- Dec 14, 2018
- 169
- Tinnitus Since
- Oct 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
Hi everyone, my name is Winston, I have been reading posts in this forum ever since I started experiencing tinnitus but I never ever properly introduced myself. I guess in my mind I always wanted to save my first post for a success story when my tinnitus is magically gone, but that never happened so here it is, my long and winding "Introduce Yourself" post:
Introduction
I am 43 years old. I have a good job, a loving wife and a healthy body that I believe to be above average for my age. I eat healthy, sleep well and exercise 5-6 days a week. I never had any health issues and the annual body checks with the family doctor always show that I am perfectly healthy.
I felt invincible because life was good.
That was all before this beast tinnitus turned it upside down…
Cause
I have always known tinnitus and have had it for most of my life, but the form of tinnitus I have had was very mild and I could only hear it when I lay down in bed or sitting in a quiet room. I believe what I had was tonal tinnitus where it was just one tone through and through. I have always believed that tinnitus is natural, and everyone has some form of it, so I never really paid too much attention to it.
Around two years ago, I attended a concert where I stood in the first row right in front of the stage. As a result, my ears were blasted by loud music for a couple of hours. My ears were ringing right after the concert and I felt something was wrong after that day.
The funny thing is, severe tinnitus didn't start till much later…
Around 3-4 months after the concert, I woke up one day noticing the usual tone of tinnitus I was already used to but at an elevated volume. I lived with it for around two days and then the next day comes with a new kind of tinnitus I have never experienced before – buzzing. The buzzing can come in for hours and could be gone for hours at a time. It was really annoying, and it was something I cannot really get used to.
But compared to today's volume, that was nothing. I always tell myself what I would give up just to get myself back to this stage!
I was in semi-panic mode so I went to the web and look for answers like normal people would. I read that tinnitus might be caused by excess ear wax build up so I believed hopefully that might have been the issue. I also remembered that some years ago I went to the doctor to have my ear wax flushed out and that it never had any ill effects. So I decided to give it a try myself…
That was when my nightmare started…
I softened the earwax with vinegar and baby oil for around 2 days before attempting to do this procedure and it took me 2 tries to flush the wax out. Immediately after the procedure I already noticed the already elevated tone I had was getting louder. The buzzing in my ears is also more severe and piercing. My hearing was also muffled where it felt like I was underwater.
Initially, I said to myself these could be symptoms of the flushing where water got trapped behind the ear drums. After a few days it would surely clear and there would be a day where my hearing would be back to normal.
But that day never came…
My Tinnitus
After 1 week or so, the muffled hearing was slowly coming back but as soon as I was able to hear properly (even though my tinnitus was still here), I noticed something was wrong with my hearing. I am an audiophile. I like listening to vinyl records. When I listen to the usual records I normally listen to, the high frequencies felt distorted especially for sibilance heavy songs. These were the records that I usually listen to and I know how they should sound.
This could not be happening!
The tinnitus was not leaving anytime soon and it stayed at the same loud high-pitched level for almost 2 weeks and the buzzing also continued. Negative thoughts kept rushing into my mind with the realization that this may stay with me for an extended time and I needed to do something about it.
Panic started to kick in as soon as I realized that I may have seriously hurt myself this time around. I kept telling myself how stupid I was going to that concert without ear protection and even stupider for trying to clean my ears at home!
Feeling restless, I decided to go visit the walk-in clinic to see what the doctor has to say about my condition. We talked for a bit and when I mentioned to him I have tinnitus, he immediately prescribed me with Sudafed and said if the Sudafed does not do the trick, I would have to go visit my family doctor and possibly visit an ENT specialist.
The day after I took Sudafed, I woke up feeling a lot better. The tonal tinnitus and the buzzing seemed to have weakened although the distorted hearing is still there. I felt like myself again for the first time in two weeks. I was in an upbeat mood and thought that I have genuinely dodged a bullet…
After a day of relative silent, the tinnitus came back with a vengeance.
High Pitch tonal tinnitus with buzzing that seem to happen inside my head/brain that did not seem to let up a bit during the day. At night, they even increased in intensity and made life miserable. Watching TV was torture during this time because when the volume of the TV was turned up, the tinnitus also turned up to compete with it. I could never find something that could mask this tinnitus I had.
