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From Darkness to Light, How I Recovered from Tinnitus & Hyperacusis

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Thank you so much for writing all this. It is people like you that make our life possible. God Bless you mate, and thank you for giving back to our community. Words like these give us all strength.
 
Thanks so much Billy. Three years sounds like a long time. It took only 5,5 weeks for medication to create this havoc. I try not to be afraid. I have a heart condition that needs attention and medication and that makes it difficult not to worry and be scared of the future.

I have to be here for my children and husband. I pray to God to give me strength.

I took longer than many recovering members as you can read about them in the success stories. I guess my prior history of anxiety and panic disorder plus PTSD prevented me from moving forward faster. My nerves caved in to T automatically most mornings when I woke up with loud T. The weakened and panic prone brain didn't give me a fair fighting chance as panic attacks set in without me even being fully awake and I had to reach for meds like Ativan and Prozac. I had pills of Ativan with me in my wallets all the time, wherever I went, as I almost had no control on panic attacks. Prozac helped moderate the reaction eventually and Ativan gave me the instant relief when needed. That was the state of mind I had back in the first 6 months or so. But positively, if a guy like me can recover and be positive about my future, don't count yourself short. Your good life will be back. Believe it. The body will heal itself slowly over time as it gets more used to the repeated stimulus of T sensation. But positivity will help the brain get to that stage faster.
 
Hi Billie thank you for sharing your success story but more importantly your light!! I believe my T was caused by a ear infection a month ago and/or possible TMJ...mine is a constant static sound which is louder at night and in morning. I have searched the Internet since I developed T, mainly for information, but I found a lot of negative comments (which I totally get how easy it is to go down that road). But for me I would like to try to remain positive and hopefull regardless of my T. I have always been everyone else's cheerleader and now I'm needing a little encouragement myself so that I can start to encourage others ASAP! Once again thanks for the information and positive attitude it means a lot!

Thank you for the kind words. I always said that if a person like me with anxiety and panic disorder and PTSD prior to T & H can habituate to T and live a good life again, have faith that you can too. Positivity will facilitate the process faster. Keep up the good faith that the end of the tunnel will be reached at some point. God bless.
 
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Thank you so much for writing all this. It is people like you that make our life possible. God Bless you mate, and thank you for giving back to our community. Words like these give us all strength.

Thank you for saying that. I am glad this story post can benefit you and others. The world is better place when people care about each other, even among strangers from all over the world. In that sense, the T support community is a light unto the world too if you take that positively. We are the world. We are the children. We are giving our time and care for each other, even during our time of suffering. How beautiful !!!
 
Hi Billie,
Your post gives me hope. I'm new to T but not new to hearing problems. I lost the hearing in my left ear as a young child probably from mumps. In 2008 I had H with roaring in my ear. I had my hearing tested confirming H but no hearing loss. Initially I had to use ear plugs to block some of the external noise. Eventually it went away completely. Here I am 8 years later waking up from a ringing in my head like a distant fire alarm or cable car bells. I doesn't bother me much during the day but I cannot sleep at night. I am one of those people who need complete silence to sleep. Did you need to take medication for sleep? Last night I tried the white noise and even that was loud. It unbearably loud at night. Right now I am suffering from lack of sleep. I am hopeful reading the advice and success stories here.
 
@billie48 you are a great source of hope!
Today it's been 4 months that I developed SSHL with severe T, I have been having days with minimal T! I had 4 days of almost no T but last 2?days T is loud and intrusive, is this comon with recovery ?
 
Wow ! how I wish I could hug you right now ...thank u from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to go over your experience ...I so needed this tonight ! I'm in the early stages and struggling badly to cope ...but your story has given me hope ! Bless you @billie48
 
Hi
Am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time and feeling isolated. I completey understand aboutthe not being able to read. However hard a day had been , I use to find comfort in climbing into bed with a hot drink and a detective novel and losing myself in the story until I lost myself in sleep. Now going to bed seems like a daily ordeal, like going out into dark forest or something. But maybe you should perservere with the reading. I am slowly finding that I am beginning to ignore the T and focus on the book. Dont give up on the things that you love, as I think they can help get us through the early and tortuous days of T.
Am also sorry that your husband does not understand. My family became more sympathetic when I really spelt out how hard T is. I said they should imagine putting an ipod with a constant horrid noise in their ear for an hour, then a day, then a week and then imagine it maybe forever. Also could mention to husband the Iraq veteran on TT who said that T is much tougher than fighting in Iraq. Anyhow, your cats sound great. I've got goats with bloat that I'm meant to belooking after today. Need to make them pass wind which should be a challenge.
Take care
Barnacle (not my real name)
Totally agree with the Iraq veteran
 
Wow ! how I wish I could hug you right now ...thank u from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to go over your experience ...I so needed this tonight ! I'm in the early stages and struggling badly to cope ...but your story has given me hope ! Bless you @billie48

Thank you for your kind words. Hope that you are feeling better. You can PM me any time if needed and I will try my best to help and support you. Take good care. God bless.
 
@bille48 how long did it take for you to reach the recovery stage? I am ryt where you were. chest pain and my heart feels like it will stop. I have seen a number of doctors and only to find that nothing is really wrong physically the issue is Anxiety and depression. I feel like giving up but I don't want to . I have a sister who needs me. I am teacher and very dedicated to my Job. my kids at school loves me and I feel bad because I am going through this hard road in my life .
 
@billie48 Many, many thanks for this powerful, inspiring and helpful post and thank your very much for sharing your story with us. This was truly kind of a live safer for me! After living with severe tinnitus without any problems for about 20 years I felt into a deep hole a few months ago and I couldn't habituate again. I started focusing on it which makes T worse and then I also got hyperacusis. I thought I will never habituate again until I read your post which gave me the hope and confidence I needed. You are one of the heroes here on TinnitusTalk!

Because there are so many people in the German forum which do not speak English I have translated it for them and posted it there. I hope this is OK for you?! I guess this will also help many other sufferers.

