How Can I Enjoy Life When I Haven't Habituated to Tinnitus?

[glacier]

I've had tinnitus since a loud concert 17 months ago. The first few months were terrible. I'm lucky to have a milder case than many on this forum, but I am a little OCD and have struggled horribly. I similarly agonized over acne scars for years. I hoped I would habituate in the 12-18 months time span people talk about, but I haven't.

Late last year I had a few months where I was doing much better. I stayed busy with work, went on an SSRI, and kept white noise around me as much as possible (including all day at work, with headphones). Unfortunately, that didn't last and 2020 has been a very tough year. I became preoccupied with tinnitus again and have fallen into depression and suicidal thoughts. Thanks to coronavirus, I recently moved back to my quiet hometown from a loud city and I've been crushed by how much more often I hear tinnitus here. I'm sitting in a peaceful backyard and having trouble enjoying the birdsong because of the ringing.

I'm exhausted from being stressed so much, thinking about tinnitus seemingly every few minutes, and feeling like I can't enjoy life anymore. I'm an introvert who loved silence, and it feels like I haven't been able to truly rest or recharge in a year and a half. I worry that I've lost the ability to enjoy the small things which often seem to come during quiet moments. I'm afraid things that I loved, like hiking, camping, and quiet days at home, are ruined forever. All I want is to fall into bed to sleep and hear silence when my head hits the pillow. Instead I have to to pump white noise into my ears to be able to sleep. I am worried that I am no fun to be around anymore, and that I'm a burden on people who care about me. Sometimes I tell my parents how much I'm struggling, but I feel like a broken record and try to keep it inside. I'm worried that I won't find a significant other being like this. I feel shame for being so broken by this when others deal with far worse things.

I don't want to waste my life worrying and being afraid. I'm not posting here to wallow (though venting helps). I am looking for help in enjoying life again.

I hope a treatment or cure happens, and I check on research progress more than I should, but I can't depend on these things. I need to figure out a way to enjoy living again as I am. Distracting myself by becoming a workaholic doesn't seem like a good solution. How do I get to the point of being able to sit outside on a beautiful spring evening and fully enjoy it again?

What advice do you have? What's worked for you? Is it simply a matter of accepting the reality of having tinnitus and trying to enjoy life in spite of it, until one day you've habituated and don't have to try anymore?

Thank you to @billie48 for her recovery post, which I am processing and think will be helpful
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[GlennS]

You have to process the grief of knowing that you'll no longer be able to experience pure silence. Even for me after all these years I struggle with the finality of this. But the important thing is not to allow tinnitus to "win". It "wins" by stealing all your mental cycles fixating on the tinnitus rather than getting on with life. At the same time, you can't beat yourself up over focusing on tinnitus. Every tinnitus sufferer is aware of the tinnitus countless times during the day. But being aware of the tinnitus and obsessing on it are two different things. The best way to snap out of it is to just keep yourself busy, which let's face it, is something everyone should do anyway. As I said in another thread, the quote from Shawshank Redemption is key: get busy living or get busy dying.

As far as how this impacts your social life, it is what it is. You have to first keep yourself on an even keel before you worry about being the life of the party or measuring up with friends and lovers.

The one solace is that acquiring tinnitus now rather than the early 90s when I got mine is a more hopeful situation as far as the treatments on the horizon. Keep hope in your back pocket that this won't necessarily be a life-long sentence. It will help you get through day to day.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Late last year I had a few months where I was doing much better. I stayed busy with work, went on an SSRI, and kept white noise around me as much as possible (including all day at work, with headphones).

HI @glacier

Using sound enrichment such as white noise or nature sounds is a good idea. The level of sound should be kept slightly lower than the tinnitus. Since your tinnitus was noise induced my advice is to never ever use headphones to listen to any type of audio even at low volumes. This is most likely the reason you are having difficulty with the tinnitus and not habituated. If you are able to get a referral to an Audiologist, that specialises in tinnitus and hyperacusis management then I think that will be helpful.

Please click on the links below and take your time and read my articles.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

 

[Bill Bauer]

What advice do you have?

It takes longer than a year to get habituated. Many begin feeling better after about 3 years...

