Going Crazy Thinking Suicide

[Damong]

Hello. My name is damon g. I have had tinnitus for about 3 weeks and it's so loud it's driving me fkn crazy. I am on ativan and nortriptylene to help with it and some antibiotics for an ear infection. Over the years I've had hundreds of ear infections especially when I was a kid. I have an appointment with an ENT next week but If i don't get some help soon from this unbearable ringing/buzzing in my ears I'm just gonna end it... I can't live like this.

Help me please I don't have money for a bunch of crap that doesn't work, I just wanna find someone that doesn't profit from my pain.

 

[MikeP505]

Hello Damong

Don't sweat these moments of darkness my friend. Many of us have been in your exact position with the exact same thoughts. I also understand fully about finances when it comes to all of this. It flipped my life upside down and left me on a disability that really sucks. I must choose any treatment very wisely now and research it to death before investing a nickle in it. What I love about this site is there are so many great people who share everything they have tried. Most things fail and you can rule out tons of money grabs pretty quickly. Also what might work for someone else may never work for you or I. This tinnitus is a nasty business to deal with.

You are only 3 weeks into this. Your ringing and discomforts may actually decrease and improve. Give it time and try not to focus just on the bad. Eat a decent healthy diet low in salts and sugars, get a little exercise when possible, even a walk around a couple blocks....... get the sleep you require and protect your hearing now.

If you really get to a low point, never hesitate to check into a clinic for treatment. Takes a strong man to admit he needs help and actually seek it. A few weeks under psychiatric care will never hurt and usually helps a great deal.

Be careful with medications also. Many are addicting. Try not to spend too much time in front of computer screens etc. Give this time to get used too. Read some helpful posts and start getting focused on getting well.

Mike

 

[Hopeful1]

It takes 3 to 6 months for the barin to get used to T.....so will not feel the same in 6 months......trust me!

 

[glynis]

Welcome to Tinnitus Talk Damong.
Try to stay calm as it will increase your tinnitus but understand what mental torture tinnitus can be and the unwanted emotions.
For now make sure you keep sound on around you and at night just to distract you a little and not to drown it out.
You can download free apps like Relax and Sleep and lots of others to help.
You can try a moucus linctus or steam inhalation if your ears feel blocked .
We are here around the clock for you so keep posting for support .
Try keep off fizzy drinks and caffeine and alcohol as can spike it also while your having a difficult time.
Getting out for walks in the fresh air can help distract the sound and lift your mood.
If your not sleeping you will find sound on at night helpful set below your tinnitus throughout the night and a free standing unit or pillow speakers are advised instead of earphones....lots of love glynis

 

[Jomo]

Stay calm man...im a month and a half in and it gets better....you gotta just learn to adjust to it...it helps that the pitch changed but i have sound apps to help me deal with it especially at nite...out of curiosity what does your T sound like?

 

[Ecip]

So, would recurring ear infections have anything to do with Eustachian tube dysfunction?

 

[JasonP]

Hello. My name is damon g. I have had tinnitus for about 3 weeks and it's so loud it's driving me fkn crazy. I am on ativan and nortriptylene to help with it and some antibiotics for an ear infection. Over the years I've had hundreds of ear infections especially when I was a kid. I have an appointment with an ENT next week but If i don't get some help soon from this unbearable ringing/buzzing in my ears I'm just gonna end it... I can't live like this.

Help me please I don't have money for a bunch of crap that doesn't work, I just wanna find someone that doesn't profit from my pain.

Ask if you can do a trial period for a pair of hearing aids with maskers. Get corrected for any hearing loss and then put the maskers to help you calm down for the moment. For the time being maybe you can get yourself some headphones and listen to some music at a safe level. Also, the ENT might tell you that the tinnitus will go away, just check and see what he says.

 

[Tweaker]

I feel your pain right now. Its early days. Hopefully will settle down.

 

[billie48]

Great advice from the others. I will just add my personal experience. Be ready for the initial 'hell' with T. This is unavoidable for many of us. T is so new and alien that the brain just got upset, scared, angry, anxious and depressed when it realizes that it can't shake the devil. It is worse when even the doctors say you will have to face it for life. The brain is in an overload trauma and shock over this and thus we suffer so much initially. It is understandable to have suicidal thoughts too. This is a way the brain suggesting an escape route. But don't take the bite. It will get better. Believe me. I and many others here had been there where you are.

Give it time. Your T is very new. There is no need to think of the 'end' yet. We did that like you. But very few would rush to do the unthinkable.