All the best to you and all the other sufferers!
TinniTom
 
Hi @TinniTom glad to hear you have habituated again, do you lead a normal life? Btw, would be great to hear any news from the German website, I know they're always very advanced and have one of the best healthcare systems.
 
Hi @Candy ! Yes, I do live a normal life again. But this does not mean I do not have bad moments or bad days from time to time. I also can hear my very loud Tinnitus but I go on with things and try to live as I wouldn't have Tinnitus which allows me to forget T. I'm at the beginning phase of habituation and confident this will get better and the moments of forgetting T will become longer :)

I'm sorry but I do not read the German Tinnitus research threads because I wont search for a Tinnitus cure. I think you can not habituate when searching for a cure and when you trying to do everything to quiet your Tinnitus. Of course this does not mean a cure will be found some day. And when this is the case be sure you will get this information, also on TinnitusTalk :)

But I'm happy to help you with translations if there is anything you want read from a German website.

All the best!
TinniTom
 
@bille48 how long did it take for you to reach the recovery stage? I am ryt where you were. chest pain and my heart feels like it will stop. I have seen a number of doctors and only to find that nothing is really wrong physically the issue is Anxiety and depression. I feel like giving up but I don't want to . I have a sister who needs me. I am teacher and very dedicated to my Job. my kids at school loves me and I feel bad because I am going through this hard road in my life .

Hi muzi, my first year was a tough struggle requiring meds to help me survive. The second year was more stable but lots of setbacks but I persisted with my new approach of 'positivity', AAA attitude, and practicing 'finding joy amid the pain' as well as 'living life abundantly to bury T suffering (if any)', and the rest is history. The 3rd year, I began to tell the T bully to go to 'hell' instead of fearing it or bowing to its tyranny. It has lost out to my persistent effort and strategies. The time and frequency that the brain could fade out T got more and more. So finally at the 3rd year anniversary with my T journey, I wrote my success story. Hang in there. Don't rush yourself to get better. Focus on living and reclaiming your life, living abundantly regardless of T high or low and you will see improvement in due time. Take good care. God bless.
 
@billie48 Many, many thanks for this powerful, inspiring and helpful post and thank your very much for sharing your story with us. This was truly kind of a live safer for me! After living with severe tinnitus without any problems for about 20 years I felt into a deep hole a few months ago and I couldn't habituate again. I started focusing on it which makes T worse and then I also got hyperacusis. I thought I will never habituate again until I read your post which gave me the hope and confidence I needed. You are one of the heroes here on TinnitusTalk!

Because there are so many people in the German forum which do not speak English I have translated it for them and posted it there. I hope this is OK for you?! I guess this will also help many other sufferers.

All the best to you and all the other sufferers!
TinniTom

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad to know that my story has helped you. Feel free to translate it to help others. My objective of writing the story has always been to help lift others from their suffering with T and having more people reading that in a different language will be great and hopefully some of them can feel better in their journey with T. God bless you and the German forum members.
 
I am one of those who strongly believe that being positive will help us habituate to tinnitus faster. A few years back I was in total darkness of immense sufferings from severe tinnitus & hyperacusis. I have ultra high pitch and loud tinnitus (T) which was soon followed by piercingly hurtful hyperacusis (H). My T sounds like dog whistle, screaming & resonating in my whole head. It packs with so much condensed energy like a laser beam in a night sky, like a dentist drill with 10 times the pitch. It is absolutely an unbearable and alien sound. I could even hear it above the jet noise in my last few flights, and above the sounds of the raging, roaring rapids in the wild salmon river I fish. How bad was my T to a normal person? Well, once at better time, my family asked how bad and high pitch it is. So I played a sound clip matching my T sounds to them. Instantly, everyone screamed, covered their ears, and ran away as fast as they could. So while I don't know if my T is of the worst kind, I know it is not what a normal person can bear.

The hyperacusis turned all normal sounds glassy and piercingly hurtful, as if someone scratching glass with metal, like the ears being drilled. I couldn't stand the sounds or noises of TV, parties, restaurants, movies, driving, social conversations etc. Even the soft voice of my wife speaking too close was hurtful. Every normal sound seemed too loud to bear. What a misery! I had to wear earplugs to stop the hurtful sensation. But the earplugs blocked off all outside masking sounds, making the T scream so unbearably dominant. I tried to choose the lesser of the two evils, but there is no lesser choice among them. If I did things to please T, H would kill me and vice versa for H. I had no escape from them. I was facing two tortuous, alien monsters which dislike each other.

These two alien beasts of T & H literally overwhelmed my senses and my nerves were stretched to the breaking point. It was hard to control my emotions and I was teary easily during those dark, highly stressful days. Worst, prior to T & H, I had also suffered decades of anxiety and panic disorders and severe PTSD symptoms after suffering the trauma of witnessing the tragic accidental death of my young 5 years old son who died in my arm. My nerves were already weakened and unstable prior to T & H. So these two alien beasts just opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode daily from the moment I woke up by the screaming T.

These anxiety (A) & panic (P) attacks were very alarming and hurtful sensations to the body, with heart attack alike symptoms of chest pain, tightness of chest, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sore muscles and pains, headaches of all kinds, sharp pain like migraine, tingling pain like being pinned all over the skull, and numb pain with the brain like being enveloped in a fog not able to think clearly. There were nightmares, profuse sweating, strong adrenaline rush, fears & phobia about things & about the future, feeling disoriented, dizzy, lost and helpless. There were emotional and nerve overloads with uncontrollable moments of tearing due to too much stress. These severely hurtful symptoms coming on auto mode daily made it very hard to live with my already horrible sufferings from T & H. I was literally overwhelmed physically and mentally.

