Hi.
I have looked at tinnitus sites online over the last five years, but thought I would finally sign on here and see how it goes.
I guess after five years I am kind of philosophical about T (strange typing that; I see it is common here naturally). I feel embarrassed saying that for the first four years, I struggled with thoughts of suicide. Over the last year or so, the T has POSSIBLY subsided somewhat, or my body has somehow managed to compensate, or my self, my being, has learned to deal with it. Though I still flirt with ideology of suicide, I do feel better, finally.
Maybe at some point I will like to share my story -- maybe mostly for my own benefit, but possibly for the benefit of others to try to understand their own journey and suffering.
I kind of look at T as the gaslighting of disorders. My glance at posts on this site confirms that a bit. Every poor devil is wracked with all kinds of suspicions about where it started, how long it shall continue, what exacerbates it, etc., etc. I share all those characteristics. T, its very "subjective" nature, is a hell of a gaslighter, annoying as a MF. But at various points in the last five years I went through passages where one way or another I crushed T somehow. There is an awful lot to it, so that's why I say maybe one day I can share my story.
I just happen to be initiating this forum account now because I am interested in something, and I am considering pursuing it in other forum areas later:
I am going through a T "spike" atm that has gone on about four days.
There was a sale on salad dressing at the grocery, and I picked up a bottle of Kraft Roka Blue Cheese Dressing. I have had it before and I couldn't resist. I am very, very cautious about what I get for prepared foods, and some things I just always shy away from, because I suspect (there's the gaslighting) that it exacerbates my T. MSG is the number one suspect, and I have learned that salad dressings are USUALLY packed with it. I checked the label, but sidenote: the food companies have gotten very clever about this. I won't go into detail but they might say Autolyzed Yeast Extract or some BS, or they might just wrap it under "natural flavors."
Anyway I took the gamble! The first night after trying the salad dressing I woke up at around 1:30 with searing tinnitus. I was just staggered. Not only did I not get any sleep but I felt awful the next day anyway. Two days later though, I said, I'm gonna catch this bugger. So I had a salad with the dressing. I was afflicted with T a few hours later. I had all kinds of other foods in the interim, naturally. Then today I said, I need to confirm; so I had a little bit of the dressing on some celery stalks. And now, a few hours later, is the familiar T, which after five years, I have come to identify in a sense, and it seems the same "type" that I have had over the last few days.
Anyway, that's all I got for my first post. That's a damn mouthful.
I thought it might be useful to mention I am a 58-year old straight man. I am probably fifty pounds overweight if the truth were known, I'm 6'4" and 270 pounds. I am probably an imposing figure to most people as I am fairly physically robust. I'm a do-it-yourselfer and have no qualms about working in bad northern weather and things like that. I drink several times a week, and I have restarted smoking cigars since February.
Cheers!
J
I have looked at tinnitus sites online over the last five years, but thought I would finally sign on here and see how it goes.
I guess after five years I am kind of philosophical about T (strange typing that; I see it is common here naturally). I feel embarrassed saying that for the first four years, I struggled with thoughts of suicide. Over the last year or so, the T has POSSIBLY subsided somewhat, or my body has somehow managed to compensate, or my self, my being, has learned to deal with it. Though I still flirt with ideology of suicide, I do feel better, finally.
Maybe at some point I will like to share my story -- maybe mostly for my own benefit, but possibly for the benefit of others to try to understand their own journey and suffering.
I kind of look at T as the gaslighting of disorders. My glance at posts on this site confirms that a bit. Every poor devil is wracked with all kinds of suspicions about where it started, how long it shall continue, what exacerbates it, etc., etc. I share all those characteristics. T, its very "subjective" nature, is a hell of a gaslighter, annoying as a MF. But at various points in the last five years I went through passages where one way or another I crushed T somehow. There is an awful lot to it, so that's why I say maybe one day I can share my story.
I just happen to be initiating this forum account now because I am interested in something, and I am considering pursuing it in other forum areas later:
I am going through a T "spike" atm that has gone on about four days.
There was a sale on salad dressing at the grocery, and I picked up a bottle of Kraft Roka Blue Cheese Dressing. I have had it before and I couldn't resist. I am very, very cautious about what I get for prepared foods, and some things I just always shy away from, because I suspect (there's the gaslighting) that it exacerbates my T. MSG is the number one suspect, and I have learned that salad dressings are USUALLY packed with it. I checked the label, but sidenote: the food companies have gotten very clever about this. I won't go into detail but they might say Autolyzed Yeast Extract or some BS, or they might just wrap it under "natural flavors."
Anyway I took the gamble! The first night after trying the salad dressing I woke up at around 1:30 with searing tinnitus. I was just staggered. Not only did I not get any sleep but I felt awful the next day anyway. Two days later though, I said, I'm gonna catch this bugger. So I had a salad with the dressing. I was afflicted with T a few hours later. I had all kinds of other foods in the interim, naturally. Then today I said, I need to confirm; so I had a little bit of the dressing on some celery stalks. And now, a few hours later, is the familiar T, which after five years, I have come to identify in a sense, and it seems the same "type" that I have had over the last few days.
Anyway, that's all I got for my first post. That's a damn mouthful.
I thought it might be useful to mention I am a 58-year old straight man. I am probably fifty pounds overweight if the truth were known, I'm 6'4" and 270 pounds. I am probably an imposing figure to most people as I am fairly physically robust. I'm a do-it-yourselfer and have no qualms about working in bad northern weather and things like that. I drink several times a week, and I have restarted smoking cigars since February.
Cheers!
J
Member