Mother time is an important factor of success for almost every one to get better. Some will be faster, others will be slower. But there will be progress as long as you stick to good, proven strategies. Why? Because Neural Plasticity will occur over time and our perception of T will improve over time. This happens to many people, including myself. However we just can't rush it. Trying too hard to rush it and insist on progress based our projected schedule will actually hamper the process, creating unnecessary anxiety and stress, which can aggravate T.

Try to put more positive affirmations. Instead of saying "I just can't seem to habituate"', perhaps say, "I am definitely better than the initial days even though there are setbacks. I will just stick to good, proven strategies and I believe eventually habituation will happen without me willing it". This will take pressure off the brain during setbacks to help it focus on other priorities of life. Sooner or later, even if T doesn't fade or disappear, the brain will get bored with T when it finally believes T is not a threat (as you have proven you can live a full & enjoyable life over time even with T), and with that, things will improve much faster and T's tyranny will be over sooner than you think. Positive affirmations with AAA attitude (Accept, Adjust, Adapt) will get you there eventually.

I speak from experience as my ultra high pitch T plus severe hyperacusis turned me into a mess initially. Ya, the inevitable suicidal thoughts were dangling in front of my tired and stressed out mind and I thought my future, if there is one, is doomed with endless suffering. What a lie from the T bully. Today, I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life and I wrote my success story like many others do. I list many helpful strategies to help me turn around. For brevity, I list the link below. Take good care. Your T may fade when your ear infection is over. Don't rush and stay calm and positive. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[Damong]

I have gone a few more weeks now and my T isnt any better and actually sometimes its worse especially when its quiet it drives me completely nuts. I saw an ENT specialist and they were not any help. They are sending me to an audioligist and sending me for an mri and ct scan but that cant come soon enough cause right now im just in tears over this shit. I use fans in every room right now cause that helps a little when i sit beside the fan and listen to music with headphones when i go too bed but life really sucks right now.

 

[Damong]

My sounds in my ears is just like the ringing in your ears when you think someone us talking about you. If that makes any sense ???? But 2 times as loud 24/7.

 

[RB2014]

When I first got it, I thought just like you. It didnt go away, but I don't even notice it anymore. Your brain will get used to it and tune it out eventually, or it might go away. Distract yourself and don't think about it. The more you think about it, the louder it gets. Stay strong. You can overcome this just like the rest of us.

Since you are still in the early stages, the best thing you can do is to just stay busy and forget about it as much as possible. The more you do this, the better your chances are of getting better faster. If the masking works, then do it, and relax and just start thinking about other things.

 

[MikeL1972]

Hey Damon!

Stay strong. We are all here suffering from the same thing! Countless millions of people have tinnitus in the US alone and I don't know how many millions more around the world, so you are definitely not alone. If there were all to log into this site, you would have a massive social network a la Facebook!

It looks like you have a nice woman by your side there in that photo so live life and enjoy.

 

[william adams]

Dude you need to calm yourself down for you are young and there is a good possiblity that it can leave as fast as it came. Do not keep your self in a quiet atmosphere but play music and when in bed keep some sort of music or nature sounds . keep a sound rich invironment so you dont listen for your T. Go to an ENT make sure you dont have wax biuld up in your ears or an ear infection. Get him to order an MRI and check out your ears an head to make sure everything is OK. Ask your Doc for meds to calm you down or meds to sleep. You will be alright we have all been where you are right now and you will improve with time believe me. We all have been where you are dude and we survived, hell I dont even hear my T most of the time anymore. Keep busy, exercise, cut out sugar and cafiene and try to stay calm. T feeds on stress so chill out you are going to be alright.....

 

[Mario martz]

My sounds in my ears is just like the ringing in your ears when you think someone us talking about you. If that makes any sense ???? But 2 times as loud 24/7.

Damong i understand you,
first months were really difficult,
right now i hear my tinnitus in quiet places and i dont care.
it doesnt bother me anymore.
this is normal the first month, just calm down, accept it, and things will get better.

 

[volsung37]

The first 4 to 5 months are hell on earth. I was thinking about suicide every night. I made a will. Then something happened around the 5 to 6 month mark. The tinnitus was as loud as it ever was, there was even other things like twitching, inner ear spasms and new droning sound in my 'good' ear. But I now sleep pretty well, can socialise, drink a bottle of wine. Basically I can do everything I want to do just with this sound in my ears. I sometimes go long periods without paying attention to it even though it is still loud. Weird. It is absolutely amazing what we can get used to. Give yourself time and you will come through this.