During the darkest period, day and night, T, H, A, and P all conspired to attack me with great sufferings, both mind and body, causing great despair and inevitable depression and sleeplessness.
Each day was a long, dark day of sufferings from these torturous masters of my life. Like many new sufferers, I was obsessed with T and was constantly monitoring it. I was scared and desperate. I had to depend on meds like Ativan, Prozac and sleeping pills just to survive each day. I cut off all social contacts, withdrew from things I used to enjoy doing and hid in a quiet room whenever I could. Life was bleak, lonely, desperate & hopeless. I was staring into the abyss of a life ahead filled with tremendous sufferings and loneliness. For how long? The thought just sent chill through my spine and gave me despair. Very often the big 'S' word was dangling in front of this tired and stressed out mind as it saw no way out. I thought me and my good life would end soon. Things just couldn't be any worse. How can one live with something so unlivable? For life? Gosh!!! I thought I would never recover and be happy again.

But that was then. Miracle does happen. Never say never. Today, by the grace of God, I am back to normal, living a full, happy, productive and enjoyable life, free from the darkness and tyranny of tinnitus and hyperacusis. I also don't need drug any more for my T & H. My hyercausis has long faded within the year it started, when I slowly and reluctantly took off the ear plugs for normal sounds, as advised by kind forum members. Tinnitus still rings but my brain has gotten used to and hardened to the ringing. It doesn't bother me or scared me like before. As I am typing on the subject of tinnitus, it is brought forth to consciousness. I can hear it screaming with its ultra high pitched shrill. The same dog whistle sound used to overwhelm me and my nerves. No longer! I have lost the fear for it and don't give a dime. It is now just a paper tiger. I am free from this T tyranny.

Today I can truly feel and breathe & see the beauty around me - fresh air, blue sky, green trees, lovely flowers, sweet faces of family and friends, lovely children and all that beauty of nature the Almighty has bestowed so generously for us mortals to enjoy. I can go dancing, singing, gardening, fishing, playing guitar, travelling, hiking, camping, eating out, watching cinema movies, even volunteering for church and charitable functions such as collecting foods for the local food bank, etc. etc. I don't let this tinnitus bully take any fun and meaning away from my life. My new motto is "Finding Joy Amid the Pain", as advocated by the late Darlene Cohen, yes, living life abundantly to compensate for tinnitus and its suffering (if any). When one can do that, tinnitus will be like a paper tiger. It can still rings loud, but it has lost its power to scare you and rob you of your life. More often T just got faded out by the brain from consciousness when it no longer perceives T as a threat. It sounds amazing but it is possible even for loud T. You may say how is it possible? Well, remember those flights you took when you were deep into watching a movie, did you hear the all encompassing loud jet noise around you? That is that simple. The brain can fade out even loud noise when it is not considered a threat. Many who have habituated have experienced the same.

So never say never. The good life can be back. Give it time. T may just disappear or fade. Even if it doesn't, good life is still possible. Try to follow some great insights from others. Copy success. From the wisdom of others, and copying them in my life, I got better. One war veteran said, when replying my inquiry on how to live with T long-term, "I am a soldier and I fight for a living. But when it comes to tinnitus, I have learned to accommodate it instead of fighting it". That is one great advice of wisdom from a professional solider that I will never forget. I have learned to accept and flow with life's ups and downs, even my loud tinnitus, by willing to coexist peacefully with T without all the emotional and negative reactions. This in turn allows the brain to habituate to T. It can be done. Believe it and have a bright hope for your future. If an anxiety and panic prone person with prior condition of chronic anxiety & panic disorder and PTSD, with both severe T & H, a person with a weakened and damaged nerves like me can do it, have faith that you can too. I encourage you to read the Positivity thread on the Support forum to fill yourself with the positive energy to move on and to live a great life even after T.

Thank you for reading my success story. It is a bit long. If you want to learn some of my strategies in more detail please read on. If you feel this story will help you and other suffering members, you are welcome to leave short comment after reading it so others can see how the story or the strategies can help you and your comment will also bump this story to more current status so newer members can see it easier. If you wish to have me respond to your comment or question(s), you can tag me with @billie48 to alert me and I will be able to respond faster. Thanks and God bless your recovery.

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DETAIL STRATEGIES:
Here are some of the important points or strategies which have helped me in my tinnitus & hyperacusis journey. Some of the strategies are my own and some I learn from other kind members. I hope you can benefit from trying them out:

1) Being positive, the AAA approach - Being positive helps me reduce my anxiety level. A big part of tinnitus suffering is mental. So being positive has helped me speed up my recovery. Just to think of it, if life has to be lived one way or another, negatively or positively, why not choose to live it positively? It can only help the problem and not make it worse. Positivity can actually alter the brain processes to benefit our health. What really happens is that positivity can help calm your nerves so the normal parasympathetic nervous system will return to replace the limbic nervous system which is active now due to the tinnitus trauma. As such the T stimulus will be processed by the prefrontal cortex of the brain instead of the amygdala which tends to make you function in fight or flight mode and everything looks much worse. The pre-frontal cortex has the function to extinct or reduce our fear response to make things easier to handle. So I choose positivity over negativity. I try to bring positivity to the NOW, the very moment in front of me which I can have some control to make it the best moment. Do this as a habit and your life will be positively changed for the better. Life will be much easier and more enjoyable with positivity even after T. Besides, positivity will help to bring down your stress level and anxiety which are bad for T. So The more positive, calm and relaxed you are, the less intrusive your T will become.

An important part of positivity is to adopt the AAA approach - Accept, Adjust and Adapt. I learn from the wise war veteran of the need to accommodate T instead of confronting or fighting it with extremely negative emotions. To accommodate is to accept, to make adjustment for the new reality, and to adapt to the new normal of living with T. This is a mental state of flowing with life's ups and downs. To accept doesn't mean you like T. It just means you accept the reality of T in your life. at least for a time. Then you make the adjustments without painful resistance. This may mean you need to protect your ears and avoid loud places, or that you need to mask T quite often initially, etc. You try to adapt to this new normal without negative & emotional resistance. It may not be easy to do so at first. But as time goes on, it will get easier. You will have much less emotional struggles and stress. These are bad for T. Why help the T bully by supplying the fuel, the stress and the anxiety, it needs to perpetuate its tyranny over us? Try the AAA approach for a change. It can only help and not hurt.

