How Will I Ever Have a Social Life Again?

J

jdjd09

Member
Author
Jan 19, 2016
718
#1
So, I am 28 and had hearing loss and tinnitus in one ear for a few months now. No doctor helped me and eventually and to find a way to get on XANAX to calm me down. I been on it for a couple months. But, I feel I need to stop.

I know because I am getting side effects that are effecting my social and dating life.

Not sure how I will ever have a social life at this point. Every place is noisy that people like to hang out at. I have to carry ear plugs around all the time, but doubt they are strong enough.

You can't really just socialize in a quiet location at my age it seems.

What is the point? I cant continue to live like this. I went on a date and XANAX most likely ruined it for me cause of the side effects. What next...I had a not that great life before socially. Now I'm even more screwed?

What do I even do at this point?
 
#3
Cillian said:
All I do now since I got T is watch TV and play Xbox when I'm not working

Praying a cure is found within the next few years
Click to expand...

Well I can't and won't do that. I'm refusing to have a life like that. No offense to you of course when I say that, just saying I will not have that life.

I had social issues before this. I functioned at work just fine. I got along with my cousin when he lived in area. I had one friend from work who is now too busy with getting married. I need to get out and date and socialize with people .

Most of my problems came from abusive family emotionally, and being moved around every two years. I was essentially having my social life ripped apart every two years.

But with little social skills per say and now the hearing issue, I feel it is a lost cause at this point. To socialize at my age with most means going to noisy bar or club or whatever.

Im serious when I say I guess death is the answer if I refuse to accept not going out.
 
#4
jdjd09 said:
So, I am 28 and had hearing loss and tinnitus in one ear for a few months now. No doctor helped me and eventually and to find a way to get on XANAX to calm me down. I been on it for a couple months. But, I feel I need to stop.

I know because I am getting side effects that are effecting my social and dating life.

Not sure how I will ever have a social life at this point. Every place is noisy that people like to hang out at. I have to carry ear plugs around all the time, but doubt they are strong enough.

You can't really just socialize in a quiet location at my age it seems.

What is the point? I cant continue to live like this. I went on a date and XANAX most likely ruined it for me cause of the side effects. What next...I had a not that great life before socially. Now I'm even more screwed?

What do I even do at this point?
Click to expand...
Your looking too deep into your situation,you can have a social life and as I said before I know quite a few people in your situation who are doing great.If I was profoundly deaf with T I would be getting out as much as possible if not only to enjoy myself but to distract myself.When you get H like I have that's when your in real trouble socially so just count your blessings and make the most of your situation,lots more people here worse off than you are.Id swap places with you tomorrow!
 
#5
I know I'm only 20 and used to do all that and now it has been taken from me but I pray every day that a cure will be found or atleast half decent treatment before my twenties are over
 
#6
bill 112 said:
Your looking too deep into your situation,you can have a social life and as I said before I know quite a few people in your situation who are doing great.If I was profoundly deaf with T I would be getting out as much as possible if not only to enjoy myself but to distract myself.When you get H like I have that's when your in real trouble socially so just count your blessings and make the most of your situation,lots more people here worse off than you are.Id swap places with you tomorrow!
Click to expand...

May I ask what h does to you? What if I go out and this gets worse? I can't risk it I don't feel like.
 
#8
jdjd09 said:
May I ask what h does to you? What if I go out and this gets worse? I can't risk it I don't feel like.
Click to expand...
So what's the other option?Roll over and die?Sit in your room and wait till your 85 about to take your last breath only to look back and say"I should have done more with my life"

H makes every sound too loud and painful,you can't sit with a group of friends and laugh because it hurts,you can't relax because your waiting for someone to make a loud sound and leave you in horrible pain.Your constantly making sure you don't slam a door or drop a fork because you know if you do that's at least the next few days gone because you'll be in bed with pain.You can get in your car and drive to your friends but if I do I'm usually in pain before I even get there,that's what H does to you.Yes I can hear fine but what's the point in hearing fine when I can't even use it?

Sitting around waiting for a cure is not the way to do it,how about get indulged in life again and before you know it a cure is here?Sounds better to me than sitting in your room counting the hours everyday.
 
#9
(y)Just keep telling yourself a cure will be found sooner rather then later

Medicine has advanced so much even in the last few years so it won't be long before there are 300 million people with one less thing to worry about
 
#10
As a person who was never into bars and clubs, I can offer this:

There is a whole world of far more interesting things to do (and therefore, people to meet who are doing these interesting things) that has NOTHING to do with going out on the weekend to a place saturated with noise, screaming, and drinking.

That is just one version of socializing that is offered up by our cultures (and I'm not bashing it for those who really do love clubbing - I have a terrific cousin who lives for this! :) ).

But there are tons of other things to do and ways to meet people, where you can actually even hear yourself talk and think. Hiking groups. Sports teams. Volunteer activities. Classes. Interest groups. Etc.

