@Mentos
Yes, its a distractor and a spoiler. We don't have less mental capacity due to t. I know that from playing chess. I checked carefully if I played worde after getting t.
But still everything is sooo much more difficult with t.
Many problems I have now I had before without t as well. But now the problems are just somehow inflated.
In the last 18 month I often had good times, when I was really at peace with me, my health and even my t (low then).
But I don't want to deceive myself anymore and I admit to myself, I'm seriously ill.
My only goal in life is to find back to this better days, that they get more and more.
And to keep my girl friend
My last hope is, that it is all connected with depression. Work makes me depressive (and almost always had in some way). If I just find a way to treat the depression, maybe the t gets better or the good days get more.
I dont know why work so easily can make me depressive. With t it is obvious, because you feel not well under constraints. And you feel handicapped. But to be honest, I felt this way already before, I just could compensate it well (or at least better).
Lets see what future brings.