Hey! 19-Year-Old Who Desperately Needs Some Advice Here

[Abs]

So, first of all, Hello everyone! Im a 19 year old guy here, pretty new. My problem is that three days ago, my T started out in my left ear while i was waking up. I had a mild panic attack since this month and half of the last one ive been getting through the toughest depression and anxiety ive ever faced in my life. I was feeling better lately, so having this start just brought on a whole new wave of my past symptoms.

I dont want to be dramatic, but being desperate is an understatement these past few days. Ive been full blown suicidal and ready to end it all if it meant not living with this. Whats been tying me over is my family which i love and are near and dear to my heart. I couldn't ever even bear in death having my mom and dad traumatized with their childs suicide

Maybe i am being pretty dramatic but its a part of my personality ive been trying to change LOL. Anyway, my T isnt even that bad, its just like if one of those old TV's from the 90's/ early 2000's was constantly on in whatever room im in. Its annoying, but very manageable. I know lots on this website would kill for T as mild as mine. I can pretty much drown it out by going for a walk or being around my fan. All of this said, its still bringing me down and just resurfacing all the mental health problems ive struggled with. What bothers me the most is that i was making such wonderful progress and now it feels like all was for nothing.

Whats good news or well not really but good for me is that today i went to the doctor and he told me that i have a wax clog the size of texas in my ear. Its blocking my ear canal and he said i should go to an ENT stat. That calmed me, since i know that all of this could be caused by wax.

Im posting here to get a few opinions on it and advice as to how i should continue with this. Do yall think it could be the wax or do yall think this could be something else? I really do hope to get a "Its just the wax, calm down" response but be honest with me i honestly can (cant) take it. Also, i wanted to ask if all these mental health issues ive been going through could be sparking this in some way.

The doc said that until i went to an ENT, i should use the over the counter ear drops. I dont know if i should really use them or not, seeing as they can maybe make things worse? I dont know, i dont trust normal doctors with this with all ive read on this forum lmao.

One of my problems is that the nearest time an ENT thats covered by my insurance is able to see me is in July. I cant possible live that long with this, and im scared itll also damage my ear canal/ ear drum. Also, another scare is that ive read that syringing is bad and could make everything even worse! I highly doubt my insurance's ENT have suction or anything else, because im using the local funded insurance which is good but most of the doctors in it are pretty... archaic.

Im going to make all the rightful calls tomorrow and check ou other ENT's and if someone can hopefully see me this week. If not, i was told some clinics in the local public hospital have the resources to do syringing. I hope i can get all of this done soon and hopefully recover.

 

[tiniturtle]

From what you describe, it seems like yours can probably be treated and go away. I would go to a good ENT if you're going to have any kind of procedure done.

 

[Lucas L.]

Hey Abs I'm 21. I got T at the age of 13. I just saw your thread. Similar to yours - my T also sounds like an old tv. I dont think you should be worried as much for now. You' ve only had it for 3 days. Which means it not catigorized as permanent yet. Like mine. But its positive that you take your precautions. And search for help.

All the best

-Lucas

 

[Abs]

From what you describe, it seems like yours can probably be treated and go away. I would go to a good ENT if you're going to have any kind of procedure done.

I really sure do hope so! Im trying to keep a positive mindset even if my anxiety just wants to completely take over. Im searching around online and willing to pay a hefty price if it means ill be able to sleep at night!

 

[Abs]

Hey Abs I'm 21. I got T at the age of 13. I just saw your thread. Similar to yours - my T also sounds like an old tv. I dont think you should be worried as much for now. You' ve only had it for 3 days. Which means it not catigorized as permanent yet. Like mine. But its positive that you take your precautions. And search for help.

All the best

-Lucas

But did they also diagnose you with wax or was it just out of the blue? Im so sorry youve had to hear the blasted sound for that long! How did you cope? Im wracking my brain here trying to unplug the damn thing

 

[Lucas L.]

It was out of the blue. No wax involved. I dont know the exact cause of my T. It might be the thyroid problems i got around the same time. However the more oblivous reason behind it might be due the noise level in school at that time. As time passed my brain got used to it. It was really difficult in the beginning however . For 8 years I have been coping really well. I kept myself busy with alot of stuff and attending a boarding school for years so I didn't pay alot of attention to it. Until recently unfortunately...

 

[John Doe]

Hi, I'm 19 & have been bothered with T since this previous week as well lol. I have an appointment with my family physician this Thursday so I'll be hoping for the best alongside you. Cheers.

 

[Parfait]

It probably wouldn't cost much to find a local audiologist who would clear out your ears privately. I felt that microsuction would be safer than syringing but technically both can cause tinnitus, although this is uncommon. I used olive oil drops. Some of the ear drops can also cause tinnitus. I found that the getting wax removed improved but did not cure my tinnitus but it sounds like in your case if it is mild there is a very good chance you will see an improvement.

 

[Helen Louise]

@Abs Watch my video - I hope it will help send positive vibes to you. I've had T for 6/7 years, it's so SO tough at first, just like you I was in a pretty low place and it just feels like no-one can understand.

Things will get better in terms of coping - I promise. Keep pushing for the healthcare and try everything you can to help subside the noise. It's good to hear you don't have a terrible case of T and try to eradicate those suicidal thoughts - you can get on top of this, I promise

 

[Abs]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions! I think my T is just caused by my wax, because its slowly going away/ getting lower as i change my sleeping position in a way that my ear faces down so i imagine it unsticks itself from my ear drum. Right now sitting up, i can hear it, but not as bad as before. I think maybe im already getting used to it but i think its an improvement and hey im willing to accept it!

I checked out some local ENT's and allas, the ones covered by my insurance are months away. The only one i could get was in may 30th. The private ones are all easily accessible and use different methods like suctioning, etc, but they cost 150+ for everything and im broke college student. If i get desperate enough, ill probably end up chucking out the big bucks (which will probably be the case).

I havent used the ear drops out of sheer fear, and this morning i got super paranoic because my right ear was also ringing. I had a mild panic attack but calmed down when i realized im being a huge hypochondriac at this point. Its something that stems from my anxiety, and something i need to work out with time. I dont want to live my life in constant fear and i dont plan to!

 

[Abs]

@Abs Watch my video - I hope it will help send positive vibes to you. I've had T for 6/7 years, it's so SO tough at first, just like you I was in a pretty low place and it just feels like no-one can understand.

Things will get better in terms of coping - I promise. Keep pushing for the healthcare and try everything you can to help subside the noise. It's good to hear you don't have a terrible case of T and try to eradicate those suicidal thoughts - you can get on top of this, I promise

Thank you so much for the video! Its absolutely wonderful! I think your message can be applied to allot of things such as mental illness, any other physical ailment, etc. My dads side of the family is filled with depression and my moms side is filled with anxiety. I think it has to do with allot of social factors, but also genetics. And sometimes, people with mental illnesses like me just have to accept that we have them. And even tho they suck and arent ideal, we have to carry on and live our lives to the fullest.