Honestly Scared for My Life, Please God Help Me.

[Wishy]

I'm not the type to sign up to a board like this and post something of this nature. I've been using this site on and off for the past few months now and although it's never helped me, since I'd rather forget about my tinnitus than always be reminded of it, I always come to this site to check the research section out in hopes of seeing something that'll spark up my day. Sadly still not going to happen.

I'm writing this thread because I don't know how much I left to continue going. I've had tinnitus for most of my life as far as I'm aware, although I never "suffered" from it throughout it, I still had it growing up, it just never was that bad to cripple my life. About a year ago I came down with a chronic vestibular condition which left me completely debilitated for an entire year, and I worsened my tinnitus to an all time high from loud headphone use one night whilst I was trying to take my mind off my illness. I've always suffered from ear problems which I've always blamed for the reasoning as to why I deal with tinnitus at all. Specifically a problem known as Eustachian Tube Dysfunction. Over the years my ears have deteriorated and a few years back I perforated my ear drums going on a plane flight realizing my ears don't equalize pressure at all. Nor do they drain fluid properly. But I also have a super rare neurological syndrome known as Visual Snow which makes me see TV like static and visual flickering 24/7 in my vision. It's kind of like tinnitus but for the eyes, and yes there's no cure as well but and from my small understanding of it, tinnitus can be related to that? I don't know, but I seriously screwed my tinnitus and now my right ear is completely drilled with piercing high ringing which I hear over most things now. I have a small amount in my left ear as well, but not enough to really dwell about. All I know is that I cannot ever sleep on my right ear ever again and it bothers me so much.

Between the anxiety and depression my chronic illness has given me, toppled with my permanent increase in tinnitus frequency, mixed with daily chronic migraines and visual problems which stem from my neurological problem I'm seriously considering suicide. I'm 21, almost 22 and I have a beautiful son and a girlfriend I've been with for 6 long years and I love them so much, I love my life but I cannot take this stuff anymore. I cry out every night to God asking him why I have to deal with all of this, knowing whether I do myself in, or spend the rest of my life living no matter what, my dying last breath I will still hear this noise, still feel the way I feel, see what I see. I no deep down I'm not capable of suicide but I flirt with the possibility of it more than I shouldn't and that bothers me. It's almost like I can't trust myself once I hit my daily anxiety attack which has me stressing about all of my conditions including my tinnitus. Some days I learn to forget, others I can't help but want to cut off my ear to stop the ringing, but I know I'll still hear it no matter what.

My worst fear in life and it scares the living crap out of me is that no matter what, if I go deaf I'll always hear this endless ringing no matter what, and if I go blind, I never stop seeing this flickering static in my vision. It's cruel and unfair to have to live like this. Especially given the fact I have complete zero support from my entire family, since they literally think I'm making up everything I deal with. I have panic attacks every single day and I'm crying every night before bed because I hate going to bed knowing I'm stuck listening to an endless high pitched ring.

I've already told myself, as long as someone can guarantee to me there's going to be a cure for tinnitus within my lifetime, I'll continue fighting, I need to know. I need this sort of information sketched into my mind or else I'm going to do something so stupid soon. My patience is wearing thin and I'm honestly sick of fighting for something that feels like it's never going to end.

We need a cure, please God. Or at least a proper treatment so that we don't hear it at all. I need some positive vibes so please, if you do comment, please don't bash me for what I've said in my post. I'm seriously just venting and I need some support from people who understand me and go through the same thing. This condition is a freaking nightmare to live with.

 

[monkey legs]

I'm not the type to sign up to a board like this and post something of this nature. I've been using this site on and off for the past few months now and although it's never helped me, since I'd rather forget about my tinnitus than always be reminded of it, I always come to this site to check the research section out in hopes of seeing something that'll spark up my day. Sadly still not going to happen.

I'm writing this thread because I don't know how much I left to continue going. I've had tinnitus for most of my life as far as I'm aware, although I never "suffered" from it throughout it, I still had it growing up, it just never was that bad to cripple my life. About a year ago I came down with a chronic vestibular condition which left me completely debilitated for an entire year, and I worsened my tinnitus to an all time high from loud headphone use one night whilst I was trying to take my mind off my illness. I've always suffered from ear problems which I've always blamed for the reasoning as to why I deal with tinnitus at all. Specifically a problem known as Eustachian Tube Dysfunction. Over the years my ears have deteriorated and a few years back I perforated my ear drums going on a plane flight realizing my ears don't equalize pressure at all. Nor do they drain fluid properly. But I also have a super rare neurological syndrome known as Visual Snow which makes me see TV like static and visual flickering 24/7 in my vision. It's kind of like tinnitus but for the eyes, and yes there's no cure as well but and from my small understanding of it, tinnitus can be related to that? I don't know, but I seriously screwed my tinnitus and now my right ear is completely drilled with piercing high ringing which I hear over most things now. I have a small amount in my left ear as well, but not enough to really dwell about. All I know is that I cannot ever sleep on my right ear ever again and it bothers me so much.