1a) Give it time - another very important thing is to give yourself time. Don't rush anything or expect too much improvement in the short term. Don't compare with others and don't set a schedule for recovery. Each person is different in how much time to improve and to achieve habituation. Your body needs time to absorb in the alien T ringing sensation. It is still trying to figure out if T is a threat and failing to shake T, the brain reacts in shock and fear. You are in 'fight or flight' mode and the nerve is under the limbic system which tends to make you react more nervously. After enough time to adjust to the new sensation with positivity and the AAA approach, the nerve will return to the normal parasympathetic system and you will be able to control your reactions better and then your perception of T may change for the better. If you read the success stories, you can see that TIME is a very important element and the most common element of recovery. Many posters will tell you they suffered badly initially and never beleive at first that they can either accept their T nor achieve habituation but they do eventually. No one is super human and can recover overnight. So remember to give TIME and your body enough time. Time is on your side if you adopt positivity and the AAA approach. So give TIME enough time for your body to heal. Just take it easy and focus on other aspects of life while you let the body heal in due time. Be patient. The best advice/strategy I can say to you is "If you know within a year or two your are going to be okay, why worry about the little bumps here and there (the spikes or the setbacks) along the way to final recovery?".

2) Reading success stories - They are so important to my initial days. I read many of them from various forums and learned their insights. Knowing that people can actually survive severe tinnitus and hyperacusis has given me tons of hope and confidence that I can get there by following their strategies. Thanks Heaven there are those kind and caring souls who care enough to help out the newer sufferers by sharing what they have learned. Together, they offer us their collective wisdom and insight how to battle T and come out a winner. I learn to emulate success by copying success from these folks. There is nothing better to learn from those who had done the battle and who understand your struggle intimately and understandably, because they were where you are. Reading success story will give you hope and calm your nerves, so that you can begin to embrace Positivity and AAA approach to speed up your recovery. So read as many as you can to soak in the spirit of hope, positivity and inspiration.

3) Beware of distorted thinking - You may be bombarded by really distorted thoughts at the initial phase of T suffering. A new T sufferer can be so traumatized by T that the limbic nervous system takes over and you function in 'fight or flight mode'. As such every bad or alien sensation is magnified and you begin to have many scary thoughts. You zoom in on T at the slightest irritation and you monitor it non-stop, fearing and worrying about what horrible things can await you. I realized back then that I tended to have catastrophic thinking about the future. I researched on it and realize that these are cognitive distortions in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). So I bought an inexpensive paper back book 'Feeling Good' by Dr. Burns and studied it well. Another great CBT oriented book specifically for tinnitus is called 'Tinnitus: A Self-Management Guide for the Ringing in Your Ears" by Henry & Wilson. It should be available from amazon.com. It is important to write down the distorted thoughts, ponder on them, and counter or replace them with more realistic and positive ones. I used to have lots of WORD documents on these so I can look them up often to help 'deprogram' the mind from falling for these cognitive distortions. This in turn helps to avoid all the mental sufferings due to the distorted thoughts.

3a) You are not Your Mind - this is a most powerful concept of positivity to combat distorted thoughts of the mind, a concept now promoted by many people and web sites, including Eckart Tolle who wrote 'The Power of Now'. Just google 'you are not your mind' and you will see so many writings from individuals and institutions, even psychology sites and youtube videos. Yes, detach yourself from the egoistic, scared, sad and depressed mind. That is not you. Free yourself from it. The real you is like a child, like a life force full of joy and life. There is a real peaceful and joyful you inside, Tolle called it your Being (a spiritual person may call it your real, precious soul inside of you), whereas the mind has been conditioned and corrupted by bad life's events. You are not your mind. Be a Watcher of the Mind, meaning you you detach yourself from the mind and observe its negative thoughts. Do not follow nor react to its chaotic distorted thoughts. By so doing, you are spared of all the negative reactions your chaotic mind is trying to suggest to you. You can see how meeruf using this concept to help his battle with T here. He is now enjoying life travelling often.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...from-the-tyranny-of-tinnitus-my-journey.2717/

By being able to counter the distorted thoughts with more positive and realistic ones, and by being able to step out of the box of my 'freaky T-scared mind', I have reduced my anxiety level and mental sufferings tremendously. When anxiety level and stress level are down, T will be robbed of its fuel to haunt us. So don't help T by providing more negative emotions. Positivity is and should be your new motto.

4) Masking & medications - when T is new & alien, it can create a lot of mental stress, such as anxiety, panic attacks, depression and sleeplessness. These can create havoc on your health and aggravate your suffering. One simple approach without using drugs is masking your tinnitus. Get masking going as soon as possible. You can cut back on masking later when you are more emotionally stable. For my high pitch T, I download high frequency nature sounds such as waves, heavy rain, waterfall, even faucet & shower sounds. There are many free sound generators or APPs out there. You can use a sound machine or pillow for bed time masking. Also consider these:
TT's own audio player: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/
or download free 'aire freshener': http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html
or make your own rain sound: http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php

When T is new and if you are really struggling emotionally and depression sets in and you can't cope with the sufferings by will power alone, please do consult with your doctors on using medications to help smooth out the sharp edges of emotions like what I had to do. You can always phase them out later but make sure you do so with the supervision and advise of your doctor(s).

5) Getting back to living - It may be hard to do at first. The tired and stressed body didn't want to do anything except to stay in bed or to glue to the computer for T information. I had to dare my T & H to pull myself out to do the things I used to enjoy, even with ear plugs sometimes. I would not let the T bully intimidate me and control my life. I fought to have my freedom back. Given time, it gets better and easier. At least I was winning the psychological battle. Remember to get back to living for yourself, for your love ones, and NOT for trying to reduce your tinnitus. Doing so will cause you to often get anxious why getting back to living hasn't helped and then you give up trying to live again. SEPARATE the two. Of course, given time, your tinnitus will lose its intensity as a consequence of the distractions of life's many activities and you losing fear for it because you now have you life back. It will happen gradually. Be patient. Give TIME and your body enough time.

