I Can't Take It Anymore

[RandomAccess10]

Please help me. How the hell does someone cope, I tried Prednisone and now my T has gone from a hiss to a piercing 14k pitch that's cutting through me every second of every day!

I go on Facebook and see all my musical friends (I was a music lecturer and producer and audiophile and researchrt in music for 35 years!) I can no longer participate... How do I COPE with it, it's like the CRUELEST fate possible, I want an easy way out just to end this pain!

How do ppl cope without music in their lives? I can only see the way forward as reinventing myself as plain old Joe bloggs and getting on with life as a an engineer, forget music, art, and all, forget my life PURPOSE. And still on top of this I have the T to cope with, thete is no LIFE for me to live. I also have Nystagmus from balance vestibular issues to cope with.

I want out, how do I get out of life, this situation I'm in was caused by antidepressant drugs. How is that possible??? Why is noone ACCOUNTABLE for murdering me? Where do I get the courage to just end it how can you move forward when there is no way forward!

 

[Lex]

Reading your post makes me tear up a bit. I'm sorry this happened to you, and also to all of us here.

The good thing is that the human spirit is incredibly resilient. The bad thing is that the human spirit is incredibly resilient. Take that as you will. Some people find the courage to end it, while others find the courage to move forward.

I wish you better days ahead.

 

[snow47]

I just want to say I completely understand you.

 

[glynis]

What antidepresant were you on ?
Nortryptaline is a AD and can help tinnitus for some people and really helping me with tinnitus and sleeping and It's easy tolerated .
It's cousin Amitryptaline has more side effects but like it's cousin Nortryptaline it can help reduce tinnitus.
Don't give up in life as in time you will adapt and find what helps you cope better.
I know it can be mental torture and heart breaking when impacts on things you love doing..but never give up on life as it is still worth living ...lots of love glynis

 

[RandomAccess10]

I want to murder the psychiatrist that did this, how is it possible that curing depression involves putting me in HELL for the rest of my life?? Suicide isn't easy at all!

It was mirtazapene. I complained immediately about hearing problems and the doc just ignored it....

 

[glynis]

A lot of medication can cause tinnitus and medication that works on the brain like AD meds can cause tinnitus starting them and also when come off them as your brain needs to adjust.
My tinnitus is sever also and coming off a AD made mine worse and now on nortryptaline and ears doing better.

As I type my ears are blasting as have a heavy cold and nose like a tap effecting my ears.
I would have a chat with your doctor to see if any help is available.
I have Menieres and that caused my tinnitus and hearing loss.
My doctor said my nerves in my head were backfiring and said he wanted try me on Nortryptaline and its helping and helping me sleep.
Don't give up in life.
Tinnitus has lots of causes and a cold virus can be all it takes to get tinnitus...lots of love glynis

 

[RandomAccess10]

I think mine was from carbon monoxide and mirtazapene and seroquel, all ototoxic all at the same time, I had no idea. I got fluctuating hearing loss then had HBOT after, straight after HBOT session tinnitus and hu frequency hearing loss.... I know that's irreversible, it's like falling in a pit, I could of just NOT done anything and would be fine. If I complain to my doc he says it's mental health...doctors are supposed to help not ruib your entire LIFE: (

 

[volsung37]

You learn with this disease that doctors don't know much if anything about tinnitus. Often neurological or surgical interventions can make things worse. If in doubt don't do it even if you feel desperate at the time. Often things get better of their own accord through living healthier or simply mental adaption. That takes time though and sometimes desperation makes people grasp at anything which might improve their condition.

 

[RandomAccess10]

Exactly, that's the horrific mistake I made, going with HBOT, I had hearing loss prior to that but no tinnitus, therefore could if been no damage, it's too late now and I only did one session for 2 hours...now in stuck in an irreversible situation that I'd rather commit suicide for, and I paid my own money for it...listening to the music I loved is like an unreachable dream now,all colour, magic,and purpose destroyed in minutes...

 

[stophiss]

You have been given some truly insightful advice with limited answers which is how this disorder is and I will only add:
1. forgive yourself including the ignorance of others. Most of us in small or large part have unknowingly contributed to our tinnitus and others have unknowingly contributed as well.
2. Give yourself time that this spike in tinnitus will subside.
3. Always have hope that what feels like off the chart tinnitus which hopefully will reduce a bit in weeks ahead...that there will be cure or therapy that will address all of the suffering on this forum.

Your life matters perhaps even more than you think and I hope you can find activities you still enjoy that distract you from your tinnitus.

 

[MikeL1972]

Hi Random,

One suggestion I can offer is to consider hearing aids. Yes, they are mercilessly expensive, but the technology may be good enough to give you your life back. Strongly consider looking into this option. If you cannot afford to pay for them upfront, I'm sure you could arrange a payment plan. Good luck!

