Fortress of Chaos

[Angi]

I don't understand, I don't understand why I need to go through this hell, I can't even listen to music on low volume. I really Love music, it was the greatest love of my life, I love dancing, expressing the beauty of the inner self.
But now, I'm all left alone in the "silence" to struggle with the most chaotic sound there is, multiple screeching sounds from hell. Many times a week I realize where I'm at, and the loop starts over again. Will my life ever be the same again? When will I be able to stop worrying and hiding from the noises around me? I don't know, Since the doctors decided they will Not help me (I have normal hearing), I'm all alone in the fortress of chaos, waiting for my knight in shining armour to save me.

I suppose I'm my own saviour, and I really try my best, every single day, to be strong, to have faith in our universe. Since I can't trust society anymore I have to trust in myself even though it's hard, I will have to convince myself that this will be over soon. Patience is the key, I have been told.

Does anyone have the same trouble with music, listening to it and T gets worse (more noises)? Even though it's on low volume?
My T disappears sometimes for like one second, anyone else who has the same experience?

Lots of love to you all
Stay strong

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@Angi

You are not alone. T has changed my relationship with music and has very much eliminated the joy of it. Just like you describe, music was one of the main drives of my life, and I always thought that I will be fine as long as I could listen to great music. All that is gone, and now is just an OK masker in good T days. In my case, music does not make T worse, that is reserved to continuous noises. My T is very fluctuant, and sometimes I get random seconds or minutes of silence (or something really close to the old silence).
Do not overthink about the T being over soon. Most likely will not. The only thing we can do is manage it and that is an art form that each of us has to master.

 

[Angi]

Thank you, but I won't believe it's something that will never go away. If I give up my hope, I would give in to the horrible thoughts I have.
When I say soon, I mean years. I have to be somewhat realistic. Meanwhile I will have to manage.

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@Angi

At the end it does not matter what we believe, it is just what it is (chronic T). My advice is not that great since I am still a T sufferer and I have not found my own inner peace with T after three years. I keep trying and is a battle every day. Some days are acceptable, and try to increase that number, but I still feel like I lost my soul.

 

[SilverSpiral]

You guys have cool avatar pictures. @Angi I don't have exactly the same symptoms as you, but I do certainly have issues with music, so can empathize with your situation. I describe my symptoms here .

So following a noise induced situation, I have felt heavyness in the most affected ear, and constant tinnitus in both ears, 3 tones in the most effected ear, 1 tone in the other. 2 of the tones in the most affected ear being unmaskable.

However beyond the constant tinnitus, which is somewhat reactive to external sound (raising in volume after showering or walking outside by a street), The most disturbing symptom I experience is distortion of hearing or what I have recently heard of being called "recruitment". It means that at certain frequencies when I hear outside sound, instead of hearing the actual sound, I hear a modulated puretone/sinewave, people who are less audio intensive may describe it as hearing a whistle over/within external sounds.

It is horrible, fridges, showers, distant traffic, rain, and most devestatingly, music all produce this horrible whistling sound at certain frequencies. For me its around 2k, 4k, and 6k. It sounds perhaps similar to microphone feedback. It is really horrible.

How many others experience this and please, does anybody have links that reference this sort of occurance? I am really trying to come to terms with it.

I have basically habituated to the constant T tones I hear. I have significant hyperacusis, especially in my bad ear, but hearing this crap over sound in general is definitely the most psychologically damaging part, and is in my opinion completely restistant to habituation.

Does anybody know exactly what this is? Any scientific explanation of what it is? Does it respond well to LLLT?

 

[Angi]

@SilverSpiral Thank you.
I don't understand my situation, you know. I can listen to everything else but music (loud traffic for example). I can't even mask this damn T. Recently I got a new noise, I don't know how it was triggered. But as soon as I get less stressful and start to accept the sounds I hear, I get one more sound added or the ones I already have gets way louder.

