How to Deal with Guilt and Self-Hate If You Caused Your Own Tinnitus and/or Hyperacusis?

#31
Hindsight is always 20/20. A lot of us have had to learn to forgive ourselves here. It's actually a really important step in self-care and recovery. If you have a faith, that can help a lot. If you need to talk it out, you're in the right place to find like-minded people. Just work on your own recovery plan. Everyone is different but it's about a balance between protecting/not protecting especially if you have hyperacusis.
 
#32
One of my heroes is Toni Iommi from Black Sabbath who accidentally chopped off the tips of two fingers at the last day of his industrial job. I can't imagine the amount of guilt he has had to deal with through the years over that. Even when he relates that story now I can sense him mentally kicking himself over it. It's not something anyone would choose, but this incident helped provide a sense of purpose or goal in his life to achieve in spite of the handicap. He was talented before but nobody knows how far he would have gotten in life otherwise. His work ethic after the accident shot up considerably because he had so much more to prove than if he were just another blues-rock guitarist in the late 60s, and it drove him to different ways of playing and configuring the guitar. Stories like his--or Rick Allen from Def Leppard are proof positive that you can overcome if you're willing to put in the work, and part of that involves working past the guilt.
 
#33
GlennS said:
One of my heroes is Toni Iommi from Black Sabbath who accidentally chopped off the tips of two fingers at the last day of his industrial job. I can't imagine the amount of guilt he has had to deal with through the years over that. Even when he relates that story now I can sense him mentally kicking himself over it. It's not something anyone would choose, but this incident helped provide a sense of purpose or goal in his life to achieve in spite of the handicap. He was talented before but nobody knows how far he would have gotten in life otherwise. His work ethic after the accident shot up considerably because he had so much more to prove than if he were just another blues-rock guitarist in the late 60s, and it drove him to different ways of playing and configuring the guitar. Stories like his--or Rick Allen from Def Leppard are proof positive that you can overcome if you're willing to put in the work, and part of that involves working past the guilt.
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To be fair, in Rick Allen's case it was only because he could afford (or command at least from the company) the massive amount of money it took to build a brand new drum prototype.

This is more akin to regenerative medicine helping someone overcome tinnitus. It wasn't strength of will alone that allowed Rick Allen to do that. It was fame and a hell of a lot of money.

If he were poor and unknown, no amount of will would have helped.
 
#34
Capstan said:
I have seriously lacked the mental fortitude to move forward. I'm stuck in regret and scared of the future.
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Moving forward can be a challenge. It's a very slow process, it's a day by day ordeal. At times we either have the strength or willpower to do it or we will need lots of love and support to do it. My tinnitus is way louder these days and I have tons of stuff on my plate. For me it's a must that I move forward each day, because I have so so much that needs to be done.

My pets are always sick and need to go to emergency rooms and drs. They need meds all the time, they need their meds refilled. It is crazy just how much energy and dedication it takes just to handle their ordeals. That's just one aspect of what I face daily.

I am dealing with all of this while my tinnitus is at a level 10 and my hearing is absurd. It's a hard gig to live with, but it's my life and it's a reality I face. I never vent on this site, but do believe me, that I am challenged everyday and it's not easy at all.

I gain strength, first of all from myself and knowing that I can handle my afflictions. I gain strength when I talk to people, that support my cause and I support theirs as well. I gain strength from my faith and helping people. There is strength available, it's just a matter of how we find it.
 
#35
FGG said:
If he were poor and unknown, no amount of will would have helped.
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And all the money in the world wouldn't have helped if Rick hadn't had the will to continue. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, some of the most psychologically broken people are the rich, even the rich, healthy, and beautiful.

BTW, Tony was dirt poor at the time of his accident and he fashioned his own prosthetics.
 
#36
GlennS said:
And all the money in the world wouldn't have helped if Rick hadn't had the will to continue. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, some of the most psychologically broken people are the rich, even the rich, healthy, and beautiful.

BTW, Tony was dirt poor at the time of his accident and he fashioned his own prosthetics.
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I'm not disagreeing that grit was a factor but just pointing out that there were unfortunately probably many other rock drummers in history without the means Rick Allen had who lost an arm and who weren't afforded the opportunity to continue drumming through will alone.
 
