From Suicide Back to Normal Life Thanks to Habituation

[RobertKR]

Hello guys! I have been quietly reading Tinnitus Talk for many months and just decided to sign up to share my story.

My horror story started in June 2023 after attending rock concert (I never was a concert lover, just attended 3-4 in my life). At one point, I noticed that high frequency tones became muffled but I though there was something wrong with speakers as the volume was really high. The next norming I started worrying when I realized that after a good nigh sleep the ringing was still there.

Long story short - the first 2-3 months were pure hell for me. I was panically visiting different private ENTs hoping they could help me somehow (I visited 7 or 8 different ENTs and spent a lot of money). By the way, I did have a small drop at 6 kHz, but that turned back to normal after Prednisone course, tinnitus stayed the same. My sleep was broken to the point where I could sleep only 2-3 hours per day. Tinnitus appeared to be not the only problem. At the 1 month I decided to try HBOT and did just a single short session. I didn't feel anything uncomfortable during the session but I was really scary at that moment. Anyway, right the next day after the session, I noticed loud metallic crackling in the ears when I lay down and swallow, especially at night. Sometimes it could happen randomly at any point of the day. Moreover, I acquired jerking of the soft palate at the end of the words/sentences and it could be also triggered by some specific neck movements. Whether these things were triggered by HBOT or it was just a coincidence - I don't know.

I was going crazy and scared to death, couldn't concentrate on anything (I still can't believe I wasn't fired from my job) which was only worsening all my problems. I was referenced to psycho several times, and my wide also insisted on it as well. The turning point was at the 3-month mark where I and my wife spontaneously decided to go on vacation to Croatia and spend there 1 month near the sea. It was time where I managed to calm down and understood how much I want to live.

So, not to tell you all the boring details, I'll just try to sum everything up.

Where I was and what I had at the 3-month mark:

• Horrible tinnitus in right ear (8-9/10) and mild/moderate tinnitus in left one (5-6/10). I was thinking about it 95-99% of the time.
• Metallic ear crackling on swallowing. At its worst, I heard clicking on 3 out of 5 swallows.
• Jerking of the soft palate which was happening 90% of when I was talking and almost on any neck movement.
• TTTS which was triggered by my wife's speech in a silent room, my own voice, dish clenching, keys, water running etc.
• Middle ear myoclonus in my left ear (the first episode started during my summer vacation by the way).
• Fleeting tinnitus happening several times a week.
• Sleep problems and I was taking some sleep aids.
• Fear of any loud sound.

Where I am now at 8-month mark:

• Still tinnitus. I really can't judge whether it got ACTUALLY better or not. It still screams, but I don't really care much. Now, I notice and think about it roughly 2-5% of my day (this is mostly at bedtime and when in fully quiet rooms). When I wake up, my tinnitus ALWAYS drops to 1-2/10 and then gradually increases.
• Ear crackling which now happens waaay less, I would say several times at daytime and a bit more at night, BUT I don't care.
• Jerking of the soft palate which now happens rarely when I talk and often on some specific neck movements. I got used to it, so it's not a problem anymore.
• TTTS is almost gone. I notice it on very rare occasions.
• MEM - it's happening on a regular basis. I have 2-3 MEM episodes per week which can last anywhere from 2 to 18 hours. It's by the way happening right now when I'm writing. However, the intensity of the thumping is so low that it does not bother me at all.
• Fleeting tinnitus still happens regularly.
• No sleep problems at all. Every evening during the last 6 month I'm turning on one and the same rainforest sound and it help me fall asleep. I can fall asleep with my tinnitus and active MEM within 2-3 minutes and sleep without waking till the very morning.
• No fear of loud sounds. I can easily handle bars, gyms, big crowds at the city, weddings, and my favorite - moderately loud music in my car.

I have now a lot of plans for my life and I am already achieving a lot. During the last several months I rented a new private house, bought a new luxurious SUV car, started several hobbies one of which is playing a guitar, and travelled a lot (I am indeed lucky to have a very well-paid job, but I was at the point where I could lose it easily).

What helped me? Only time and acceptance, and maybe yoga I did take some pills including Magnesium, Ginkgo, and something else, but I believe they did little to nothing. I just started living my life, day by day, then started building plans, and somehow all my ear-related problems started blending into the background.

I don't know whether this was useful for anybody, but I just wanted to share my story to let you know that habituation is real.

 

[BrOKeN_1]

I don't know whether this was useful for anybody, but I just wanted to share my story to let you know that habituation is real.

Glad to hear you are doing well. I wish you the best of luck. I would be remiss if I didn't at least gently remind you that this condition can and will come raging back with renewed vigor lest you forget. Stay safe out there and use hearing protection often.

 

[RobertKR]

Glad to hear you are doing well. I wish you the best of luck. I would be remiss if I didn't at least gently remind you that this condition can and will come raging back with renewed vigor lest you forget. Stay safe out there and use hearing protection often.