6) Minimizing tinnitus - I learn not to dwell on tinnitus and give it more fire and fuel to perpetuate its tyranny on me. I minimize it by realizing that many people in the world have to work or live in very loud environment, like the drill workers, miners, flight attendants, etc. etc. If people can endure these loud noises for life for wages, perhaps even happy to have a job like that to feed the family, I can tolerate and accept my loud ringing just to get my life back. At least I don't have to work 1000+ ft underground drilling & risking mine collapse or gas poisoning. It is not a perfect analogy but I could ill afford a perfect analogy. It is either acceptance or misery for life. I chose the former. I also minimize tinnitus by comparing it to blindness and being handicapped. I played blind and handicapped often to help me put tinnitus in its right perspective in my life. I minimize T by gradually switching to more positive thinking about T and my life, that it is not a catastrophe nor the end game. It is livable and many people prove that. Heck, even famous celebrities like David Letterman, William Shatner (Star Trek Capt. Kirk), Streisand, Ronald Reigan, Townsend etc. etc., they have T and life goes on. Google celebrities with tinnitus and you will see a long list of them.

7) Maximizing my life force - by living life abundantly, by finding joy amid the pain. The brain was tired and it is dying for some new excitement to stimulate it. I realize I need to practise 'finding joy amid the pain' as advocated by the late Darlene Cohen. I decided to accept the pain, understand it and accept it. Then I focus on the joy of living. Enjoying what I used to do & taking on some new hobbies have kept life fun again. These new hobbies involves time away from tinnitus and they gave me the breaks I need from tinnitus. You can also try volunteer service for the good of others like collecting foods for food bank or teaching others how to fish as I did. These events give you breaks from T. The more breaks, the longer the breaks, the more confident that you will be just fine over time. Remember to fill your life with enough life force, enough positivity that it will just bury T to make it less and less an issue.

8) Be nice to ourselves and loved ones - T can draw the worst emotions out of us. Beware of this T bully. It can destroy relationship. After having T and dealing with strong negative emotions daily, I realize T was beginning to not just ruin me, but the great relationship with my love ones. I humanize T as my worst bully out there trying to charge my family to harm them (by knocking me down first). So I said no way to the T bully. I would stand up on my feet and fought this bully. If it made me live like hell, I want to make sure my family live like heaven in return. I decided to be extra nice to them. I even massaged my wife daily while my ipod was masking T. I hugged and kissed so everyone knew I love & care for them. They sensed my effort & returned the same. The result was great love and harmony, a ray of light for me amid the darkness of T & H. It gave me hope then that my life wasn't utterly wasted and worthless, as well as the confidence & strength to soldier on with life despite immense T sufferings. At the worst period of relentless sufferings, I just considered I donated my body as if it were composted, and dead to the unpleasant sensations by ignoring them, just so that I could still be around to nourish my love ones especially the young ones (just like how in nature mother plants compost themselves to give nourishment to their seeding plants). Perhaps they can learn from my perseverance during tough struggles and hopefully they can emulate that later in their life to help them through their struggles.

9) Following Guiding Lights - with my nerve being weakened by prior condition of anxiety & panic disorder, I found it necessary to borrow strength from some others and their fine examples, how they can overcome tough, even unmaskable T and be able to live a normal, even happy life.

Then there is the incredible story of the young Zoe Cartwright who became totally deaf at young 15. It was bad enough to face sudden deafness, but on top of that she developed loud unmaskable T which according to her can be #!%^&* loud. Yet she made the wise choice to accept the reality of her unmaskable T, and decided to live her life and pursue her goals. Against all odds, she made it to university where she made a tinnitus film to tell us her story. I have posted her story and her film link on the Positivity Thread of the Support Forum. Please read her story and watch her film at page 14 (post# 420) & page 15 (post# 423) and hopefully you will come away realizing what an amazing story of courage and positivity this young pretty lady shows us. Despite facing her loud unmaskable T, she said she loves her life and enjoys it. T is just a slice of her life which she accepts. Amazing positivity and stamina for a young lady. Sometimes, guiding light like her can help lift us up to want to soldier on with our own T journey.
Here is post# 420 of the Positivity Thread on Zoe : The Positivity Thread
Here is post # 423 : The Positivity Thread

And then there is the inspiring story of the young & beautiful jazz singer Melody Gardot, with severe T & H, and worse was hit by a SUV at young 19 causing massive damage to her body, being hospitalized for a year suffering from incredible pain & immobility. Yet she didn't cave in to these incredible sufferings. She turns to positivity and music, accepting her disability and all, and excels in guitar, piano and what a singer she has become. Here is her story of triumph over her tough struggle and a youtube clip of her performance on David Letterman's show (who has 2-tone T himself, LOL):
http://jazztimes.com/articles/24598-melody-gardot-s-melodic-therapy



Tinnitus is so common that even household names & celebrities have them. Google 'celebrities with tinnitus' and the list is long. Here are two guys I often watched back then, David Letterman the famous comedian and William Shatner the Star Trek captain. They show me that even after initial suffering (Shatner said he was suicidal at one time), people do get back to living a normal life.


The inspiring guiding lights don't stop with these ladies or celebrities. There are many of them here posting their success stories and you can get just as inspired by them, such as Karen, LadyDi, Kathi, AnneG, Jade, etc., etc. Through these people and their stories, I find my guiding lights and I decide to focus on positivity and acceptance, and move on to focus on life's many beauties and blessings besides T. I now live an absolutely enjoyable life. Good life can be back. Believe it. Give it time and take good care of yourself. Have faith for a bright future. You can beat this T bully. God bless you all.