#37
all to gain said:
I originally laughed out loud and gave you a funny rating, but it's just so cruel that it's not funny.
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Don't worry about it. I was trying to make people smile. It's all true, including the fact that soon I will reach 10,000 messages on Tinnitus Talk. So, no matter how tempting it might be to repeat what I had done, keep your sonic toothbrush away from your ears. ;)

I would say that that one wrong move that I didn't think through has completely ruined two years of my life... I guess it could have been worse.
 
#38
Bill Bauer said:
Don't worry about it. I was trying to make people smile. It's all true, including the fact that soon I will reach 10,000 messages on Tinnitus Talk. So, no matter how tempting it might be to repeat what I had done, keep your sonic toothbrush away from your ears. ;)

I would say that that one wrong move that I didn't think through has completely ruined two years of my life... I guess it could have been worse.
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You had tinnitus for more than 2 years right? So what happened after those two years? Did it fade or did you stop caring or a bit of both?

It ruined last year for me and the ruin is ongoing.
 
#39
Even if your causes aren't any of your fault (which they never truly are anyway) you're still going to feel guilty for random things. I feel guilty I didn't see a doctor after my fall, I feel guilty I continued to push myself despite being in pain and being unable to move properly, I feel guilty I didn't see a doctor sooner for ongoing congestion problems, I feel guilty I didn't seek proper physical therapy for neck issues, etc.

It's so easy to blame yourself, but we really aren't at fault - I'm not at fault for having tinnitus as much as I'm not at fault for my other health conditions.
 
#44
Orions Pain said:
Most of us are here for different reasons. Ear infections, medication, SSHL, accidents (all things that were out of someone's control) but then there are those of us who got it as a direct cause from our actions. For me personally, it was over-use of headphones, and loud places (concerts and bars).

I'm going to be exactly 4 months in with tinnitus & hyperacusis in about 4 days, and can't shake this terrible overwhelming feeling of hate for myself and deep regret for my actions. I keep on thinking of the life I would be having now if it wasn't for my hyperacusis and tinnitus, and how I've just essentially screwed myself for the rest of my life. Even if I recover to a degree, which I'm not too optimistic about at the moment, I will forever be scarred by this experience.

Those of you who are here because of similar things - noise exposure/damage from concerts, how do you cope with these feelings? I feel absolutely terrible and struggling to make it through each day greatly.
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Can't the ear repair itself with time and care?
 
#45
Orions Pain said:
Most of us are here for different reasons. Ear infections, medication, SSHL, accidents (all things that were out of someone's control) but then there are those of us who got it as a direct cause from our actions. For me personally, it was over-use of headphones, and loud places (concerts and bars).

I'm going to be exactly 4 months in with tinnitus & hyperacusis in about 4 days, and can't shake this terrible overwhelming feeling of hate for myself and deep regret for my actions. I keep on thinking of the life I would be having now if it wasn't for my hyperacusis and tinnitus, and how I've just essentially screwed myself for the rest of my life. Even if I recover to a degree, which I'm not too optimistic about at the moment, I will forever be scarred by this experience.

Those of you who are here because of similar things - noise exposure/damage from concerts, how do you cope with these feelings? I feel absolutely terrible and struggling to make it through each day greatly.
Click to expand...
Orions Pain said:
Most of us are here for different reasons. Ear infections, medication, SSHL, accidents (all things that were out of someone's control) but then there are those of us who got it as a direct cause from our actions. For me personally, it was over-use of headphones, and loud places (concerts and bars).

I'm going to be exactly 4 months in with tinnitus & hyperacusis in about 4 days, and can't shake this terrible overwhelming feeling of hate for myself and deep regret for my actions. I keep on thinking of the life I would be having now if it wasn't for my hyperacusis and tinnitus, and how I've just essentially screwed myself for the rest of my life. Even if I recover to a degree, which I'm not too optimistic about at the moment, I will forever be scarred by this experience.

