Having a Tough Time — How to Move Forward?

[LovesToTeach]

Hi all, returning for more encouragement.

The first doc I saw (she was a PA, not a doc) said she was not sure where this T had come from and that she suspected it would go when some sinus issues I've been having cleared up. Hearing was normal, no Eustachian tube issues, etc. Ok, I thought, looks good for me.

I saw an actual ENT today for a second opinion. He told me that 100% of people will get T in their lifetimes and that its just happening early for me (I'm 31). Likely, he said, it's here for good. I left a crying mess. This is hard enough to deal with - but I'm pregnant to boot and can't handle this. Now I'm sitting in the parking lot at work trying to pull myself together so I can teach this afternoon. I still want to believe that this could go after I give birth, or after some time - but maybe it's just healthier to go with what I heard today and get on with a new life with T. It's just so damn LOUD and HIGH and INTRUSIVE. I want to bargain with it and say - okay, I'll keep the 3 tones in my right ear if I can just lose the dog whistle in my left! But there's no doing that, obviously.

There are days when I can feel normal for a bit, but then I return to anxious. This has brought me back to square freaking one.

I guess I just want to hear that people can move on! Has anyone habituated to super high-pitch T? Do you feel happy despite the T, or have you returned to normal living? I am so stuck. Just a mess. I am grieving the life I had 5 weeks ago and have no idea how to start walking this path. It's not what I ever wanted.

 

[Chelles]

Hello I can definitely understand the way you feel right now, but since you had t for a couple of weeks I say you have a pretty good chance that it will either go away or reduce the volume. When I first got at in my left ear I was a wreck totally depressed but after time went by I started to notice that the intensity was going down and eventually I didn't even hear it anymore (unless I sit in silence and cover my ear and really try to listen to it). So my advice is take a deep breath and try to take it one day at a time, easier said than do I know today is a bad day for my right ear has been spasming since I woke up I'm trying so hard to ignore it ugh hang in there I promise it will get better. Are you having trouble sleeping?

 

[LovesToTeach]

Thank you @Chelles. I had the worst time sleeping for like 3 weeks when it was all new, but it's gotten better. I invested in pillow speakers and listen to relaxing music through the night - it helps a lot.

I am trying to believe that it will get better. Wish I could talk to a T psychic or something! Crying about it actually helped a lot. I've been trying to put up a tough front, so my outside has not matched my inside. I'm trying to stay calm and remember that people all around me have moved on ame live their lives normally now. Also, my emotions will calm after birth, I KNOW that to be true! Now just wondering what the first step forward should be. I'm not going to hope that it goes away anymore. I feel like it would be foolish and delay habituation - I want to own this and figure out how to deal.

 

[LovesToTeach]

You know what? One more thing. Since hearing this could just be it, and having a massive fit or two, I feel a bit better. My focus can shift to learning to live with it, rather than on having the hopes that it will leave squashed every day. Maybe this was the thing I needed to hear most, even though I never wanted to hear it.

 

[billie48]

Lovetoteach, I have deep empathy for your anxiety and suffering. Who else isn't suffering when T is new, especially those with really high pitch T. You asked if any one with super high pitch T can habituate. Yes, I can affirmatively say YES to that question. A few years back, I went through hell with my ultra high pitched dog whistle T. It was such an unearthly shrill, like the dentist drill with 10 times the pitch. My T is packed with so much condensed energy that it is literally like a laser beam in a night sky. It resonates in my whole head and it cuts through most noises around me. The last two flights I took I literally heard it above the jet noise, and in my last fishing trip I could hear that darn T above the sound of the raging rapids around me in a wild Canadian salmon river. Once I played a video clip matching my T sound to my family, and instantly everyone screamed, covered their ears and ran as fast as they could. I am not sure if mine is of the worse form, but it surely isn't a T normal person can bear.

Worse, severe hyperacusis also joined in right after T started. This awful H turned all normal sounds glassy and piercingly hurtful. I had to wear earplugs to protect from that hurtful sensation, but the plugs blocked all outside masking sounds, making the harsh T so unbearably dominant. T & H are mutually exclusive. I tried to choose the lesser evil among them but there is no lesser choice among these two new masters of my life. Worst still, being a victim suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to T & H, these two tyrants of my life literally opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety & panic attacks on auto mode, from the moment I barely woke up by the loud ringing. The anxiety and panic attacks symptoms are truly terrifying to add to those sufferings from T & H. People are known to be home bound for life because of the dreaded panic attacks and the horrible symptoms. So how do one live with so much suffering everyday, with T, H, A & P attacking me hourly, daily, 7/24. No amount of will power could stop the attacks. My nerves were totally overwhelmed. I had to depend on meds to survive, Ativan, Prozac, sleeping pills, etc. Often I went to sleep, if I could sleep at all, not wishing to wake up to repeat the torture cycle. I was in the pit of suffering without any hope. For how long? Gosh! Those were the darkest days. Often, the big 'S' word dangled in front of my tired, stressed out and sleepless mind, as it saw no way out of this immense suffering. I thought my end was near. I never thought I could recover from that state of suffering.

