- Mar 31, 2022
- 238
- Tinnitus Since
- 2016
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Paradoxical on Klonopin leading to a shitton of other proble
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A VERY DEPRESSING STORY WITH THOUGHTS/ACTS OF SELF-HARM.
Hello,
I wanted to make a post, and although it may be a bit pre-mature, which I will explain in a bit more detail below, I feel as if it's a good idea to give an update and a ray of hope to people who may be suffering.
My real name is not Bryson, but Dana, and I want to firstly say thank you to the many people who told me to keep pushing through this continual nightmare. This began a week after my 28th birthday, and I will be 30 in about 4 months. I truly do not think I would still be here if it weren't for a few people here. On the other hand, there are a few others who truly need some self reflection, as tinnitus and hyperacusis is not a suffering contest -- they are horrible afflictions that need medical research and a treatment/cure.
What Happened?
I won't go into too much detail in my story, but the condensed version is I began taking Klonopin (Clonazepam) after a noise exposure/panic attack in January 2022, and I got this weird electrical noise in my head. I had had mild tinnitus since 2016 that had faded substantially over the next year. I chalked the new noise up to the noise exposure and kept taking the Klonopin as EVERY doctor I went to said it was my anxiety. The electrical sound turned into a full head unmaskable, super intrusive scream within a couple of months.
I flew to South Korea for the "nerve treatment", which literally did nothing but make it temporarily worse. I came back desperate, as the tinnitus kept getting worse with horrible, terrible screaming/hissing in my head within about 2 months. It turns out I was paradoxical on Klonopin due to my previous prescribed use of this drug (4 years, discontinuation via cold turkey) which means the more I took, the worse it got. There are some instances of this happening if you look hard enough online (Tinnitus Talk and BenzoBuddies). I will never be able to describe the sound at its worst, but the best description was a high frequency buzzing/screeching that moved all around my head, not in my ears at all.
I withdrew from Klonopin for 6 months, and the end of the taper was God awful. I suffered with burning hands, burning feet, total insomnia, total panic/sense of doom, suicidal thoughts/acts, exploding head syndrome, depression, paranoia, a complete loss of self, uncontrollable sweats, convulsions, and much more. When I jumped (stopped) this drug at 0.0375 mg, I got SEVERE hyperacusis. I mean SEVERE. Horrible pain from low level noises, stabbing, burning, orbital bone pain, all of it. In addition I had anywhere form 15-30 tones on any given day, in addition to HORRIBLE dentist drill type sounds in my head from the Klonopin. I could not leave the house or drive due to how bad the pain from the hyperacusis was, I basically sat in a quiet room all day crying and wishing I was dead. I attempted to end my life twice unsuccessfully, and thank God for that because I am doing much better. Unfortunately I have completely broken things off with many friends and all of my family, as they would not come to visit me, support me/did not believe me. It was a total fucking nightmare that I could not have drawn up worse if I tried.
When I COLD TURKEYED Klonopin in 2020, I suffered literally 0 side effects. Kindling was a huge factor for this entire situation, and it is a REAL and DANGEROUS phenomenon.
Where I'm Now
The tinnitus from the benzo is gone about 75% of the time when I wake up. When it is present, I can pretty much ignore it, and it continues to fade every day, with more "quiet days", and the "bad days" being extremely manageable.
The hyperacusis is still very present, but I no longer wear earplugs driving, or anywhere really. I am in some amount of ear pain most days but it is getting better every day. Sometimes I have very bad burning, and then the next day it is completely gone. I am assuming it is waxing and waning from the benzo withdrawal. I have gone on dates, returned to my job, and moved back to my home state to be closer to my friends until I make a *full* recovery, which I know I will. I am still avoiding any sound that could be considered loud.
I do still have "normal" tinnitus that everyone thinks of in my right ear, which is crazy and erratic due to the hyperacusis, which was previously an extremely low level sound. I would rate it as high mild/low moderate. I can hear it clearly outside when in my backyard, but most music and other noises cover it. I am working on ignoring the daily changes and getting back to life.