Those of you who are here because of similar things - noise exposure/damage from concerts, how do you cope with these feelings? I feel absolutely terrible and struggling to make it through each day greatly.
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I'm struggling greatly. Cry every day. Both ears were vibrating last night. Literally shaking. Ringing. Burning. Horrible. Echoing. Ugh. It's a nightmare. I'm 3 months in, I hear the screaming against my pillow. Wake up to the noise. It's truly hell.
 
#46
Tara Lyons said:
Can't the ear repair itself with time and care?
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Yes it can to some degree. It is one of the reasons ENT doctors say to tinnitus patients, after hearing tests and MRI scan show no problems, to leave things for a while as the tinnitus could go away completely or a person habituates with time. Starting treatment or carrying out unnecessary tests could make the tinnitus worse.
 
#47
Michael Leigh said:
Yes it can to some degree. It is one of the reasons ENT doctors say to tinnitus patients, after hearing tests and MRI scan show no problems, to leave things for a while as the tinnitus could go away completely or a person habituates with time. Starting treatment or carrying out unnecessary tests could make the tinnitus worse.
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Marcus repaired himself...
 
#48
Tara Lyons said:
Marcus repaired himself...
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Yes he did and so have I and many people in this forum and around the world. However, repaired does not mean cured. The ears can recover to a certain extent as I've previously explained but this does not mean a person can start listening to loud music or using headphones, especially if they have Noise induced tinnitus. They can do these things if they wish but risk the tinnitus getting a lot worse. Many people that habituate to tinnitus are able to lead a fulfilling life doing everything that they want to within reason.

Michael
 
#49
Michael Leigh said:
Yes he did and so have I and many people in this forum and around the world. However, repaired does not mean cured. The ears can recover to a certain extent as I've previously explained but this does not mean a person can start listening to loud music or using headphones, especially if they have Noise induced tinnitus. They can do these things if they wish but risk the tinnitus getting a lot worse. Many people that habituate to tinnitus are able to lead a fulfilling life doing everything that they want to within reason.

Michael
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I just want my life back I don't understand why this is happening to me. I hate the noise!!!!!

Is focusing on it making it worse? I admit I do that but lately I feel like it's worse!!!
 
#51
GlennS said:
And all the money in the world wouldn't have helped if Rick hadn't had the will to continue. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, some of the most psychologically broken people are the rich, even the rich, healthy, and beautiful.

BTW, Tony was dirt poor at the time of his accident and he fashioned his own prosthetics.
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Check out an interview on YouTube he says he was bored of drumming and this re inspired him. I have seen DL live. I am a drummer and he does pull it off.. That's how &^% this condition is. It stops me from playing but someone with a missing limb can carry on.
 
#52
Tara Lyons said:
I just want my life back I don't understand why this is happening to me. I hate the noise!!!!!

Is focusing on it making it worse? I admit I do that but lately I feel like it's worse!!!
Click to expand...

It is only natural to want your life back and this is the benefit of seeing an Audiologist or Hearing Therapist that specialises in Tinnitus and hyperacusis management and treatment. A good tinnitus therapist is someone that ideally should have tinnitus and will have some idea how someone with the condition is being affected. I have mentioned this in some of my articles that I have sent you. Recovering from tinnitus is a form of grieving as a person wants their old life back. This is possible but takes time. Please click on the link below.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/what-happens-in-trt-sessions.18195/

Too much of anything isn't good and this includes focusing too much on tinnitus because it can make it more intrusive. Learning not focus on tinnitus too much takes time and cannot be rushed. I have explained this in my articles: The habituation process, Acquiring a positive mindset, Tinnitus and the negative mindset, in the links below. Try to read them often as this helps to reinforce positive thinking.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/
 
#53
Tara Lyons said:
I'm struggling greatly. Cry every day. Both ears were vibrating last night. Literally shaking. Ringing. Burning. Horrible. Echoing. Ugh. It's a nightmare. I'm 3 months in, I hear the screaming against my pillow. Wake up to the noise. It's truly hell.
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Hi Tara, I'm sorry that you've been having a hard time lately... I truly truly understand what you mean and how you feel. I can only tell you that I managed to survive through support of kind souls (my dad, tinnitus counsellor, psychiatrist and the Audiologist) and the medication and taking a day at a time. It is NOT EASY and I hv honestly, thought I can bear this any longer. Please still hang in there, it's still early days for you and you hv our full support and understanding, put your hope in the veterans here who hv survived. I really believe there's a good chance you'll get much better! Don't lose hope no matter how loud or intrusive or destructive tinnitus can be. We are here to help you always.
 