Never say never. After joining the support forums and learning to apply some of insights from kind members and practicing them, I slowly got better. Today, I am living a normal, productive, and absolutely enjoyable life. I don't give a dime to T high or low. Over time, my brain is hardened to this dog whistle high pitch T. It doesn't react to it any more. T has lost its tyranny over me. I never thought this possible with my ultra high pitched T. But now I am a believer. I am not alone. Read the success stories and you will find many members do get better, given time, patience, some strategies which help. I write my own success story too and you can read it if you like. I also encourage you read the stories by other members, such as those by Lena, Kathi, Jade, AnneG, Neenie, Claire, I Who Love Music, even Dr. Hubbard. They show that there is life after T, even loud high pitch T (and H also for some). Never say never. It is doable. You just need to learn the techniques, insights, strategies and wisdom, and apply them. Relax, be calm and be positive. You will be just fine. Believe it and keep your hope high. If a panic prone person like me can recover from ultra high pitch T (H too), have faith that you can too. All the best and enjoy your baby. God bless.
Here is my success story link:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[Paul201]

Terrible this has just come on for you. If your sleeping ok then that's a good sign id say. Hopefully that loud level also reduces with time. Yours sounds pretty loud by your post.

 

[Joe Blow]

Trust me, as someone who's had it for a couple of decades, it definitely fades into the background before too long. The worst part is thinking about it, that's when you'll notice it the most.

 

[LovesToTeach]

I so appreciate all of your replies.

@billie48, I have not yet read your success story - I will after this! - but I do recall several threads where you describe your T. Your ability to habituate is an amazing testament to human resiliency and incredible to imagine. Like you, I've struggled with anxiety and panic my whole life. I was taking Lexapro for 10 years, but am off for the duration of the pregnancy and that has brought up an old side to emotions that used to be better controlled. Anxiety has to be playing a big part in my perception of T and how it will affect my life moving forward.

I don't believe my T is anywhere near yours. It's a hiss/dog whistle, like there's a gas leak somewhere in the room, slicing into my brain with laser-pointer precision. It hurts my head physically. (The right ear has a few tones that are annoying, but I feel like I can brush them off, oddly enough.) But, when you say your brain has hardened to your sound, that gives me hope that the headaches will end! (As I'm totally convinced they are linked to the hiss.) I'm trying to use IWhoLoveMusic's strategy of acknowledging T briefly, and then moving on - it's really hard not to monitor it, though, to see if it's getting better/worse. But if everyone else can do it, then so can I! Anyway, it means a great deal that you responded.

@Paul201 , I'm hoping for volume reduction too, though my mindset for moving forward is that I will expect no improvement. That way, I'm living in the now with what's been handed to me and I can focus on finding ways to cope/move forward/habituate.

@Joe Blow - that confirms what everyone else has been saying too. In 20 years, I hope I will no longer care too.

Feeling more optimistic today. Yesterday was an awful day, but a critical turning point. I'm looking forward more. I congratulated myself for living with T for a month+. One step at a time...

 

[Joe Blow]

I take Effexor for my anxiety and...it doesn't do anything for Tinnitus. You just tune it out -- it's like a Jedi Mind Trick. Reduction by attrition.

 

[Nic B]

I guess I just want to hear that people can move on!

People can move on!

Has anyone habituated to super high-pitch T?

Yes!

Do you feel happy despite the T, or have you returned to normal living?

Yes, and Yes!

I am grieving the life I had 5 weeks ago and have no idea how to start walking this path. It's not what I ever wanted.

Unfortunately it's not about what you ''wanted''. This is the hand that you have been dealt. It is your new reality now, and it's what you have to deal with. This is an opportunity to be reminded of the fact that you are not in control, that everything can change in an instant, and that it being grateful for what you DO have (for instance, a beautiful baby on the way) is very important

An exercise that helped me at first was to try to think of other ailments that are much worse than tinnitus, and focus on being grateful that I am relatively healthy and that all things considered, things could be way worse. Imagine if you had Cluster Headaches, Fibromyalgia, AIDS, Alzheimers..... I bet that anyone who suffers from such ailments would choose tinnitus any day over what they have to go through.

To add to that, think about (god forbid) if one day you were to end up with one of those ailments. You would be saying things like '' I wish I was back to having just tinnitus! I should have enjoyed my life when I had the chance!''

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is your new reality right now. I don't feel sorry for you, and neither should you, because I know for a fact that within you, you have EVERYTHING you need to get through this. Chin up!