 

[BuzzyBee]

It takes longer than a year to get habituated. Many begin feeling better after about 3 years...

Yup, and that's if it doesn't fluctuate a lot. Not everyone can habituate fully, but you can learn distraction techniques or ways to just deal.

 

[MBH]

You will, it takes a while. Wait it out.

 

[all to gain]

You have to process the grief of knowing that you'll no longer be able to experience pure silence. Even for me after all these years I struggle with the finality of this. But the important thing is not to allow tinnitus to "win". It "wins" by stealing all your mental cycles fixating on the tinnitus rather than getting on with life. At the same time, you can't beat yourself up over focusing on tinnitus. Every tinnitus sufferer is aware of the tinnitus countless times during the day. But being aware of the tinnitus and obsessing on it are two different things. The best way to snap out of it is to just keep yourself busy, which let's face it, is something everyone should do anyway. As I said in another thread, the quote from Shawshank Redemption is key: get busy living or get busy dying.

As far as how this impacts your social life, it is what it is. You have to first keep yourself on an even keel before you worry about being the life of the party or measuring up with friends and lovers.

The one solace is that acquiring tinnitus now rather than the early 90s when I got mine is a more hopeful situation as far as the treatments on the horizon. Keep hope in your back pocket that this won't necessarily be a life-long sentence. It will help you get through day to day.

You've had this thing a hell of a long time, Glenn. How old were you when you got it, and have you had worsenings in all that time? Do you have children, and if so, what did you do to protect yourself around the screams and crying? Have you found any supplements that have worked for you? And, lastly, how bad is your tinnitus?

Don't want to sidetrack the thread, just interested how people who have had this a long time have coped.

@glacier you sound a lot like me, ie OCD, a lover of silence and the outdoor life. We are going to get through this, and as Glenn said there is real reason to be hopeful nowadays that some proper treatments are going to come our way.

 

[GlennS]

You've had this thing a hell of a long time, Glenn. How old were you when you got it

21, right before I graduated college.

, and have you had worsenings in all that time?

Yes, a couple years ago at an IMAX for sure.

Do you have children, and if so, what did you do to protect yourself around the screams and crying?

My daughter didn't trigger my hyperacusis that much. Other kids in stores and restaurants, though...

Have you found any supplements that have worked for you?

Nothing other than things related to mood (i.e. St. John's Wort).

And, lastly, how bad is your tinnitus?

Originally I'd classify it as moderate. Now, severe, mostly due to my left ear. Masking is very difficult now.

Don't want to sidetrack the thread, just interested how people who have had this a long time have coped.

I think it's important for those new to T to have realistic goals. After an initial period of info-gathering I stopped counting on there being a cure around the corner. When you spend all your time thinking like that you just sort of procrastinate on your life goals "I'll achieve X and Y when my tinnitus is cured". You can bury yourself in a hole waiting for a cure for only so long before your sense of mortality demands you just start moving through your bucket-list, ready or not.

A really key event for me which I think I related before was a piece I saw on TV about the original singer of Santana's Black Magic Woman. The guy was just shuffling around in his apartment in a completely non-functional state due to his tinnitus. I did not want to be reduced to that, a shell or husk of a human being. In my current state I can very easily see myself being pulled down into that state. When I was feeling really insecure and unhappy with my current job I went on a lot of interviews, all of which I effectively "flunked". I remember one I went to where I was waiting to be seen and the office was really quiet. All I could hear was my tinnitus and I was thinking to myself, "how the hell am I really able to function like this?" This absolutely colors how I come across in first impressions because I'm so busy wrestling with tinnitus it's hard or even darn near impossible to appear cheerful and sociable. I think if I had to work in a quiet environment if I couldn't wear headphones I'd have to resort to in-ear maskers, something I never contemplated before. As it is now I telecommute which has allowed me to sort of cover-up the level of my disability.

I think most tinnitus sufferers do so "in the closet". I certainly did. The moment we let on that we're suffering is when we'll be labeled damaged goods. I probably could have dropped out of the workforce and gotten on disability. I resist that out of my own sense of pride. First and foremost I want to feel as though I can "pass" as normal and achieve more or less what normies do, even if my emotional health is generally crappy. I want to at least look back and say I accomplished this, that, or the other thing. Was a provider, a father, pursued some hobbies, etc... Just being able to do things in SPITE of tinnitus provides a singular purpose in my life. It's just that it's a PRIVATE one because I don't want people to know that I have this inner-struggle.

