Quick intro, I first developed tinnitus in 2007, when I was 27 February 3rd, 2007 was the first time I ever noticed it. I recall because I was in a hotel room that was super quiet, and woke up with an unexplained ringing. I served in the military and was exposed to plenty of bangs and booms. Also was a concert goer and loved loud music in my youth. To top it off I worked in auto body shops. The day prior to noticing my tinnitus, I was using a pneumatic drill that I pin pointed as the trigger of my tinnitus.
I went through the whole cycle of emergency room, ENT, follow up hearing tests and a trip to the VA. But it was relentless. My tinnitus was definitely here to stay. I was constantly holding my fingers over my ears, gauging the volume, pitch and severity. Constantly exposing myself to closed rooms, my car without the engine running, and outside at night time to expose how bad my ears were ringing.
My tinnitus is strange, as it started in 1 ear (left) and then transformed into both. My ENT said this is normal, as the brain will create a noise that is more even to maintain equilibrium. I'd say it was pretty loud. Could notice it pretty much anywhere, barring loud environments...
I worried myself sick, dropped weight, obsessed, hoped, bargained... pretty much desperate. But I had to keep living. I was planning a proposal to my girlfriend, working on a career, trying to live a normal life. And those motivators kept me going, despite constant worrying.
Now I didn't chronicle my tinnitus (which I wish I had, though it may have lead to obsessing). But fast forward to 2009-2010 and I was completely fine with it. Like, it was always on my mind to be careful with loud noises. I constantly wore ear plugs at work, and just kinda got used to the ringing. It was a form of acceptance. I went through a crappy divorce and my tinnitus never changed. Just always the same ringing, a little louder in my left ear.
From 2010-present, I lived completely normally. I remarried, entered a new profession (law enforcement), had 4 kids, bought a house, and did 7 years of school while working nights in order to obtain my masters degree. All with tinnitus.
This brings me to 2 weeks ago. I was doing some training with colleagues, and we decided to carpool to the training site. Some of the training was above average noise, some was loud, and I wore hearing protection when I felt it was needed (I've become pretty aware of what is "too loud"). As we were driving in the morning, I noticed my left ear ringing.
I thought to myself "I never hear my tinnitus in the car". And began obsessing over it again. Since that day, I've crashed and burned. It is like a total reset. I can now hear my tinnitus over just about everything, it is almost to the point that it causes dizziness. But I have too much responsibility to dive into depression. So this time it is more like annoyance. It is switching back and forth from left to right. Varying it's pitch. Changing as I turn my head or lay down. Just crazy.
I had honestly not given thought to my ringing in so long, now it's driving me crazy. I'm going through the same damn cycle all over again. Sick to my stomach, went to urgent care (said I have inflammation in my sinuses and gave me Sudafed and Flonase, which did nothing), obsessing, holding my fingers over my ears, sitting in quiet rooms. Just trying to figure out where it went wrong.
My hope is that nothing has gotten worse, but that I am experiencing some type of stress related relapse. I swear to anyone, as someone that has had tinnitus for 12 years, I beat this psychologically. And it took time and patience. I am hoping that the battle will be easier this time, as I have to relearn how to just set aside the ringing and keep living. Fingers crossed.
Before I go, I want to say that although there is no cure for tinnitus, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You do get used to it, it isn't a death sentence, and you can live and accomplish lots. I am keeping a journal this time around. Going to try to see if I can chronicle this setback, as I am sure that with a lifelong condition it is bound to happen again.
I'd love to hear from anyone that has experienced something similar.
I went through the whole cycle of emergency room, ENT, follow up hearing tests and a trip to the VA. But it was relentless. My tinnitus was definitely here to stay. I was constantly holding my fingers over my ears, gauging the volume, pitch and severity. Constantly exposing myself to closed rooms, my car without the engine running, and outside at night time to expose how bad my ears were ringing.
My tinnitus is strange, as it started in 1 ear (left) and then transformed into both. My ENT said this is normal, as the brain will create a noise that is more even to maintain equilibrium. I'd say it was pretty loud. Could notice it pretty much anywhere, barring loud environments...
I worried myself sick, dropped weight, obsessed, hoped, bargained... pretty much desperate. But I had to keep living. I was planning a proposal to my girlfriend, working on a career, trying to live a normal life. And those motivators kept me going, despite constant worrying.
Now I didn't chronicle my tinnitus (which I wish I had, though it may have lead to obsessing). But fast forward to 2009-2010 and I was completely fine with it. Like, it was always on my mind to be careful with loud noises. I constantly wore ear plugs at work, and just kinda got used to the ringing. It was a form of acceptance. I went through a crappy divorce and my tinnitus never changed. Just always the same ringing, a little louder in my left ear.
From 2010-present, I lived completely normally. I remarried, entered a new profession (law enforcement), had 4 kids, bought a house, and did 7 years of school while working nights in order to obtain my masters degree. All with tinnitus.
This brings me to 2 weeks ago. I was doing some training with colleagues, and we decided to carpool to the training site. Some of the training was above average noise, some was loud, and I wore hearing protection when I felt it was needed (I've become pretty aware of what is "too loud"). As we were driving in the morning, I noticed my left ear ringing.
I thought to myself "I never hear my tinnitus in the car". And began obsessing over it again. Since that day, I've crashed and burned. It is like a total reset. I can now hear my tinnitus over just about everything, it is almost to the point that it causes dizziness. But I have too much responsibility to dive into depression. So this time it is more like annoyance. It is switching back and forth from left to right. Varying it's pitch. Changing as I turn my head or lay down. Just crazy.
I had honestly not given thought to my ringing in so long, now it's driving me crazy. I'm going through the same damn cycle all over again. Sick to my stomach, went to urgent care (said I have inflammation in my sinuses and gave me Sudafed and Flonase, which did nothing), obsessing, holding my fingers over my ears, sitting in quiet rooms. Just trying to figure out where it went wrong.
My hope is that nothing has gotten worse, but that I am experiencing some type of stress related relapse. I swear to anyone, as someone that has had tinnitus for 12 years, I beat this psychologically. And it took time and patience. I am hoping that the battle will be easier this time, as I have to relearn how to just set aside the ringing and keep living. Fingers crossed.
Before I go, I want to say that although there is no cure for tinnitus, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You do get used to it, it isn't a death sentence, and you can live and accomplish lots. I am keeping a journal this time around. Going to try to see if I can chronicle this setback, as I am sure that with a lifelong condition it is bound to happen again.
I'd love to hear from anyone that has experienced something similar.
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