******************
A simple mental exercise of positivity that I often do which may help you:

- while waking up (even with T blasting like I often have), spend a few minutes before getting up to flash through some of the positive & beautiful or fun things in your life. If you have loved ones dear or great friends, flash through their smiling faces and the tender moments with them. Chant out loud to yourself 'I am blessed even though I am having this T challenge. It is harmless and I believe I will get better over time especially if I stay positive, calm and hopeful'.

- while having self-pity & feeling depressed about T, I often played blind or handicapped (only when safe to do so) for a few minutes. This is not comparing T to other tough challenges, but to help put it in the right perspective in my life. I learn to appreciate the visible world and my mobility a lot more. Suggest to the brain again, "I am blessed to be able to do many things other people can't. I am confident my T and/or my reaction to it may get better over time with a positive attitude and willing to accept the new normal of life with T".

- I use mental imagery of drillers, miners and flight attendants and their loud jobs a lot when my T spike, especially waking up to this loud scream. I often watch videos of those loud job with real life volume of the loud machines (see bottom of page for some samples of people working w/o protection). I used ear plugs initially to protect from the H, but this gave me a vivid picture of how loud these people have to deal with day in and day out. T is usually drowned out by these loud machines. Then when T spikes, I often have a vivid mental imagery of myself handling the loud machines and suggest to myself, "OK, I will treat myself like one of those people with loud jobs on long shifts and T is nothing in loudness compared to these. I will take T on without negative reactions like these folks taking on their loud machines. They accept these noises for wages, I will try to learn accepting my T noise or the reality of living with T for having my life back and having my emotional sanity intact. At least I am not 1000+ ft underground or facing possible dangers like them". This exercise has helped me to shift from feeling miserable and anxious about the spikes and then the brain is spared from dealing with all the negative emotions and sufferings. This can then help the brain to accept the reality of T and habituate to it easier and eventually.

- try mindfulness meditation to bring T as the object of awareness. It will be tough at first, as Dr. Hubbard wrote about this in his success story, but it will get better in due time. This 'exposure' exercise can help the brain to not freak out so much to the T sound. I often visualize and humanize T as a hated bully trying to pin me down to make me kneel, bow and beg for its mercy. I said "Screw it bully. I don't fear you and won't bow & kneel to you begging for mercy. This is all you can do to me with this sound, and I am facing it dead on and winning. I will harden to this sound in due time and time is on my side". Honestly, when we take this accepting but defiant stance and when it is achieved, then the brain can learn to habituate to this ringing sound which it doesn't fear nor care after a while. Remember, TIME is on your side.

- try the powerful mental imagery of 'You Are Not Your Mind' as talked about in point 3a) above. Imagine you are detached from the corrupted, scared, anxious and depressed mind, and be a witness or watcher of that mind and its distorted thoughts. Don't react or identify with the mind nor react to it, as if you are a separate entity. Even if you are anxious and scared, try to say 'Hey, I am not my mind, and I don't have to listen nor react to its wild, distorted thoughts. I am a watcher of it and I can see how weak and distorted that mind is'. This is a powerful mental imagery which can help you step out of the misery of the distorted mind and all its negativity. Believe me, I used this technique heavily during the darkest time when the mind was in a mess and I could still maintain my sanity, lol.

- Watching the distressed and chaotic mind can be achieved by powerful technique of focussing on the NOW. I used this technique quite often during the tough struggle because often distorted thoughts drifted through the mind to cause so much anxiety. The chaotic thoughts are usually about the future or the past, never much about the present. It is the fear of the uncertain future and the horrible past experiences that drives the insanity while we forget living the NOW, the very moment in front of us. I would say to myself, "The future is not reality and the past is history. The NOW, the very moment in front of me is the only time I can do and act to make a positive difference to my life", and then I would focus on the present moment and would try to make it a positive moment. By doing this constantly, you gradually change your life for the better and you become a more positive person. By doing this, you also have a good chance to bring about a positive future and to heal the wounds and bad experiences of the past.

- try to live my life abundantly and enjoyably by finding 'joy admit the pain'. When you go back to living, talk to the brain like "Tell T to take a ticket and wait in line. I am busy and having fun. I can live my life abundantly, enjoyably, and positively regardless of T high or low. I love my life. T is just a slice of my life (as Zoe Cartwright with total deafness and therefore unmaskable T puts it). I am going to enjoy my life and the heck with T".

- Repeat these positive self-affirmations and mental exercises often until the brain slowly if surely buy into the constant self suggestions. Repeat this process until you get better. Don't give up. You will get better. Just believe it. God bless your recovery.

- Videos for using an imperfect analogy and mental imagery. If you don't object to this imperfect analogy, watch these samples of loud jobs of people (including the airline crew in those loud jets in the jet videos) without ear protection and NOT freaking out. Turn the volume up to real life loudness if you can bear it and then watch your T drown out by these machines. Whether we realize it or not, T has become a PHOBIA and like other phobia, the irrational fear for T needs to be DEPROGRAMMED. So I used these videos to help myself to stay calm during huge spikes. Try suggest to yourself that if people can work like this and face these noises day in and day out, perhaps even happy to have a job to feed the family, then why we need to freak out with T which can be completely or partially masked unlike these workers without ear protection? At my worst spikes, I just have a mental imagery of myself being the one working like them, and NOT freaking out to T. It works for me. I hope it works for you. This perhaps can start your REVOLT against T's supremacy over your life and your emotional stability. Don't fear T and don't let T ruin our life with its much weaker sound than these machines and T can be masked to varying degree:








***********************

(ps. just a reminder, if you have questions or comment requiring response from me, please tag me with @billie48 so I can be alerted about that and respond to you faster. Thanks.)

Thank you so much .This is bringing back hope to us.
 
hi.. ive had tinntitus for the past 5 years now it was very bearable... until about a month ago.. its soooo high pitched uts beyond severe.. i dont go to concerts, shooting ranges, etc... and all of a sudden it just spiked..... i have no idea why?
i have been under alot of emotional stress.. can stress be the culprit?

my t is sooo unbearable it feels like i am going to die...
ive gone to the ent and the hearing test even though w the severe t theres no hearing loss....
is that a good or bad thing???
 