I made a whole world for myself over my lifetime to present, with stuff like that.

Haven't set foot in a club in decades.

It's a giant world. Go for it.
 
#11
clubs are like the worst places to go if you lack social skills/status/money/'looks'

There's plenty of fullfilling hobbies that you can do to meet people, playing board games, hiking, creative writing groups.. Hell, there's hot girls at the library :)
 
#12
We wernt born with social skills they are learnt and can be learnt again.
Also social anxiety can be treated with medication and talking therapy.

Go out and enjoy life and grab any chance of happiness as it does not always come to you and need to socialise more and further afield and just have a good set of ear plugs or noise reduction plugs with you .
Confidence will grow and you will realise not all sound will cause trouble for tinnitus and hyperacusis.
Always remember we are in control over what makes us happy.
I don't know how I keep going at times as my health is challenging most days but you either sink or swim and their is nothing positive in being negative.

Make small changes and make nice plans and sometimes just nice do things on the spot.
Don't let your ears control your life or any health issue as we can learn to adapt and adapt situations to whats best for us......lots of love. Glynis
 
#13
jdjd09 said:
So, I am 28 and had hearing loss and tinnitus in one ear for a few months now. No doctor helped me and eventually and to find a way to get on XANAX to calm me down. I been on it for a couple months. But, I feel I need to stop.

I know because I am getting side effects that are effecting my social and dating life.

Not sure how I will ever have a social life at this point. Every place is noisy that people like to hang out at. I have to carry ear plugs around all the time, but doubt they are strong enough.

You can't really just socialize in a quiet location at my age it seems.

What is the point? I cant continue to live like this. I went on a date and XANAX most likely ruined it for me cause of the side effects. What next...I had a not that great life before socially. Now I'm even more screwed?

What do I even do at this point?
Click to expand...

Go to a hearing aid place, get you hearing checked and see if you can get a hearing aid to correct your hearing loss. Two hearing aides might even make it better. Go to a place where the audiologist is familiar with programming them for tinnitus. Try them out. They could lower or eliminate you hearing the tinnitus if there is ambient noise.

Right now I am taking Klonopin which tranquilized me but later my doctor added Lamictal and it has given me more energy. I had to slowly titrate up on it though to avoid just like everyone else is supposed to do. I think you should try the hearing aide for sure though.
 
#14
I'm only 19 and have both T and H, as a university student you can imagine how much that conflicts with my lifestyle and ability to socialise. Get 'Hearos Xtreme' earplugs from amazon, they are the most effective earplug you can buy. I go clubbing with them Alot and if I had them fitted properly every time then I would have prevented any increases in my tinnitus- but i like to get drunk and sometimes they're just not fitted properly- so get them fitted and youll be safe to club and go to bars.

If you're worried about not being able to talk in bars then buy custom fit etymonic musicians earplugs they will reduce the noise but you will be able to hear others and they are basically invisible if you get clear silicone. Also look into supplemements such as NAC, Vitiman B12 and magnesium. They will protect your ears from oxiditive stress (after noise exposure).

One thing you need to watch is the bass if you can feel your chest vibrating not much can protect you but not all clubs are as loud as that it also depends on the DJ that night. The bottom line is that iits more than feasible to do these activities in moderation. So don't make excuses for yourself , try not to catastrophise and youll be good. We must all adapt and survive because a treatment IS coming. Be patient, stay strong and live your life my friend.
 
#15
hey jdjd,

yes it fucking sucks. Its ok to say that. because its the truth.

I am 20 years old. Although I dont have hearing loss and my T is not at all as loud as yours, I can very much relate to your situation.

I am going to start uni in october and I just want to be one of the students who drink, party, study hard, learn a lot, meet a lot of new people and make friends.
At least thats how I imagined it will be for me. I dont have any issues talking to people, I love it.

But I will not be able to do that, at least I dont feel like it. I feel like Ican never be happy again. my T makes me so sad, I wish I could turn back time. the worst thing is that I gave myself T. I,myself changed my life forever.
I do have very suicidal thoughts sometimes...
my therapist isnt helping me...

anyways. I feel you. I understand you. and it sucks. but a lot of stuff sucks. cancer for example.
I am sorry you feel bad, I do too, and its ok to admit that.
just remember it will get better. I was on the road towards habituation before my very recent spike made me depressed again. but its a road with ups and downs.
maybe we cannot go to concerts or the club anymore, but you can be social in many other ways.

All the best and lots of Love❤️
 
#16
@Kane Moffat very interesting post. we are in a similar situation. may I ask what caused your T, and how loud you would estimate it?
your post also sounded optimistic and seems like you are enjoying life again, which is good :)
would you say that you are habituated or on the road towards habituation?
Also,
what is the hardest part of being a atudent with T and H?

