That's an interesting question
@Mike Steckley. I respect the fact that you are asking it. It shows, in my opinion, that you value your marriage.
When I was in the Neuromonics program, my husband and I were part of a University of Miami study that my audiologist was doing on how tinnitus patients and their the spouses/partners each perceived the disorder and the patient's reaction: how much they complained about it, how distressed they were by it and how it impacted their marriage. Spouses and patients both did ongoing surveys. We were told not to share our answers or thoughts with each other until our participation was over. Study hasn't been published yet but I will share when it is.
After we finished our paperwork, my husband and I did talk about our thoughts unveiled in the survey. I had severe panic and anxiety when my tinnitus began. We did the survey about seven months into my T, after the worst phase had based but where I still was severely bothered by tinnitus. My husband said he felt very scared and bewildered when it first began, and he didn't know how to help me. He also was upset that I said during a presentation at our church one Sunday, about a year after my T began, that tinnitus was the only thing that every made me seriously considered suicide. My husband pointed out I never had shared this with him privately at the time. I told him I had not wanted to scare him even more. Yet his take on this very different than what I imagined.
So: this is a time, in my opinion, that you must communicate, communicate, communicate with your loving spouse/partner. Share the good and the bad. Explain that you don't expect your spouse to "fix" things, which is what we often want to do for those we love. Tell him/her that sometimes, you just need someone you trust to listen without judgement and comment. Express your feelings and what might help you (a positive) rather than focusing on his/her difficult behaviors (a negative). For example: Instead of saying: "You are too loud! Tone it down and just tell me what happened at work.", try: "My tinnitus is so loud, it's hard for me to have a long conversation right now while I'm trying to cook. Is it OK if I wait until we sit down for dinner and then maybe I can give you my full attention, if I'm up to it?"
Also: I did a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help me deal with my T and anxiety (worked wonders for me, best thing I did to get over the tinnitus hump). As part of that, my therapist had my husband come in twice with me. She talked to us together about what to expect in our lives when one of us was dealing with a serious medical disorder, then had some private time with my husband. Then she talked with us both again about how we could support each other during this. In other words, I needed to support my husband as well, even if I was the one with tinnitus.
If you scroll the board, you'll find many people here talking about how amazing their partners and spouses have been during this time, that they have been their lifelines. We and your wife together can get through this. Your love is stronger than tinnitus.
Blessings. Hope this has been remotely helpful. Sorry for the ramble.
Member
This is what I get for not back-reading my own work.