#54
sssing said:
Hi Tara, I'm sorry that you've been having a hard time lately... I truly truly understand what you mean and how you feel. I can only tell you that I managed to survive through support of kind souls (my dad, tinnitus counsellor, psychiatrist and the Audiologist) and the medication and taking a day at a time. It is NOT EASY and I hv honestly, thought I can bear this any longer. Please still hang in there, it's still early days for you and you hv our full support and understanding, put your hope in the veterans here who hv survived. I really believe there's a good chance you'll get much better! Don't lose hope no matter how loud or intrusive or destructive tinnitus can be. We are here to help you always.
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It's really loud. My mom wants to take me to the hospital. What do you think. Please this is crazy.
 
#55
Tara Lyons said:
It's really loud. My mom wants to take me to the hospital. What do you think. Please this is crazy.
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Really sorry to hear that you are struggling with it. Most important is to take the medicine to help you now. Can anything mask it? Did you try a full running tap, quick running brook or some shower sounds that can mask it? Try to find a way to mask it for the time being and make yourself more comfortable. I promise you it does get better. Please try to seek support from a tinnitus counsellor. It will not make it go away but talking to someone helped me a lot. If you really cannot handle it anymore, my counsellor suggested to go to the ER for me so that I wouldn't do something extreme. Whatever your decision is, please hang in there...it does get better with time. Many of us here have gone through it and survived. I'm praying for you.
 
#56
sssing said:
Really sorry to hear that you are struggling with it. Most important is to take the medicine to help you now. Can anything mask it? Did you try a full running tap, quick running brook or some shower sounds that can mask it? Try to find a way to mask it for the time being and make yourself more comfortable. I promise you it does get better. Please try to seek support from a tinnitus counsellor. It will not make it go away but talking to someone helped me a lot. If you really cannot handle it anymore, my counsellor suggested to go to the ER for me so that I wouldn't do something extreme. Whatever your decision is, please hang in there...it does get better with time. Many of us here have gone through it and survived. I'm praying for you.
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It's not even a ring, it's this blaring noise, it's horrible. I don't remember it ever being like this or what causes this flare up. Maybe I am focusing on it too much so that's part of it but this is insane.

I definitely focus on it more now. I feel like I hear it over TV and never used to but I also am an anxious wreck.

I'm terrified it will stay this way forever. It's seriously just SO BAD and now my right ear is acting up which is making things even harder.
 
#57
Hi Tara, can you find some music or sounds that can help mask and make you feel more comfortable? This may help you provide some relief. U can search 'Tinnitus works' on youtube and Spotify. They may help suppress the tinnitus for a while.
 
#58
Tara Lyons said:
It's not even a ring, it's this blaring noise, it's horrible. I don't remember it ever being like this or what causes this flare up. Maybe I am focusing on it too much so that's part of it but this is insane.

I definitely focus on it more now. I feel like I hear it over TV and never used to but I also am an anxious wreck.

I'm terrified it will stay this way forever. It's seriously just SO BAD and now my right ear is acting up which is making things even harder.
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Honestly, it will get much better, please give yourself and your ears time to heal, it's not going to be overnight, and you are in your early days. So in the meantime you will feel much better after you manage the anxiety. Please try to take your medicine for the anxiety, or go to the ER for it, you'll feel more able to manage it when the medicine helps to bring down the anxiety levels. U feel much better after that, I promise you, you won't feel this bad forever.
 
#59
sssing said:
Honestly, it will get much better, please give yourself and your ears time to heal, it's not going to be overnight, and you are in your early days. So in the meantime you will feel much better after you manage the anxiety. Please try to take your medicine for the anxiety, or go to the ER for it, you'll feel more able to manage it when the medicine helps to bring down the anxiety levels. U feel much better after that, I promise you, you won't feel this bad forever.
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I hope not. This is horrible.
My anxiety is terrible I'll admit it. This is terrifying me.
 

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