From Negativity to Positivity

[fishbone]

Hey Folks,

Fish here and I want to write about my experience today. This post can be motivational for some folks and this is my pure intention.

Ok, so I woke up today and wanted to stay in bed all day long. The ringing is out of control and crazy. I had my alarm clock set in the morning and I slept through the alarm. The alarm is semi loud and when I hear it I turn it off right away. I guess I was either so tired that I didn't wake up or my ears are beyond poor in hearing. I'd say both in my case.

I woke up with fuller ears. I have full ears/head pressure each day. So I wake up to fuller ears and I was thinking that the exposure to the alarm even when I was asleep probably bothered my ears and my tinnitus.

I woke up and had no motivation at all. I gave myself a 5 minute pity party and then I put on my big boy pants and said that I need to go to the gym and get a workout. If I don't go to the gym my depression will lurk in and it's not something I want to happen. So I forced myself to go to the gym and I saw quite a few of my bodybuilder friends in the gym and I was training 2 friends in the gym as well.

So, I would walk over and strike a conversation with a friend and then all of a sudden without me seeing it someone drops insane amounts of weight on the machine and the impact it gave my ears and the pain was pure horror. I usually have both ear plugs in my ears. In order for me to hear people I need to remove the ear plug from my good ear, which is my right ear. I removed the ear plug and another guy drops another set of heavy weights and it jolted me and scared me.

I had to stop the conversation and put my ear plugs back in. I truly wanted to socialize with my friends and lift my semi-depressed mood. I couldn't people were being idiots and dropping weights and I knew that my ears would take more punishments.

I left the gym and came to my place. The pain and increase in the demon level tinnitus was horrible. I threw myself another 5 minutes of a pity party. There is NO ONE to support me or say "Hey, it's going to be ok". Those of you that suffer from tinnitus and have loved ones....YOU ARE VERY BLESSED.

It's a different ball game when you are alone and your ears ring like hell, compared to having some support. So, I originally had planned to go to lunch with an old friend of mine. I had not seen him in 8 months. I wanted to cancel it because my ears were ringing louder than ever and I was really sad.

I did not feel like being out or seeing anyone. You see folks, some of you have mild or possibly intrusive tinnitus but your hearing is good. I have beyond intrusive tinnitus and my hearing loss is severe to almost profound. It's very hard to hear people when the damn ears are ringing like a bat out of hell.

So, I decided to go out and say the hell with the ears and the ringing. My friend and I went to a buffet and it was actually a great time. I was happy to hear about how he has been and his success in life and love. Then we went to his place and I admired how he always has a clean spot to live in.

I left his place and came back to my place and started cleaning and dusting the whole place and now it's beautiful again.

This post is suppose to show and tell you that: Yes, you are going to be sad, maybe not motivated. Yes, tinnitus is such a difficult ordeal. At times, no matter how hard it is or how bad it feels...we NEED TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

I had absolutely no desire to get out of bed today. I didn't! I did it because only I CAN HELP MYSELF. It's ok to have a pity party, but don't let it last. Get up and take charge and do something positive and keep doing it.

I hope this message inspired someone

Bless......

 

[RoeTaKa]

Good on you man, it's great you were able to tough out the negativity and try and make the day better. It's such a hard thing to do and I wish it was easier for all of us to do it. Last night I remember saying to myself "I just don't care about tinnitus right now, I want to just enjoy myself" and got myself into a mindset where I just accepted it. Woke up today and felt rather good about it all. I believe that positivity and allowing our minds to focus on and enjoy other things is very important to our condition. I'll try to keep your post in my thoughts

 

[Striveon]

You definitely inspired me! I am so happy for you! Keep up the great work! Yes, it may be a hell feeling, but I like you only give it 5 minutes and get right on to what makes you happy. Keep up the great attitude and keep on inspiring people. It amazes me how strong you are and it gives me hope I will one day get there. Thank you and continue having a good life, cheers

 

[JohnAdams]

yeah, we should be strong and push through it.

 

[David Dubros]

@fishbone ...
Thank you again for your inspiration fishbone.
We all suffer in different ways but your philosophy and emotion come through loud and clear.
I don't commend you because i don't suffer as badly as you do...I commend you because you don't stay down when you get hit hard. You seem to be able to get right back up and keep going.
That my friend takes real courage and real strength.
Peace to you...

 

[coffee_girl]

These kinds of threads are very refreshing, thank you.

 

[Robert18]

Positivity keeps me moving forward and try to find ways to keep me busy to distract my t

 

[Michael B]

Much the same as you I can't stay in all day when my T is out of control, which is most days. It's still bad outdoors, mind you, and I can still hear it, but I'm distracted and simply not thinking about it as much as I would had I stayed indoors. Thanks for sharing.
Mike

 

[Vicki14]

Your a true inspiration @fishbone, supporting others when struggling yourself is the sign of a true warrior! I know lots of us have family here but they will never truly understand us like we all do.... you have us, your T family!!

P.S. The weights thing drives me nuts too!!!