I also noticed this fullness inside my ears that seem to tighten them whenever sounds enter. It eventually became painful to listen to music. I guess this was a form of Hyperacusis that usually accompany tinnitus.
I was also having a hard time concentrating when the tinnitus was blasting away, and I wasn't sure if it was the tinnitus that caused it. The high-pitched tinnitus at night usually is accompanied by a mild headache which made my life even more unbearable…
In the first month of my onset of tinnitus, I seemed to be able to get half to one relatively quiet day in a string of 4 loud days and the cycle repeats again. The quiet day is great where I can feel like myself again although I can still hear the tinnitus, it seemed to be not ringing inside my head and was separately ringing in both ears if you know what I mean.
The silver lining in all this perhaps was the fact that I could sleep relatively well during this hard time (although I still had to use melatonin for the first month). As I have mentioned before, I have had mild tinnitus for most of my life and that probably prepared me for sleeping under the presence of tinnitus, even though it was way louder than what I used to…
At this point in time, I still had hope that I was going to get back to normal where the tinnitus would fade. Little did I know what kind of a beast I was dealing with…
Dark Places
Months have passed, and the tinnitus has stayed. Life was no fun with tinnitus. I kept believing that it would fade but it kept screaming at me without stopping. How can I live with this for the rest of my life?
Music that once was my biggest escape now became hell because it was painful to even endure the 4-minute duration of an average song. I cannot sustain a healthy conversation with people when I must keep requesting them to repeat what they said. Watching a movie in a cinema which I enjoyed immensely before was now a chore with distorted dialogues and unbearably loud sound which makes for a painful experience. I could choose to sit in a quiet room, but the tinnitus was blasting and I didn't want to listen to it! There seem to be nothing I can do to make it better. Is my old life gone for good?
Soon, I was drowning in depression with no way out, life was not worth living anymore when I was barely surviving.
That dark thought had crossed my mind numerous times and I kept running scenarios in my mind of what I could do to make it happen. However, further thoughts that my wife would be devastated if something were to happen to me was what pulled me back from further action.
Thankfully, these thoughts were only just thoughts.
Pulling myself away from the doorway of hell didn't seem to help me a bit with my tinnitus. It seemed to have made me feel even more devastated. The realization of the fact that there was no way out makes my life a living hell.
There was nothing I wanted to do, nowhere I wanted to go and nothing I wanted to try because I knew nothing would change my situation. I was stressed out by the easiest everyday tasks at work and at home and I lash out at my wife daily for no reasons.
They usually say whatever that can't kill you makes you even stronger, is that true?
How I cope with my Tinnitus
I woke up one day realizing that although I may never be able to get all my old life back, 80% of it may be what I needed to settle for.
I started to go to the movie theaters again to watch movies. I also resumed listening to music although it was not as fun as before, I did it with the realization that one day I may be able to listen to it again without fear. I started to go out and have dinner with friends again and did not fear going into the bar to have a beer. All these activities I did them without wearing earplugs, but I did bring them with me for the odd occasions whenever I felt that my ears were under stress.
I only use earplugs when I absolutely have to like operating the lawnmower and listening to live music in a club.
I even started to go on trips with my wife/friends and discovered that I was able to forget about my tinnitus while I was on vacation. Although not having the time of my life, I at least felt like I was having fun and living my life for once!
Living my life as if tinnitus was not there was a revelation.
Although I still hear it and I was in no way habituated like many other sufferers, I believe I have at least had the condition controlled. Life still sucked living with tinnitus, but I finally have a believe that it will one day get better…
Getting Better
In around the 8 months mark after the onset of my tinnitus. The cycle of 4 days loud, 1 day not as loud had slowly turned into 2 days loud, 2 days medium and 1-2 days quiet and have settled there.
Although there can be relapses where I could get the 4 days loud cycles for a week or two, it eventually settled back to the 221 format.
Today after a year and a half of struggling with this beast, I can say that I am finally getting better. Sometimes I even have 3 good days in a roll!
The hyperacusis also seemed to have settled down and while the pain is still here, it doesn't stay for as long as before. I also can listen to music without much distortion. Although it is not 100% back to the time before I cleaned my ears, I would say I am enjoying music again!
