of my tinnitus is mostly the problem these days.
God will not help her. But she can help herself. She really can. But first she has to come out of this fear-induced mania. Tell her to consider anti-depressants or anti-psychotics for a short period, like 3-5 months. Make her taper them slowly (I did it over 2-3 months). It's just to take the edge of the anxiety so she can get back in her headspace and feel like she's in control again.
I think she should also begin experimenting with masking and getting used to keeping a busy mind (but not looking at forums all the time), because this will, over time, adjust her brain to the sound and make it easier for her to accept it. Now I'm not working from a "habituation" perspective, because I hate that word and I think it's a very meager help. I think she can have silence again, but I'm pretty convinced that silence doesn't come suddenly, like a miracle. You have to work for it and with tinnitus you have to work really hard. She should prepare to spend years on this. Very unfortunate, but a lot of us are struggling here, it's just how it is. However, I am of the firm belief that more people get silence than we realize. I've had silence myself lately, for brief moments. But my brain is very volatile at the moment. So it's hard to say what the future will hold.
I deeply sympathise with your fiancee. She does not deserve this and she needs a hug and understanding. That's what I missed the most during my acute phase. But she also needs to realize that the path she is on right now is not helpful. Try to make a deal with her, go very slowly at first. Baby steps. Eventually it should become slightly easier, but I don't know how severe she has it. Even for us with tinnitus, it's sometimes hard to imagine how the other people are suffering, how their sounds are perceived. A perceived tinnitus score of 7 might be a 4 to someone else, a perceived 2 might be a 9 to your neighbour.
I hope deeply from my soul and heart that your fiancèe will be rid of these sounds in the near future. You become quite empathetic to others with this condition. I never knew true suffering until I got this crap.
She might also want to check out Dirk De Ridder. I'm thinking of contacting him directly myself.
Best wishes.
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