I think new T sufferers need to reframe their lives like this. The T is a life-long challenge. It sucks to have it, but the upside is that anything you accomplish can now be qualified internally because you did it IN SPITE of your disability. I know that I've accomplished more than T sufferers who bottom out at "Santana guy" levels. I don't feel I have to necessarily measure up to all the hopes and dreams I had before tinnitus. I cut myself a little slack.

Another singular thing that informed my opinions on T was the movie Immortal Beloved. Beethoven had that ear problem all his life that eventually took his hearing away. It made him into a real grouch which was documented very well in the movie. As he got older you saw him shuffling through the street with a frown and they sort of gave you a POV of his hearing where it was almost nothing but tinnitus he could hear. You could kind of understand why he was so brooding and negative. But the upside is it gave him a sense of purpose to channel all his energy into composing music. I think anyone who is dealing with a chronic problem like that is sort of mood-disabled insofar as they find it very difficult to feel natural joy or pleasure. I think Beethoven used music to evoke emotions that normal everyday life couldn't evoke in him. I have found similar little pockets of bliss here and there like that which are able to overcome the assault that T constantly mounts against my senses. It's really important to find that and it's going to be different for different people.

 

[Agrajag364]

I've had tinnitus since a loud concert 17 months ago. The first few months were terrible. I'm lucky to have a milder case than many on this forum, but I am a little OCD and have struggled horribly. I similarly agonized over acne scars for years. I hoped I would habituate in the 12-18 months time span people talk about, but I haven't.

Late last year I had a few months where I was doing much better. I stayed busy with work, went on an SSRI, and kept white noise around me as much as possible (including all day at work, with headphones). Unfortunately, that didn't last and 2020 has been a very tough year. I became preoccupied with tinnitus again and have fallen into depression and suicidal thoughts. Thanks to coronavirus, I recently moved back to my quiet hometown from a loud city and I've been crushed by how much more often I hear tinnitus here. I'm sitting in a peaceful backyard and having trouble enjoying the birdsong because of the ringing.

I'm exhausted from being stressed so much, thinking about tinnitus seemingly every few minutes, and feeling like I can't enjoy life anymore. I'm an introvert who loved silence, and it feels like I haven't been able to truly rest or recharge in a year and a half. I worry that I've lost the ability to enjoy the small things which often seem to come during quiet moments. I'm afraid things that I loved, like hiking, camping, and quiet days at home, are ruined forever. All I want is to fall into bed to sleep and hear silence when my head hits the pillow. Instead I have to to pump white noise into my ears to be able to sleep. I am worried that I am no fun to be around anymore, and that I'm a burden on people who care about me. Sometimes I tell my parents how much I'm struggling, but I feel like a broken record and try to keep it inside. I'm worried that I won't find a significant other being like this. I feel shame for being so broken by this when others deal with far worse things.

I don't want to waste my life worrying and being afraid. I'm not posting here to wallow (though venting helps). I am looking for help in enjoying life again.

I hope a treatment or cure happens, and I check on research progress more than I should, but I can't depend on these things. I need to figure out a way to enjoy living again as I am. Distracting myself by becoming a workaholic doesn't seem like a good solution. How do I get to the point of being able to sit outside on a beautiful spring evening and fully enjoy it again?

What advice do you have? What's worked for you? Is it simply a matter of accepting the reality of having tinnitus and trying to enjoy life in spite of it, until one day you've habituated and don't have to try anymore?

Thank you to @billie48 for her recovery post, which I am processing and think will be helpful
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

OK, this is not true of everyone's tinnitus, but based on observation on the forums for a few years it's true for a lot of people. The more you are able to ignore tinnitus, the quieter it gets, for some people. I have observed again and again that for those in about the first three years, the point at which they start enjoying life again is often when the tinnitus starts fading into the background. Often it sounds like a cross between habituation (when your brain pushes it into background until you consciously bring it to mind) and actual volume reduction.

