Someone mentionned that it is not possible to love the T. I wanted to come back to that.
I never loved my T. But I have to admit that the sound previous to my increase back in May, well it was alright. It was like a waterfall, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... In my habituation process, I learned to live with it and in the 7 years prior to the increase, I even found it alright, even soothing at times...
Now, my sound is like a hiss, it's ugly. It's not like the dog whistle
@Martin69 is hearing...so I guess I should be glad for THAT... Because my sound is not that agressive in pitch, it's just MEH, useless and ugly.
Hi Anne-Marie.
I think that most here have severe, intrusive T. Like Telis, Dan, Billie48, Dr. Nagler, myself, some others and Oz, Stoyan, Moz and some others on the Yuku board. And I know for sure there are huge differences in having T and having T.
On Saturday evening I had a terrible headache and loud T. Could have taken a gun. Slept 11 hours and my T was much lower on Sunday, in fact it was bearable. I didn't have to do any masking. I also only visited TT for only 5 minutes. It was a great day with my friends and family.
In the meantime I think I have two tones in my head. One is around 10 kHz and the other one much higher. On a good day (which are seldom), the higher one is quiet or very low.
On a day like today (Monday morning), both tones are there and very loud. It is like something is cutting through my head, like a loud TV signal from an old CRT. It brings directly anxiety and depression back.
Give me the T from yesterday forever, which is still unmaskable, I would gladly take it. But the very high-pitched tone (maybe 14, maybe 16 kHz) which is blasting today is a complete other story.
And yes, you can live with it. And yes, my headache on Saturday was much worse than having T.
And yes, cancer is much worse (one of my friends will day within the next weeks; he would gladly swap with me).
I work (only from home because of anxiety and depression), I live, I do my stuff, I care for my family.
I don't know if I am still suicidal. I think not. I also don't know what my habituation barrier is. Maybe I am habituated since I do would I would do without T. I don't know.
But for me there can be only one goal: Either a complete cure or a T which I do not hear 24/7 or I am unaware of it for longer times.