Sorry that you are suffering so much, Duke. Suicide is not the answer (refer to my earlier post on this thread). Don't give up hope. There are newer treatments out there now which may help. Go to the Treatment Forum to read up on them if you haven't done so. Have you tried Xanax and some other meds which may help lower the volume and have you tried all the sleep meds like Rameron and other sleep meds that members always post about? If you have lived all these years with tinnitus, you prove that you can survive it. If the tinnitus doesn't change, perhaps see if we can change or moderate our reaction to it so you can have a better quality of life. That is what I have learned to do to help myself.
I often borrow the strength of people who somehow survive their tough tinnitus (& hyperacusis for some). I look up to Dr. Nagler, both his experience of struggling mightily and yet overcoming his tough T way back, and his writing 'Letter to a Tinnitus Sufferer', and I slowly learned to counter my negative thoughts using some self-help CBT techniques. I had ultra high pitch T which packs with so much condensed energy like a laser beam in a night sky, resonating in my whole head. As I type it is resonating and screaming at such intensity that I would have caved into instant panic attack a few years back. But now I don't give a dime to it and have lost the fear for it. I try to find joy amid the pains and try to live my life abundantly to counter the suffering of T (if any now).
I don't know if this approach will help you. Sometimes when we are so worn down and depressed by our T, we need to look up to some guiding lights, those who have survived their tough T and yet triumph over it to live a normal or even productive life. I have posted the story of Zoe Cartwright who has loud unmaskable T because she turned totally deaf at young 15. Facing the dominant, never stopping, harsh shrill of T for life at a young age for a young girl is indeed a huge mountain in life to climb. But she sets the example for me in trying to accept the reality of the harsh T and move on living her life with positivity. She even made it to university where she shot a tinnitus film. You can check out her film which I posted in the top two sticky threads of this forum, the video documentaries thread and the Positivity Thread. The film was titled 7.24.52.10 which means she has to face her loud unmaskable tinnitus 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, 52 weeks in a year and for the last 10 years (at the time of shooting the film). As far as I know, she is happy with her life regardless of her unmaskable T, and is a film director. I don't know how she does it but she shows me that even loud, unmaskable T is livable and that was the most important message I learn from her.
Take care and God bless you with the strength to soldier on.
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