With my tinnitus (2.5 years old) I have noticed a massive link with general wellbeing and happiness, and stress, and quieter tinnitus. I recently had something traumatic happen and BOY has it made my tinnitus louder. Conversely in the first year I had this, it began to fade at the point where stress in my life became lower and I was enjoying life more. To be fair I have very variable tinnitus which can go from an only in a quiet room day to an above motorway traffic day in a week. I also noticed that if I had a day where I had something busy and enjoyable on, often my tinnitus would be quieter (actual volume reduction and not just habituation).

I feel like I've heard the story again and again - someone comes back here and says, I hated my tinnitus at first, then after a year or two I started to enjoy my life a bit more and ignore it, and then I realised I was only hearing the tinnitus in quiet rooms.

This doesn't seem to hold so true for anyone who's had tinnitus for more than about 3-4 years.

 

[glacier]

You have to process the grief of knowing that you'll no longer be able to experience pure silence.

This feels like the core of it. I've been unwilling to accept that tinnitus is a part of my reality that I cannot change, and keeping that up requires a ton of energy and prolongs the grieving process. I've been dragged kicking and screaming. I need to reach acceptance of what my life is now and make the best of it. If a treatment or cure happens, I can recalibrate at that time.

Thank you @GlennS, @Michael Leigh, @Bill Bauer, @BuzzyBee, @MBH, @all to gain, and @Agrajag364 for the responses.

 

[JasonP]

I've had tinnitus since a loud concert 17 months ago. The first few months were terrible. I'm lucky to have a milder case than many on this forum, but I am a little OCD and have struggled horribly. I similarly agonized over acne scars for years. I hoped I would habituate in the 12-18 months time span people talk about, but I haven't.

Late last year I had a few months where I was doing much better. I stayed busy with work, went on an SSRI, and kept white noise around me as much as possible (including all day at work, with headphones). Unfortunately, that didn't last and 2020 has been a very tough year. I became preoccupied with tinnitus again and have fallen into depression and suicidal thoughts. Thanks to coronavirus, I recently moved back to my quiet hometown from a loud city and I've been crushed by how much more often I hear tinnitus here. I'm sitting in a peaceful backyard and having trouble enjoying the birdsong because of the ringing.

I'm exhausted from being stressed so much, thinking about tinnitus seemingly every few minutes, and feeling like I can't enjoy life anymore. I'm an introvert who loved silence, and it feels like I haven't been able to truly rest or recharge in a year and a half. I worry that I've lost the ability to enjoy the small things which often seem to come during quiet moments. I'm afraid things that I loved, like hiking, camping, and quiet days at home, are ruined forever. All I want is to fall into bed to sleep and hear silence when my head hits the pillow. Instead I have to to pump white noise into my ears to be able to sleep. I am worried that I am no fun to be around anymore, and that I'm a burden on people who care about me. Sometimes I tell my parents how much I'm struggling, but I feel like a broken record and try to keep it inside. I'm worried that I won't find a significant other being like this. I feel shame for being so broken by this when others deal with far worse things.

I don't want to waste my life worrying and being afraid. I'm not posting here to wallow (though venting helps). I am looking for help in enjoying life again.

I hope a treatment or cure happens, and I check on research progress more than I should, but I can't depend on these things. I need to figure out a way to enjoy living again as I am. Distracting myself by becoming a workaholic doesn't seem like a good solution. How do I get to the point of being able to sit outside on a beautiful spring evening and fully enjoy it again?

What advice do you have? What's worked for you? Is it simply a matter of accepting the reality of having tinnitus and trying to enjoy life in spite of it, until one day you've habituated and don't have to try anymore?

Thank you to @billie48 for her recovery post, which I am processing and think will be helpful
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

I have a suggestion. See if your tinnitus can be reduced by wearing a hearing aid. I wonder if you wore hearing aids, the enhancement of ambient sound "mask" your tinnitus more. I know mine can mask some of my sounds. I personally like the Signia 7nx or Signia 7px hearing aid. One of the reason is they have extended frequency range which means more sound frequencies are amplified. Normal audiograms only go to 8kHz but I think the Signia hearing aids can be programmed up to 12kHz. The only trick is you have to find a place that can give you an extended audiograms. Some hearing aid places will you give you a free hearing test and a free trial for hearing aids.