I would really like to know :)
 
#17
@Zora, If i were you I would be excited about starting first year, it is a great year of your and life and I garentee you'll enjoy it. University culture is alot about partying yeah but it doesn't mean you can't get involved in that, also there really are so many other ways to socialise I mean to be honest clubbing is one of the most unsocial things you can do like you go into a loud room for three hours, no one can talk and everyone ends up drinking so much they don't remember it haha, Nonetheless youll want to do it but you can if you protect yourself.

Just saw your reply: Right now I'm just finishing my second year, at the moment I'm feeling abit depressed but its generally unrelated to Tinnitus as I've had a few problems that I'm needing to sort out with a psychologist anyway. I'll admit that adjusting to this was difficult and ive had a few increases in the past- you know, before i took all the right precautions with earplugs and such.

Its sounds a little bit strange but getting tinnitus as a student has an advantage in that you are flexible with your work so if you ever feel stressed you can manage it and then get back to your course when you feel good again. The oppertunities to make freinds are unlimited, truly, societies, halls, your own course, student union, pubs and bars. Also, the support you will receive from the university will be immense, so long as you make them aware of your condition. Extra time for assignments, free professional counselling you really do get a free pass in a sense. Universities are so concerned about student well being its crazy and it can become a major advantage, I can see a first class grade with your name on it already ;).

The hardest part is when you have a spike if you're stressed in general ( wether that's from work, relationships or just having alot on), so when i feel like that I put some relaxing music on and i meditate. Keeps me chill.

The reality is Zora that by the time you finish your degree you may come on to this forum and see a link to a report saying that trials for a new treatment are showing real promise and a treatment will be in sight. So, for now, get busy living!
 
#18
@Kane Moffat
thank you. is kane a womans or a mens name?

I wont go to clubs or concerts ever again :) I decided that already. But I cant dance anyway, so its not a big loss for me at all, I never liked
it :) But some house parties are super loud as well...
Like you said I want to talk
to people, without having to scream, have conversations about everything and just want to meet many people. I think that should be fine:) But yeah...I have very dark thoughts sometimes....
But how loud would you estimate your T?
 
#19
@Zora . I got my tinnitus when i took modafinil, had some bad inflammation in my left ear and i've had tinnitus since. That was just over a year ago. I was habituating well about 4 months ago, then I got complacent and exposed myself to too much noise. Developed abit of Hyperacusis and Tinnitus worsened, currently getting out of that tail spin slowly bur surely. I think i'll be fine soon :)

I'm a guy haha :)
 
#20
@Zora, that's good that you have come to that resolution! I'm often abit torn between total safety and clubbing/partying its a bit tricky when its kind of my thing. I think it started it maybe a fully developed (mine was through oxotoxic damage so i don't think the damage had fully revealed itself until september 2015 3/4 and its now maybe a 5/6 got a loud tonal noise in my right ear plus high pitch sound in both ears and then a low buzz in my head.
 
#23
Cillian said:
All I do now since I got T is watch TV and play Xbox when I'm not working

Praying a cure is found within the next few years
Click to expand...


Pretty much the same here,there's no point in risking to make it worse.don't like bars or going out anymore.
Even before the onset of T so,GAME ON!!!.
 
#26
bill 112 said:
So what's the other option?Roll over and die?Sit in your room and wait till your 85 about to take your last breath only to look back and say"I should have done more with my life"

H makes every sound too loud and painful,you can't sit with a group of friends and laugh because it hurts,you can't relax because your waiting for someone to make a loud sound and leave you in horrible pain.Your constantly making sure you don't slam a door or drop a fork because you know if you do that's at least the next few days gone because you'll be in bed with pain.You can get in your car and drive to your friends but if I do I'm usually in pain before I even get there,that's what H does to you.Yes I can hear fine but what's the point in hearing fine when I can't even use it?

Sitting around waiting for a cure is not the way to do it,how about get indulged in life again and before you know it a cure is here?Sounds better to me than sitting in your room counting the hours everyday.
Click to expand...

For me yes, it feels like I should just die. May ask what makes you continue? Are you able to work at all or get disability?

I'm concerned about making tuk GS worse is all. I don't know how I can deal with this if it gets worse.
 
#28
jdjd09 said:
It probably didn't help that I think I was rejected after second date, but not sure yet....also wanning off XANAX because of side effects I think that are occuring.

Idk about mood as I been on XANAX so that may have played a role.
Click to expand...
Are you telling me you went on a date with a woman and it didn't go well? How long have you been taking the XANAX for? Also, I was looking to inbox you and it's not allowing me. Is there a reason why?
 
#30
Nick Pyzik said:
Are you telling me you went on a date with a woman and it didn't go well? How long have you been taking the XANAX for? Also, I was looking to inbox you and it's not allowing me. Is there a reason why?
Click to expand...

I will try to see why. I didn't do anything to prevent it. Maybe I'll try to PM you.

Yes I went on two dates with a girl I would have really liked as she doesn't drink or go to bars and it would have been great.
 

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