So, last time I posted on this forum it was right after I had first gotten tinnitus and signed up for my account here on Tinnitus Talk. Since then I went rogue and never posted or particularly lurked. Mostly due to the fact that I wanted to cope with this whole thing alone. Now that I've had tinnitus for 8 months I figured it that time to put my story of dealing with/coping with what I would myself describe as moderate tinnitus. Moderate as in, I can hear it at all times except when I'm in noisy environments. It affects me to a noticable degree, and I don't have a single day that I'm not actively dealing with this problem. However, before I get into that I'd like to start off from the beginning.
I first noticed I had gotten tinnitus when I woke up one morning in march. I was just getting settled in at my home office (I work with tech support) when I noticed I had a hissing sound in my right ear. I thought it was pretty odd and decided to put on some relaxing water sounds from YouTube to try to ease of the problem. 5 minutes... then 10 minutes... then 20... minutes. It didn't help at all. I resigned the idea of relaxing my ears to calming sounds and turned of all sounds and only used my headphones for talking with customers.
1 day later. 2 days later. 3 days later. No improvement. Same exact problem. Same exact sound. A very very high frequency sound stuck in my right ear on repeat that never ceases. At this point it is affecting me emotionally.
I am getting increasingly stressed out and annoyed at the whole situation. I start getting chills all over my body, I'm feeling really on the edge. It feels like my body is in a huge distress from not being able to stop the sound in my head. I start taking painkillers before going to sleep to calm myself, I did this for several days because I felt to uneasy about this whole thing. Eventually as things continued to not improve I started crying due to being unable to properly handle the tinnitus. I am not a tough guy by no means but I am not one to cry easily, I have a background of being bullied & carrying mental illness & all the negative shit associated with that. So I know how to handle issues in life, but this tinnitus situation got me deep in trench.
Unfortunately things got worse. Roughly 1 or 2 weeks after I got tinnitus in my right ear it slowly started to ring in the left ear too. Despite me being super paranoid about sounds and not listening to any loud music or noise whatsoever.
It started incredibly feint, then it got gradually worse until it reached the same level as my right ear. From there on (at least so far) it has since been stable in both ears.
Looking back at this early period of coping with T it is obvious that the first few weeks was the hardest part to deal with. Eventually I realized I had to change my mindset if i were to ever be able to properly handle living with tinnitus for the rest of my life. After having cried 3 times I decided that that was it. No more crying, no more being sad. I'm going to accept this tinnitus for what it is and do my best to move on.
"I do not want to live a life being sad. It has no use."
That quote was playing in my head that night I felt the worst. After I said that to myself I slowly started to change my mindset and start with what I can control and what I can control the easiest. I found back to things that made me feel relaxed, like going for walking trips, bicycle trips. Playing easy to play games and watching TV. Engaging my self with these activities again helped me realise that I can control my mind enough to at least maintain a healthy level of contentment.
Fast forward to June of this year. I finally get an appointment with my ENT after waiting for two months. They take me in a for a screening of my ears and an audio test. My ENT specialist said my hearing test was almost flawless and that he did not find any evidence suggesting I have any hearing damage whatsoever. I then asked him how come I can get tinnitus at just 23 years of age with perfect hearing and no hearing damage. To which he basically replied that not everybody
who gets tinnitus gets to find a reason why they get tinnitus.
So here I am, sitting here in November 2020 typing this out. I am dealing with tinnitus just fine, my life will never go back to being "normal" again, but I refuse to stand down to tinnitus.
I will never kneel to tinnitus.
I will never let tinnitus control my life.
Lastly I'd like to show my respect to all of you who have severe tinnitus, I may seem overly dramatic in my description of tinnitus considering I "only" have moderate tinnitus, but it is what it is.
I could go on for much longer than this but I am not writing a book here. Just voicing out my otherwise unheard thoughts.