Hi @Fabiola,

There are many causes which can trigger or aggravate tinnitus, including but not limited to drug reaction or side-effects from ototoxic drugs, ear wax build-up, ear or Eustachian tube infection or ETD, ear drum injury, fluid build-up feeling pressured, TMJ, TTTS, high blood pressure or blood circulation problem, loud noise exposure, acoustic trauma/shock, head trauma & injury, neck injury or muscle problems, hearing loss, Meniere's, barotrauma from sudden change of air pressure such as flights, slapping of the ears, grief for the loss of loved ones, untreated sleep apnea, elevated stress, anxiety & panic disorder, etc.

You mention emotional stress. Yes, definitely that one is on the list above and quite a frequent one to shoot T up to a new level. Hopefully you will find some ways to lessen the stress level. If you have no hearing loss, that is definitely a good thing. I have hearing loss in the high frequency and that may be the reason for my high pitch T. But hearing loss is not the only reason for high pitch T. Try to first do something to relax yourself such as going on vacation or do some leisure walk/exercise. Also try to mask the high pitch T so you won't be so anxious or fearful that will make T worse. T feeds on our negative emotions. So do your very best to stay calm and positive and let time help the body heal. If you can, try stay away from too much salt, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, MSG etc., and try to take some supplements such as Magnesium, Zinc, B12, NAC, etc. to see if they will help you. Take good care. God bless.
 
Thank you so much Billie for your input :)
I'm just confused as too why it went to a high pitch...
I am doing my best to low my stress level so my body can heal... I just hope it goes down.. do you know if high pitch tinnitus always stays that high or if it goes down ?
 
@Fabiola
One thing about tinnitus is that it is quite unpredictable and it can change tone or morph into different symptoms during the initial stage or when it go up another level. These are periods of instability that many of us are left scratching our heads as to why T does this and that and what can cause T to do this or that. We then tend to panic at every change that T goes through. That causes the brain to zoom in on T all the time, quite an unhealthy thing as this will cause us to pay too much attention to T, resulting in more intrusive tinnitus.

Regarding high pitch T, many members do find their T tend to either fade back to baseline or that they eventually habituate to the new level. It is not something that will happen over night. You need to have patience with T. Play the smart game with it. It feeds on our negative emotions. So try your best to stay calm and stay positive. This will calm the nerves, which then in turn can help to tame T a bit. Hope I have answer your question. I don't have all the answers. Perhaps you can post your story and your questions on the main support forum where a much larger membership can read your post and hopefully share their insights.
 
Hello billie and others.
I'm new on this forum and I'm French, so sorry if my pratice of english is not very good. I had first time a tinnitus after a music concert (Iggy Pop) 17 years ago and it almost vanished away after 3 monthes thanks of a therapist (energetician) or may be time. But in 2015, previous eyes problems (many flooaters) became worse and I had anxiety attacks during the night. So my stupid doctor gave me anxiolityques (Xanax) without telling me it should be taken with precaution and that it was a potential ototoxic medication. I slept so well with it. But after one year (may 2016), in my right ear, my tinnitus came back, following by Hyperacousia. I met many specialists for ears (some said they were specialists of tinnitus) and no one made a link with the medication. my T and H became worse because I went on with more anxiol. and I became so desesperate (suicide ideas) that I had to go two times (first time: 6 weeks; second time: 10 days this last summer and autumn) in psychiatric hospital; of course, doctors gave me more anxiol. with sleeping pills, antid and neurol. My wife discovered the link between my ears problems and all these medications and made me going out of the hospital in november 2016. I had stopped before neurol. and when I came back home, I quickly stopped sleeping pills and antid. (potentially ototoxic too) and I'm now in withdrawal of benzos (anxiol.). It's so hard, a nightmare; I am in the same situation as you were in the past. I can't work any more (I'm a teacher) and I stay in my room all day. The noise, high pitched is in my head and I can't bear any noise in the house or outside. But what is difficult in my situation is that tinnitus and H are worse every week because of the withdrawal cure. I'm completely desesperate, with suicidal ideas, even if my wife helps me. It's the firs timet I can read a story (yours) which gives me a bit of hope even if it's different (yours didn't became worse). Two weeks ago, I could eat in the kitchen with my children; now its impossible and if I go outside, I must wear ear plugs and an other protection ("casque de chantier"). I'm not living but surviving, hoping every morning I can reach the evening. I'm a very anxious character which doesn't help but this noise in the head is so terrific...
andreus
 
hi.. ive had tinntitus for the past 5 years now it was very bearable... until about a month ago.. its soooo high pitched uts beyond severe.. i dont go to concerts, shooting ranges, etc... and all of a sudden it just spiked..... i have no idea why?
i have been under alot of emotional stress.. can stress be the culprit?

my t is sooo unbearable it feels like i am going to die...
ive gone to the ent and the hearing test even though w the severe t theres no hearing loss....
is that a good or bad thing???

Same thing happened to me and I believe it's a combination of stress which can disrupt sleep and over exposure to loud noise. I run a decibel app on my phone and you would be surprised how noisy the world we live in can be.

I find the better I sleep the better the tinnitus is the following day.
 
@billie48, I never replied in this thread and feel I need to. I have read your story many times in the past and everything you say is absolutely true, and it is something I have experienced myself first hand. Once we learn to stop fighting the noise, and accept it, the emotions that are directly responsible for making us feel anxious and depressed, back off.

I've said this many times but some don't believe it, and assume we must have 'mild T' in order to overcome it. I think this instinct to fight it, or hold onto it, is what separates some from others. I think our personalities play a large role in this, and also louder T really is significantly harder to adjust to.

I still believe, however, the many people who state they have loud T and have learned to live with it. This includes my own experience.

Your story is an inspiration to all who read it.
 