Lately the day 3s and day 4s in the cycle also feel quieter. Am I imagining things?
I don't want to get too much ahead of myself but is habituation going to arrive soon?
Introduction
I am 43 years old. I have a good job, a loving wife and a healthy body that I believe to be above average for my age. I eat healthy, sleep well and exercise 5-6 days a week. I never had any health issues and the annual body checks with the family doctor always show that I am perfectly healthy.
I felt invincible because life was good.
That was all before this beast tinnitus turned it upside down…
Cause
I have always known tinnitus and have had it for most of my life, but the form of tinnitus I have had was very mild and I could only hear it when I lay down in bed or sitting in a quiet room. I believe what I had was tonal tinnitus where it was just one tone through and through. I have always believed that tinnitus is natural, and everyone has some form of it, so I never really paid too much attention to it.
Around two years ago, I attended a concert where I stood in the first row right in front of the stage. As a result, my ears were blasted by loud music for a couple of hours. My ears were ringing right after the concert and I felt something was wrong after that day.
The funny thing is, severe tinnitus didn't start till much later…
Around 3-4 months after the concert, I woke up one day noticing the usual tone of tinnitus I was already used to but at an elevated volume. I lived with it for around two days and then the next day comes with a new kind of tinnitus I have never experienced before – buzzing. The buzzing can come in for hours and could be gone for hours at a time. It was really annoying, and it was something I cannot really get used to.
But compared to today's volume, that was nothing. I always tell myself what I would give up just to get myself back to this stage!
I was in semi-panic mode so I went to the web and look for answers like normal people would. I read that tinnitus might be caused by excess ear wax build up so I believed hopefully that might have been the issue. I also remembered that some years ago I went to the doctor to have my ear wax flushed out and that it never had any ill effects. So I decided to give it a try myself…
That was when my nightmare started…
I softened the earwax with vinegar and baby oil for around 2 days before attempting to do this procedure and it took me 2 tries to flush the wax out. Immediately after the procedure I already noticed the already elevated tone I had was getting louder. The buzzing in my ears is also more severe and piercing. My hearing was also muffled where it felt like I was underwater.
Initially, I said to myself these could be symptoms of the flushing where water got trapped behind the ear drums. After a few days it would surely clear and there would be a day where my hearing would be back to normal.
But that day never came…
My Tinnitus
After 1 week or so, the muffled hearing was slowly coming back but as soon as I was able to hear properly (even though my tinnitus was still here), I noticed something was wrong with my hearing. I am an audiophile. I like listening to vinyl records. When I listen to the usual records I normally listen to, the high frequencies felt distorted especially for sibilance heavy songs. These were the records that I usually listen to and I know how they should sound.
This could not be happening!
The tinnitus was not leaving anytime soon and it stayed at the same loud high-pitched level for almost 2 weeks and the buzzing also continued. Negative thoughts kept rushing into my mind with the realization that this may stay with me for an extended time and I needed to do something about it.
Panic started to kick in as soon as I realized that I may have seriously hurt myself this time around. I kept telling myself how stupid I was going to that concert without ear protection and even stupider for trying to clean my ears at home!
Feeling restless, I decided to go visit the walk-in clinic to see what the doctor has to say about my condition. We talked for a bit and when I mentioned to him I have tinnitus, he immediately prescribed me with Sudafed and said if the Sudafed does not do the trick, I would have to go visit my family doctor and possibly visit an ENT specialist.
The day after I took Sudafed, I woke up feeling a lot better. The tonal tinnitus and the buzzing seemed to have weakened although the distorted hearing is still there. I felt like myself again for the first time in two weeks. I was in an upbeat mood and thought that I have genuinely dodged a bullet…
After a day of relative silent, the tinnitus came back with a vengeance.
High Pitch tonal tinnitus with buzzing that seem to happen inside my head/brain that did not seem to let up a bit during the day. At night, they even increased in intensity and made life miserable. Watching TV was torture during this time because when the volume of the TV was turned up, the tinnitus also turned up to compete with it. I could never find something that could mask this tinnitus I had.
I also noticed this fullness inside my ears that seem to tighten them whenever sounds enter. It eventually became painful to listen to music. I guess this was a form of Hyperacusis that usually accompany tinnitus.
