How to Forgive Myself?

[Map]

I am now the most desperate about one thing with my tinnitus. I think, I will able to cope the fact I actually have louder tinnitus. I had very mild tinnitus for almost 9 years, but I was so habituated it didn't bothered me in any way. I actually didn't think about it for months.

But I don't know how to forgive myself for visiting noisy concert two months ago and being so stupid not to wear earplugs. I should know it can make my tinnitus worse, but I was just standing there and listening to music. I shouldn't be there, it was terrible mistake. It was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life!

I know, it is past, damage was done, nothing can bring it back. I can say that I envy all of you who have tinnitus for no known reason, because I did this myself with my stupidity. I am blaming myself hundred times a day for that, but I really don't know how to get over it.

 

[Fish]

Hello Map.

Where are you from?

I do not want to give you any hopes but if your tinnitus was caused by acoustic trauma and the onset wasn't later than 3 months ago, there are ongoing phase II clinical trials in Europe for an experimental drug AM-101.

I am not associated with the company researching this drug but I just thought you'd rather know about all options available.

http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01270282?term=am+101&rank=2

 

[Map]

Unfortunately I am from Czech Republic, so this doesn't seems to be an option

 

[Markku]

I haven't yet myself faced the situation where my tinnitus gets noticeable worse permanently. I've experienced the "fleeting tinnitus" phenomenon several times - actually almost weekly, where the tinnitus explodes, becomes super loud and high pitched for like 10-20 seconds and then goes back to baseline level.

So I don't know what to say.

In general there are some good points in this "how to": http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive-Yourself
A google search for "how to forgive myself" brings up some great articles too...

However, there are so many others who've had tinnitus for years and then something set it off to a new level.

And they've coped. It can be a bit like getting hit with all of the bad stuff that goes with it all over again, but you will start the habituation process again.

Your brain will adjust, but it can take time. 2 months is not a lot when it comes to habituation. It's not rare for it to take 6-24 months.

It's easier said than done, but you should start paying less and less attention to the tinnitus. Use sound enrichment. Don't completely drown out the tinnitus, use sound enrichment at a level where you are still capable of hearing your tinnitus.

Try to (however hard it might be) engage in activities you have enjoyed. Maybe find some new ones.

The worst you can do is stay within four walls and incessantly listen to the noise you hate and are mad about. It prolongs the process.


Stay strong. Everybody makes mistakes. Don't blame yourself for what happened. It doesn't help and really anyone's tinnitus can get worse for a multitude of reasons, sometimes out of our hands. What if a fire alarm went suddenly off, or something exploded causing it to become worse. While it's imperative to wear ear plugs to extremely loud venues, you were still only enjoying life at the concert. In the future you will pay extra attention to hearing protection, and this one time will not have made your rest of life worthless. Things will improve.

/me sends healing thoughts your way.

 

[Map]

Just ordered myself for HBO. I really hope it will bring some positive result.

 

[Fish]

Very nice, Map! Good luck and stay strong!

Also, let us know how it goes

 

[Louise]

Map, you need to go every day for 15 sessions. Those are the rules!!

 

[Emma]

I am glad you habituated well for 9 years. So you might habituate to this "new" tinnitus as well. But if I was in your schools, and had a known cause for the flareup, I would try the HBOT as well.

 

[Lisa Lindel]

I'm trying to forgive myself for getting tinnitus. I was in a deep depression for two years and the loud noises from my son's drum set didn't phased me. I didn't think nothing would happen to me. He was playing Jazz.

 

[joejunior]

Dont blame yourself, it happened to me as well, I habituated quite well to my tinnitus due to noise, only for myself to have increased tinnitus 10 years laters, also due to noise, but a much lower noise insult the second time leading to simple conclusion:

If you have tinnitus due to noise your threshold for further damage is lower than for healthy ears, so you can discard those OSHA and other guidelines for damage noise thresholds.