@Ed209,
Thank you Ed for the kind words. I am on vacation to the Orient right now and have not had access to Internet much so I miss some of the latest posts. I thank you for being such a great contributing member here helping a lot of people. I believe all of us have in some way contributed to helping struggling members, and have inspired others to soldier on with their tinnitus struggle. You are also an inspiration to me and I thank you for being so nice. Will connect with you and others more after my vacation here. I am enjoying life to the fullness regardless what T is doing as its tyranny over my life is over
 
Wow, great stuff guys.

I've had tinnitus from one loud rave event since 18 (28 soon). The first 6 months was rough but I adapted, because it was mild. Fast-forward to 2 years ago, I awoke to a woodsaw outside my window which somehow in those 10-15 seconds of getting hit by it at probably 105db, combined with slamming the old loud windows I had in anger, did something to my already damaged ears to get worse, 4-5 days later when I awoke. Bad T (which is now reactive), hyperacusis and I still haven't adapted and it's been a struggle up and down from getting hit with noises or just random increases.

I do not mask, or rarely do, which probably contributes to my anxiety, but I refuse to do so. I want natural sounds that are already around me to do it, so I'm not "consciously" masking, otherwise i feel like I lost. I sleep without anything as well.

I do occasionally, and especially all last march, got to a point that 1) I didn't hear it as much during day and 2) The pitch was something I didn't have insane negative reaction to. Sadly, my ears have got worse again, from hours of vacuum cleaning with muffs on, swimming plugs pushing wax deep into my ear, or perhaps a haircell just died, I cannot tell. But I'm so intuned to what it sounds like, that the slightest change affects me.

When you reach a good place, and you sit on your couch and watch t.v and it's not noticeable, whether because of the level AND/OR because of the pitch isn't bothersome, that is something amazing. How do you lose that, over and over, and continue forward? That is my problem. When the tone changes to higher pitch and you focus on it, get upset and can't stop that viscous cycle...I just don't know what to do myself.

I start to question am I so damaged I can't go out anymore. I started in March going into starbucks without plugs and doing things without plugs if I was under say 90db with only occasional peaks of hitting 85-92. I start to wonder, do I have to stay home and be depressed again just to save my ears? Not go out. Do my ears just fluctuate and will for the end of time, or are they getting damaged. I can't come to terms of what is what, so I become negative and upset.

It's a vicious thing I feel trapped about almost 2 years after another exposure made my original T worse. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even want silence, just a 20 or 30% reduction. Just a lower freq. tone that doesn't bother me. Just to sit on the couch with only the sound from a T.V and not consciously be hearing the Tinnitus because it's high pitch or acts more like a bell curve constantly with how the noise sounds, instead of a pure singular tone that doesn't change that makes it easier to fade in background and ignore.

Just brutal this is, especially the extremely lack of medical research and care.
 
Hello billie and others.
I'm new on this forum and I'm French, so sorry if my pratice of english is not very good. I had first time a tinnitus after a music concert (Iggy Pop) 17 years ago and it almost vanished away after 3 monthes thanks of a therapist (energetician) or may be time. But in 2015, previous eyes problems (many flooaters) became worse and I had anxiety attacks during the night. So my stupid doctor gave me anxiolityques (Xanax) without telling me it should be taken with precaution and that it was a potential ototoxic medication. I slept so well with it. But after one year (may 2016), in my right ear, my tinnitus came back, following by Hyperacousia. I met many specialists for ears (some said they were specialists of tinnitus) and no one made a link with the medication. my T and H became worse because I went on with more anxiol. and I became so desesperate (suicide ideas) that I had to go two times (first time: 6 weeks; second time: 10 days this last summer and autumn) in psychiatric hospital; of course, doctors gave me more anxiol. with sleeping pills, antid and neurol. My wife discovered the link between my ears problems and all these medications and made me going out of the hospital in november 2016. I had stopped before neurol. and when I came back home, I quickly stopped sleeping pills and antid. (potentially ototoxic too) and I'm now in withdrawal of benzos (anxiol.). It's so hard, a nightmare; I am in the same situation as you were in the past. I can't work any more (I'm a teacher) and I stay in my room all day. The noise, high pitched is in my head and I can't bear any noise in the house or outside. But what is difficult in my situation is that tinnitus and H are worse every week because of the withdrawal cure. I'm completely desesperate, with suicidal ideas, even if my wife helps me. It's the firs timet I can read a story (yours) which gives me a bit of hope even if it's different (yours didn't became worse). Two weeks ago, I could eat in the kitchen with my children; now its impossible and if I go outside, I must wear ear plugs and an other protection ("casque de chantier"). I'm not living but surviving, hoping every morning I can reach the evening. I'm a very anxious character which doesn't help but this noise in the head is so terrific...
andreus

Hi Anredus, I am just back from my vacation. Sorry I didn't have much time to go on Internet and replied to posts. I am no expert on medicines, especially on the use of drugs and on phasing them out. You seem to suffer from withdrawal symptoms when you suddenly stop using these drugs. My advise is that you need to phase the drugs out with the help of your doctors on a gradual basis. Perhaps you need to post the above on the main support forum where there are a much larger number of members who may be able to advise you on how to phase out Xanax and other drugs. Please also consult with counselors if you have strong suicidal thoughts. They are trained to support you and help you deal with crisis.

I don't know if my H was much different from yours. It got better only after months and months of suffering from it. It didn't get well fast but after a year it subsided. Everybody's body chemistry is different so don't expect and compare with others on the time frame of recovery. Some will take longer than others. But overall, if you protect your ears from loud sounds but not the normal sounds, and if you give it enough time without extreme negative reaction to it, then it should improve over time. Be patient. You may be still suffering from withdrawal symptoms and so the body and your ears will take some time to settle down. Remember I suffered from anxiety and panic disorders plus PTSD for decades before the arrival of T & H. I didn't have the nerves nor mental strength to deal with all these at the same time. Yet I recovered after a few years. So don't lose heart and don't rush yourself as impatience will only add more stress and anxiety which can aggravate your T & H. Take good care. God bless.
 

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