 

[SilverSpiral]

@SilverSpiral Thank you.
I don't understand my situation, you know. I can listen to everything else but music (loud traffic for example). I can't even mask this damn T. Recently I got a new noise, I don't know how it was triggered. But as soon as I get less stressful and start to accept the sounds I hear, I get one more sound added or the ones I already have gets way louder.

How did your T start in 2000? Any idea what worsened it?

 

[Angi]

I don't know, I guess I've always had it. But my problem started a year ago. Didn't bring my plugs when going to the bar. They had a liveband playing. I was there for about 20 min and then I had louder T for 2 weeks, then it went back to normal. I went to a party with plugs 1 1/2 month later and then I was screwed.

 

[SilverSpiral]

I don't know, I guess I've always had it. But my problem started a year ago. Didn't bring my plugs when going to the bar. They had a liveband playing. I was there for about 20 min and then I had louder T for 2 weeks, then it went back to normal. I went to a party with plugs 1 1/2 month later and then I was screwed.

Darn another case of people's condition worsening even when using hearing protection. This condition is scary and unpredictable.

 

[Angi]

I think it might be that I went to the party too early after beeing exposed to loud noise without the plugs.
My ears was already quite damaged from years of partying without plugs. So my ears might just have given up. I don't get why there's no hearingloss though. I mean, there should be

 

[SilverSpiral]

I think it might be that I went to the party too early after beeing exposed to loud noise without the plugs.
My ears was already quite damaged from years of partying without plugs. So my ears might just have given up. I don't get why there's no hearingloss though. I mean, there should be

It's not uncommon for people on this board to have "normal" audiograms. In fact I would say that is the norm. At least with younger people who have noise trauma. Lucky you got away with years without plugs, I got mine from the single party I ever went to without them.

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@Angi

It is common to have a good audiogram to 8KHz (no official hearing loss), but then have damage in the delicate higher frequencies. My audiogram is worse for my T left ear than my right good ear in the very high frequencies.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...re-are-any-useful-patterns.16989/#post-198604

 

[JasonP]

I think it might be that I went to the party too early after beeing exposed to loud noise without the plugs.
My ears was already quite damaged from years of partying without plugs. So my ears might just have given up. I don't get why there's no hearingloss though. I mean, there should be

Post your audiograms here if you want to. Sometimes you might have a slight hearing loss and the doctors will tell you that you are fine. Sometimes people can lower their tinnitus by medicine or supplements. For example, passion flower (at a safe level) may be able to lower your tinnitus but you should not take it too long consecutively because of tolerance issues. You can ask others on here what lowered their tinnitus.

 

[Angi]

 

[fishbone]

I don't understand, I don't understand why I need to go through this hell, I can't even listen to music on low volume. I really Love music, it was the greatest love of my life, I love dancing, expressing the beauty of the inner self.
But now, I'm all left alone in the "silence" to struggle with the most chaotic sound there is, multiple screeching sounds from hell. Many times a week I realize where I'm at, and the loop starts over again. Will my life ever be the same again? When will I be able to stop worrying and hiding from the noises around me? I don't know, Since the doctors decided they will Not help me (I have normal hearing), I'm all alone in the fortress of chaos, waiting for my knight in shining armour to save me.

I suppose I'm my own saviour, and I really try my best, every single day, to be strong, to have faith in our universe. Since I can't trust society anymore I have to trust in myself even though it's hard, I will have to convince myself that this will be over soon. Patience is the key, I have been told.

Does anyone have the same trouble with music, listening to it and T gets worse (more noises)? Even though it's on low volume?
My T disappears sometimes for like one second, anyone else who has the same experience?

Lots of love to you all
Stay strong

Be thankful for what you have. It could be much worst. I would give anything to have 1 second of no noise.

Your hearing is normal, mine and others is shot and very bad..just be thankful and don't be so hard on yourself...

 

[Angi]

Thank you. I'm trying my best to be just that, thankful of all other things that actually are worth living for.