Between the anxiety and depression my chronic illness has given me, toppled with my permanent increase in tinnitus frequency, mixed with daily chronic migraines and visual problems which stem from my neurological problem I'm seriously considering suicide. I'm 21, almost 22 and I have a beautiful son and a girlfriend I've been with for 6 long years and I love them so much, I love my life but I cannot take this stuff anymore. I cry out every night to God asking him why I have to deal with all of this, knowing whether I do myself in, or spend the rest of my life living no matter what, my dying last breath I will still hear this noise, still feel the way I feel, see what I see. I no deep down I'm not capable of suicide but I flirt with the possibility of it more than I shouldn't and that bothers me. It's almost like I can't trust myself once I hit my daily anxiety attack which has me stressing about all of my conditions including my tinnitus. Some days I learn to forget, others I can't help but want to cut off my ear to stop the ringing, but I know I'll still hear it no matter what.

My worst fear in life and it scares the living crap out of me is that no matter what, if I go deaf I'll always hear this endless ringing no matter what, and if I go blind, I never stop seeing this flickering static in my vision. It's cruel and unfair to have to live like this. Especially given the fact I have complete zero support from my entire family, since they literally think I'm making up everything I deal with. I have panic attacks every single day and I'm crying every night before bed because I hate going to bed knowing I'm stuck listening to an endless high pitched ring.

I've already told myself, as long as someone can guarantee to me there's going to be a cure for tinnitus within my lifetime, I'll continue fighting, I need to know. I need this sort of information sketched into my mind or else I'm going to do something so stupid soon. My patience is wearing thin and I'm honestly sick of fighting for something that feels like it's never going to end.

We need a cure, please God. Or at least a proper treatment so that we don't hear it at all. I need some positive vibes so please, if you do comment, please don't bash me for what I've said in my post. I'm seriously just venting and I need some support from people who understand me and go through the same thing. This condition is a freaking nightmare to live with.

My friend, I am 2 months in with Bad Tinnitus + Sinus problems. Like you I am really struggling to cope, but just doing the best I can. Every day is indeed a struggle. I dont know what tommorow will hold, but you have my support for what I can give. Im sure somewhere down the line a break through will be made - but when that time is who can say?

Please reach out to others in this forum as I must (try) to get some sleep now. I will pray for you - even though I am not religious if that makes sense.

I will be back tommorow.

Peace and love to you.

 

[BobK544]

Wishy, so very sorry to hear about your state of mind and we can all definitely relate. I'm no one to be making suggestions as i'm really not sure if what works for me will help any one else, but i did find that using a white noise notched file did help move my ringing to more of a high pitched white noise and i know how tortuous the ringing can be, but i am able to cope better with the hissing T versus the tonal T.

 

[John_415]

Hey Wishy,
Sorry to hear what your going trough, I only have light T which is nothing compared to what it could be.
I slept for 2 hours within 3 nights at onset, went to the doctor just to hear its no big deal, then convince her it is a big deal. I brought it up with a family member, the first response was: its no big deal, then I had to convince her that it is a big deal by saying: pretend you have lost a finger, then you have phantom limb pain in the limb you don't have and you tell people about it, they will think your crazy right? Well its like that but with sound. This did change her mind to then take it more seriously.

I read you can't sleep on one ear because of T, perhaps an airplane pillow with a hole in the middle might help? I noticed that if my ear is not directly on the pillow the noise is softer so sleeping on 1 side with a hole in the pillow might work.

Perhaps MBSR (Mindfullness Based Stress Reduction) could work to decrease general pain and noise perception. Its scientificaly proven to work against stress, pain and tinnitus. On a Dutch forum with tinnitus sufferers I came across, it seemed to have helped a lot of people.
Here is a link to a MBSR course that focuses on T: http://www.mindfultinnitusrelief.com/
I just started on an MBSR course, and its about meditation and acceptance, the spiritual part has been taken out of it so its just the mindfullness part that is being teached.