Some hearing aids also have maskers built in so you could turn on the maskers and wear them during the day. I had the hearing aid guy make me a custom white sound for mine. Some even hook up to Bluetooth so you can listen to music being transmitted from a smartphone (though be careful with the volume if you decide to do that). I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Michael Leigh]

This feels like the core of it. I've been unwilling to accept that tinnitus is a part of my reality that I cannot change, and keeping that up requires a ton of energy and prolongs the grieving process. I've been dragged kicking and screaming. I need to reach acceptance of what my life is now and make the best of it. If a treatment or cure happens, I can recalibrate at that time.

@glacier

You have been through a lot of difficulty with tinnitus and come to the realisation, the only way forward is acceptance. For some this is easier said than done but don't let that stop you believing. Take things slowly and where necessary seek medical help and don't push yourself too hard. Focus on what you're able to do with tinnitus and not at what you can't. This will help reinforce positivity and keep negativity at bay. I am not saying never to feel negative, for the mere nature of this condition can impact heavily on one's mental and emotional wellbeing. Please take your time and read through my articles, and I hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care
Michael

 

[Tybs]

What advice do you have? What's worked for you?

In times where my tinnitus was most intrusive, I found ways which enabled me to focus on my passions. I loved gaming, but felt like a headset with mike would damage my ears: so I got a studio mic instead and set it up on my desk. Took some experimenting with configuration, but soon it worked fine, despite the fact that I use external speakers. The focus on games helped me in having a few hours without thinking about tinnitus, even though it was louder than any external sound in those days.

Pick any of your passions, and go all out with it, while keeping any risks in check.

 

[Jrblovsky]

@glacier

You have been through a lot of difficulty with tinnitus and come to the realisation, the only way forward is acceptance. For some this is easier said than done but don't let that stop you believing. Take things slowly and where necessary seek medical help and don't push yourself too hard. Focus on what you're able to do with tinnitus and not at what you can't. This will help reinforce positivity and keep negativity at bay. I am not saying never to feel negative, for the mere nature of this condition can impact heavily on one's mental and emotional wellbeing. Please take your time and read through my articles, and I hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care
Michael

I wish I had seen your advice about headphones before. My wife bought me a SleepPhones to play white noise since I have trouble sleeping. Got blasted with loud white noise for a few seconds and now I'm way way worse off. Defective device right out of the box

 

[Michael Leigh]

I wish I had seen your advice about headphones before. My wife bought me a SleepPhones to play white noise since I have trouble sleeping. Got blasted with loud white noise for a few seconds and now I'm way way worse off. Defective device right out of the box

Hopefully the tinnitus will calm down so try not to worry too much. Please click on the links below and read my posts, that you might find helpful. The other posts mentioned are available on my started threads and suggest you take time and read them:

Will My Tinnitus Get Worse? The Habituation Process. Tinnitus and Negative Counselling. Acquiring a Positive Mindset. Tinnitus and the Negative Mindset. Tinnitus and Mental Health. From Darkness into Light. TRT, As I See It.

Tinnitus, A Personal View | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
Hyperacusis, As I See It | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum

All the best
Michael

 

[Jrblovsky]

Hopefully the tinnitus will calm down so try not to worry too much. Please click on the links below and read my posts, that you might find helpful. The other posts mentioned are available on my started threads and suggest you take time and read them:

Will My Tinnitus Get Worse? The Habituation Process. Tinnitus and Negative Counselling. Acquiring a Positive Mindset. Tinnitus and the Negative Mindset. Tinnitus and Mental Health. From Darkness into Light. TRT, As I See It.

Tinnitus, A Personal View | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
Hyperacusis, As I See It | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum

All the best
Michael

I doubt it will. It's been over 5 months and the roaring is unbearable. 24/7.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I doubt it will. It's been over 5 months and the roaring is unbearable. 24/7.

Very sorry to hear this. Clonazepam can help reduce the tinnitus for some people and it doesn't have to be taken too often. It is an avenue to pursue as you are going through a lot of difficulty. Have a word with your GP and if possible, see an Audiologist that specialises in tinnitus and hyperacusis management.

Hope things improve for you.
Take care.

Michael