Having a Hard Time

[Amelia]

I'm up for a rant this morning (so fair warning...) I have the flu so have spent the last 3 nights semi-sleeping on the couch with bouts of uncontrollable coughing (husband is on long shift in the mines and needs his sleep). I'm tired and my T has seemed louder for the past week at least. All my positivity seems gone.

It's now been a month and I know deep down my T isn't going anyway. I want to describe it as malignant I tried so hard to be positive but I get so upset reading stories of peoples T and realizing mine isn't as low as theirs. I hear it over the tv, when I'm reading to my kids and all freaking night long. Before bed and mornings are the worst. I know you all understand - and even then I feel bad about whinging because some of you are worse off than me and can't mask sometimes at all.

I went through a stage where I was almost believing it would go away. Believing it was stress related and if I started dealing with that I'd be ok, my husband told me daily that it would go away (and he is usually pretty spot on with everything!) and I took great comfort in that. Now he asks how my ears are and when I tell him "still ringing" he just looks sadly at me. He thinks the ENT I see next week is going to have some great suggestion but I know she isn't. I know I'm going to get the "too bad, live with it" speech.

I'm sick of carrying music/audiobooks with me to every room in the house in an attempt to mask it. Sick of not allowing myself in the car without the radio already playing. Sick of loving the sound of my loud dishwasher. Sick of my mind constantly wandering back to T - even if I'm not hearing it at that precise moment because it's noisy I'm then wondering when I'll hear it next and how I will cope.

The future absolutely scares the crap out of me. And I feel bitter. I hate looking at people and being angry that I'm the one with T and can't do the same things in silence I used to do. I saw a photo in FB this morning of a friend reading her son a story and it broke my heart. I can still read my kids stories but now the tv is blaring in the background

I know being cranky and posting whinging posts isn't helping but I just can see through this at the moment I need to get this out

 

[Carlo]

... It's now been a month and I know deep down my T isn't going anyway. I want to describe it as malignant I tried so hard to be positive but I get so upset reading stories of peoples T and realizing mine isn't as low as theirs...I

Amelia you can't be sure your T will not go away. As it's quite sure it will lower specially after the therapy. And habituation will play its role. You have the flu now, it makes the things more difficult. Be strong and take care
Carlo

 

[bendybus]

Hi Amelia, I am the same exactly!!
It's damn hard with this constant noise, my husband is much the same, saying it will go away. I have had a wobble this week, crying, stressed, wishing it away. Time will tell I guess.
I wish you all the best and hope that things improve for you. Take care of yourself and try and keep positive, all the best Bridget x

 

[Sherri786]

I know exactly how you feel Amelia so tired of this horrible thing.

Since the last 3 days I have started taking 500 mgs of Niacin in the mornings, seems like volume has been down somewhat, however I' can only be sure after a week of trying this. All joys of life seems to have left me. Constantly worried about T.

 

[mick]

Amelia,

I feel your pain as do so many others here. Hang in there. I wish I had better advice for you. This ailment is difficult to deal with, but it gets better with time. I can only offer myself as an example. Believe me, I many times made the statement that my T must be louder than that of other people who seem to get along so well with it. It may in fact really have been, but it got better after several months. I also know what you mean about reading to your children. I simply could not do it at first. A psychologist that I went to suggested that I just do it anyway. As time went on, the anger I had over the intrusion of T on that precious part of my life diminished, and things got much better.

Please take care and I hope you feel better soon.

mick

 

[Cher69]

Hi Amelia - I'm sending you lots of hugs it's is very hard at times and we all get to a point when all we can do is scream and wonder why me !

I read you are full of flu I'm sure this is making the T so loud for you and you maybe need the doc and antibiotics if you have got a chest infection etc I understand your concerns but I think you can only treat what is causing you the most distress. A nasty flu bug can be crippling and make you feel so poorly I really want to give at a big hug.

I really hope the next few days start to improve for you and the T settles a little so you can start to enjoy life again with your family.

Thinking about you xx Cher xx

 

[Amelia]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I so appreciate it xxx

Had a freak out last night tho - my 4 year old was sitting next to me on my right side (louder T side ) when my 18 month old snuck up and bit her. Obviously she screamed super loud right in my ear

A while later she snuggled up to me, rubbed my ears and said they will get better. If she has the healing touch I'll let you all know haha

But today is a new day and after a half decent nights sleep, constant masking and a busy day today I'm feeling a little better. T is still louder and has still crept in but I'm trying not to focus on it. I'm becoming a little anxious as it's 5pm here and bearing that time when things start to quiet down but hoping I can keep it under control