Four Months Now...

[elbarto]

Hello everyone,

I am a programmer, male, 25 years old and I am from Erftstadt (near Cologne) in Germany.
I noticed my tinnitus 4 months ago. At 4 am, after working on a Android-App hours for hours.
Just had listening to music with headphones, not really loud.
But I have done much sport, nearly everyday. Often listening to more or less loud music during my jogging workouts. 2-3 times each week, over 10 km in < 48 minutes. And 3-4 workouts in GYM each week, but without music. My ENT diagnosed just a little hearing los about 8 KHz (20 dB). Anything else were just fine.

4 Months now. Some days are good, other just like hell. Then I sitting in my office and have to fight against my wish to cry. I don't understand that punishment. I never gone to concerts, clubs or discos.
Very often just working on my private projects in silence or with moderate music.
Sadly I losing my hope, that this punishment will ever end. I think, I will never work in silence again...

 

[Robert Fahey]

Treat your anxiety with therapy and even meds. You need some short-term help.

 

[Karen]

Hi, Elbarto, and welcome!

Robert Fahey is right; the first thing to do is to get control of your anxiety. All of us with severe tinnitus have had this problem in the early months of our tinnitus. There are different kinds of anti-anxiety drugs (listed on this site) that may be helpful to you, in the short term, to control your anxiety. I didn't want to use drugs myself, so I found some natural supplements that worked for me. One of them was magnesium; another was holy basil. You could also try taking pharma GABA, which is calming, too. The natural supplements are more subtle, though, and may take longer to work. Do what you think would work best for you.

After you do that, you'll find that you can handle it better, and sleep better, too. Most of us find that, with time, our tinnitus gets better, or we habituate to it.

Having someone to talk to about it helps a lot, too. We're here to support one another on this site, and to share the latest information about tinnitus therapies and research. Please don't give up; you are going to be fine. There is lots of great information on this forum. We're glad you joined us, and I know things will improve for you, with time!!

 

[elbarto]

Karen and Robert, thanks for your replies.
It's right, I have to fight against my anxiety.
I will join in a self-help group and I try a self-help therapy.
Today I just started with Sport again. It was great, 1,5 hours without Tinnitus.
I have not noticed it. Sport with friends was really great.
Like the days before my tinnitus.
But now I miss silence again. Okay, I am watching TV, Tinnitus is in background, but my thoughts are dark and I think, some kind of depressed. Lossing also my hope more and more...

Hard to believe and to understand. Silence is gone...

 

[erik]

Hey Elbarto, seems like a lot of programmers have T.....wonder if many of us tend to be OCD too....anyway keep up doing what you are doing. You are on the right path. Keep busy, return to life as normal. You will have good and bad times but remember that when you are having a time that a good one is just around the corner. T is an annoyance and you are in charge.

 

[Karen]

Elbarto,

I'm glad you started back playing sports again. That's the spirit! When you do that, you are distracting yourself, and that is very good therapy. Joining a self-help group might help, too. Also, it's OK if you need to take an anti-anxiety drug for a few months, until you start to feel better.

The depression is natural; just don't give in to it! It's hard to believe right now, but with time, you'll notice that you are beginning to feel better, and more like yourself. Yes, the silence is gone, but if you can remain calm and do things to distract yourself, you will eventually hardly notice the tinnitus.

Don't give up, and keep us posted on how you're doing!

 

[elbarto]

Hello everybody,

my last days were like a rollercoaster. Up and down. Some days were really depressing. On those days I was really down. I can't believe that these sounds in my head will remain for the rest of my life. There will be never silence again, silence that my mind is able to notice.

And I've got some new hearing test results... Really bad. Got big hearing loss starting at 8 KHz (30 dB) up to 60-70 dB at 15 KHz...
And it will be bigger and bigger...

How do you handle this huge anxiety? Have you got some tips for me?

But I also had done my ordinary sports last week again. I think, I have to try to join in my normal life again.