Thanks for the advice! On the other hand, I can't live fully while always thinking how to protect my ears. I know it can get worse at any time once you step in that shit; that's why I am not going to attend concerts or clubs or other loud events. In the first few months, I did use earplugs a lot, and I strongly believe this is what contributed to my TTTS. Once I got rid of them and stopped fearing the sounds, my ears gradually stopped being that fragile, and TTTS has almost disappeared. It's not advice for anyone; it's just my experience.

 

[Sodlin]

LOVE THIS! Keep it up man!

 

[RunningMan]

So no hearing loss, huh? That probably improves your odds for improvement.

I also have TTTS. That's actually a type of MEM, usually associated with fluttering or thumping sounds, and I experience both, although the fluttering only occurs with external sound stimulus, and the thumps are spontaneous. It's a much lesser issue than severe tinnitus for me.

 

[Note]

No fear of loud sounds. I can easily handle bars, gyms, big crowds at the city, weddings, and my favorite - moderately loud music in my car.

For heaven's sake, please give your ears time to heal!

 

[RobertKR]

For heaven's sake, please give your ears time to heal!

Believe it or not, but my ears always feel so much worse after prolonged periods of silence. When I was actively protecting my ears and avoiding all everyday sounds, TTTS was raging and my ears were so damn fatigued. So is there any adequate reason why I should go back to this state?

When I am attending bars or other normally loud places, I do always keep my earplugs on my keychain if anything, but I am not afraid of the sounds around me, I'm not avoiding them, I know I will put my earplugs just as soon as the sound becomes dangerous, and that's it.

Again - that's personally my experience, yours can be absolutely different.

 

[OptimistWarrior]

Your story and symptoms are similar to mine - I was having a bad day today, so came here for some inspiration, and you gave it - so thank you. Keep a positive mindset, and don't let others drag you down. Your story is your own, so nobody can definitively tell you that it will get worse or recur.

I hope we can both continue to heal.

 

[aikok]

When did you start taking Prednisone?

 

[RobertKR]

When did you start taking Prednisone?

At 2-week mark - guess too late to reverse tinnitus but enough to help my high frequency hearing loss.

 

[Pos]

Do you have any ear tingling or nerve pain? I am 4 months in, and my ears are still tingling, plus I have nerve pain running down the side of my face. My ears are still popping like crazy which I thought would be gone by now.

 

[RobertKR]

Do you have any ear tingling or nerve pain? I am 4 months in, and my ears are still tingling, plus I have nerve pain running down the side of my face. My ears are still popping like crazy which I thought would be gone by now.

I didn't have any tingling or pain sensations at all. Only ear popping/crackling, which has been around for already more than half a year, but as I said, the frequency of this shit subsided a lot.

 

[Pixelito]

What would you say is your baseline level from 1-10? Do you experience days of light ringing or no ringing at all?

 

[RobertKR]

What would you say is your baseline level from 1-10? Do you experience days of light ringing or no ringing at all?

I would rate my baseline as 5-6 where 0 is silence and 10 is loudness of fleeting tinnitus. No, I don't have periods of silence, tinnitus is always there.

 

[Pixelito]

I would rate my baseline as 5-6 where 0 is silence and 10 is loudness of fleeting tinnitus. No, I don't have periods of silence, tinnitus is always there.

Thanks, so you really have habituated nicely. Congratulations.

I find it interesting you can handle loud bars without any hearing protection and not experience a spike. That's a good sign.

 

[RobertKR]

Thanks, so you really have habituated nicely. Congratulations.

I find it interesting you can handle loud bars without any hearing protection and not experience a spike. That's a good sign.

Thank you! More than that, sometimes my tinnitus seems quieter after loud events, but maybe that's my perception working strangely.

 

[BellaMia]

So, so happy to hear this! Congratulations on getting your life back!

 

[Fields]

Thank you! More than that, sometimes my tinnitus seems quieter after loud events, but maybe that's my perception working strangely.

Strangely enough – the same thing happened to me yesterday. I went to a family party last night, lots of people and lots of talking. It wasn't loud, just lots of overlapping voices.

Afterwards, my tinnitus actually felt a little bit less loud/intrusive. The effect lasted for 2 or 3 hours of so before returning to baseline. Perhaps it was simply thanks to being distracted from my tinnitus for a couple of hours?

 

[Pixelito]

Thank you! More than that, sometimes my tinnitus seems quieter after loud events, but maybe that's my perception working strangely.

It sounds like you have a very mild form of tinnitus. And perhaps are healing or have already healed to a large degree. Or maybe you're just a prime example of habituation.

Enjoy your life, my friend.

 

[RobertKR]

As I said, I would rate my tinnitus as "moderate" at the very least. I still can't fall asleep without any masking sound, because my tinnitus screams at bedtime. But at the same time, when the sound is on, I can fall asleep within 2-3 minutes easily.

If I started focusing on my tinnitus again (like I was doing it in the first several months), I would go crazy.

 

[Furetto]

As I said, I would rate my tinnitus as "moderate" at the very least. I still can't fall asleep without any masking sound, because my tinnitus screams at bedtime. But at the same time, when the sound is on, I can fall asleep within 2-3 minutes easily.

If I started focusing on my tinnitus again (like I was doing it in the first several months), I would go crazy.

Did you have any improvements in the past months?