It would be interesting to hear from those that had this experience, rather than simple spike ( daily or otherwise) and how they fared.

ie tinnitus due to noise, habituation over time, then increased t due to T some years later, path of habituation?

 

[Louise]

If you have tinnitus due to noise your threshold for further damage is lower than for healthy ears, so you can discard those OSHA and other guidelines for damage noise thresholds.

Totally agree. 9 weeks after I got T I went to the theatre, I'd been dozens of times before T and no problems, but it made my T worse, louder and changed the type of noise to something much worse.

Maybe its not from extra damage per se, I dont know, but noise-damaged tinnitus ears cannot cope with 'reasonable' loud noise the same as non-T ears.

 

[Asian]

I hit my head hard on a wall and have tinnitus and other concussion symptoms ever since. There has never been a single day I don't curse myself for it. What I wouldn't give to go back and stop myself from doing it.

 

[Street Spirit]

@Asian sounds like you could possibly have post concussion syndrome.

 

[Telis]

I am now the most desperate about one thing with my tinnitus. I think, I will able to cope the fact I actually have louder tinnitus. I had very mild tinnitus for almost 9 years, but I was so habituated it didn't bothered me in any way. I actually didn't think about it for months.

But I don't know how to forgive myself for visiting noisy concert two months ago and being so stupid not to wear earplugs. I should know it can make my tinnitus worse, but I was just standing there and listening to music. I shouldn't be there, it was terrible mistake. It was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life!

I know, it is past, damage was done, nothing can bring it back. I can say that I envy all of you who have tinnitus for no known reason, because I did this myself with my stupidity. I am blaming myself hundred times a day for that, but I really don't know how to get over it.

don't worry about it...you were living life, having fun and being normal. Shit happens, don't beat yourself up.

 

[dan]

I would call what I have a river of shit.

 

[Barrowww]

Unfortunately I am from Czech Republic, so this doesn't seems to be an option

Yes it is. http://www.tinnitus-study.info/cz-home. But I would rather recomend you habituation, there are options, cause this clinic trials are pretty invasive (in my opinion). It gets better, you'll see.

 

[Map]

Hi guys, thank you for replies, but my post above is almost 2 years old. I managed to get over it all and accept my condition, although it took me about 1 year...

I know about study in CZ, but my T is older than 3 months so I am not suitable candidate for it at all.

I feel almost habituated now anyway, and don't want to risk further damage to my ears. I will better wait for results of this study and then consider AM-101 treatment if available.

Best to you all.

 

[LadyDi]

Wow, what serendipity that you would check back in, happen to see someone had reactivated your old post, and update us, @Map. I personally find it very reassuring to see that you were able to adapt again, after you had a loud relapse in 2012.

I have no idea if you will see this post but did want to ask: Do you think one thing in particular helped you "get over it"? Did you do HBOT?

Regardless, best wishes to you and I am glad for your success in moving on. Like you, I am (fairly well) habituated to my tinnitus, 16 months after onset, and worry that experimental treatments might aggravate it once again. But I still have bad days. So also like you, I am watching for AM 101 results regarding chronic cases, not just those under three months.

 

[Map]

Do you think one thing in particular helped you "get over it"? Did you do HBOT?

It was mostly time flow and staying active, which slowly brought acceptance. I started to go for a walk every day to fight anxiety. I used masking a lot, especially before sleep. Listened to music every day. I played videogames a lot to distract me from my misery. Managed to continue doing my job, which is my hobby too (computer programmer). The fact I had mild T for 9 years which I was 100% habituated before my worsening contributed probably too. But as I said, it took me at about 1 year to feel better.

I didn't do HBOT in the end. I was too scared it could damage my ears further and it wasn't recommended by my physician anyway.

I hear my T every single day. But I am able to live normal life without any medications now. I can sleep without masking. Of course I have bad days sometimes too. I am not cured and probably never be, but I don't fight with this anymore.