I lost a lot through the past 1.5 years. Girlfriend, friends, job, family and most importantly myself/peace. I truly have some serious trauma due to this, and when I have tried to explain it to others it's completely useless as no one will ever understand -- that's okay. I feel as if I am being reborn as I get a little more back to normal every day.
Some Key Points
This is extremely rare. I found 3 other cases, one on Tinnitus Talk, one on YouTube, and one on BenzoBuddies. All Klonopin, by the way. But it CAN happen. If you are taking this drug or any other benzo, you NEED to know exactly what it does to your body, and understand that there is NO LOW DOSE OF A BENZO. I'm sure I will be labeled a fear mongerer, but that's fine. I am telling you what happened to me and how it destroyed my life.
LOOK AT YOUR MEDICINE. It is extremely sad to think that if I had just stopped the Klonopin after a couple of days, none of this would have happened. I try to tell myself that it was not obvious -- doctors including Dr. De Ridder, my own psychiatrist, and many on Tinnitus Talk did not believe me.
This drug turned me into a COMPLETE PSYCHOTIC LUNATIC. I look back on things I posted here and it seems like a different person. In my "normal" life, I am a fairly successful young guy with many great friends, never having any suicidal thoughts, ever. I consider myself a "chill" person who is easy to get along with.
This one will be controversial, because I know people find benzos useful for tinnitus, but THIS IS LITERAL RAT POISON. It DESTROYS your central nervous system, ESPECIALLY if you have taken it before like I had. I don't really want to argue about this point because I can see the other side of having severe tinnitus, having been let down by the entire medical community and only having this drug to keep sanity. But in my case, this drug literally almost killed me.
THE BIGGEST THING I CAN STRESS IS DO NOT COMPARE YOUR SITUATION WITH OTHERS. I have learned that tinnitus and hyperacusis are two EXTREMELY individual things, and all this did for me was stress me out and throw me into a horrible panic.
I was going to put this off until I was "completely" recovered, but I have made such drastic improvements over the past 4 months that I don't see how I wouldn't completely recover at this point, knock on wood. I'm prepared for the remaining issues to take another 6 months to a year to get better. I have been staying away from Tinnitus Talk, but will certainly return when I am doing even better.
Hello,
I wanted to make a post, and although it may be a bit pre-mature, which I will explain in a bit more detail below, I feel as if it's a good idea to give an update and a ray of hope to people who may be suffering.
My real name is not Bryson, but Dana, and I want to firstly say thank you to the many people who told me to keep pushing through this continual nightmare. This began a week after my 28th birthday, and I will be 30 in about 4 months. I truly do not think I would still be here if it weren't for a few people here. On the other hand, there are a few others who truly need some self reflection, as tinnitus and hyperacusis is not a suffering contest -- they are horrible afflictions that need medical research and a treatment/cure.
What Happened?
I won't go into too much detail in my story, but the condensed version is I began taking Klonopin (Clonazepam) after a noise exposure/panic attack in January 2022, and I got this weird electrical noise in my head. I had had mild tinnitus since 2016 that had faded substantially over the next year. I chalked the new noise up to the noise exposure and kept taking the Klonopin as EVERY doctor I went to said it was my anxiety. The electrical sound turned into a full head unmaskable, super intrusive scream within a couple of months.
I flew to South Korea for the "nerve treatment", which literally did nothing but make it temporarily worse. I came back desperate, as the tinnitus kept getting worse with horrible, terrible screaming/hissing in my head within about 2 months. It turns out I was paradoxical on Klonopin due to my previous prescribed use of this drug (4 years, discontinuation via cold turkey) which means the more I took, the worse it got. There are some instances of this happening if you look hard enough online (Tinnitus Talk and BenzoBuddies). I will never be able to describe the sound at its worst, but the best description was a high frequency buzzing/screeching that moved all around my head, not in my ears at all.