You mentioned you have Eustachian Tube Dysfunction, this could cause fluid accumulation within the middle ear, I read. I know of one mushroom called Cordyceps, which has shown to be effective against tinnitu caused by fluid accumulation in the middle ear. Search for 'tinnitus' on this page for the study:
https://swansonhealthcenter.com/topics/cordyceps-sinensis/

Online I found something called: Acoustic CR Neuromodulation Therapy for Subjective Tonal Tinnitus.
Improvements have been found in 75% of people partaking that therapy. I read its rather new, its available in the city I live in and promoted as a scientifically proven therapy, thats what I read online. Here is a source:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4362296/
Here is the Dutch place where people over here can start that therapy and where its promoted as a working therapy:
https://www.beterhoren.nl/verbeter-uw-gehoor/gehoor/tinnitus/therapie

Anyway I hope you gained some value from something I posted.
Hope you get better. Il pray for you.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Hi Wishy. I also wish and pray for a cure. I'm glad you joined this board. I just joined too. We have to stick together and support each other.

 

[Robert18]

hi wishy,
keep calm and think positive there are good people here that gives some great advices you are not alone
I've been experience too much loud t for the past couple of weeks and I've prayed and call the name of
lord jesus to give me strength to survive and it helps a lot and it gives a peace of mind.

be strong man and I will pray for you,
Robert

 

[dpdx]

Wishy, so very sorry to hear about your state of mind and we can all definitely relate. I'm no one to be making suggestions as i'm really not sure if what works for me will help any one else, but i did find that using a white noise notched file did help move my ringing to more of a high pitched white noise and i know how tortuous the ringing can be, but i am able to cope better with the hissing T versus the tonal T.

BobK544 how are you doing? Is your T better now?

 

[Hazel]

@Wishy , I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles! Having multiple chronic conditions instead of just one... well, I can only imagine.

I know you've been dealing with this for a long time, but that does not mean it won't get better! There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling now, but just don't assume you'll feel like this forever. The odds are very much in your favour, especially since you're still so young, that your condition, or your ability to manage it, or both, will improve significantly over time.

One more thing: try not to scare yourself silly with negative visions of the future. It's a very natural thing and we all do it, but there's just no point to it. None of us know what the future will bring. If you can do just one small thing today to make yourself feel (even slightly) better, then you're doing the best you can.

Don't give up hope! Be kind and patient with yourself and eventually you will find a way. Life may not be as easy as you'd like, but it can still be good.

 

[Maureen777]

Hi Wishy
I can totally relate to how you feel. I've been feeling the same way lately. I just can't take it anymore! All I can say is Thank goodness for this site. It gives me hope, or least a place to vent. I hope you're doing okay. Hang in there, and I'm going to try as well. Take care.

 

[Urbanrobot]

Wishy, how have you been doing in the meantime ? I am a bit over three months with T in left ear. And hearing loss . It sucks and you seem to have a larger weight to carry . I just ordered cordyceps mushroom . I can recommend meditation, radical acceptance and mindfulness , it helps when done daily , best of health and luck and relief, love your family and yourself , best regards

 

[coffee_girl]

Why bump this thread?

 

[Bill Bauer]

Why bump this thread?

Why not bump it?

 

[Maureen777]

Why not bump it?

My thoughts exactly! What's wrong with bringing up an old post?

 

[Bill Bauer]

My thoughts exactly! What's wrong with bringing up an old post?

I see people complaining about it, and I never understand it. It is interesting to find out what happens to a person (who has had X happen to them) as time goes on. When we ask people who had posted several years ago, we get a chance to do just that.

 

[Tinker Bell]

I see people complaining about it, and I never understand it. It is interesting to find out what happens to a person (who has had X happen to them) as time goes on. When we ask people who had posted several years ago, we get a chance to do just that.

What is odd is that you can click on the author's name and see that they have not posted since last March. The odds of them seeing this thread bump are slim.

Unless they have a notification set to email them. Of course, if they do then they could likely also be sent a PM and that would alert them too.

Maybe making the date more prominent would help because I think new members sometimes miss that a thread is old. Or perhaps freeze old posts so they can be read but not receive new comments.

I like knowing about past members too, but many people join and post then stop frequenting TT.

 

[Bill Bauer]

What is odd is that you can click on the author's name and see that they have not posted since last March. The odds of them seeing this thread bump are slim.

Well, if they ever check back, they are more likely to post an update if they see someone asking them for one.

 

[Tinker Bell]

Well, if they ever check back, they are more likely to post an update if they see someone asking them for one.

Maybe. But hypothetically let's say the author checks back three years from now and the poster asking for an update is no longer an active member. Will they still post an update then?

And for the question asker, would it be better if their post was asked in an active thread to an active member who could respond to the poster in a timely manner?

ETA: When you're trying to build community and support for people reaching out, timely responses are valuable. Especially for vulnerable individuals. I'm not saying the question asker is vulnerable, just saying we often have new members who are vulnerable and looking for someone who has had similar experiences.

 

[just1morething]

Why bump this thread?

I guess it was bump day and not hump day maybe? Idk.