I was also having a hard time concentrating when the tinnitus was blasting away, and I wasn't sure if it was the tinnitus that caused it. The high-pitched tinnitus at night usually is accompanied by a mild headache which made my life even more unbearable…
In the first month of my onset of tinnitus, I seemed to be able to get half to one relatively quiet day in a string of 4 loud days and the cycle repeats again. The quiet day is great where I can feel like myself again although I can still hear the tinnitus, it seemed to be not ringing inside my head and was separately ringing in both ears if you know what I mean.
The silver lining in all this perhaps was the fact that I could sleep relatively well during this hard time (although I still had to use melatonin for the first month). As I have mentioned before, I have had mild tinnitus for most of my life and that probably prepared me for sleeping under the presence of tinnitus, even though it was way louder than what I used to…
At this point in time, I still had hope that I was going to get back to normal where the tinnitus would fade. Little did I know what kind of a beast I was dealing with…
Dark Places
Months have passed, and the tinnitus has stayed. Life was no fun with tinnitus. I kept believing that it would fade but it kept screaming at me without stopping. How can I live with this for the rest of my life?
Music that once was my biggest escape now became hell because it was painful to even endure the 4-minute duration of an average song. I cannot sustain a healthy conversation with people when I must keep requesting them to repeat what they said. Watching a movie in a cinema which I enjoyed immensely before was now a chore with distorted dialogues and unbearably loud sound which makes for a painful experience. I could choose to sit in a quiet room, but the tinnitus was blasting and I didn't want to listen to it! There seem to be nothing I can do to make it better. Is my old life gone for good?
Soon, I was drowning in depression with no way out, life was not worth living anymore when I was barely surviving.
That dark thought had crossed my mind numerous times and I kept running scenarios in my mind of what I could do to make it happen. However, further thoughts that my wife would be devastated if something were to happen to me was what pulled me back from further action.
Thankfully, these thoughts were only just thoughts.
Pulling myself away from the doorway of hell didn't seem to help me a bit with my tinnitus. It seemed to have made me feel even more devastated. The realization of the fact that there was no way out makes my life a living hell.
There was nothing I wanted to do, nowhere I wanted to go and nothing I wanted to try because I knew nothing would change my situation. I was stressed out by the easiest everyday tasks at work and at home and I lash out at my wife daily for no reasons.
They usually say whatever that can't kill you makes you even stronger, is that true?
How I cope with my Tinnitus
I woke up one day realizing that although I may never be able to get all my old life back, 80% of it may be what I needed to settle for.
I started to go to the movie theaters again to watch movies. I also resumed listening to music although it was not as fun as before, I did it with the realization that one day I may be able to listen to it again without fear. I started to go out and have dinner with friends again and did not fear going into the bar to have a beer. All these activities I did them without wearing earplugs, but I did bring them with me for the odd occasions whenever I felt that my ears were under stress.
I only use earplugs when I absolutely have to like operating the lawnmower and listening to live music in a club.
I even started to go on trips with my wife/friends and discovered that I was able to forget about my tinnitus while I was on vacation. Although not having the time of my life, I at least felt like I was having fun and living my life for once!
Living my life as if tinnitus was not there was a revelation.
Although I still hear it and I was in no way habituated like many other sufferers, I believe I have at least had the condition controlled. Life still sucked living with tinnitus, but I finally have a believe that it will one day get better…
Getting Better
In around the 8 months mark after the onset of my tinnitus. The cycle of 4 days loud, 1 day not as loud had slowly turned into 2 days loud, 2 days medium and 1-2 days quiet and have settled there.
Although there can be relapses where I could get the 4 days loud cycles for a week or two, it eventually settled back to the 221 format.
Today after a year and a half of struggling with this beast, I can say that I am finally getting better. Sometimes I even have 3 good days in a roll!
The hyperacusis also seemed to have settled down and while the pain is still here, it doesn't stay for as long as before. I also can listen to music without much distortion. Although it is not 100% back to the time before I cleaned my ears, I would say I am enjoying music again!
Lately the day 3s and day 4s in the cycle also feel quieter. Am I imagining things?
I don't want to get too much ahead of myself but is habituation going to arrive soon?
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