I withdrew from Klonopin for 6 months, and the end of the taper was God awful. I suffered with burning hands, burning feet, total insomnia, total panic/sense of doom, suicidal thoughts/acts, exploding head syndrome, depression, paranoia, a complete loss of self, uncontrollable sweats, convulsions, and much more. When I jumped (stopped) this drug at 0.0375 mg, I got SEVERE hyperacusis. I mean SEVERE. Horrible pain from low level noises, stabbing, burning, orbital bone pain, all of it. In addition I had anywhere form 15-30 tones on any given day, in addition to HORRIBLE dentist drill type sounds in my head from the Klonopin. I could not leave the house or drive due to how bad the pain from the hyperacusis was, I basically sat in a quiet room all day crying and wishing I was dead. I attempted to end my life twice unsuccessfully, and thank God for that because I am doing much better. Unfortunately I have completely broken things off with many friends and all of my family, as they would not come to visit me, support me/did not believe me. It was a total fucking nightmare that I could not have drawn up worse if I tried.
When I COLD TURKEYED Klonopin in 2020, I suffered literally 0 side effects. Kindling was a huge factor for this entire situation, and it is a REAL and DANGEROUS phenomenon.
Where I'm Now
The tinnitus from the benzo is gone about 75% of the time when I wake up. When it is present, I can pretty much ignore it, and it continues to fade every day, with more "quiet days", and the "bad days" being extremely manageable.
The hyperacusis is still very present, but I no longer wear earplugs driving, or anywhere really. I am in some amount of ear pain most days but it is getting better every day. Sometimes I have very bad burning, and then the next day it is completely gone. I am assuming it is waxing and waning from the benzo withdrawal. I have gone on dates, returned to my job, and moved back to my home state to be closer to my friends until I make a *full* recovery, which I know I will. I am still avoiding any sound that could be considered loud.
I do still have "normal" tinnitus that everyone thinks of in my right ear, which is crazy and erratic due to the hyperacusis, which was previously an extremely low level sound. I would rate it as high mild/low moderate. I can hear it clearly outside when in my backyard, but most music and other noises cover it. I am working on ignoring the daily changes and getting back to life.
I lost a lot through the past 1.5 years. Girlfriend, friends, job, family and most importantly myself/peace. I truly have some serious trauma due to this, and when I have tried to explain it to others it's completely useless as no one will ever understand -- that's okay. I feel as if I am being reborn as I get a little more back to normal every day.
Some Key Points
This is extremely rare. I found 3 other cases, one on Tinnitus Talk, one on YouTube, and one on BenzoBuddies. All Klonopin, by the way. But it CAN happen. If you are taking this drug or any other benzo, you NEED to know exactly what it does to your body, and understand that there is NO LOW DOSE OF A BENZO. I'm sure I will be labeled a fear mongerer, but that's fine. I am telling you what happened to me and how it destroyed my life.
LOOK AT YOUR MEDICINE. It is extremely sad to think that if I had just stopped the Klonopin after a couple of days, none of this would have happened. I try to tell myself that it was not obvious -- doctors including Dr. De Ridder, my own psychiatrist, and many on Tinnitus Talk did not believe me.
This drug turned me into a COMPLETE PSYCHOTIC LUNATIC. I look back on things I posted here and it seems like a different person. In my "normal" life, I am a fairly successful young guy with many great friends, never having any suicidal thoughts, ever. I consider myself a "chill" person who is easy to get along with.
This one will be controversial, because I know people find benzos useful for tinnitus, but THIS IS LITERAL RAT POISON. It DESTROYS your central nervous system, ESPECIALLY if you have taken it before like I had. I don't really want to argue about this point because I can see the other side of having severe tinnitus, having been let down by the entire medical community and only having this drug to keep sanity. But in my case, this drug literally almost killed me.
THE BIGGEST THING I CAN STRESS IS DO NOT COMPARE YOUR SITUATION WITH OTHERS. I have learned that tinnitus and hyperacusis are two EXTREMELY individual things, and all this did for me was stress me out and throw me into a horrible panic.
I was going to put this off until I was "completely" recovered, but I have made such drastic improvements over the past 4 months that I don't see how I wouldn't completely recover at this point, knock on wood. I'm prepared for the remaining issues to take another 6 months to a year to get better. I have been staying away from Tinnitus Talk, but will certainly return when I am doing even better.
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