 

[IreneO]

So sorry you're going through this, @Damong - it's rotten, especially in the beginning. It's hard to believe but time and habituation really do work, so hang in there. All the advice on this thread is good. In the first few months I used sound masking at bedtime (SleepPhones rule!), explored breathing, meditation, yoga to address the anxiety and depression, and kept as busy as possible.

 

[Damong]

The worst part about it all is i just had triple fusion back surgery aug 23rd so im laid up in the house for 7 months so keeping busy isnt a option. I can only lay here on the couch watching tv all day with the odd exercises i do and walking i do so that makes this twice as rough im sure. Last night was hell and right now my anxiety calmed down a bit so hopefully ...... Being a recovering drug addict of just over 5 yrs i can honestly say this T is just as bad mentally as rehab and the first 90 days clean was so i made it thru that addiction i just have to fight like i did back then

 

[Gosia]

Ear infection, benzos, headphones and anxiety..all this can worsen tinitus. Even the fan , for that matter. I guess it depends on the person but we are many to claim that white noise or fan sound actually makes t flare up. I imagine your previous addiction might have sth to do with that too. Whaterver the cause is , you're only at the beginning of it so still in the emotional ''alert'' state. I'm afraid first you must stop being bothered by t so that it calms down a bit. I'm not sure if a ''fully enjoybale life'' with t is possible. Not in my case fot sure. But you may stick to the thought things will get better than they are now.

 

[Richard zurowski]

Remember we are all in this together you are not alone facing this awful condition called tinnitus. You will adapt to it there is no magic pill out there that you can take to combat tinnitus. But there is plenty of help and advice on this forum to guide you through these difficult times.

 

[Tweaker]

Keep on thinking about things being easier when the 7 months is over. You're about half way there. It will then be Spring and that is always a good time to get out and about in nature. Birdsong really helps me. Suicide was on my mind most days back in 2010 when it all started. I still get suicidal thoughts. It's still tough but I keep looking ahead,hoping for better days, taking one day at a time.

 

[DebInAustralia]

Be inspired by the back to silence thread and watch the video..

If your t is tonal, consider acrn .

 

[Jason C]

How the hell can you be inspired by anything when you have hearing loss tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have honestly tried my best, tried to ignore it, tried too focus on other things, but when you realise you are now disabled and cannot enjoy your life then what do you do??
I cannot travel to places I want to go, I have had too cancel going to my friends wedding, can't enjoy music, balance is wrecked, concentration is wrecked, business is in decline, life has basically been distroyed, I know I will not make it too Christmas this year and that is something I have decided on.

Fair play too anyone who can survive with this shit but I am out.

 

[Samantha R]

@Jason C I read a post of yours a few days ago and you had been listening to music on your new i-phone. You sounded a little happier as you'd been able to listen to music a little bit without any problems?

 

[Jason C]

@Jason C I read a post of yours a few days ago and you had been listening to music on your new i-phone. You sounded a little happier as you'd been able to listen to music a little bit without any problems?

I have good days and bad days just like everyone on here I suppose. The more I think about the events of this year the more I just cannot deal with it.

 

[serendipity1996]

I'm the same as above. I'm only 20 and life just seems so bleak now. It's not even the tinnitus that bothers me so much (v. mild) it's all the accompanying symptoms like all the side orders I didn't ask for haha like hyperacusis, muffled hearing, distortion etc. I acknowledge that when you're in a very low place everything seems worse but I genuinely struggle to see how things can get better. Half of all social activities are basically off-limits now - no festivals, clubs, bars, pubs, etc. Yes, I know there is more to life than this but when you're 20 these are things you want to indulge in! I struggle to get out of this negative spiral because everytime it comes down to 'well, you have a physical problem that science can't fix'. Literally the only thing sustaining me atm is the small amount of hope I have knowing that there are researchers out there, maybe not countless numbers but they are nevertheless there, trying to help us. Also half-hoping that some divine intervention will take place hahah.

 

[ToniDennington]

Hi Damon
I'm about 2 months in and if it weren't for this forum I would've topped myself. I totally understand how you're feeling.
I have 5 adult kids and 2 grandkids and I kept telling lyself that they need me, and to hang in there.
I still have the ringing and it drives me fn bananas but I'm trying to find different ways to deal with it.
sometimes I'm successful. I'm still alive anyways.
at night I use a rain/thunder progam on my phone. I don't know if it helps but I try really hard to listen to it, to focus on those sounds.
I had people here and IRL tell me to ignore it (the T) and that's easier said than done, but you know, I find I have hours and sometimes days when it doesn't make me want to kill myself.
I am crossing everything that it goes away, but if it doesn't, I need to work out how to deal.
hang in there dude. we'll make this journey together OK?