 

[glynis]

Hi Random,
Have a read up on Nortriptaline in helping tinnitus..
Yes it's a AD but can help tinnitus at a low dose for people with sever tinnitus.
I take 50 mg.


Like Mike said hearing aids can help you too...lots of love glynis

 

[RandomAccess10]

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into these, I have got a mental illness tho, ocd, knowing ill never be the same again is unforgiveable, thanks to my own stupidity of going to a doctor, what is this hell called psychiatry it's just madness. Drugs that have such serious side effects, how are they even legal?
I'm wondering if we can expect a cure in the next 10/15 years, it seems were just too complex for that, like trying to grow another arm the same as our existing one, just too complex and intricate. The b*stards made their £££ out of the drugs I took and it cost my life...

 

[Lorac]

@RandomAccess10 ,
I just want you to know that I understand much of what you are saying. I had a sudden and complete hearing loss in my left ear in 2013, probably due to a virus. I played the oboe for many years prior to this event and I was devastated to lose that part of my life. The oboe is such a beautiful and unique instrument. In addition to the profound hearing loss, I have constant tinnitus which detracts from my ability to hear from my good ear. I also have a reaction in my deaf ear (pain and hissing) to every sound in my good ear, so participating in a musical group is just beyond what I can handle. I miss the people I made music with.
Over the course of the past three plus years, my situation has improved. I still can't hear, I still react to sound, I still have constant ear fullness and tinnitus. However, I have become much more accustomed to living with these issues. Habituation.
I was extremely depressed for a long time. I thought that my life was just broken and not worth living anymore. My husband was actually afraid to leave me alone with myself. I was angry at my doctor for misdiagnosing the cause of my hearing loss (and failing to prescribe prednisone), and mad at myself for choosing that doctor. I eventually received help from a psychologist and I stopped being angry and I stopped feeling sorry for myself because how are those feelings going to help? My life is different today but I'm okay. I have good days and bad days with my T and H now but I don't have suicidal days. I have family and friends and new hobbies and I'm pretty happy in spite of my ear problems.
When I see posts like yours, I feel so bad. I hate to see anyone go through what I have gone through. I wish I could say or do something more to help you. I want you to feel better.

 

[RandomAccess10]

Thank you Lorac, your story is heart breaking, it is unbelievably cruel and I find I'm still in denial at this point, what did I do to make such a mistake, just visit a doctor and put on antidepressants... My doctor also wouldn't help me and it's how I got to the place I am now... I haven't moved out of bed really for days and somehow have to start living at some point, how will I work? Actually considering my own mortality is alien to me...these things just don't happen...my friend said 'everyone has a bit of tinnitus at our age, I don't want to hear anything but positivity from now on' little does he know how debilitating it is...I already abandon responsiblities because life seems too cruel why should I give anything back? Since my life was based around audio and music it's simply STOPPED. There is nothing, a void, all I want to do is look up at the moon and listen to my beautiful Dali's again but this will never happen, ever again, it's incomprehensible. Ive been reading and reading these few days and I didn't realise the statistics for classic musicians too ,(I understand in your case it was a virus however) just illustrating how prevalent this problem is, this has got to be solved, there's so much money out there for those who crack this..

Thanks Glynis I see you are very supportive and a positive influence on the forum all round, I'll try your suggestions too, I'm only a couple of weeks in...

I'm wondering how ppl cope with work, is this a recognised illness? I know I'll struggle with my balance and hearing in meetings with this...I might appreae drunk or not paying attention.

Right now I'm watching my life just die, since ppl dobt realise how debilitating this condition is I'm getting zero support, I think this adds to the depression until in settled, right now I don't want to settle, I just want to be normal or escape it. It truly is horrific. Work seems pointless too, money to enjoy what exactly? I'm sorry to be so distraught.

 

[bill 112]

I understand completely,when I lost my joy in life which was cars and driving earlier this year my mental situation just hasn't been able to handle it,something I never thought would be taken from me is now gone!

Everyday I get up and just stare at my car with tears in my eyes,knowing that something I love with all my heart is so near but yet still out of my reach due to H.

It kills me,everything I loved about life is gone and I just don't feel like me anymore,just a shell of what I once was.

I feel soulless,cars were everything to me,my crutch,my escape and now they're gone!I just don't know what to think anymore,the quilt and blame is on me and there's sadly not a damn thing I can do about it.

 

[glynis]

You will never be alone on here and get round the clock support .
I hope your getting help for your Low mood and keep trying things to help you.
I would get checked to rule out Menieres as can take a while to diagnose and meds can help.
Try Buccastem or Proclorperazine or Cinnarazine for your balance...lots of love glynis